Never would have even guessed
the day would come
when it seems like every picture created in my mind
from my youth
every security I held onto…
and His plan would take on whole new meaning
where did everyone go
is this what it feels like to grow older
…means there was an illusion
did I think I could keep everyone around me
at least the respect of connection
what is the plan now
came into the world feeling empty
what am I missing, Lord
what will the end be
will restoration come before death
or will restoration be there after
I know it will be so
now I will wait
for the joy to be complete
in this new life
without the old pictures of my youth…………
Every one of us grow up with pictures in our minds of how our life will be. We have children and create more joyful pictures of how our babies will certainly act with us when they are grown. We see them and believe for them and live for them and would die for them.
But I have found in not only my own life but in so many I coach out of tough emotional places, the toughest part is learning to let go of those pictures embedded in our minds, and accept what is–what we can’t change….with faith, of course, in Gods unique plan for them to carry them through their own tough places……and to our shock it most never fits the way WE thought it was going to.
We get stuck there in that place, and disillusioned with life and feel as if all we believed for will never come to pass. Our perceptions are totally different from everyone else’s perceptions. So we must find that place in Him that we keep believing for His plan to develop in our loved ones lives, even when it seems totally opposite from the way we think it should be. And yes, even though it is hard, a loss, and painful.
We are not God and have very limited knowledge of the hearts of those we love more than our life. But He does. And sometimes He answers our prayers with much higher priorities in mind for their lives. We must keep believing.
We must learn to not make it about us and our inability to control everyone around us.
We can’t get in the way. Surrender to Him who knows how to heal, and restore, and make all things new.
If you need help in this tough place, please contact me for Life Coaching. You don’t have to stay in pain. There is a place of peace and acceptance with faith!!
This blog post is for anyone with a broken heart right now…anyone with a broken spirit…anyone with broken wings….anyone who is trying to figure out how to put their life back together after extreme darkness.
This is for you……
Your word is a lamp to my feet….And a light to my path. Ps. 119
Do you know when this word means the most?
When you are in the valley of loss, confusion, grief, and profound darkness.
This is when, to survive, we MUST lean into He who has the answers— for as long as it takes. Think of this:
He is a lamp to your feet, when you can ONLY see your feet. He seems far away but He isn’t..
you can see your feet, right?
And one day you will look up and see your path. It will be lit up…finally. And you will gain some understanding why you had to walk in darkness for a while…
Jesus has night vision.
A client lamented,
“The depth of my sorrow reaches no walls…it swallows me in a moment’s notice. I have had so many losses of the foundation of my family connections…there is no way to describe the depth and darkness of the cloud that descends on my new reality. I am not a woman prone to depression or sadness, yet, the onslaught of the losses I am experiencing has shocked me to the core….the very ones who I thought would love me no matter what have left me and I long for their return….I have tried every way imaginable to fix, reason, forgive, restore, and yes, even cling….to no avail. How could this happen? I have never felt more alone in this world, and other than Jesus, I have lost most everything I felt love and comfort in. Confusion abounds as to whether I did anything to cause this, can I change it if I did, and how come this all makes no sense in my natural mind. I have loved unconditionally, to the depth of my core…yet, never considered that others journeys may not be the same as mine when it came to loyalty, and deep deep connections. I do not understand. I have asked the Lord to show me the escape from this nightmare and darkness. I have asked him to give me a new outlook and purpose in my life. I have asked him to help me let go of that which I would cling to til my dying day. I have asked him to take me home if there will be no restoration here on this earth. For I know in the world to come there is complete restoration of all that I have lost here. I don’t like it here anymore. “
Everywhere there is fog.
This lament sound familiar?
“For it is not an enemy who taunts me—Then I could bear it;
Nor is it one who has hated me who insolently exalts himself against me—Then I could hide from him. But it is you, a man my equal and my counsel, My companion and my familiar friend; We who had sweet fellowship together, Who walked to the house of God in company.” Ps. 55
Yes, my friends, God is right there in the midst of your anguish…David laments the loss of his beloved friend, who was closer than family. He is in despair. I believe God put that passage in His word, so that we may understand that He, the God of the universe, gets it.
