I used to agonize over how my children and grandchildren would turn out. When I saw them making poor choices I would try to ‘fix it’ for them so they wouldn’t experience the pain I knew was sure to come.
When they were little it was easier to do this and be in complete control of what their choices were…but as they got older and became their own person I began to realize I was losing that control, and fear would grip me.
As a parent you learn with each new year in the upbringing of your children that each year you have to let go a little more if you want them to learn how to grow up and make good choices. From the time that baby takes his first step he is always moving away from you. Oh, at first they toddle into your arms, but soon they start toddling off to explore on their own.
And the years accumulate…and one day you have grandchildren. As a grandparent you feel a whole new set of worries and even more the lack of control as your offspring grows and develops.
The cycle goes on and one.
All throughout my children’s lives I prayed Psalm 91 over them and it brought me great peace for His constant intervention in their lives.
That because “ they dwell in the secret place of the Most High they shall remain stable and fixed under the shadow of the Almighty Whose power no foe can withstand.”
And I would pray the whole 91st Psalm through with their names right in there.
I also prayed Isaiah 54:13
“And all my children shall be disciples, taught by the Lord and obedient to His will, and great shall be the peace and undisturbed composure of my children.”
Now, my adult children have learned the value of praying the words of God’s own protection over their own families.
One day as I was praying for my grand kids and trying to not worry about their lives that I had less control over, Jesus spoke to me.
This is what He said:
“Dixie, did you not pray my word over your children all the years they were growing up?”
“Yes, Lord, you know I did.”
“Do you think my word returns to me void? That it just fades away, or does it accomplish the very thing you have prayed in the lives of your children ?”
“I believed and have witnessed your word at work in them always, and I know they love you and are protected by you..so the answer is YES!”
“Do you believe your grandchildren are your children too? And are They a part of you?”
Starting to get it now, I said, “Why, yes they are!” Then He said,
“That same word that you prayed for so many years for your babies, now covers your grand babies as well…my word never stops and always accomplishes what I sent it out to do. Your faithfulness to pray will cover your generation and generations to come will know me because of your prayers.”
Light Dawning!! Wow!
So, here is what He showed me.
Back in the time of Moses, Pharaoh felt threatened by the Israelites and ordered all the midwives to kill any baby boys born to the Israelite people by drowning them in the Nile River.
But Moses’ mother wouldn’t have it. She hid him as long as she could, and when she could no longer hide him, she put him in a basket and put the basket in the water among the reeds of the Nile.
The very river that could have drowned him was now his refuge.
She had no idea what would happen to her baby, but she trusted the plan of God for her and her baby.
As we know, baby Moses was drawn out of the water and would one day grow to become one of the greatest heroes of the Bible – the one who would rescue God’s people from slavery and lead them to the Promised Land.
There comes a time – many times, actually – in the lives of our children where we have to put the basket in the water. Being a Mom, and a Nana I have had to do this many times and not without much pain.
Gosh, it is so hard to let go of them, isn’t it?
We have to let go and trust the plan of the Father. The world is a scary place – a place where we fear our children could drown. But we must remember that we have to let go so that God can draw them from the waters for His great purpose. He has called us to be their parents, but they were His first.
My friend, whatever water you may be getting ready to put your basket into – whether your days as a stay-at-home-mom are ending as your child starts preschool soon or if your baby has grown into a high school graduate and is getting ready to leave your home, or if your children are grown and have babies of their own – remember that you have to put them in the water for God to draw them out and place them into His perfect plan.
Though you might not be physically present with your child as much during the next phase of life, you can always call for the heart of the Father on their behalf. And when you do this, that same Spirit that Jesus left with His disciples – that same Helper – intercedes for you, and in that you can find peace. And it doesn’t stop when they are grown. He will continue to cover them and intercede for them and their children as life goes on.
You are doing great. Find His peace in the fact that He will sustain you and your offspring for always. Your prayers are NEVER wasted!!
Job well done, friend.
God longs for you to know that He is more than enough in your troubled times. He desires you to rest and fully embrace that where you are is exactly where God plans for you to be.
Even in situations like you have never faced before.
It has taken me so long to be able to write again. I was frozen in time it seemed–for the last 3 months of 2015. But the last 2 weeks I could feel it rising up within me again and now I think I can verbalize somewhat of what I have learned in the very hard and trying year of 2015.
I have learned that when I feel like my faith has been shaken to the core that I become~
~stunned and “shell shocked”…
That it’s a tumultuous venture, this walking by faith. At one time or another, you encounter the completely unexpected followed by the unthinkable.
And when it happens, the impact of it brings you to your knees, able to utter only one desperate word – “Why?”
