Will You Go Deeper With God?

Jesus-By-My-Side-342x200

If you look for Him, you’ll find Him.

 If you keep looking for Him, you will find him even more…..

 If you don’t stop looking, he’ll invite you in deeper and deeper, fuller and fuller and farther and farther.  There is no end  to the depth of relationship you can have with Him…

 He invites you.

 0006948_abide-with-me_1000Do you notice the welcome sound of His voice?

It sounds like a whisper at first….

 It is a walk through the forest in the dark…all you can see is your feet, but not the path…but knowing He is there.

 We don’t have to know where we’re going, just that Jesus is taking us.

 lantern_forest_by_retrolex

Your word is a lamp to my feet
And a light to my path.  Psalm 119:105

Can we go on this wild and crazy adventure with an invisible, yet so very real God?   Do you want to?

 There He is

1506500_619449268111523_2092771554_n He stands in front of you
arms open,
ready to hug you,
ready to feel your complete innocence, purity and beauty.

 Will you believe He sees you this way?

Will you by faith receive His deep love?

 jesus-and-me By keeping an eye on the One above our trial, we remember how all things work out under His authority.  How He will never leave us. 

He promises and it is so….

He calls.  
Will you open your heart?  love

It’s another invitation.

Abba waits…

He doesn’t need strong; he loves weary, tired, broken; he can handle it.

Do you see him waiting to rescue and love you every minute? 

309148_275390375904036_1522969089_nIn every weary and heart-wrecking task, God waits to rescue you time and time again. 

Will we accept his invitation?

 He knocks,
in a way where it nags your soul to answer the knock, the calling….

You know you should, but can you? Can you open up?

Surely, it is an invitation, but will you permit it to be so?

Can you trust Him?

 Still, Holy Spirit of our  heart, He is pushing you just a little to step out.

Will you listen or ignore?

Will you forgive or forget and pretend it never happened  this time?

 He wants to finally unclutter your heart of it’s hurt, bitterness, fear, anxiety, the list goes on,  to make room for his fullness.

Will you pretend busy-ness this time, again?

or be free?   It is a choice.  Broken-Chains

 The invitations– they never end for those with eyes to see and those with ears to hear.

 It is a symphony of the most desired harmony of humanity.  Love!

 Yet, if you are busy, you’ll walk right past it.
If you are worried, your mind will not have space to receive it.

For we worry about the things we can’t control. 

If you are distracted, you find anything to do rather than hear his whisper.

It is an invitation for those who want more.  Those who:

 Who call out more.
Who long more.
Who ask more.
Who need more.
Who desire more.  530443_10150790377567355_563857079_n

 

You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart. Jer. 29:13

 

dixie1  It is a never ending quest to know this wonderful God of ours.   It is not about religion or performance.  It is about you seeking and finding, more than you could ever dream possible.  He will be all that you will ever need.  Everything thing else He brings into your life will be the outflow of His extreme love for you.  If you want to know more contact me through this web page and sign up for coaching.   You will not be sorry.  ♥

Jesus Always Picks the Wrong Guy

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Following Jesus can be a treacherous path of trying to change the world, as we see it,  and running straight into the truth that we are, indeed, the one with the problem.  We need deliverance from:

… our belief that it is up to us to change people.

… our judgmental and legalistic ways.

Think about this:

In the beginning of Luke 19 – the story of the tax-collector Zacchaeus.

(Raise your hand if you just started to sing “Zaccheaus was a wee little man, a wee little man, a wee little man was he!”)

005-zacchaeus  Jesus is in Jericho and a crowd has gathered. The crooked tax collector Zaccheaus was there. He can’t see over the crowd so he climbs up a tree to see Jesus. In the middle of that crowd – which likely would have included more than a fair share of holy or influential or important or preferred or religious people – Jesus heads right for that tree and calls out to that guy – the one who is a social and religious outcast, ridiculously perched up in the branches –  to come on down because Jesus wants to go to that guy’s house for supper.

Huh?   How do I explain that to my religious friends?

I mean, honestly.

Jesus always picks the wrong guy.

Pharisee  Of course, everyone in the crowd gets quite indignant, muttering among themselves about how Jesus is now the guest of a sinner. Not only did the guy betray his religion, Zacchaeus has betrayed his people, his nation, colluding with the powers that be for his own gain and oppressing the very people who were supposed to be his people. 

Or how about the story of the town harlot of Samaria?   The infamous, Woman at the Well”?  (John 4:1-42)  The longest conversation recorded of Jesus and one person was with this woman who had 5 husbands, and was with a guy she wasn’t married too when Jesus approached her. 

womanatthewellbylizlemonswindle  There is our Jesus, sitting by a well…in forbidden Samaria.

Does anyone else see the humor in this story?

