When Feelings Lose Their Power

 

 

I lost life as I knew it over the course of one year a while back. Of course it was a slow build up to that year, but denial has a funny way of making you blind to what is coming.

(The complete story of this trip into the wasteland of my soul is recorded in my last book, Climbing Out of the Box.)

Through years of denial, spiritual abuse, and unresolved childhood abuse issues, my life broke apart in huge chunks and floated away on a sea of despair.  I lost my marriage, my home, myself, my church, and my children moved out…and did I mention I lost myself?

…all within a few months of each other.

Then I entered the wasteland of devastation and loss and an overload of “feelings”.

How can I describe the feelings?

It was like being on a huge merry go round, holding on for dear life, trying to look like I had a grip but my vise gripped fingers were sliding off with every whirl.  It twirled faster and faster until my hands did lose their grip and I was flung off into space with magnitude force into nothingness with no idea where I would finally land.  When I did land I felt like I was smothering in feelings and couldn’t breathe; Kind of like being buried alive.

• Grief

• Despair

• Fear

• Anxiety

• Sorrow

• Emptiness

• Anger

In the years that followed I was alone with myself and thought I would never recover from the empty shell that was me.

My feelings became my faithful companions until I finally started talking to God.  Boy did I have the questions.

The most fascinating thing to me was that He never left.  He stepped back, though, to give me time to come to the place of realizing all my answers were in Him.  He is always so patient with us.

As I called upon Him in my solitary place, He began to heal my frayed and broken heart.  I was ruled by my feelings at the point of quiet desperation and had been since the beginning of the dirge into blackness.

He held me and let me weep when I finally pushed my arms up to my “Abba, Daddy”, in brokenness.

And then the healing began.  I learned so much in the next few years of exile.

One of the things I learned was that my feelings didn’t have to rule me or dictate to me how to act for the rest of my life.

When we call upon Him in our feelings of abandonment and reach deep into our still, quiet heart, where He dwells,

• Our fears lose their power to control us;

• Our “out of control” anger loses its power to devastate anyone lying in its wake….and

• Our depression loses its power to consume us.

Our feelings lose their control over us.

That still, quiet center of us, where He resides, is where we are aware of His presence the most.  Learn how to quiet yourself and find that spot of uninterruption and you will find His voice.

• He centers us.

• He is our anchor.

When we call upon Him, we find the power to let go of our resentment and ask for forgiveness.  We can also forgive ourselves and be free.  We can let go of the past and move into the stillness of living large in the here and now.

And then we learn to trade in our profound shame for vulnerability with others, for in Him we are safe; and we trade in our fear of being embarrassed, to finally being transparent.

Our feelings provide the fertile ground of captivity for us.

If we listen to them they will kill our creativity that God wants to use.  They will squelch our love for others and undermine our knowledge of redemption and grace.

What if we just decided to stop listening to our feelings, and started listening to what God says about us; and start focusing in on His still whispers of direction and love?  What if we make a conscious decision to believe we are really hearing His voice and just do it…by faith?

And accepting our feelings as real, for they are very real, but not necessarily true if they become our dictating force and despair.  They can betray us in portraying Gods words as not trust worthy.

It is like a drop of soothing, healing water to accept that our feelings are real, but can be deceptive outside of God’s truth about us.

I think our shame would dry up and our love would explode and the world would never be the same  again if we can get to this place of truth and freedom.

The Next Best Thing

My blog this week is going to be different but I think you might find it fun.    I was invited by Jeannie Pallett to be a part of a blog hop called The Next Best Thing.    This is all new to me and I am always ready for a new adventure so join with me and let’s make this work.  I am learning to let myself be challenged if I feel anxious about starting out on new things…especially into areas that challenge my computer expertise.

The purpose behind this activity is to introduce readers to the next great book or upcoming authors, and find the ones they never heard of before, but find themselves fascinated with their stories and can’t put their writings down.  It is a great way to get word out of what is available from new authors.

So, the gift for you in this adventure is a wealth of new and exciting authors that the world has yet to meet!!   And some have blogs but are still developing their books and if you like their blog they will already have a fan in you.

I would like to thank Jeannie Pallett for inviting me on this blog tour and the opportunity to get my blog and book seen as well.

Check out Jeannie’s book,

Beckoned by the King, and her blog: http://psalm119greaterthangold.net/

Jeannie has a lot to say about the love affair with Jesus that we all long for.  She indeed walks with God!  Hop on over and check out her book and her blog today!!  Be sure and comment on her page to let her know you found her through this blog.