David also says,
“My heart is in anguish within me, And the terrors of death have fallen upon me. Fear and trembling have come upon me; Horror has overwhelmed me. And I say, “Oh, that I had wings like a dove! I would fly away and be at rest. I would wander far away, I would lodge in the [peace of the] wilderness. Selah. I would hurry to my refuge [my tranquil shelter far away] From the stormy wind and from the tempest.”
Oh yes, we want to escape but can find no way out. We want to fly away and be at rest.
But….what do you do when your wings are broken?
…. it doesn’t matter why you feel like you lost your wings or that your soul is broken past repair….whether it’s because your husband cheated on you or your business partner betrayed you or your cancer test came back positive or your house went into foreclosure or you lost the baby that you waited so long for or the parent that you need now more than ever…or that one of your children has gone astray or your husband is chronically ill or you are chronically ill or your business failed or your prayers weren’t answered the way you wanted them to be….
…it all hurts ….and lots of times it leaves you to crash to the ground in a fetal position.
There’s one truth that ties it all together, though…….that we have a healer and One who promises to never leave us or forsake us, even in the darkness.
He has night vision. He can see right where you are….just stop, and cry, or rest…and wait. He is faithful.
If He wasn’t then I would not be doing what I do.
I know it’s hard to find hope and it’s hard to find faith when we feel like the whole world just got swept out from under us…..when we feel like we are too full of holes to be anything but empty. But, I promise…you can fly again, and you will. I know that…….because
I’ve been there.
What do you do?
Hold on to Him in the dark. Even when you can’t speak anything but sorrow. He can see what’s happening.
A friend today told me she was so stuck she literally could not move. She saw a huge boulder blocking her path and nothing would remove it. Then God spoke to her through another friend who said, “Why don’t you just lean back on the boulder and rest.” It was revelation to her! She did just that and for the first time in a long time she found peace.
We don’t have to be ‘doing’ all the time!!
This is the time to trust. Wait. Be good to you…your wing is broken.
He can see into the night.
And He expects nothing from you even if you can only whisper His name in the failing light of pain.
He teaches us to accept those things we cannot change and somehow even in our painful and devastating losses helps us to rest and be at peace once again with HOPE!!
He can see into your night just as plain as day.
And more than that, He always has a plan and its a good plan for your life. Even in our blind and dark seasons, He is unchangeable.
Your endurance will come from Him.
And one day soon He will open your vision to see not just your feet, but the trail ahead. And you will fly again.
He will heal your broken wings.
The people who walk in darkness Will see a great light; Those who live in a dark land, The light will shine on them. Is. 9:2
If you need a mentor or coach to help you get to the other side, please contact me from this site to sign up for a life changing experience.
For 5 years I gathered up my 3 grandchildren and taught them about Jesus –every week. They were 4 and 6 years old when we began. Christopher was 6. He was such a sponge… soaking up all he could about Jesus, heaven, and living in the Kingdom here on earth. The letter is his proclamation to get baptized.
So, their Papa, me and their dads, baptized them in a Jacuzzi. They sang, “Let’s Go Down to the River”…..
As Chris grew physically, he grew spiritually as well. He was very deep and spent a lot of time studying and talking to God. I was privileged to live close by and got to be a part of all my grandchildren’s lives.
Chris and I have a bond. I was there when he, my first born grandson, was born. I remember driving to San Diego in the wee hours of the morning to get to the hospital to watch his birth…..the sun was rising and I looked up and God spoke to me. He said this child would be blessed and do great things, just as sunlight beamed down on my car, and I felt His presence and his peace.
Chris faced a life of trials that no young man should have to face, but he always kept his composure and his faith and had a perseverance to move forward….even when he was stuck in life he always found the courage to find a way out.
Then came the day he announced to his family that he had sought God for a long time on the course his life was to take, and he knew he was being called into joining the Marines. I wanted him to join anything BUT the Marines. His Mom and I cried. I knew he was going to be entering a time of endurance like never before. But he was adamant that was where he was to go. Fear and pride were mixed together watching him pursue this career.
So, I prayed…and prayed…and still praying. But not in fear. The Lord spoke to me as I was praying Psalm 91 over him. He said,
“You have been praying over my son since he was born, Dixie. Those prayers are still in effect, and I assigned more angels to Christopher 2 weeks ago. “
Stunned I said, “Wow, Lord, thank you! How many?”
He said, “Three for now. They are with him every minute. At night they are standing on either side of his bed, and one at his feet.”
