Where Do You Want to Go to Eat?

         “Where do you want to go eat?” He said.

“I don’t know.  Where do you want to go?” I said

“What sounds good?”  He said.

“Hmmmmm, not sure.  We could go here!” I said.

“Nah, that doesn’t sound good to me.” He said.

“Okay, well, how about here.” I said.

“I’m bored with their food.” He said.

“Well, then YOU make the choice.” I said.

“No, because if I do you won’t like it.” He said.

“I promise to like it.  You just choose.” I said.

“I don’t know where I want to go.” He said.

“Oh for Pete’s sake, let’s just go here then.  It’ll be fine.” I said.

“Finally, I’m starving.” He said.

“The service here is horrible.  The food is not good.  YOU should have made a better choice.” I said.

Sound familiar?

Have you ever made a choice and when the outcome wasn’t so good, blamed the results of your poor choice on someone else?    Boundary violations are about not taking responsibility for our own choices and trying to lay the responsibility of those choices on someone else.

How often do we use the phrase, “I HAD to”, or “HE made me do it.”   Whom are we blaming for the circumstances of our lives?

The above dialogue is just a comical scenario that many couples find themselves in often, including me. But the truth behind it is that many of us are afraid to set boundaries in our lives for fear of making the wrong choices as if we are powerless over our own behavior.

We have good hearts.  So, we need to trust our hearts to know when to say no and when to take responsibility for our own choices.  We are not victims.  Whatever our circumstances we can make choices to change ourselves regardless of what others are doing.

We are to love one another, not BE one another.  Learning to respect someone else’s boundaries is vital if we want to know how to take charge of our own lives.

We learn to accept other’s freedoms to say no, and not get angry, feel guilty, or remove our love from them.  When we give others room to say no it sets us free as well.

No one wants their boundaries violated. So why do we allow it? Why do we NOT enforce or uphold our boundaries?  The three main answers are:

1. FEAR of rejection and, ultimately, abandonment.
2. FEAR of confrontation.
3. GUILT.

The truth, however, is that if you don’t learn to put up boundaries for yourself and take responsibility for your choices you only enable others to take control in your life.  You will experience the very things you fear the most as a result and the enemy will come in and devour your self esteem.

Establishing healthy boundaries and enforcing them opens the door for you to step into your authentic self with confidence.   You deserve to be authentically liked, loved, and respected.

If you would like to hear more on Boundaries,  leave a comment. 

“It is for freedom He has set us free!!”  Galatians 5:1

If you’d like coaching on boundaries in your life, contact me:  http://www.reflectionsofgracehome.com/lifecoaching.html

 

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