This past year Greg and I have been going through a tremendous trial with Bank of America stealing our home out from under us. I have been determined to walk with the Lord all the way through it with the awareness that there is a way to walk through the world’s systems and remain victorious and in faith. I have included my journaling to the Lord during this season as well as what the Lord spoke to me throughout the trial….it isn’t over yet but getting close, which is why I haven’t posted the whole story at once. If you have ever been through this or know of someone who is I encourage you to share. I welcome your comments.
June 24, 2011: Hi Lord! Here I sit yet again…at our meeting place. I prayed with Greg today. I know your Word says it rains on the just and unjust, and I know that millions in the US are losing their homes right now but dare I ask that we be different? I know good people have lost their homes. Am I asking for special favor? I guess I am. Faith can move mountains. So, I guess it boils down to your will and purposes. Maybe you have a better place as you have implied in your voice to me. I ask for grace to endure whatever comes if it means leaving this home that you gave us. At this time of my life it seems to me that the time is too short to be putting so much energy into moving or even contemplating it. Help me to put my energy into you sweet Lord….and rest in you and not give it another thought. I won’t. Today I will focus on only you while you work on my behalf behind the scenes.
Jesus says: I am indeed working behind the scenes. My workers are busy, very busy, preparing the way for you to move forward. Your age is in my hands. Much can be accomplished in a short time, as you put it. I have much ahead for you Dixie, not only on earth but in my kingdom, eternal. You are my chosen daughter. There is much in your account in heaven. Continue to rest in Me and you will see.
The above was my first written prayer to Jesus regarding the imminent foreclosure of our home of 12 years. Following my prayer is what I perceived as Jesus response to me. I had found that journalizing my prayers during this trial was very healing for me and as I was silent after my written prayer it gave me a chance to really allow the Lord to speak through me. So, in faith I wrote down what He said.
We bought our home two months before we married in June of 1999, in preparation for moving in together. When we found it we knew it was the one that God had prepared just for us. He moved mountains to get it for us. We prayed and He led us right to it. It was perfect, with even an office attached for Greg’s Private Investigation business. Before we could make an offer someone else snatched it up and we were told we lost it. We put off our wedding wondering if we should even move forward without a house. We didn’t have a desire to move elsewhere because we wanted the one that we felt drawn to. Three months later we got a call saying the house was ours, that the loan had fallen through on the previous offer. Then as we were preparing to sign the papers the owner of the house had a better offer, ($10.000 more), and turned it down, telling us that “for some reason” he knew we were supposed to get the house. He wasn’t a believer. It was our house, picked out by God just for us.
Fast forward 12 years. The economy has fallen and the state of California is in the process of major cut backs. This meant that our Investigation business took quite a nose dive. The house payments were way over our head and we were going towards big debt. We decided to apply for one of the home modifications that our president was supposed to set in motion with the banks to help out the home owners. We called Bank of America, our lender, and requested the modification. An agent told us we would not get a modification until we could prove we couldn’t make payments at all!! Thinking this strange we told them we could make payments but needed them to be modified to a lower rate and interest. We were again told by a representative of the bank that we had to miss 3 to 5 months of payments. Thinking they would not tell us this without authorization we stopped making payments. After 5 months we started getting the phone calls. They wanted our money. They said we didn’t qualify. They told us to wait and they would rethink it all. They had us fax at least 200 papers to them at least 3 times to different people. We complied with everything they told us to do. Greg’s patience was tried constantly. They started harassing us with at least 3 phone calls a day. When we would tell them the name and employee number of the last person we talked to with the same exact questions, they would say they weren’t in the same office.
By the time we had missed 5 payments, with much trepidation because we had never been late on even one bill, ever, and had excellent credit, we were turned over to a collection agency. Now, we also had the collection agency calling 4 times a day, different person each time. They became threatening. Upon inquiring if we started sending them money would it go towards the house, we were told that they would keep all of our money and the house would now go into foreclosure and we could not stop it. What? “Were we going to wake up from this nightmare soon”, we wondered? We called the bank and now they told us the same thing. “We want your back payments, but you will lose your home.”