The town slut, (or Ho, Hussy, Loose, Sinner, etc. (as she would be called today) approaches Him.

What?

Isn’t she hopeless and an embarrassment? And openly living in sin, (deep breath)!

 Plus, Jesus, as a Jew, was not even supposed to be in Samaria, let alone talk to a woman, for heaven’s sake!!

That woman!!

309148_275390375904036_1522969089_nWe hate that woman!  Don’t we?  We can’t be seen talking to her.

Isn’t that breaking the rules?

Imagine if Jesus was in our world right now in the flesh,  and he heads right over to someone who cooperated with and benefitted from oppression of innocent people, someone who had traded integrity for political power, someone we distrust, someone who we feel is dangerous, someone who stole from people in a socially acceptable and governmentally blessed way, someone who took the very religious or national identity that we cherished and basically stomped all over it for his own gain.    

I can think of a few already, but I won’t mention names.

Ugh. We hate that guy.

   Don’t we?   I mean aren’t we supposed to keep ourselves clean by dissing those who are not living up to our standards as we interpret them?

Would we be murmuring and complaining and wondering about this Teacher who apparently had missed the important parts of the very Law he claims to teach.

Never mind He really came to fulfill the law Himself.

We don’t hang around with people like that, Jesus.  (Insert whine)

Don’t you know? Good people wouldn’t be caught dead with a man like that.

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Just like we don’t hang around with women who are caught in the act of adultery, or fornication, and….

  • we don’t hang around with Samaritans,

  • we don’t hang around with powerless children,

  • we don’t hang around with women who have a bad reputation,

  • we don’t hang around with beggars or the poor or the oppressed or the criminal or the possessed or the socially marginalized or the ones who aren’t allowed to come to church with the good religious people, never!  homelessman1

Get it together, Jesus.

And, hey, news flash, we certainly don’t go to the personal home of a corrupt politician for a bite to eat or the apartment of the town prostitute for a cup of tea.

But Jesus does it anyway.

Jesus seems not to care about our who-is-in and who-is-out line in the sand. He doesn’t seem to care about what we think about all the wrong folks hanging around with him. 

Jesus came to fulfill the Law but while also revealing the Love behind the Law, and the inadequacy of it, he came to replace the real love of a real God for their people. 

Jesus came because God so loved the world.  After all, as Jesus tells Nicodemus in the book of John, it was because God so loved the world that Jesus came to us.

Jesus came, not to condemn the world but to save the world. 

heart-of-stone…including the guy we would rather see condemned, to be honest.

How can we miss this?

Now take note of this fact:  because of an encounter with Jesus, Zaccheaus turns around gives half of everything away. He is so moved by Jesus, he vows to pay back anyone he has cheated four times the amount he stole.

The Samaritan woman? 

Oh, she just became the first woman evangelist telling the whole town about Jesus.

Extravagant repentance.  

Praying

Wild, reckless love for a man who was like no one they ever met.

They both were not just fulfilling the letter of the Law, they were repenting into the heart of Love Himself.

Looks like the presence of Jesus transforms everyone…even those of us who think we have it all together.

The Son of Man came to seek and to save the lost. 

Zaccheaus was lost, Jesus sought him out, and in this moment of repentance – which was so much more than just money or position – he’s reoriented to the Kingdom of God.   The woman at the well discovered that her bucket could only be filled with Jesus, not a multitude of lost men. 

Now that is something to get excited about!

Think of the word “today” in that passage. Jesus says “Today I must stay at your house” and then later “Today salvation has come to this house.”

The time is now.

We’d rather another day, another house, another time, another kind of sinner.  Don’t bother us with the now. 

But today is the day for the wrong guy…or the wrong woman.

It’s perhaps telling,  where we see ourselves in that story.

talkingwithjesus Are we the crowd, resentful and muttering because we think THAT PERSON shouldn’t be included because they aren’t righteous enough or holy enough or good enough or acceptable enough or just enough?

Do we have a long list of people we’d probably be pretty mad to see Jesus hanging out with in our world? Do we begrudge seeing Jesus head right to a certain house with a certain person? 

Horror of horrors.

We have our sort of people we want to keep out.

Sure, we’re okay with this kind of sinner being included –but not that kind.

jesus6  But over and over, Jesus picks the wrong person in our eyes.

He even picks you, and me!

Or perhaps we see ourselves more in the one who everyone else wants to keep out.

 “Today, today, today, I’m coming to your house.

And all we can do is receive Jesus with such joy and relief.

And our own sin – everything that damages us and damages our relationship with God and damages our relationships with one another – is over!

We stop putting God into a box of our own self righteous rules and let Him do what He came to do..

