If you have been following my personal walk of Kingdom living you know that I have been on a rather tedious journey of trying to figure out what in the world is happening in my life. Our lives have slowly waned as Private Investigators in our state due to the many cut backs and changes indicative to changing times in the nation. We have been in a wilderness of experiencing in the natural our income pretty much stopping except for a few trickles of work sporadically. In 2011 our house was foreclosed and sold within a few days time; before we even knew what hit us. You can find that story in the archives, (A Sure Dwelling Place). http://reflectionsofgracehome.wordpress.com/2012/01/02/a-secure-dwelling-place/
For a while I waited for a breakthrough in the way I thought it should happen. Of course, I thought work would come pouring in one day and God would get all the glory.
It didn’t happen that way.
I wanted to go back to the way we lived before the dirge. I wanted security. It took me a while to realize I wanted the only security that I knew in the natural realm, a job for my husband, a secure home, insurance, retirement…you know, all those things that when there, you don’t have to be thinking about it every day.
All the while these things were happening God was supplying our needs through various and sundry ways. Sometimes we would just look at one another and shrug because we didn’t even know how it happened.
Provision, that is.
Then I finally got it. This is the life God has been calling me too. I would never have taken that step off the cliff if I hadn’t been forced to by circumstances. Would you?
A life of not worrying about where our provisions are coming from but of just resting and enjoying the ride of watching Him work in a most profound way.
But guess what? I can choose to live that way and enjoy the ride, and I can honestly say at this writing, that not once have we gone without, missed paying a bill, gone hungry, or even felt the heat. God has supplied every need to the point that we are doing better than we have in a long time.
And you know what? I have quit trying to tell Jesus how to do it. My husband has started a Community Bible Study since we last ‘talked’ and I can see it is what he is meant to do. Now, he has 2 studies going and he is out ministering every day to people.
And occasionally he does investigation. Maybe 1 case every 4 months or so.
I now have my own podcast (e2medianetwork.com), a weekly women’s study, constantly writing and coaching with clients. I tell you this because I was tempted so long to just give it up. I tell you what I am doing so you will see that I didn’t give up and say, “Well, God, if you aren’t going to do this my way then I am not going to continue on in what I am doing.”
And just throw in the towel. Seriously.
Why do all that work reaching people when my own life was so trying and destitute, I would ask myself? But I didn’t give in to my fleshly, feel sorry for me, nature.
So here are my thoughts on the matter.
In all the years I have walked with God (40) the hugest growth periods I experienced through trials were always…HARD!! EXCRUCIATING!!
He puts us in seasons where we have two choices.
1.Give up!! Curse God and die.
2.Or we decide to hold onto God for all we are worth, and to His plan for our lives regardless of how hopeless it looks.
We “choose” to believe, even when we feel lost and alone. Or, we “choose” to give into our weaknesses….do what?
If we choose to give into our weaknesses and whine and cry and run away, then count on taking a few more trips around Mt. Sinai, until you see the faithfulness of God was there all the time.
This is what grows us up. I can’t even tell you how many trips around that mountain I took until I entered the promised land. I AM in the promised land now, even when I can’t see it.
Because I am not fighting God anymore for my own way. You have watched my growth right here.
The more I trust Him the less I will react to trials by trying to solve the mysteries myself. It is all about learning to lived loved by Him by just letting go, and finding sweet rest, before I see the manifestation of what I am believing for. The more I let go the more I grow.
And the more I trust.