May 17, 2012
“My mind cannot focus today Lord. I call upon your name constantly within my spirit. I need you to help me navigate the waters ahead. Anxiety creeps up on me when I am not watchful. Worry threatens my peace in You. Help!! Where can I turn from here but to You! Have I surrendered it all to You? Just when I think I have, I find myself thinking about it again and trying to figure out what to do on my own. I’m breathing in Your peace and breathing out the negativity and toxins. Slow Breaths….deep breaths. I visualize Your presence filling me in the midst of my fearful places.”
I can identify with David right now as He sang his praises to God in the midst of his enemy pursuing him and the fear he was fighting. As a Mom of grown children I realize we can’t navigate their life for them. They must find their way with God’s help and my support. Not the other way around. Yet when you see them in so much pain and so many changes it is as if it is happening to you, yet you can do nothing to help in the natural and prayer becomes your constant companion. Outside of my counsel to them, when warranted, I must constantly surrender them to Him. We think when they are little the bond and covering and protection from you will last forever. Are we ever prepared for that empty feeling that accompanies our children leaving home and making it on their own, making their own decisions? And when we see them suffering from their own decisions and we can’t help were we prepared for the agony of not being able to deliver them?
I have just come out of a great victory in God where He miraculously saved our home for us. (Read “A Sure Dwelling Place” in my blog archives.) In my personal life I see Jesus everywhere. But how can I rejoice in my victories when I see my grown child suffering so? I want them to be blessed as well. Does anyone identify with this feeling? Our kids are an extension of us. When it is time to let go we must do it again and again.
I found my answer in my relationship with Jesus. I went for a walk with Him this morning and just talked to Him about this turmoil I feel. I held nothing back. I came to see that the secret is in the absolute surrender to Him, again and again. This is what he said to me:
“Dixie, your love for your children is just a mirror of my love for them. You have prayed for them since before they were born. Do you think my word returns to me without accomplishing the very thing you prayed for? My word is eternal. I am still working as I did from the beginning. Where you can see no way, I see clearly. My plan is to grow them up just as that is my plan with you. You hold on so tightly because of so much pain in your past. But forget the former things. I have. I have a plan and you will see it come to past. As you let go I pick it up. Every time you grab on again, let go again. I will pick it up. Don’t get in my way. Trust me. My peace and patience I give to you, my daughter.”
For those of you who have adult kids you are praying for surrender them to Him. He does a much better job than we ever could. I picture them in my cupped hands. He stands behind me and puts Him arms around me and cups His hands under mine. I let go of them and drop them in His hands. He lovingly embraces them within His arms and walks away and His peace fills me once again. We cannot enable them to depend on us to deliver them or they would never develop absolute dependency on Him. Letting go………