…love on all of us and see lives transformed.

dixie1    So we turn everything in our lives upside down and inside out to be with Jesus, to be Him extended to everyone…not just those we think won’t contaminate us.

…to cooperate in making all things right, today.

If you would like to find deeper meaning for your life and God’s perfect plan, Life Purpose Coaching is the way to go.  Hop on over to my web site by clicking on Life Coaching at the top of the page to check out the testimonies of countless others who have experienced life changing freedom through this awesome experience.  Contact me for a free short consult to make a decision today.  This is your day of change.   Find out how to break out of old patterns!!!  

 

Feeling Undone in His Presence

loveHave you ever been so overcome with the intimate love of Jesus that you feel totally undone?  

Over the past many months, through some great emotional trials, I have leaned into Him… like in a wine press.  

And you know what?   He actually became my strength.   The hardest  times in our lives are the very  times He most reveals Himself. 

 Have you noticed that?  wine-29741_640

Well, I guess we do know it is because when all is going well we really don’t lean into Him quite as much as when we are desperate for relief.

I am just talking to you today from my heart.  

Every issue you may deal with in life, if you would only allow Him into it, you will find extreme comfort, growth, and an intimacy with Him that will stay with you forever…why?  Because once you experience it you won’t want to lose it. 

Nothing compares to it..nothing!

Recently, I was very anxious about something that I had to do and the outcome for someone I love.   I fervently sought Jesus for His peace to flood me.   I was relentless to find His presence in the midst of my fear.   I pressed into Him and would not stop.  I figure if he says His strength is found in my weakness then I needed to believe it and literally not stop until I felt it.

Because I was sure weak!

jesus-womanAnd right when I needed calm most, it happened.   It felt so foreign in the face of what was happening.  I slept like a baby in His arms.   I had no doubt He was right there.

Then, He started talking because I was so in the realm of listening to Him.   He speaks to us all the time, by the way, but we aren’t listening; or we explain away what we hear, not believing that God is actually speaking to us.

Every night I pray before sleep taking authority over the enemy bringing in evil or fear into my mind and dreams…I, with the authority He gives us, post sentries (angels) over my unconscious mind while sleeping, to not allow anything in that isn’t from God.  It works every night.  

mary-w-jesus-2While in this trial, however, as I went to pray, before the words were out,  I clearly heard Him say to me;

“Yes, Dixie, I have already posted My sentries over your mind tonight and no evil or fear shall overtake you.”

Well, now that was different….He knew my prayer and already answered it before I asked and spoke it back to me!   How awesome is that?

“I will answer them before they even call to me. While they are still talking about their needs, I will go ahead and answer their prayers!”  Isaiah 65:24 NLT

This was one time I wasn’t doing all the talking…I shut up and listened. 

He then began speaking to me about the present situation and told me that He was actively involved in the outcome and that , “He had this.”  Every single time I started to fear and take the anxiety back, I clearly heard Him say to me,

I have this, Dixie”……or  “Take a breath, Dixie”  “Lean into me Dixie.”…..  all day that day, His words were constant in my spirit.

It took everything in my will power to stay focused on Him alone when everything around me looked like it was crashing and I knew, that once again my faith was being tested with emotional pain like I seldom experience, and I found that He was more than enough.

Going back several years ago when my life came crashing down around me and it seemed all was lost and I thought my life was over….I even thought my relationship with Jesus took a hit that might never come back…even in that darkness and agony, I found Him there. 

Father-and-child-holding-hands-247x300Or I should say– He found me there.

And He said, “Nothing will separate me from you, Dixie.  My love for you and my faithfulness to you will become the most important thing in your life, even when all else fails.”

And there He was, ready to lead me into a world unknown to me then, but I found it was just the beginning of a new season of my life with Him….before I taught about Him…now I really know Him–intimately.

When our hearts long for Him alone,

When our souls thirst for Him,

When the yearning inside of you moves you towards Him,

…and you know that He knows the secrets of your heart and nothing is hidden from Him,

and He sees deep inside of you and every part is revealed,

And still He chooses to cherish you,

His love will dissolve you…

and you will feel undone in His presence.545570_417758148257124_357419294_n-1

Do you desire this kind of relationship?   Believe me, if I can find Him in these places, then so can you.   Would love to hear from you about your walk into His secret place……….

“And I am convinced that nothing can ever separate us from God’s love. Neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither our fears for today nor our worries about tomorrow—not even the powers of hell can separate us from God’s love. 39 No power in the sky above or in the earth below—indeed, nothing in all creation will ever be able to separate us from the love of God that is revealed in Christ Jesus our Lord.”  Romans 8:38 NLT

First Day of 2015: Talking To Jesus and What He Told Me.

happy-new-year-cards I found myself alone on New Year’s   day.  On New Year’s Eve I felt the call to start the year with inviting Jesus into the year, and by morning I knew I had a date.  I came with a list of requests to lay down at His feet.  But as I began talking to Him I was overwhelmed with His presence and could not get any of those requests past my tongue.  I could only sit at His feet and love on Him with my whole heart.  His response to me seemed to take on a message for His church as well.  I knew He wanted me to share my intimate moments of this day with you in the context of my blog.

