I believe we are spirit. We have a soul (mind, will, and emotions). And we live in a body. As a Life Purpose Coach I help people achieve balance in all three parts of their beings; spirit, soul, and body. With this in mind I have decided to share my own personal journey of my victory over my weight, in hopes my story will speak to someone else, and give them hope.
The Lord gave my husband a beautiful Harley a couple of years ago. Yes, you heard me right. He prayed and asked God for a Harley Davidson motorcycle and 2 months later someone just gave him the pink slip to theirs and told Greg God had instructed him to give his Harley away. That is another story for another time, however.
I am telling you this because at the time Greg was given the Harley I was conducting a women’s bible study on breaking out of strongholds. It was about a yearlong study and when we actually got to the part in the study of discerning a stronghold that the enemy may have put in one’s life, it was the same time.
I have struggled with my weight it seems my whole life. Most of my life I was a normal size but I still felt fat. In fact, when I look at pictures of myself through my 20’s and 30’s now, I am shocked at how pretty I actually was and how trim I looked. This should have been a clue that something else was going on but I was so used to living with my struggle I thought it was normal.
That was until I allowed Jesus on the scene of my protected sacred cow of weight. (No pun intended)
You know how those familiar friends of destruction become a staple in our lives because the unknown is scarier? Well, that is how it was with my constant unhappiness with the girth of my body. Eventually I developed high blood pressure and just started feeling sluggish and unhealthy, so, due to lack of energy, I gained even more weight.
How does this connect with the Harley story and my bible study? I’m glad you asked.
I have been through so much in my life and have climbed so many mountains of faith I didn’t think there were any strongholds left for satan to batter my soul with. (I have to warn you to never think that you have arrived with no further work that needs to be done in your life. Pride is destructive as well.) So, I was totally unaware of my emotions the day Greg asked me to climb on the back of his new Harley to go for a ride.
I instantly felt like I was huge and would look even huger on the back of his bike. It was so odd. It is like in my head I became Sasquatch perched behind him. I pictured myself riding down the road, with my mammoth backside being all the people in cars would see. (I know you’re trying to hide your laughter.) I tried to share his enthusiasm and felt horrible I couldn’t just jump on and be the biker chick that was a size 1, dressed in full leathers and a bustier, and zip off down the road. But I just could not do it. Instead, as I tried to get on the bike I burst into sobs and, to my horror, heard my voice blubbering like a 12 year old. I started sobbing like someone had died. I said to him how could he humiliate me this way and didn’t he see my pain at being fat?
Poor guy stood back and stared at me with his mouth hanging open. He didn’t have a clue what I was talking about as I had not ever mentioned how I felt about my perception of how I looked. Apologizing all over himself for not being aware of how I felt he tried telling me that he didn’t even notice that it would be a problem and that he thought I looked fine and that I would fit well behind him. But I would have none of it. He let me go and said, “Well, maybe another time then.”
The next day, after I had calmed down, I was talking to Jesus.
“Jesus, where on earth did all that overwhelming emotion come from when I tried to get on the Harley?”
“It’s a stronghold.” Jesus whispered.
“Huh?” I said. “What is the stronghold?”
“Your weight.” He said, “It goes much deeper than the extra pounds. The weight is a condition of the deeper issue of your soul that is a stronghold in your life.”
It was a total revelation to me. I thought I was just weak willed, and that I would never change. I thought that until I died I would be fat.
In our Bible study we learned that according to 2 Corinthians 10, we have divine power to demolish the strongholds the enemy puts up in our lives. Much of the reason some believers live defeated lives and remain in slavery to their desires is because they just swat at strongholds like pesky mosquitoes. We don’t press in and find out how to actually be free from them and then make the effort to stay free.
We had been studying how to take every thought captive and make our minds obedient to Christ. I realized at the moment He told me I had a stronghold when it came to my weight that God was giving me a hands on experience in the midst of what I was teaching.
So, the first thing I realized I must do is ask Jesus to reveal to me where this picture of me came from and why I always felt fat, even when I was not. I honestly had nothing in my mind that even gave me a clue. Satan is so clever that he plants the words into our minds from earliest childhood and then cleverly disguises it as truth.
I sat at my table, with pen in hand, and asked Jesus to reveal to me the root of my issue.
And then I began writing as I heard the words.
“You are the largest one in the family, Dixie.
“My family is all small people any you, Dixie, are not one of them. You took after your Dad’s side, who are all Amazons.”
“You are such a moose.”
“You are so clumsy.”
“You have had enough food, you are large enough”
“Your feet are weirdly big. I wear a size 4.” (I wore a size 7)
“Your sister is so petite– wait til your boyfriend sees HER!!”
“Good grief, you have put on at least another 15 lbs!”
“You trip over your own two feet!”
“You don’t need to eat. You have already eaten enough for an army.”
“You are always hungry.”
“You’re going to eat THAT?”
All of these words in my head took on the suspicious voices of my mother and her relatives. I honestly couldn’t remember anything good that was ever said to me. I had not ever felt good about myself. Even as I grew up and accomplished many things there was always the underlying feeling that I didn’t quite measure up and that I was not attractive. I feel like so many years were wasted by me not accepting myself and being blinded by a lying and deceiving enemy.
Life and death are in the power of the tongue people!! What you are saying to your kids and grandkids sink deeply into their souls. We can choose to speak life giving words!
The negative words Jesus allowed me to hear once again became a revelation to me. I realized they were all lies and a set up to keep me in that place of acceptance of just not ever being thin and healthy or feeling good about myself.
In our bible study we talked about being locked in a box of lies and being unable to get out. Our defeated thoughts kept us from the deliverance and freedom that was waiting for us outside the box. To get out of this prison I had to stand in agreement with God and what He says about me. I had to demolish the lies that had set up a wall around me to prevent me from hearing what Jesus was saying about me and to keep me from finally being in control of this whole area.
I had to tear down the lies and put up the truth. I got 3X5 index cards and began to write scriptures on them declaring who I am in Jesus and that I was accepted and loved greatly in the kingdom. I declared that I did not live by bread alone, but by every word that proceeded out the word of God. One by one as I heard those old familiar records playing in my head I would counteract the lie with the truth.
Now, I wish I could say that was the end of the struggle. The stronghold was rooted deeper than I thought and the enemy was not happy that he was on the way out so he began to wage warfare against me and in that first month, I gained 12 lbs. Yes, you read that right.
Not LOSE 12 lbs.
I GAINED 12 lbs.
It was almost funny to me because normally I would have been depressed at my failure to lose, big time. But the gain actually gave me hope that I could conquer this because I clearly saw the stronghold now. And I knew that Jesus came to set the captive (me) free.
So, where did I go from here? The journey out of the stronghold was layered and so I will in the next few blogs share this trip with you, in hopes that it helps someone out there who might be struggling with their weight.
He cares about every detail of our lives.
Be watching for the next blog for the continued journey of finally finding the secret to walking freely in victory over being “fat”. I realize I am putting myself out there with this testimony. It has taken me a lifetime to get to this place. My hope is that in sharing my journey you will realize deliverance much sooner in your life.
Watch for the next post!!