It’s an intense battle when you’re that overwhelmed. First there’s shock and anger, then comes denial,
“This can’t be what my loving Jesus has planned for me – not me, not His beloved child.”
You wonder why God doesn’t see that you need a different outcome. Perhaps if you just go slow and lay out the alternatives for Him – each and every one of them – you’ll help Him figure out how to reverse what’s been put in motion…
He whispers my name~~and I feel His presence~~and it is more than enough.
When I finally realized that our steady income from investigations was gone for good due to California laws, and if we were to survive in life it would be a miracle…..
He whispered my name…
…and said that I was to take no thought for tomorrow for He would sustain us as a mother sustains her babies life by giving it sustenance from her own body. He would be our life giving force. From that day forward we watch daily as He brings in the finances we need from various sources. He never fails and I have found I can just rest in it and not have to be hyper-vigilant and afraid that maybe today it won’t happen.
Philippians 4:13 Whatever I have, wherever I am, I can make it through anything in the One who makes me who I am.
When my precious daughter had a ruptured appendix and I stood over her bed, helpless, watching her in agony as a result of poor medical care, and fear wanted to grip my heart and squeeze the life out of it;
He whispered my name…
..as I stood there over her bed I felt His hand on my shoulder and his voice in my ear saying, “Dixie, I have this, she will be okay.”
I John 3:22 We’re able to stretch our hands out and receive what we asked for because we’re doing what he said, doing what pleases him.
When the horror and shock and fear came when my ‘adopted’ son was in a freak accident, while intoxicated, that took someone’s life ….the father of my grand kids…and I had to tell my babies that their daddy was going to prison.
As I sit in the court room weeks on end gripped by anxiety, unable to breathe– and watched the judge, moved with compassion for a lone veteran gripped with PTSD, miraculously lessen his sentence… I felt Jesus in the fire with me and with him…and I knew God had a plan.
He whispered my name….
His plan has unfolded, in the midst of the pain, in opening huge doors of prison ministry for my adopted son and has brought healing to him in areas that was never able to be reached…but in the midst of the deep valley He has found a very real Jesus.
I Corinthians 9:8 God can pour on the blessings in astonishing ways so that you’re ready for anything and everything, more than just ready to do what needs to be done.
When my father, (who molested me for years) on his death bed, told me he could not forgive ME for exposing “our” secret to my mother and that I ruined HIS life…and Mom’s life, before she died. Realizing there would be no closure with my abuser before he left this earth– when my picture was always of his saying how sorry he was for his crime against me and my little girl. There I was, sitting in his hospital room, with, strangely, no one around, next to his bed, while he told me he could not forgive ME…
Jesus whispered my name~~ I felt Him in the chair beside me and felt His breath tickle my ear as He whispered, “Dixie, I’m right here and I am not going anywhere. Just lean into me.” I knew I could endure the pain and shock of it all. It was the last conversation I had with Dad. Jesus’ presence got me through the funeral of confusion and distress at being so removed from all feeling, just numbness, as my husband performed the ceremony.
Matthew 21:22,23 But Jesus was matter-of-fact: “Yes—and if you embrace this kingdom life and don’t doubt God, you’ll not only do minor feats like I did to the fig tree, but also triumph over huge obstacles. This mountain, for instance, you’ll tell, ‘Go jump in the lake,’ and it will jump. Absolutely everything, ranging from small to large, as you make it a part of your believing prayer, gets included as you lay hold of God.
When I read my parents trust sent to me after my dad’s death, and realized that in 2006, my mother and my father stated that they, in full disclosure, and with full knowledge did NOT want their daughter, Dixie, to have one thing that belonged to them; I felt the ultimate abandonment and full force of their anger towards me for stopping my father from molesting again after he molested my daughter. I was the black sheep of their family and was pretty much hit with it on their deaths. I had to admit to myself, finally, that I didn’t want their “things” but what I had wanted was their love, and would never find it here on earth.
He whispered my name~~ “Dixie, you have a new name that I have given you. I will be both mother and father to you. I take the sting away of their earthly rejection. This is the end of years of torment for you and though you didn’t hear what you needed to hear from them, you will hear it from me and I am more than enough for you.”
Ephesians 3:20,21 God can do anything, you know—far more than you could ever imagine or guess or request in your wildest dreams! He does it not by pushing us around but by working within us, his Spirit deeply and gently within us.
And you know what, HE IS more than enough. Better. No comparison.
God wants you to know that He is so much bigger than all the desperate and tragic situations in this life. He wants you to know He is always with you and for you.
His blessing isn’t found in what He gives or takes away. You find it as you abide in Him.