Me:

“Happy New Year, dear Jesus.  You are so precious to me.  I love You so much.  I have gone through so many emotional ups and downs over the last quarter of 2014 and always those ups and downs direct me back to my Center–YOU!! 

545570_417758148257124_357419294_n-1You are the One who fulfills my every need–no matter what the circumstances are, You are there.  You are…

my Anchor,

my Companion,

my Universe.

It’s amazing Lord to witness You in the lives of those I’m vulnerable enough to share my own weaknesses with–and how You take my weaknesses and inabilities and use then to show others they can do it too!  I marvel at Your workings in the lives of my husband and children and grand children…all that pertains to me You are exceedingly interested in and are very much involved in their lives because of our love for each other–me and You–and because Your Word does not return to you void of accomplishing all that you promise–because YOU are the Word!  How could you ever deny Yourself.  I think of what I wanted to ask of You today on this first day of the new year, and my requests pale in comparison to my deep need to…

praise You,

extol You,

glorify You,

worship You,

thank you,

rainfallSoak in Your essence and Your sweet undeniable presence here in this spot of the Divine.

I can’t seem to stop the flow of words of admiration and joy at my delight in You, my Lover and my King. 

I came with requests but somehow I have sensed as I pour out my heart in sweet communion with You that those requests are already taken care of in Your time for You know my heart and what I have need of before I even ask….and because I’m talking to You all the time about those issues that my heart seeks for.

1506500_619449268111523_2092771554_nToday, the first day of 2015, I just want to absorb You, love You, and dance the dance of love with my beautiful, all consuming King. 

I sense a shift in the atmosphere, Lord–something I am not clear on– and I can only trust as I wait expectantly on You.  I know this year will be restorative for so many, including me, and countless others who love You and who seek You with all their hearts. 

Let the rain of Your presence fall on me Lord…let Your glory shine through my countenance…and all the angels of heaven with me….at Your absolute, infinite, and all consuming love. 

You ARE Love Himself.  Let that Love shine so forth through me that it blinds the evil hearts of those who seek to destroy and let that love burn out all deception and wrath of those I meet.  Let that love break down even the most stubborn and fearful hearts and bring Your light into the darkness.

I love You, Jesus!”

akiane-kramarik-jesus-paintingJesus then replied:

“Dixie, I delight in your praise and you have touched on my heart in such a way that I indeed am smiling and dancing the dance of joy with you.  Remember the vision you had of Us dancing above the mountain tops and into the stars?  I see it as our dance of unity and faith and deep love….and all that we have shared this past year. 

But this year of 2015 will hold new depths of dance for us my love.  We will soar into the heavenly sphere of the supernatural.  There indeed will be a shift in the spirit in your life and in the lives of those who seek Me with all their heart. 

When they realize that serving Me is not about where they ‘go’ or who they talk too, but really knowing Me in the truest sense, and is finding the time to talk to me–allowing me to talk back–allowing Me to speak to them in the midst of their business.  Those who desire Me above attendance, works, pride, self absorption, family, friends, obsessions, addictions…in spite of those things, they will still reach out to Me alone….then they will find Me.

530443_10150790377567355_563857079_nI feel such sorrow when my children say they love Me but they don’t pursue this kind of intimacy with Me.  For I have so much more to give them but I don’t because they wouldn’t recognize my voice.  Unless they begin the journey outside of their complacency, their doubts, and their busy lives–those parts of themselves that consume them…they will either forget Me or just be too busy to take a moment to meet with Me.

I will never, ever leave you My love.

The year ahead holds much uncertainty and fear and dread for those who focus on the evil reports of this world.  And they will come, those evil reports.  These days are ones of unrest…of the earth groaning with birth pangs, as if ready to give birth to a new heaven and a new earth.  There is so much destruction, so much pain, so much evil, and so much deception.  Without Me as their Center they will give way to the enemy and be tormented and uncertain.

I am raising up a remnant of the church body to be examples in these last days of what true relationship and intimacy with Me really means in their lives.  They will be the forerunners of strength and faith that my weaker body can run to find hope and example of what the reality of knowing Me can bring them through.  They must learn to turn to me in adversity and trials for it is there they will find my presence and deliverance and stabilization in the uncertain times.

JesusI am not just a ticket to heaven, though it be so.  But I am also here to lead my sheep into eternal Kingdom living.  This, my child, is the beginning of becoming eternally minded and how you can all learn to live IN Me, within My Kingdom.