July 3, 2011: Lord, restoration comes from you. Miracles come from you. You promise to be my provider, my security. I have been through painful places in my life that I thought I wouldn’t make it through. Yet, now it seems I am back in that place and I can see with my natural eyes no way out. My heart yearns to rest in this life, for a reprieve from not knowing where this life is going. Where IS it going Lord? Is it just random as the world would say or is it really already laid out for me as you said before? I truly feel like coming home Lord. I would prefer to come home before my body breaks down from the constant stress. Where is the reaping Lord? Will it come at a time I least expect it? Only you can fix it Lord…..only you!
The saga started in February of 2011. At first I refused to accept what was happening. “God wouldn’t allow this home to be taken”, I said. I reasoned that this home was prayed over and dedicated to Him when we moved in. Ever since then it has people in it all the time, not only family gatherings, but bible studies, and ministries. I coach people from my home. Greg conducts his business from our home. Greg has 35 plus on Thursday nights at his study. It is a gathering place for the church, His body. But after months of declaring this, God began to speak. ‘What makes you think that you are better than others in my fold who have lost their homes,” he said. “It rains on the just and the unjust”. I began to see pride in myself. Ouch! Then I began to see that my faith was into holding onto the house, but it needed to be in the surrendering of the house to God. My heart did an about face. I asked the Lord to forgive my haughty spirit. I needed to let go. In my heart I truly let go of the whole thing to God. I released it into His hands and grieved the possible loss as I realized He may have a different plan than I assumed. His plan may mean He has another place for us. But I don’t want to move. Even the thought brought anxiety to my heart. At that, the Lord said I haven’t truly surrendered until I surrender that anxiety part as well, the part of even the actual move, should that happen.
For a woman the security of her home is paramount when it comes to this life. I had never owned a home until this one and neither had Greg. This home was the beginning of a new life for us. I had spent years building a paradise garden in the back yard, complete with a huge waterfall, arbor, and deck. It was bare when we moved in. It was all so perfect for us. We had a 6 car garage that served as a man cave for Greg’s many bible studies.
September 23, 2011: Hello, my sweet Lord. My heart is overflowing today with love for you. You are so good. You are so beautiful to me. I feel your presence surrounding me. I have secular love songs playing, yet I hear them as my love songs to you and yours to me. Thank you. Have I said that enough? Thank you! I see your hand mingled all the way through my life. Still no word on the home, yet I feel so differently now. You have my utmost growth in your hands. Whatever you do with us when it comes to our shelter, I trust you. I feel your grace. I know you are in control. Tears form on my lashes as I think of you and my constant surrender of those things that concern me and my family. Wow!! How different from a few months ago when there was fear and questioning. You have brought me into a large place. It is no longer about me.
Jesus says: Dixie Raye I love you. As you find the true joy in your salvation that I have given unto you I will continually go before you and make the way easy for you to see. I love the way you recognize me in everything you do and the way you immediately acknowledge seeing me in unanswered prayer and giving me praise for it. Don’t think I don’t notice. I smile at the way you joke around with me for I have given you your humor and it indicates how close you really are to me. I delight in how you hear my voice and appreciate the discernment I have given you. I have big things ahead for you but delight more in our restful relationship.
The pressure of what would happen to our home picked up even more after this dialogue with the Lord. Every time I would pray about the house I would get this feeling that something was missing. It wouldn’t leave so one day we decided to go directly to the bank and insist on seeing a loan officer to see if we could get some help, information, or whatever. We were told that since it was in foreclosure there was nothing we could do. The loan officer suggested short selling the home. We said no. It is our house and we don’t’ want to sell, even if would make our credit look better. We told her it was in God’s hands. She just shook her head and looked at us with pity. She attempted to comfort us with her story of battling leukemia. Huh? This was taking an interesting turn. We both stopped talking about us and immediately began to show her compassion and reached out to her and she started to cry. We assured her we would pray for her. As she got up to leave she turned as if it was an afterthought, and handed Greg a card and said that if anyone could help us this guy could. He was in another city and was a counselor for Bank of America foreclosure. Could this be the missing piece? Or was it a delay to allow for the Lord’s timing?
We contacted the counselor who asked that the 200 files be gathered up with additional forms and be faxed yet again to her to reconsider our modification. This took a week to do because all the facts had changed again. Greg was being tested and the fire was heating up on his patience. I prayed much for him because he was the one doing the leg work and talking to the harassers and it was wearing on him big time. For a man the effect of this kind of trial takes on a whole new meaning because they see themselves as failing in providing for their family.