Ask Him to align your heart with His. Believe His Word. Trust Him.
Count it all joy.
In my journal to Him, He speaks to me too…in one recent one Jesus said to me,
“Don’t count on what you feel but continue to allow me to fill you where you are lacking and believe Me when I say, I know what you lack, and I am more than enough for you…..I am doing a work you cannot see!”
Embrace Him as your absolute EVERYTHING.
He is, indeed, all you’ll ever need.
He whispers your name~~
I found myself alone on New Year’s day. On New Year’s Eve I felt the call to start the year with inviting Jesus into the year, and by morning I knew I had a date. I came with a list of requests to lay down at His feet. But as I began talking to Him I was overwhelmed with His presence and could not get any of those requests past my tongue. I could only sit at His feet and love on Him with my whole heart. His response to me seemed to take on a message for His church as well. I knew He wanted me to share my intimate moments of this day with you in the context of my blog.
“Happy New Year, dear Jesus. You are so precious to me. I love You so much. I have gone through so many emotional ups and downs over the last quarter of 2014 and always those ups and downs direct me back to my Center–YOU!!
You are the One who fulfills my every need–no matter what the circumstances are, You are there. You are…
It’s amazing Lord to witness You in the lives of those I’m vulnerable enough to share my own weaknesses with–and how You take my weaknesses and inabilities and use then to show others they can do it too! I marvel at Your workings in the lives of my husband and children and grand children…all that pertains to me You are exceedingly interested in and are very much involved in their lives because of our love for each other–me and You–and because Your Word does not return to you void of accomplishing all that you promise–because YOU are the Word! How could you ever deny Yourself. I think of what I wanted to ask of You today on this first day of the new year, and my requests pale in comparison to my deep need to…
I can’t seem to stop the flow of words of admiration and joy at my delight in You, my Lover and my King.
I came with requests but somehow I have sensed as I pour out my heart in sweet communion with You that those requests are already taken care of in Your time for You know my heart and what I have need of before I even ask….and because I’m talking to You all the time about those issues that my heart seeks for.
Today, the first day of 2015, I just want to absorb You, love You, and dance the dance of love with my beautiful, all consuming King.
I sense a shift in the atmosphere, Lord–something I am not clear on– and I can only trust as I wait expectantly on You. I know this year will be restorative for so many, including me, and countless others who love You and who seek You with all their hearts.
Let the rain of Your presence fall on me Lord…let Your glory shine through my countenance…and all the angels of heaven with me….at Your absolute, infinite, and all consuming love.
You ARE Love Himself. Let that Love shine so forth through me that it blinds the evil hearts of those who seek to destroy and let that love burn out all deception and wrath of those I meet. Let that love break down even the most stubborn and fearful hearts and bring Your light into the darkness.
I love You, Jesus!”
“Dixie, I delight in your praise and you have touched on my heart in such a way that I indeed am smiling and dancing the dance of joy with you. Remember the vision you had of Us dancing above the mountain tops and into the stars? I see it as our dance of unity and faith and deep love….and all that we have shared this past year.
But this year of 2015 will hold new depths of dance for us my love. We will soar into the heavenly sphere of the supernatural. There indeed will be a shift in the spirit in your life and in the lives of those who seek Me with all their heart.
When they realize that serving Me is not about where they ‘go’ or who they talk too, but really knowing Me in the truest sense, and is finding the time to talk to me–allowing me to talk back–allowing Me to speak to them in the midst of their business. Those who desire Me above attendance, works, pride, self absorption, family, friends, obsessions, addictions…in spite of those things, they will still reach out to Me alone….then they will find Me.
I feel such sorrow when my children say they love Me but they don’t pursue this kind of intimacy with Me. For I have so much more to give them but I don’t because they wouldn’t recognize my voice. Unless they begin the journey outside of their complacency, their doubts, and their busy lives–those parts of themselves that consume them…they will either forget Me or just be too busy to take a moment to meet with Me.
I will never, ever leave you My love.
The year ahead holds much uncertainty and fear and dread for those who focus on the evil reports of this world. And they will come, those evil reports. These days are ones of unrest…of the earth groaning with birth pangs, as if ready to give birth to a new heaven and a new earth. There is so much destruction, so much pain, so much evil, and so much deception. Without Me as their Center they will give way to the enemy and be tormented and uncertain.
I am raising up a remnant of the church body to be examples in these last days of what true relationship and intimacy with Me really means in their lives. They will be the forerunners of strength and faith that my weaker body can run to find hope and example of what the reality of knowing Me can bring them through. They must learn to turn to me in adversity and trials for it is there they will find my presence and deliverance and stabilization in the uncertain times.