You are my bride.  I AM your Bridegroom.  I love you, My Dixie, with an eternal, all consuming love.

I love My body with this same love.  I long for them to know it.”

♥♥♥

Change! The Word That Invokes Fear…

gods-willHow do I break this pattern in my life,” he asked.

You have to step out of your  comfort zone, that familiar, cozy place of dysfunction, and be willing to purposely change; make new  decisions.”  I coached.

With his head down, looking up at me, and a smile on his face, “Surely that should be easy, but I am afraid I will fail, ” he said.

Do you want to stay on this merry-go-round of failed relationships?”, I questioned.

circusOf course I don’t, but then again maybe, just maybe, I use these failed relationships as an excuse to stay where I am because I really don’t want to change“, he confessed.

“Wow, did I just say that?”, he continued.

And on it goes.  Do we really want to change or are we just making excuses to stay in that old comfortable place rather than venture into the virtual unknown with God?

Change is hard.  I think we can agree on that.  

I, personally, would rather try sleeping on a bed of nails than to change.  Even when I know it is what I am being asked to do by Jesus.

It is not an easy process and many times we fall flat on our face at our first attempts to make a change.

When you’re in the process of changing, sometimes you will fall back into old patterns and sometimes you’re going to lose your way and wonder why you’re trying in the first place.

So, here’s my reminder for you:

light and darknessOld stuff will come up.  What matters is you recognize them as old patterns.

Patterns that, if not broken, you will live in the rest of your life.

Before, you let these patterns run you – and you let them run you blindly–but now it takes a quality decision to focus on your goal for change.

Now that you see them, trust God to help you make the change.  Ask Him to remind you when you start to fall back.

Stuff will continue to come up.  Old patterns die hard.  But seriously do you want to live in the same spot the rest of your life?

Then we choose differently.

Trust the King who made you to guide you and show you how to surrender that part of yourself that even you don’t understand and help you to change your choices.

I believe in you.

Most of us can agree that at some point in the day, we come up against a battle.  The battle between what we know we truly want to do (what is from our soul) and what our weakness desires to do (from our fears/ego).

mind-clutterIt can be something simple that brings about this “everyday struggle”.  An everyday struggle can be the choice to eat that delish and healthy steamed veggies and fish dish vs. eating the processed junk food.  Or something perhaps more severe.

Perhaps your everyday struggle, is choosing that hit of the drug again versus going to that twelve step meeting.  Or choosing between shining or hiding your truth out of fear. 

Once we begin to perceive our struggles as opportunities for Jesus’ guidance, the struggles become opportunities to strengthen your faith even deeper in that particular area.

We all have an everyday struggle that we face. Paul said in Romans 7:15:

“I don’t understand myself at all, for I really want to do what is right, but I don’t do it.  Instead, I do the very thing I hate.  I know perfectly well that what I am doing is wrong…I often find that I have the desire to do good, but not the power.”

This resonated with me so much.  How many times have you had the desire to do good but felt you didn’t have the power to do it?

Verse 23 goes on to say, “But there is another power within me that is at war with my mind. This power makes me a slave to the sin that is still within me.  Oh, what a miserable person I am!  Who will free me from this life that is dominated by sin and death?  Thank God!  The answer is in Jesus Christ our Lord.  So you see how it is: In my mind I really want to obey God’s law, but because of my sinful nature I am a slave to sin.” 

On a day to day basis we come up against those fears of “do I have the power to do this?”  I discovered through my own journey, that when I comfort those fears with truth, the fears diminish and truth and courage rise.

What is that truth?  Love is more powerful than fear, always!

When a struggle or obstacle arises in our minds where the warfare takes place, I ask Jesus to: give me the strength to deal with this obstacle and struggle through His power and not my own.  I ask Him to give me the words, the energy, the actions to do this with confidence and love and peace.  Sometimes I am instantly filled with that power, and the revelation that I can lean into Him and He will be my strength and my guide in this journey of change.

If you stop fighting it, another plus emerges.  You begin to learn who you really are.  A divine daughter and son of the King of Kings and He is the one who propels you to great heights in the Spirit.

birdcageIn accepting and remembering who we truly are, we allow our smallness to diminish and our greatness in Him to really come forth.

Then, you can step out in  faith and in truth not in fear and insecurity.  Love does that.

You need not do anything to prove your worth, you simply are worthy.  How amazing is that?

In remembering these truths, you are filled with energy, confidence, purpose, and the strength to move through the struggle and the obstacle.  You are filled with all the power you need to continue to be willing to choose what is good for you.

Remember, you already have what you need.  All the love you desire is within you through His power.

Feel it, remember it, move with it.