The interesting part of this blog hop is getting to meet the authors who have different styles and audiences.    How fun to get to be a part of helping others to get their writings seen by the public and maybe they will be THE NEXT BIG THING!!!

I get to answer 10 questions and you get to learn about my just published book and how it all came about.  So, here goes!

 

What is the working title of your book?  

Climbing Out of the Box, My journey out of sexual and spiritual abuse into freedom and healing.

Where did the idea come from for the book?

Well, I know this will sound strange to some, but while praying with a client, (I am a life coach), she said she saw me with 4 doors behind me;  two were shut and one was fully opened and one partially open.   That week while praying I asked the Lord just what the four doors were about.  As clear as if He were physically present, he said, “I want you to write a book.  I want you to call it “Climbing Out of the Box” and I want it to be of your life.”  Not having a clue what would be involved or what to do next in writing a book I simply started writing.

 What genre does your book fall under?

My book is a memoir.   I know there are so many people out there that have been touched by either sexual or spiritual abuse or, as in my case, by both.  I don’t want it to be limited to only Christians, though it is a believer’s theme.  I can’t deny who I am.   However, I pray that it reaches those who are searching for a real and living God that loves them  more than they can imagine—even through their most trying times.

 Which actors would you choose to play your characters in a movie rendition?

I laughed at this question because my daughter and I were goofing around the other day and we were figuring out who we would want to play ourselves if this book gets made into a movie.   I decided Meryl Streep should play me, and Heather decided she wanted Kate Hudson to play her.  Matt Damon could play my son, Jason.  Greg, who sometimes acts as if he is a gangster, could be played by Robert De Niro.  Savanna wants to play herself since she is a future actress and for Katie we decided Emma Stone should play her.  Zac Efron would play Christopher.  Nia Vardalos could play Christina.  Believe it or not, I have witnessed God do things in my life that I never imagined would actually happen, so, with that in mind,  I have pictured my story on Life Time Women’s Network.   But I know if the actors I mentioned were in my movie we would hit the big screen. (I’m smiling now.)   I have learned to dream big.    But then I still struggle with the thought, “Who would really want to hear about my life.”  However, since my book has hit the market I am finding out there are many whom my story can touch.

What is the one sentence synopsis of your book?  

Climbing Out of the Box is a totally honest, deeply-feltmemoir written by a courageous woman who has not only survived, but triumphed over, childhood sexual abuse, a dysfunctional family, loss of identity, rejection, self-denial, divorce, and spiritual abuse.

Will your book be self publish or will you go through an agency?  

 I have already self published through Amazon, Create Space.  It was released on November 27, 2012.  Go to Amazon and check it out!!  If you read it and like it please leave a review.

How long did it take to write the first draft of your manuscript? 

 It took me about 8 months to write my story.

What other books in your genre would you compare this story too?

  Not sure, because, really, we all have different stories.  Memoirs especially are incomparable to each other as we are all so unique in God’s eyes.  There are no two of us alike.   There are a ton of books out there on sexual abuse.  My book reveals how sexual abuse set up the stage for me to gravitate toward circles of Christianity that had very controlling people in it.  And then I became addicted to ministry to validate my poor self esteem.  My daughter was molested by the same perpetrator that molested me because of my silence.  This shattered my world and woke me up to denial and creating masks that I had convinced myself were reality.

What or who inspired you to write this book? 

  Jesus, who has called me into the market place to be transparent so that others may be free.  My mission is “Changing Lives, One Life at a Time.”  Also, being a certified life coach I have witnessed how telling my story has changed the lives of others who thought they were so alone and couldn’t trust anyone.

What else about your book might pique the reader’s interest?  

 My book shows readers how God can use even the most painful and horrific areas of our lives to direct us to finding our true purpose in Kingdom living in today’s troubled world.  The book will also point you to true relationship with a living Christ outside of mere religious practices and organizations.

I invite you to comment on this blog and share with your friends if you feel so inspired!!  Blessings and thanks for reading!

Next week take the opportunity to hop on over to the blog of a much loved friend of mine, Linda Lochridge.  She will be continuing this blog hop.

 

 

http://lindalochridge.com/2012/12/14/in-the-well-with-tolstoy/

 Linda is a psychotherapist who is also writing a memoir.  She is still in the blogging stage but I guarantee that when you read her posts you will see that it is a book in the making.