I am not just a ticket to heaven, though it be so. But I am also here to lead my sheep into eternal Kingdom living. This, my child, is the beginning of becoming eternally minded and how you can all learn to live IN Me, within My Kingdom.
You are my bride. I AM your Bridegroom. I love you, My Dixie, with an eternal, all consuming love.
I love My body with this same love. I long for them to know it.”
“You have to step out of your comfort zone, that familiar, cozy place of dysfunction, and be willing to purposely change; make new decisions.” I coached.
With his head down, looking up at me, and a smile on his face, “Surely that should be easy, but I am afraid I will fail, ” he said.
“Do you want to stay on this merry-go-round of failed relationships?”, I questioned.
“Of course I don’t, but then again maybe, just maybe, I use these failed relationships as an excuse to stay where I am because I really don’t want to change“, he confessed.
“Wow, did I just say that?”, he continued.
And on it goes. Do we really want to change or are we just making excuses to stay in that old comfortable place rather than venture into the virtual unknown with God?
Change is hard. I think we can agree on that.
I, personally, would rather try sleeping on a bed of nails than to change. Even when I know it is what I am being asked to do by Jesus.
It is not an easy process and many times we fall flat on our face at our first attempts to make a change.
When you’re in the process of changing, sometimes you will fall back into old patterns and sometimes you’re going to lose your way and wonder why you’re trying in the first place.
So, here’s my reminder for you:
Patterns that, if not broken, you will live in the rest of your life.
Before, you let these patterns run you – and you let them run you blindly–but now it takes a quality decision to focus on your goal for change.
Now that you see them, trust God to help you make the change. Ask Him to remind you when you start to fall back.
Stuff will continue to come up. Old patterns die hard. But seriously do you want to live in the same spot the rest of your life?
Then we choose differently.
Trust the King who made you to guide you and show you how to surrender that part of yourself that even you don’t understand and help you to change your choices.
I believe in you.
Most of us can agree that at some point in the day, we come up against a battle. The battle between what we know we truly want to do (what is from our soul) and what our weakness desires to do (from our fears/ego).
It can be something simple that brings about this “everyday struggle”. An everyday struggle can be the choice to eat that delish and healthy steamed veggies and fish dish vs. eating the processed junk food. Or something perhaps more severe.
Perhaps your everyday struggle, is choosing that hit of the drug again versus going to that twelve step meeting. Or choosing between shining or hiding your truth out of fear.
Once we begin to perceive our struggles as opportunities for Jesus’ guidance, the struggles become opportunities to strengthen your faith even deeper in that particular area.
We all have an everyday struggle that we face. Paul said in Romans 7:15:
“I don’t understand myself at all, for I really want to do what is right, but I don’t do it. Instead, I do the very thing I hate. I know perfectly well that what I am doing is wrong…I often find that I have the desire to do good, but not the power.”
This resonated with me so much. How many times have you had the desire to do good but felt you didn’t have the power to do it?
Verse 23 goes on to say, “But there is another power within me that is at war with my mind. This power makes me a slave to the sin that is still within me. Oh, what a miserable person I am! Who will free me from this life that is dominated by sin and death? Thank God! The answer is in Jesus Christ our Lord. So you see how it is: In my mind I really want to obey God’s law, but because of my sinful nature I am a slave to sin.”
On a day to day basis we come up against those fears of “do I have the power to do this?” I discovered through my own journey, that when I comfort those fears with truth, the fears diminish and truth and courage rise.
What is that truth? Love is more powerful than fear, always!
When a struggle or obstacle arises in our minds where the warfare takes place, I ask Jesus to: give me the strength to deal with this obstacle and struggle through His power and not my own. I ask Him to give me the words, the energy, the actions to do this with confidence and love and peace. Sometimes I am instantly filled with that power, and the revelation that I can lean into Him and He will be my strength and my guide in this journey of change.
If you stop fighting it, another plus emerges. You begin to learn who you really are. A divine daughter and son of the King of Kings and He is the one who propels you to great heights in the Spirit.
In accepting and remembering who we truly are, we allow our smallness to diminish and our greatness in Him to really come forth.
Then, you can step out in faith and in truth not in fear and insecurity. Love does that.
You need not do anything to prove your worth, you simply are worthy. How amazing is that?
In remembering these truths, you are filled with energy, confidence, purpose, and the strength to move through the struggle and the obstacle. You are filled with all the power you need to continue to be willing to choose what is good for you.
Remember, you already have what you need. All the love you desire is within you through His power.
Feel it, remember it, move with it.