October 26, 2011: Still looking at this house Lord, today, and in anticipation of getting answers soon. This has been the supreme test of patience for us both. Auction date is a week away. No news as to whether we have been accepted into the modification process. From the world’s standards we will lose our home. BUT! We don’t go by outward signs but by faith that your timing is perfect and your ways are right and pure. There is no other alternative for us than you. And I believe it is exactly as you would have it. Be not afraid of sudden calamity your word says. No weapon that is formed against us shall prosper you say. So, when the enemy has meant to hurt us, you have the house in your hands, not the other way around. You say to take no thought for tomorrow for you already know what we have need of. YOU know!!! Even the birds are fed and taken care of by you. Shall you not take care of us? I know you will. I just know it. And I venture to say in a larger way than even I can anticipate at this moment. You are bringing us into a large place and expanding our borders. You are working and satan is a liar. I love you Jesus.
Jesus says: My child, continue to persevere until you see my promises to you unfold in the coming days. You are faithful and your faith is being rewarded. You can’t see it nor do you have proof, yet you believe. Hold onto your hat, the winds are blowing!!
Hold onto my hat? I guess I had a spiritual hat. Hmmmm, could it be the helmet of salvation? Anyway, we received a certified letter with our first auction date November 3rd, 2011. Not good news. What now, Lord? Be patient he said. Wait on me he said. We called the counselor to see what that was about since we hadn’t heard whether they had reached a decision yet to modify. Two days later she notified us to say that the auction date had been moved up to December 9, to allow more time for a decision to be made. Lord, I need closure!!! The temptation to just give up and move out and leave the house to the creditors to deal with entered my mind. I imagined myself showing up at the Courthouse on auction day and declaring our house off limits. I would say, “This house is not for sale!! There has been a mistake! It belongs to me.” How grandiose!! We continue to wait. Interesting during this time I keep getting all these ideas of new things to do to the house to make it even more mine. I don’t know if it is Him giving me these ideas of hope or it is me not wanting to accept that we could lose it altogether.
November 2, 2011 Wow, Lord! Auction date set next week. I don’t feel scared, anxious, or angry. I really feel the fruit of your peace. There is no way I could feel that kind of peace without it being supernatural. To go through this horrific thing for a woman is just so anxiety ridden. But I feel, actually feel, surrender, peace, assurance and confidence that I know you and that which I’ve committed to you will be fulfilled. The world and even parts of the church body is telling me I should be panicking and rushing around trying to get someone to help. All I hear from you is ‘wait’, and Greg says that is all he is hearing too. Wait and see the fulfillment of your promises. You said to ‘hold onto my hat’ as you put it, for ‘the winds are blowing’ and so here I am, holding onto my hat in the spirit, but I hear nothing. But in my spirit I know there is a mighty rustling and stirring that we are getting ready to experience your provision in a mighty way. This day let it be so.
Jesus says: Yes, let it be so, my daughter. You, as my child, have truly found my kingdom living secrets in abiding in me. You have chosen the better way. I will not let you down, wait and see. The tempest blows……….
The auction in November was rescheduled to December. Whew! Surely they will have had plenty of time to evaluate and determine the best way to go is to modify our payments and let us continue to pay on our house with less interest. It would not behoove them to sell if for half of its worth and lose all that money. Would it? So, the waiting game is here again.
December 7, 2011
Two days away from the 2nd auction Lord. Let’s see, what do I feel? An exhilaration that we have no plan B. We are waiting. This whole deal is totally in your hands. Whatever happens I know your hand is in it. I wouldn’t be honest if I didn’t admit to anxiety creeping up on me every so often. So far I am able to turn my focus back onto you. What else is there? We love our home. We don’t want to leave. We can’t see ahead. We want to stay here. You gave us this home. Yet, not my will, but yours Lord. Someday I will have a mansion totally suited to my tastes and preferences. Today there is light. Tomorrow is shrouded in darkness as far as I can see. I only know I will live in the light of today. Thank you my Jesus for taking care of us.
Jesus says: Nothing. There is silence from Heaven.
To be continued next week!!!