I wonder sometimes why others look at me and think I have it so together.
“You lead a wonderful life, Dixie!” I can assure you that I am far from wonderful. Walk a few days in my shoes.
However, I know Someone who is wonderful. Without Him walking besides me I would drown in my own delusions.
Life is hard folks. But we have hope!!
If you are feeling lost or alone right now, allow me to take your hand and whisper a sweet, “I know”.
I can relate to the fear that weighs you down at the whisperings of your enemy that it might always be this way.
You want to know what I want?
I want to sit there in my lack, holding my basket, and watch Jesus fill it to overflowing.
I want to step out of my boat, and skim across the water to Jesus!
For too long I have wanted Him to calm the storms before I leave my boat.
I have wanted the water to part into dry land before I put my foot in it.
I have wanted Him to tell me where I am going before I depart on my journey.
But, not so, with Jesus, my friends.
He is looking for a church without spots or wrinkles. Boy, do I have wrinkles. Those you can see, and some you can’t see.
If we want to be mighty warriors we have to learn how to fight the mighty battles. Sometimes it might just be with only a lantern and a horn.
And sometimes He says to fight the battle by being still and waiting.
Most times it is believing what I cannot see; and always ever learning that it is Him that will fight for me.
But He can only do the fighting as I surrender my control.
And I have resisted so. I hate waiting, don’t you? Sometimes I have allowed circumstances to be my dictator. And then I am loaded down with despair.
Do you just sometimes want to stop the struggle and surrender? Surrender is exactly what He wants. Just to let go once and for all.
We get tired in our own strength, don’t we?
Yet, surrender is what He is looking for. We cannot do it in our own strength. As long as we want to try, He will stand back and allow you to try. He is a gentle man. He has all the time in the world.
But when I finally give up trying to make happen with I want to happen, and just relinquish my plans, He comes walking towards me.
I see Him approaching me with such love and desire on His face I come totally undone. Once again, I am totally sold out to Him, no matter what is going on around me.
I don’t want my own concerns to obliterate the heavy loads others carry. I want to see their hearts and their fears and help them get to the root of their pain and see it disappear as the light comes in and dispels the darkness. I can’t do that as long as I am fighting for air myself. So, I continue to hold myself to that standard of faith, to not look at my own issues, but the issues of others.
Whew, it is not easy!
Each day is a new day with Jesus. I have no idea how or where this life will lead me as we are in a part of our journey that not even a lantern would illuminate. I can only see one step ahead of me, but you know what? That is enough. I have what I need today. Tomorrow will take care of itself.
All I know is right now I have got to lean hard into His loving embrace. I hang onto His arm tightly like a little girl. I will not let Him go. I would rather hold His hand through the howling winds and thunder, than be on a silent sea shore without His presence.
Awakening and owning isn’t about acquiring stuff, or a big name. It is about embracing who we are in HIM.
We can’t love Him with our whole heart if we are asleep in our secure lives, can we?
To love Jesus is about taking the risk to stand on the mountain top with lightening striking all around me. We can’t out love God. To take a step towards Him means that He takes 5 steps toward you. We were created for relationship with Him.
I hate to say it but if I was so secure in my earthly life, with all that I needed, and I knew where I was going every day, would I really continue pressing into an intimate relationship with Him? Would I be motivated enough?
I do wonder.
And I pray I remember this time of molding on the potter’s wheel, always.