All struggles are opportunities for you to practice remembering who you really are and how to step back from the wheel and turn it over to Him.  When you remember this truth, you are unstoppable, miracles flow, and everything becomes a beautiful journey with deeper growth and joy.

Today, remind yourself of who you already are. Strong, brave, powerful, divine.

Now go out there and change! 

378095_526317080764178_826390852_n

I Was Floating, Hovering High Above My Body

1510622_841945859154537_781370328_nI have shared the following story before, but I find it so astounding that I want to share it here again.  My audience is much larger now and since I am on the subject of angels working in our lives it seems appropriate.  Kendra is my daughter in law and her baby girl is my sweet granddaughter who is now going to be 17 years old in a week.  When my son brought Kendra home to meet me for the first time she was still on crutches for her crushed and broken leg.  Here is her story:

“When I was 2 months old, I had a double hernia operation on my ovaries and my mother was told by the doctor that I would never be able to have children.

November 21, 1988: I was 17 yrs. old and a Sophomore in high school.  I was driving my Dad’s 1977 Chevy Monte Carlo “tank” home from school, along with my cousin and her friend.  I decided to take the back road home.

After letting my cousin drive some of the way to her home to drop her off, I had to readjust the front seat, since she was quite a bit taller than me.  Then her friend and I proceeded on our way and we passed a chicken farm and came along some old train tracks still embedded into the road, which I remember confused me as to where I was supposed to drive exactly.

We were surrounded by huge agricultural fields of broccoli, cauliflower, etc. When we came to the stop sign at the intersection, which was only a 2-way stop back then, I stopped at the sign, looked to my left…saw no one coming, then looked to my right…again no one.

It was at this time that my driver seat came unhooked from the locked position and rolled back from the steering wheel.  I started slowly rolling out into the intersection.  Because I was wearing my seat belt, I couldn’t reach the brakes to stop myself, nor could I reach the gas to get out of the intersection.

I began to panic!

I looked to my left and all I saw was the silver hood ornament of a Ram’s head, attached to the front of a giant, white, Dodge Ram van.  It hit me going an estimated 75 mph (from the police report).

My head crushed through the side window; then my face slammed into the steering wheel.  My face was full of shattered glass and my jaw was broken.  My left arm was also broken in the impact.  My left foot had been impaled completely through by the parking brake, and my right leg was snapped in two, with the bottom of my foot, now facing me.

I was hanging from the car as it spun several times; the road ripping the top of my head apart, before it finally came to a stop.  The front driver side wheel had been ripped off, and the ‘tank’ was smashed up like a giant steel accordion.  The front driver side door was jack-knifed open and we had landed in an irrigation ditch, which was quickly filling up with drainage water from the nearby agricultural fields.

The lower half of my body was crushed in the car.

I fought with all my strength to try and escape, but it was no use.  I was trapped.  My friend who had not been wearing his seat belt had somehow ended up in the back seat, and was also trapped.  I remember him screaming at me to stop trying to pull myself out because my leg was nearly cut off below the knee.  I was losing so much blood.

It was a terrifying situation.  I was either going to drown in the irrigation water, or die from losing so much blood.  I was so weak and cold.  I remember going in and out of consciousness, fading in and out.  I tried desperately to hold on to the arm rest and the bottom of the car to keep from going under the water.  As the water finally reached my head, the last thing I remember was my friend fading off in the distance telling me to hold on, but I couldn’t.

I let go.

Just as I did this, I remember having a feeling of complete relief.  It is very hard to explain.  I felt no pain, no suffering.  I didn’t have a care in the world.

I was surrounded by pure love.

There were so many beautiful colors and a sense of warmth.  I could feel many people around me.  They were talking to me, but not with their mouths.  I could just feel and hear them in my head all together.

I was floating, hovering high above my body.

I could see myself lying there in the rising water.  I couldn’t hear him but I could see my friend screaming at me, trying to reach me from the back seat.  I could see the car, completely totaled.

Then, I could see and feel a woman with short black hair, wearing all white, put her arms around me and hold my head up to safety.

In unspoken words, she conveyed to me that I must go back; that it wasn’t my time yet.  I said to her that I didn’t want to go back because my Dad would be so angry because I destroyed his car.

I laughed and said, “My Dad will kill me”.

As I looked down to my lifeless body below, I could see firefighters and paramedics putting a neck brace on me and using the Jaws of Life to cut me from the car.  There was blood all over the car, along with dirt, grass, broken glass, pieces of metal and pieces of notebook paper flying all around.

The woman told me that I must go back to have my daughter.  I was confused.  I wondered what daughter she was talking about.  I couldn’t have a daughter.  I couldn’t have kids.  The doctors told my mom that when I was a baby.

Again, she said, I must go back.

