Finding My Real Daddy

PeaceFor all of us whose longing for a loving Dad is so evident this time of the year.

Father’s Day is here once again.  To me this is the day that the little girl inside wants to come out and sit at her daddy’s feet and conjuring up memories that I invented on my own.  I imagined them.  I longed for a Dad that I could cuddle up on his lap and feel that total trust I had seen between Dad’s and daughters throughout my life time.  Or at least that is what I thought I was looking at.  But we never know one’s story do we?

I remember the toddler days of being a happy little girl with fat rosy cheeks who adored her Daddy.  He delighted in me and we swam together and played together and I was always on his lap.  He would tell me that I had beautiful blue eyes and they would twinkle just for him.  He was my hero.  Daddy worked in the oil fields and, according to my Mother, was a real “John Wayne” type.  I had his blue eyes, and when I looked at him, it was with adoration and trust.  That trust would soon turn to fear and confusion as my world exploded in incest.  You see, at the age of 7 my Dad began molesting me and continued for the next 5 years.  It took me 40 years to reconcile myself to the fact that I had a Dad, but he wasn’t the one who would bring me the comfort a little girl wants from her Daddy.

picking-flowers-391610_960_720 I write about this not too pleasant subject (an understatement) because every year on Father’s Day I meet so many people who never had a Dad.  At least not one who walked the walk of a real Daddy.  We don’t address this pain because it is easier not too and we get those uncomfortable looks of pity when you say you never had an earthly Dad you really feel like honoring;  Or to spoil someone else’s joy at celebrating their Dad on that day.  Most of the time we just shove down the pain and never talk about it.  But know you are not alone this time of the year if you didn’t have a Dad you are proud of.  God knows your pain and He promises to be your everything.  He has become that to me, so I know it is possible.  Let that be your hope.

jesus-womanThe Lord is like a father to his children, tender and compassionate to those who fear him.  Psalm 103:13 NLT

I determined as I grew and healed over the years that I would begin a new generation of honoring those I knew deserved it on Father’s day.  So, for my sons and husband and honorable family members I usually go overboard in honoring them for their unique ways of ministering to the families children throughout the year.  And more important I have learned that my true Father loves me with an unconditional love that I truly can say, “Abba, Daddy” too.

 jesus and boy So you have not received a spirit that makes you fearful slaves. Instead, you received God’s Spirit when he adopted you as his own children. Now we call him, “Abba, Father.”  Romans 8:15 NLT

He is the best Father there is.   It has always been hard to relate to Him, however, as a Father because I had nothing to go on intellectually when imagining Him as totally trust worthy.  But I had no problem at all with crawling up in the lap of Jesus and putting my head on his shoulder and letting Him breathe life into me.  I felt guilty about Jesus being my Dad as well as my best friend until this scripture became revelation to me.  Jesus speaking:

 If you really know me, you will know my Father as well. From now on, you do know him and have seen him.” John 14:7 NIV

father-and-child-google-images-300x150 Knowing and loving Jesus is all we need.  He can fill every place of emptiness in our inner man with Himself if we allow Him too.  So, celebrate Father’s day with Jesus this Sunday.  And celebrate with those who truly have loved ones they can honor on this day as a Dad should be honored.  And if you are an honorable and dedicated Dad celebrate yourself for a job well done!  It will pay many dividends throughout your generation and those to come.   

Happy Father’s Day.

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10 thoughts on “Finding My Real Daddy

  1. Thanks for publishing this again, Dixie. Fathers Day CAN be a difficult time for those of us who grew up in abusive homes. I appreciate your honesty and encouragement both to feel the pain of the wounds so that we might heal from them AND to look beyond what we didn’t have to celebrate the good men in our lives and take stock of our blessings from our perfect Heavenly Father.

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  2. Thank you Misa! That is my prayer, that my story will lead to earlier healing in others…..only He can fill our emptiness….and He does a very superb job, I might add….blessings!!

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  3. Wow, brave of you to be so open about such a haunting subject matter. Praying that things continue to get better for you. We’re flawed humans and it’s disturbing when trust is broken with a parent, and I know we have our Savior, but, I sense it would take years to heal from that experience. Hopefully others will find some comfort with your honesty. Praying for you…

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    • Years is true, but God’s grace is truer, Cecelia. I can honestly say that it has been a miracle that could not have happened without His help. Yes, my story has helped so many already…I believe the healing comes from our own transparency with others when we are ready to move on….blessings!!

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  4. Did he ever serve time for the damage he did? It is bad enough to be abused by someone who is NOT related to you but to have your own ‘dad’… it is terrible. He was a sick person.
    I pray he served time and was not able to hurt another child and I also pray you were able to talk about it and not shamed. Recovery is very difficult.
    Praying for you even though it feels healed it comes back often in snippets of sound, smell or memory.

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    • Sharon, by the time it all came out he was too old…and after having worked with so many women who had gone through what the courts can do to re-victimize their children who were the victims by the courts–I chose to expose it myself within the family to take the power away, for we know the enemies power is in the perpetrators ‘secret’…I encourage you to read my whole story in “Climbing Out of the Box” My Journey Out of Sexual and Spiritual Abuse Into Freedom and Healing…a miraculous story…available on Amazon. His healing grace is profound….Thank you for your comment.

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  5. Dixie, how did you get to the point of believing God could be trusted? My story is very similar to yours, but I am still trapped in the shame, and feel like God can’t, or won’t look at me.

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    • It was a long journey but the trust came with a perseverence to push into His offer of intimacy….I chose to trust Him in spite of my doubt and He proved Himself to me over and over. His absolute love is always there….in coaching others now I see that when you take just one tiny step towards Him He will take 5 towards you….He desires you and a relationship with you my friend!!! God knows everything about you and loves you right now just as you are…there is nothing you can do to make Him love you anymore than He does now. The shame is a deceit of the enemy to keep you trapped….because He knows that once you let go of it and choose God he has lost you….I am available for coaching if you are interested..you will find my contact info on my web site…www.reflectionsofgracehome.com.

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