Finding My Real Daddy

Father’s day is here once again.  To me this is the day that the little girl inside wants to come out and sit at her Daddy’s feet and conjuring up memories that I invented on my own.  I imagined them.  I longed for a Dad that I could cuddle up on his lap and feel that total trust I had seen between Dad’s and daughters throughout my life time.  Or at least that is what I thought I was looking at.  But we never know one’s story do we?

I remember the toddler days of being a happy little girl with fat rosy cheeks who adored her Daddy.  He delighted in me and we swam together and played together and I was always on his lap.  He would tell me that I had beautiful blue eyes and they would twinkle just for him.  He was my hero.  Daddy worked in the oil fields and, according to my Mother, was a real “John Wayne” type.  I had his blue eyes, and when I looked at him, it was with adoration and trust.  That trust would soon turn to fear and confusion as my world exploded in incest.  You see, at the age of 7 my Dad began molesting me and continued for the next 5 years.  It took me 40 years to reconcile myself to the fact that I had a Dad, but he wasn’t the one who would bring me the comfort a little girl wants from her Daddy.

I write about this not too pleasant subject (an understatement) because every year on Father’s Day I meet so many people who never had a Dad.  At least not one who walked the walk of a real Daddy.  We don’t address this pain because it is easier not too and we get those uncomfortable looks of pity when you say you never had an earthly Dad you really feel like honoring;  Or to spoil someone else’s joy at celebrating their Dad on that day.  Most of the time we just shove down the pain and never talk about it.  But know you are not alone this time of the year if you didn’t have a Dad you are proud of.  God knows your pain and He promises to be your everything.  He has become that to me, so I know it is possible.  Let that be your hope.

The Lord is like a father to his children, tender and compassionate to those who fear him.  Psalm 103:13 NLT

I determined as I grew and healed over the years that I would begin a new generation of honoring those I knew deserved it on Father’s day.  So, for my sons and husband and honorable family members I usually go overboard in honoring them for their unique ways of ministering to the families children throughout the year.  And more important I have learned that my true Father loves me with an unconditional love that I truly can say, “Abba, Daddy” too.

 So you have not received a spirit that makes you fearful slaves. Instead, you received God’s Spirit when he adopted you as his own children. Now we call him, “Abba, Father.”  Romans 8:15 NLT

He is the best Father there is.   It has always been hard to relate to Him, however, as a Father because I had nothing to go on intellectually when imagining Him as totally trust worthy.  But I had no problem at all with crawling up in the lap of Jesus and putting my head on his shoulder and letting Him breathe life into me.  I felt guilty about Jesus being my Dad as well as my best friend until this scripture became revelation to me.  Jesus speaking:

 If you really know me, you will know my Father as well. From now on, you do know him and have seen him.” John 14:7 NIV

Knowing and loving Jesus is all we need.  He can fill every place of emptiness in our inner man with Himself if we allow Him too.  So, celebrate Father’s day with Jesus this Sunday.  And celebrate with those who truly have loved ones they can honor on this day as a Dad should be honored.  And if you are an honorable and dedicated Dad celebrate yourself for a job well done!  It will pay many dividends throughout your generation and those to come.   Happy Father’s Day.

10 thoughts on “Finding My Real Daddy

  1. All this I have done, and yes, Father’s Day is hard, It’s especially hard when one has been sick like me for so long. One might wonder where the Heavenly Father is in this kind of predicament.

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    • I don’t understand either Susan why you have had so much to battle in your life. I wish I did. But I do know this: You are a precious daughter of the Father God and He loves you and is never farther away than your next breath. He understands how you feel but He hasn’t left. Praying for you!! ♥

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    • thanx Dixie , iv been thro same experience as you , had counselling and come out the other side . Iv heard how you carry scares for life . For me this was not so , Father God , touched me every area of my life and totally healed me . When you know WHO YOU ARE IN CHRIST , HOW MUCH YOU ARE LOVED , THE POWER OF THE BLOOD OF JESUS , you are never the same again . my hope is to touch as many as possible that have had their hearts wounded and their perception of the Father Heart of God distorted, to come to know him in a personally way , and experience a security and wholeness , that really God himself can only do . Bless you my sweet sweet lady , YANNA ASHDOWN xoxoxo

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      • thanks for sharing your experience and healing with us Yanna!!! What a miracle that Jesus can heal something emotionally so horrendous that without Him we would not survive…bless you!!!

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  2. I have always felt closer to Jesus have absolutely no concept of God the father I still feel like everytime something happens (which has been a lot lately)I’m getting slapped in the face than molested So sad At this point after all these years you would think that would have changed. I still tell myself I’m never going to have a Pa like “Little House On the Praire” So pathet
    ic for a 60 yr old woman

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    • I know we see those TV programs of these perfect Dads and it helps to create the picture of what we never had. This in turn causes us to project onto ourselves that we were left out, or that we were less than to not have deserved a real Dad. It reinforces to our minds that there was something wrong with us that we didn’t have that. It is all lies from our enemy and the more closer we grow in intimacy with Jesus the more we get a glimpse of how valuable we are. You are valuable and loved more than you know Jeanne!! ♥

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  3. Father’s Day so painful for me! Trying to let daddy God heal all the broken places! Thanks so much Dixie for sharing and letting this broken heart havea a chance to heal

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  4. I still remember a day over 25 years ago when I was driving along the highway thinking how badly I wished my earthly father would tell me to “come home, I’ll take care of you.” I was in dire straights at that time! I needed help, and there was no one. The Scripture you quoted came flooding into my mind…”The Lord is like a father to his children, tender and compassionate to those who fear him.” Psalm 103:13 NLT. I suddenly realized that not only was the Lord my Father, but unlike my earthly father, he could shape and change my circumstances. And He did!

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  5. I remember those days Linda and have watched you, too, come into finding your fulfillment in God where there was so much lacking. We are both walking miracles. I read your story and marvel at all the details I still didn’t know even though you have shared so much over the years. Until He takes us home to finally get to be with Him we will continue sharing and living out our story to see others helped by what we endured. Love you!!

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