Something has happened in my soul. I have surrendered to the process of character building as I travel this journey of shadows, in a season I did not expect. The things I have learned in my sojourning this totally darkened path are astounding to me. This is a time when life as I knew it has disappeared, and in its wake a new way of living. And sometimes I am not sure I like it but then remember this is where God has placed me. It certainly wasn’t my choice. I have been climbing up the mountain of my trial trying to see an end come into sight, but I think I am learning there is no end. This is it. This is where God wants me.
And guess what?
I am surviving!!
And I am full of joy!!
This journey does not end. I thought when all of my routine life ended that it was a time of waiting and that something is changing. True, things are changing, but at this point of the journey I have come to realize that everything that I pictured as happening may not ever come to pass. He just might have a different plan. And I am beginning to see it has to be better.
And what is most astounding to me is that it is okay. Living by faith is not a horrible place. It is a place of finally coming to see that this is how all of us are supposed to live every waking hour. But when all is the same as always, and that paycheck is secured (are they ever secured?) and all of our earthly security is in place, is our faith really tested?
At least we don’t have to think about it every waking moment.
But the thing that I am coming to see is that I looked at it all upside down or backwards.
Faith is how He desires me to live, not strive, but to live naturally. This trial of no natural regular income, or security props, and no end in sight– is teaching me that my whole being rests in the lap of my faithful abba Father. If He doesn’t come through then I am lost.
It should not be an embarrassing place to live. It should be the norm. Security in Him is so much more a reality than security in a system.
I wish I could disclose all that I have witnessed since being in this desert place of nothing to stand on in the natural.
But suffice it to say, provision has never left us. With no income of regular wages, we experience daily provision; much like the manna that rained down on the Israelites every morning. Sometimes I don’t even know how it happens or where it comes from. God speaking to people, speaking engagements, money materializing out of nowhere on our front porch, Life coaching clients, so many various ways God has reached us with provision.
This is not a sad or embarrassing thing. This is true Kingdom living with no answers outside God. Surrender with no other choice.
I am rich in Him!!
What I am trying to say is that this is not poverty!!
This is not lack!!
This is what it looks like to surrender my daily life to Him.
I am not hurting but blessed and can carry my own because my King cares about me and He is taking care of me.
Believe it or not, I have been accused of losing touch with reality. And of being delusional with how I see things. Or maybe you can believe it. Smile. But you know what? The proof is in the pudding. Once I was blind, but now I see. I am living it. You can’t say it is not real.
Nothing on the outside looking in at our life has changed. But living within our life you would see His hand in everything we do and in every provision.
Many more of us are going to be tested, and many are right now.
I believe that God is raising up an army within the body of Christ, of true over comers, in spite of a country that is full of fear today. How can we be of true character in our absolute trust without the testing and the experience of knowing faith works. How can we help our weaker brothers and sisters without having walked in this kind of life first. We can say anything we want but experience speaks louder than words. So, in your trials you can be sure He has a superb plan for you ahead. Learn to surrender to the process.
So, yes, we are still waiting. But in the wait I am changing. My husband is changing. We are open to God’s leading. We continue with our outreaches and we continue ministering to our own family.
We are confident that His plan for the future is a good plan and not evil.
He is painting a new picture. Right now, that picture is in the beginning and its beauty is obscured from my view.
My inheritance in Jesus includes having peace in my soul no matter what is going on in my life and as I walk toward my freedom, I walk toward who I am becoming.
You will recognize the changes in my writing…so keep reading. I feel like you are walking this journey with me. In fact, I invite you to comment on this blog, to share with others that you are indeed in this place of learning to trust in the process, as well.