But I didn’t want to go back. . .back to the pain and suffering from the accident.  I was feeling so good.  But the voices surrounding me with love and warmth convinced me that this was not my time to die.  I had to go back.

I felt as though I was racing through a fast tunnel of light, people on either side of me flying by very quickly.  I had flashes of every detail of my life before this point, going through my head. . . then suddenly I awoke with a loud crash and a gasp of breath.

There was a young man in a blue jumpsuit, telling me his name was Eric.  He told me that I had been in an accident.  They had just brought me back.

I had been clinically dead for several minutes.  I was in an ambulance, heading to the hospital.  It only took a couple of minutes to get there.  I spent the next several hours in surgery.  I was awake during the whole process.  They had to do a spinal block because I had eaten french fries.  They were afraid I would vomit during surgery.

I watched them moving my body all around but couldn’t feel it.  I heard them say the word “amputation”, and I started yelling and telling them not to cut off my leg!  They had to tie my arms down, and they gave me something in my IV to relax me.  I woke up several hours later in the recovery room.

Before I even opened my eyes I felt to see if my leg was still there, and it was.  I had sustained several injuries including over 1000 stitches, two broken ankles, shattered, compound leg fractures, a broken arm, broken jaw, three broken ribs and many lacerations and bruises.

When I finally was able to get my own room and have visitors, I had an African violet delivered to me. There was no card, and no one could tell me who it was from.

When I spoke to my friend about the woman who had held me up out of the water, the one who had kept me from drowning; I asked who she was because I wanted to thank her.  He looked at me in confusion.

He said that there was no woman.  He didn’t see anyone like the person I had described.  No one had come to help me until the paramedics and ambulance showed up.

It was then that I knew she must have been an angel.  

I wondered if this was all just a dream.  Just a hallucination, as some people think.  But I had this sense of peace.  I was no longer afraid of dying.  I knew in my heart that it had really happened to me.  I was in the hospital for weeks with months of rehab.

Years later, in October of 1996, I was working as a CNA (nurse assistant) and I felt really faint all of the sudden.  I had tunnel vision and literally saw stars.  I passed out in a patient’s room.  When I awoke, I was surrounded by nurses who said they bet I was pregnant.

I went to the doctor and took a pregnancy test.  It was positive.  I ended up going to two other doctors and taking a home pregnancy test to make sure.  It was true.  I was pregnant.  Later I found out I was pregnant with twins, but one didn’t develop in the womb.  During childbirth, there were many complications and the baby was born not breathing.

But the doctors and nurses saved her, and just as the angel said years ago, I gave birth to my daughter, Kathryne Delaney.

After she was born, I sat there in the hospital bed, waiting for some complication, something to go wrong, for me to die and go to heaven now. I had to come back from heaven to have her.  Now I have.  Now I’m done, right?

Wrong.  As the years have passed by I watch her grow and wonder what great purpose God has in store for her.

She was a miracle baby. 

As a side note: The driver of the van, along with several other illegal aliens fled from the scene.  Only one person from the van stayed.  He was thrown from the van after crashing through the front window, breaking his jaw.  The rest were caught three years later and deported.”

Is Kendra’s story not amazing?  

If only we would live in expectancy for His constant intervention we would experience true kingdom living at its best.  I believe that in true relationship with Jesus, we enter into a realm of the supernatural that becomes a natural way of living and we open our expectancy for angels to attend to us.  This is how God intended for us to live.  I pray every day the Jesus would live His life through me, His daughter, and accomplish His purposes in my life.  Sometimes that will bring angels. Here is a picture of Kendra and Katie today!

Mother's Day 2011 001Then the devil departed from Him, and behold, angels came and ministered to Him.  Matt. 4:10 NLT

Therefore, angels are only servants–spirits sent to care for people who will inherit salvation. Hebrews  1:14 NLT  

 

Loving Those Words, “Mom I’m Home.” …. A Mother’s Day Story

A few years back I wrote about how Christmas conjured up images of days gone by with my babies.  Modified a bit to relate my thoughts to Mother’s Day this week, I want to share the story with you once again.

THANKHEAVENFORLITTLEGIRLS-2Tears of longing well up in my eyes thinking of those days gone by, since my babies are not babies anymore.  It was the happiest time of my life. 

Now, I have beautiful and crazy loved grandchildren, and can watch my children experience the same feelings I did as history once again repeats itself.

When Jason and Heather were little I never wanted them out of my sight.  I kept them so close. 

I endeavored to build into them a confidence that I would always be there for them, believing that they would know this is how God is too.  He would never leave them or forsake them as they grew into adults.

Beginning with that first step at around one years old, when a mom has that sense of uneasiness, that already they are beginning to move away from us. 

I sensed it. 