All struggles are opportunities for you to practice remembering who you really are and how to step back from the wheel and turn it over to Him. When you remember this truth, you are unstoppable, miracles flow, and everything becomes a beautiful journey with deeper growth and joy.
Today, remind yourself of who you already are. Strong, brave, powerful, divine.
Now go out there and change!
My journey over the past two years has been one of disbelief, then shock, then denial, then fear, then acceptance, and finally, faith.
But maybe that is wrong.
Faith had to always be there or I wouldn’t be sane right now. I have watched God sustain us on very little work for my husband for at least the last 2 years and before that we slowly watched our work source disappear due to California’s changes and cutbacks. We literally live with no savings and only Him to provide for us.
(You can read about this journey in my new book, 50 Ways to Meet Your Lover, in the “Warfare” section of the book.)
Manna from Heaven.
Well, not literally Manna…yet.
But envelopes on the door step. Acquaintances walking up and handing us money. The givers, giving as my husband speaks at various church gatherings. And my own income from coaching keeps me floating. It is so supernatural I can’t even tell you where it all comes from.
My journey as a Life Purpose Coach is amazing too. God seriously brings in the clients and it has been this way since the beginning of this career. When my clientele gets low, I pray and ask God for more and He sends them.
All you have to do is let God know you are ready to reach out to people and He will send them. No stress in that one. He just sends them. So, be watching or you will miss the opportunity.
What one usually fears, at the root level, is a kind of death. We fear a death of a part of ourselves, the death of a job, the death of a move, death of an income, death of ourselves….and the list goes on. When we think of certain big transitional periods in our lives, we often experience a lot of change. Change invokes the death of something in our minds…the ending of something.
A change usually requires some letting go of old thoughts, behaviors, people, situations, and ways of being. And then we can experience the new and fresh. But if we let anxiety take over we become paralyzed and defeated.
The truth is that we won’t actually die, but somewhere within our psyche, we feel as though we are LITERALLY going to die.
Once we get past that initial fear and insert a healthy comforting tool, we can move towards the new. We must, in turn, accept what we most fear. You have to ask yourself…what is the worst that can happen?
And within that answer comes reality. I won’t die!
Here are 5 tools for you to begin to gain ground in this fight against fear.
1. Admit to yourself that you are experiencing anxiety because if you deny it…it only gets worse. Face it head on. Make a decision to not react to it. Instead focus on deep breathing. Focus only on the breathing and Jesus. Picture Him right beside you and breathe in His all encompassing peace, and breathe out the anxiety and fear. Make sure the breaths are from your diaphragm and not your chest in shallow puffs. Take a deep full breath in through your nose, making sure your belly expands on the inhale, and out through your mouth, and the belly contracts.
2. Listen to sweet worship music and focus on the words. Drown out the fearful thoughts.
3. Whisper the name of Jesus…the bible says that at the mention of that name, every knee has to bow, in heaven and in earth….this means that when you say His name, the enemy of fear can’t stay around…it has to leave…
…fear and perfect Love cannot dwell together.
4. Learn to train your mind to be on guard against the thoughts that come from–THE VOICE–and that voice usually comes from our enemy or just our own minds (and past voices that spoke negativity into our lives) where the enemy has planted his imagery of death.
5. When you feel the thoughts coming of impending doom, immediately start the breathing, the name of Jesus, and a favorite verse you can say over and over again. And if you need it, put on that music!
Two thoughts cannot dwell in your mind at the same time. One or the other has to go. I choose to eradicate the fear thought.
Trust that, no matter what, within your new heart lies the ability to get through anything. Trust Him–He will walk you through it.
So, that is how I have gotten through this death of the old in my life. I still don’t know what the outcome of all this will be. But I do know Jesus has a plan and it will unfold when He is ready to show it to me.
Meanwhile, I can’t afford to let my mind wander into the unknown valley of fear for it will lead to a certain death of my peace.
This is a battle with the principalities and powers of the air, the warfare for my life and the fight is not mine but His. As long as I envelope myself in Him He will not let me sink into that raging sea.
It is not complicated though we try to make it so, don’t we?
There is no formula, no works, no traditions, nothing that we can fall back on that will move us out of anxiety and into the peace that passes all understanding…except His love.
He is Love itself, and He promises that He will NOT ever forsake us.
….for He [God] Himself has said, I will not in any way fail you nor give you up nor leave you without support. [I will] not, [I will] not, [I will] not in any degree leave you helpless nor forsake nor let [you] down (relax My hold on you)! [Assuredly not!] Hebrews 13:5b Amp.
I will announce the winners of the free books on my next blog. Read the last blog about the release of my newest book, 50 Ways to Meet Your Lover, and comment if you want to enter the drawing!