This has indeed become a story that is turning into a book. I think I could never imagine it coming down to the wire. When the Lord said this was a mighty warfare He really meant it. It has been a precarious walk along a cliff with blind folds on. We are still waiting with 17 days to go until we have to move out. If this is your first read please start on Part 1 for the full force of this trial. I have sought to be very transparent with my ultimate reliance on Jesus.
* January 23, 2012: We are now waiting once again for the new appraisal. Our anxiety has risen today. There is a tendency to panic. To say things like: “Lord, we only have 3 weeks left!! How can we find a house in 3 weeks and be moved in to boot?” In trying to pray I find my thoughts jumbled and my emotions all over the place. It is time like these that I have to remind myself that He promises to not allow any more than we can bear. Greg is not having a good day and I am concerned about his health; Mine, too, for that matter.
Once the appraisal is ready then we wait for the prospective buyer to say, yes. We pray it is soon just to give us a break from the not knowing. Just a few minutes ago I saw a car slow down in front of our house with a realtor pointing out our house to a passenger in the car. I am once again reminded that this is presently not my house in the real world, but belongs to the new owner and he wants to sell it as soon as possible. Looking back over the logging of this journey it is hard to say just when was the most anxiety ridden time. It has all been a battle of huge proportions but for some reason today seems to be the worst. I guess when Daniel had the lion put into the coliseum with him that day it was his worst day before deliverance. And the lion was subdued and calm and didn’t touch Daniel. Or when Daniel’s buddies got thrown into the furnace for refusing to bow to a pagan god it was their worst day. But Jesus went into that furnace with them and they left without even a hair smelling of smoke. Will we get through this without smelling like the smoke of warfare too?
This battle is between my natural reasoning and my faith in you, Lord. Jesus, you told me that if I could see into the spirit world I would witness a mighty battle going on for this house and over it. I feel it like never before. You said it would be dark and that I wouldn’t be able to see beyond each day. I can’t see now, Lord. You said you have this. You have the king’s heart in your hands. You have a plan. Because I can’t see it doesn’t mean it isn’t there. Please give Greg piece of mind and heart today. Reassure him of your steadfastness and loyalty to your own. Please hasten this thing into completeness. Should we have looked for a house and just given up on waiting for a buyer to just relieve our need to have time to adjust? There are those who say we are crazy for not just giving up and moving out a long time ago. If we had, would we have missed your best for us? Of course, if a buyer hadn’t come forward we would have found a place by now and went through the ordeal of moving from a home we don’t want to leave. But we chose to wait and believe for a miracle as you provided a prospective buyer miraculously. And then all the obstacles in the way made it look like it was a trick of the enemy to lose precious time in moving. Your word, says we have need of patience so that when we ask we will not faint in the waiting part. Oh Lord, this is the time we need it.
Jesus says: I will give you and Greg what you need this day. Don’t be afraid my child, I have this, as I have told you all along. You will not faint. You will not die. You will not lose heart. Let me sweep you up to the heavenlies where you will find rest and the cool breeze of restoration from months and months of battle. Walk in my spirit and don’t allow your mind to bend to the enemies fear tactics. He will tell you that you should never have waited this long but just give it all up. It is a lie. Hold on my child. Abba is here.
I wonder if this story is less about the outcome and more about the journey. It is in the journey that you find Jesus.
January 26, 2012
The waiting is the worst. No word as yet. We now have 2 weeks to find a house and move. Is that impossible? I hope I don’t find out. I feel the fire around me. Yesterday we heard that the original appraiser on this house, (the one that we had to redo his appraisal with another appraiser) from a few weeks ago, DIED!! I don’t even know what to think about that one.
From my network of friends I received the following:
“Dixie, while praying for your circumstances, God gave me a picture of satan trying to drown you with a flood of hindrances trying to turn your faith into doubt. You and Greg were in a valley, and in front of you was a huge mountain. But as satan was trying to drown you and the water got higher and higher, you and Greg were holding hands and were serene and smiling at each other and praising and trusting God as the water only buoyed you up and over the mountain! Halleluia, victory is yours!”
Then another word came in. Jesus says: “When adversity strikes, you sometimes feel as if I am displeased with you. Don’t you realize that my most devoted children are especially targeted in spiritual warfare. The devil and his demonic underlings delight in tormenting those who live close to Me. When you are suffering and your troubles seems endless, remember I am tenderly present in your afflictions. Instead of lamenting the way things are, search for Me in the wreckage of adversity. You will not fail to find Me when you search for Me with all your heart.”
All of what Jesus is saying is telling me that this is about the journey and not the outcome. There will be an outcome and now I am certain that no matter what it is, even if it means this story continues because we have to move, He will continue to accompany us and show us the way and comfort and heal. I will praise Him anyway. I will not give in to my fleshly desires of being angry and distraught at so long a trial. Our lives are going to change one way or the other.
January 29, 2012:
Lord, the fire is getting hotter. I was sure by now it would be over. I have found that we have more endurance than we thought. But the darkness is a fearful place to be without you so I am sticking close. Why oh why Lord is this taking so long? What is your plan? How long til we know. Why have so many people come into this story and some even who have tried to help but then couldn’t? This is just one little house in this huge town. Do you really want us to move? I know I sound like a child right now but that is how I feel. I want to cry “Papa, take care of me. Hold me. Tell me this will get better”……doesn’t sound very spiritual I know, but yet it is as spiritual as I am right now. I am just so tired. Greg is so tired. Our feelings lie to us and tell us we are defeated. No, never!! Satan is a liar!!! We continue to stand in You though this outcome is not what we pictured.
Remember when the Lord told me that from that point on I would be in the dark? It is now January 29th. We finally heard yesterday that things are not working out the way they thought. In the past few days I was hit with a darkness I can’t remember feeling in many years. An anxiety so deep it actually felt like I could not move; a fear that enveloped me that none of this was going to work out and a worry that I won’t be able to carry on. I recognized this onslaught of emotions as being from the enemy. But I just couldn’t seem to get it together. A year of uncertainty was crashing down on me in magnitude proportions. My head started hurting and physical symptoms of a heavy chest and swollen glands. I knew it was manifestations of stress and that I just needed to hang on and hold on to Jesus with all my might.
I began to sing, yes, sing, in the midst of the overwhelming terror. I spent a day with tears running down my face. I felt fragile and ready to break if one more person said something negative to me. I continued to sing to the Lord. I could feel the veil of darkness lift while singing and settle around my shoulders again when I would stop. I remember all those times in this writing that the Lord said He has our back and that He has a plan. He didn’t leave me out there without a clue. He told me all of this would happen. So, that means He isn’t finished yet.
Jesus says: You shall behold my salvation in your life Dixie. I love you and I have remained by your side, even in the darkness. You trusted me anyway. Read again what I said to you on January 16th.
Oh. I read it again and felt His peace flood me again.
Not knowing how proactive we could be, because we didn’t want to stop any of the process in case it works, we ventured out to look at houses. It was a mistake. None were our home and most were depressing to even look at. Sadly we came home, the home we love, and watched a movie to keep our minds off of it all. We have decided to the give the Lord all the time He needs. We are believing He wouldn’t take us up to 3 days to move out and say we have to move. If we are to move He will provide the house. We are really out there on a limb.
We just heard last night that the Lord has called a 86 year old man to be fasting and praying for us day and night. He told us with tears rolling down his weathered cheeks that he feels our pain and won’t rest until a miracle happens. How humbling is that?