“Before they call I will answer; while they are still speaking I will hear.” Is. 65:24
So, he left for boot camp 2 weeks ago with those angels. Of course, I am tempted to worry, and to fret, and to doubt. It’s hard to let the ones you love go and trust God is faithful to cover them, encourage them, and protect him.
“ Are not all angels ministering spirits sent to serve those who will inherit salvation?” Heb. 1:14
But, you know what? That is what living in the Kingdom is all about. You have to be diligent. You have to stay close to Jesus, and you have to persevere.
And you learn how to let go.
Faith is NOT feelings. Think about that.
Your feelings may betray you, but never allow them to rob you of what is more real than your feelings….your faith.
I wrote Chris a letter before he left reminding him that the very same power that raised Jesus from the dead, dwells in him. And that power is there to call on when he has reached the end of his own strength. He smiled when he read it and said,
“I know, Nana.”
Are you praying and believing for someone you love very much. Remember, we worry about things that we can’t control. To walk free of anxiety and fear, we have to lean into Him.
For He is speaking all the time. He promises to NEVER, EVER leave you no matter what.
And when there are trials and hardships, He is still there, in our suffering, making Himself known.
He says angels are there for us…”for those that are heirs of salvation”…
So, do you use them. Or, at least have an awareness, that they are assigned to you. Believing what you cannot see?
As my children and grands grew, Psalm 91 was my go to whenever I feared for them or worried about them. As soon as I prayed that Psalm, I felt his peace and reassurance that His word does not return to him without accomplishing what He wants and offers us.
Now, my daughter, Christopher’s mom, will not close her eyes at night without praying that word over herself and her loved ones.
He is our peace.
When my father, on his death bed, told me he couldn’t forgive ME for exposing him for molesting me and my daughter, I was stunned. This didn’t fit my picture of him repenting before his death and telling me he loved me and was sorry for what he did to us. No, instead, he blamed me for telling ‘our’ secret and exposing him for who he really was. I was alone in the room with him, speechless. At that moment I felt the overwhelming presence of Jesus, sitting in the chair with me. I, seriously, felt him lean over and whisper in my ear, (I actually felt his breath on my ear), and he said,
“Dixie, you are not alone, I am right here. I will never leave you.”
And I had such a sense of peace. As shocked as I was at my father’s sense of entitlement, narcissism, and unrepentant heart, on his death bed, to actually still be blaming me for his crime that changed me and Heather forever… I felt removed emotionally…. and the presence of Jesus was so tangent that I walked out of the hospital room that day with a smile on my face. Those were the last words with my father before he died. But the presence of Jesus enabled me to totally let him go.
“ Those who look to him for help will be radiant with joy; no shadow of shame will darken their faces.” Ps. 34:5
In all of our turbulent lives He promises to be there and there is no limit to His presence…you can be mindful of it every day and press in and live in the supernatural…or you can choose to ignore it. But if you ignore it you will be missing out on the abundant life He offers….
I thank you that because I dwell in the shelter of You, Most High God I will find rest in the shadow of You, my Almighty. This I declare about You Lord: You alone are my refuge, my place of safety; You are my God, and I trust You alone, For You will rescue me from every trap and protect me from deadly disease. You will cover me with Your feathers. You will shelter me with Your wings. Your faithful promises are my armor and protection. I will not be afraid of the terrors of the night, nor the arrow that flies in the day. I will not dread the disease that stalks in darkness, nor the disaster that strikes at midday. Though a thousand fall at my side, though ten thousand may be dying around me, these evils will not touch me. I will open my eyes, and see how the wicked are punished.
Lord, I will make You my refuge, and I will make You, Most High, my shelter, no evil will conquer me; no plague will come near my home. Thank you for ordering Your angels to protect me wherever I go. They will hold me up with their hands so I won’t even hurt my foot on a stone. I will trample upon lions and cobras; I will crush fierce lions and serpents under my feet!
Lord You have said You will rescue those who love You and You will protect those who trust in Your name. When I call on You, You will answer; You will be with me in trouble. You will rescue and honor me and You will reward me with a long life and give me Your salvation.” Amen!
Life Coaching is open now for the Summer….If you need help in this season of your life please contact me through the web site or this blog!!
I remind myself today that Satan uses smoke screens to divert our attention onto him and his fear, rather than God.
The world is a crazy place. Romans says: “For we know that all of creation is groaning with birth pains right up to the present time.”