I was like any other Mom when their adorable baby takes that first step.  You just know they are the smartest kid in the world.  But deep down was this feeling of dread; that each step was away from me into discovering a whole new world, until one day, God forbid, they would leave and start a life without me there.  But we quickly push those thoughts from us convincing ourselves that was a million years away.

When they were small my determination was to teach them about Jesus every chance I could.  I would not leave it up to their Sunday school teachers, Christian school teachers, or anyone else to do my job of bringing my kids to Christ and to the best of my ability teach them how to live. 

I wanted them to know that whatever came into their life they would always have Him, and He would direct their paths and be their constant companion.  They both came to me at around 4 or 5 years old and asked if I would pray with them to invite Jesus into their young lives. 

What a joy that day was!! 

Then my babies started school.  And this is how it went: Kindergarten and first grade when they would return to me at the end of their day they were always full of joy to see me, we had a snack together and they would play and rest.  I would say, “I’m so glad you are home”….and I meant it.

The following years came and went.  With each new year they grew a little more independent.  At first they wanted to be where they could see me, but they didn’t want me to be too hovering or clingy.  

Every day when they would come home the instant they opened the door they always said, “Mom, I’m home.”    

Brother and Sister Running… and I would breathe easy once again because my babies were mine again, at least for that day.

Then came Junior High School; the time when I became an embarrassment to them if they were seen with me in front of their friends. 

And the time when you wonder if aliens have inhabited your kids. 

One day they get up and they even look different.  Then they open their mouths and then you know for sure it is not them…and a part of you grieves. 

You know that your babies are not babies anymore.  That time is past.  But wait, they still come home at the end of the day and yell, “Mom, I’m home.”

And for a moment all is well with the world again.  They would still have weak moments of reverting back to their earlier childhood on occasion and when no one was looking they would lay their head on my shoulder or hug me, and my heart would soar once again.

And High School followed.  

This was a tough time for me because it was when my own life fell apart. 

(To learn more about that you will have to read my book, “Climbing Out of the Box” and you will find it on Amazon.)  

The kids’ Dad had left us and so we were driven closer together in adversity by having to move out of our house and into a tiny apartment.  But farther apart, as well, because it was a time they were trying to find their bearings in a life they didn’t expect, and it seems like they slipped right out of my grasp. 

It was painful in not only the loss of my life as I knew it, but also I couldn’t pretend my kids were babies anymore.  And I was alone; double whammy. 

Now, we all went different ways.  But they still came home at the end of their days at some point, and I would always hear, “Mom, I’m home”.

…..and for a brief moment I closed my eyes and hung onto those memories once again.

Then they left.  One day they were just gone.  Does anything ever prepare us for the empty nest engulfment?  

And oh, it was so painful to let my babies go.   

A hole is left in your heart and it takes a while to figure out how to function again without your kids always being in the back of your mind and how whatever you are doing might affect them.   

They have their own life now.

But then they would come back to see me and once again I heard that welcome phrase when they would walk in the door;

“Mom, I’m home”……I realized then that it wasn’t where I lived that was their home…

It was the fact that home is where I am .

They are 37 and 42 today and when I look at them I still see my babies.

And they will flinch when they read this but, no kidding!  

I think that is how God sees us.  Not by our age but because we are His children He always loves us as such.  He sees the real us, our heart.

Of course we have to grow up, even as our earthly kids do, and mature into an even greater relationship with Him. 

And this is what I want for my kids.  My kids still say, “Mom, I’m home”, or sometimes, “Mom, I’m here”, always knowing that I will be overjoyed to see them at any time.

One day my life here on earth will be through and I will be in Heaven. 

My vision has always been that on a given day in Heaven as I am going about my tasks that Jesus and I decide will be my calling there, everything will stop for me.  

Suddenly an awareness will fill my being that something wonderful is about to happen.  Someone I love is coming!

I hear a distant familiar sound!  The anticipation and joy lifts me off the ground in awesome glory.  

And then, I will hear it oh so clearly; the voice of my children is as familiar as my own voice. 

“Mom, I’m Home”….

”Home” now being our real home, Heaven, where we were always meant to be after this brief life on earth.  

Oh what joy will fill my heart.  We will never be apart but we will all be home with our wonderful Jesus and each other.  

“Mom, we are home”….to dwell together for all eternity. 

This is our heritage dear parents.  This life with our kids is so short compared to eternity spent with them in God’s kingdom.  Tell your children about Jesus every chance you get for as they grow in Him He will be their stabilizing force!!  It is never too late, either, to share this good news with your kids if they don’t already know it.  There is a wonderful place we are all going to live after this life.   

IMG_0758“No eye  has seen, no ear has heard, and no mind has   imagined what  God has prepared for those who love him.” 1 Corinthians 2:9  NLT

Jason and Heather today……..