So, in reality, the Lord has told us these thing would be happening more and more until He actually comes back for us, right?
So, how do we maintain our peace in the midst of the madness…the wars and hate, the crazy weather patterns, the sheer unrest in our leaders, the lies, the uncertainities?
I will say it again. We have an enemy.
He is not happy when we are involved in changing lives for the Kingdom of God. He is hoping we will forget and succumb to him, but we know that:
“Greater is He that is in us than he that is in the world.”
Satan roams around like a lion “seeking whom he may devour”…..notice it says “seeking”……..not all of us have our heads in the sand. We have to be on our guard and walking in the presence of Jesus and not allow ourselves to be distracted by the noise of the enemy, and believe me he will make a lot of noise. But Jesus is the actual Lion of Judah!!
I have realized it is going to take a supernatural life to be able to withstand evil attacks in these coming days.
It is time folks, to determine that whatever else our goals and hopes are for this year we need to be seeking the strengthening of our souls. Remember,
we are a spirit, (the part that is born again with the receiving of Jesus as Lord of our life),
we have a soul, (which is our mind, will, and emotions,)
and we live in a body.
The bible talks about the renewing of our soul daily. Not our spirits. They are already born again and saved for eternity.
Our SOULS…..our minds!!
They have to be renewed daily to what God says about us and so that we can recognize what the enemy says about us. This is why the bible teaches us that we are not fighting against flesh and blood, but against principalities and darkness and everything that exalts itself over and against our God.
So, how do I fight my wars?
Yesterday, I went for a walk with Jesus, by the ocean, that included a path through the mountains.
It was a glorious day of sunshine and I was totally focusing on Jesus and seeking His strength in the trials I am facing right now.
There is some things that seem impossible in the natural; things happening in my life right now, and I could feel the struggle within my soul of good over evil.
Fear was hovering off to my side just waiting to grab hold of my thought life. I could feel its insidious force trying to penetrate. I kept my course. I started praying every scripture I could think of. When I ran out of things to say I repeated the name of Jesus over and over.
I looked up and there on the mountainside was this hideous rock formation that resembled the face of a demon with a fish body.
It seemed to be mocking me. For a moment my environment seemed dark. I looked through the forest off to my side and it was dark. And then I looked again and there were all these streams of bright light penetrating the darkness. Out of my mouth I began to sing, out of
“Unto thee, O Lord, do I lift up my soul
Unto thee, O Lord, do I lift up my soul
O my God, I trust in thee:
Let me not be ashamed,
Let not mine enemies triumph over me.”
I sang it over and over until I felt the temptation to fear leave me. Throughout the rest of the day I continued to hear evil reports but I maintained my thoughts on the possibilities of Jesus and what He so wants to accomplish in my life.
There are so many tools he gives us to fight this good fight of faith and to keep our shields up to ward off the fiery darts that satan aims at us.
Pray the word. Put your name right in there as you pray. Or pray the word over your family or others you may be called to pray for until you see God’s intervention. Faith comes by hearing yourself speak truth!! An example: Psalms 91:1&2 Amp:
Lord, I thank you that because I dwell in the secret place of You, oh most high, I shall remain stable and fixed under the shadow of You, my Almighty God, whose power NO foe can withstand…………..”
Sing the word of God. I love singing my prayers. It slows down my mind. And many times, in the Spirit, I have heard Him singing back to me in my own voice in answer to my song. It is really beautiful.
Let the Holy Spirit pray through you. Just go with it and His leading in however He shows you to pray.
The Name of Jesus…..When the heat is turned up and I just can’t seem to pray anything, I just say the name of Jesus over and over. In Acts it says that there is no other name as powerful as the name of Jesus, and at the mention of that name every knee has to bow in both heaven and earth. So the way I see it, even if you can’t do anything else when you just say His name He is right there fighting for you.
The real secret to really dwelling in His presence is pretty simple.
Be intimate with Him.
Sit with Him.
Journal to Him.
Have coffee with Him.
Get to know Him. Let Him speak to you and step out in faith and believe that it is Him. In that way, you learn to recognize His voice over the voice of satan.
Remember it is His sheep that hear His voice and the voice of a stranger they will not follow.
Stay vigilant my friends!! We win!!
Interested in Life Coaching with me for more? Email me from this web site!! We’ll talk!!