Because I am a healed survivor of my own past of childhood abuse….
I once again feel the need to speak up on behalf of that group of people that even the church tries to shush up…because the disclosure is so uncomfortable for them…so it is easier to sweep it under the rug and pretend we don’t know these things are happening every day.
When are we going to start confronting the elephant in the room that most will ignore and pretend it is not there?
Silencing victims by saying that this shouldn’t be talked about, or should remain within families, says to a victim that this is something to be ashamed of.
That they are in fact damaged goods.
When these crimes are called out and discussed in a public forum, the offender alone should bear both the responsibility and the shame. These matters need to be discussed not only for prevention, but also for healing.
Victims need to be heard. They need to be believed. They need to know that what happened was not their fault. We bear witness to their suffering when we give them a voice.
The only way we can ever hope to stop abuse is if we are willing to talk about it and admit that it happens. We need to allow them to speak out! To be transparent without fear of reprisal or shame or embarrassment. We also need to acknowledge that the Christian community is not exempt from this horror. But it is not something that is often spoke about or expose within the church gatherings.
I believe this will change.
As Ann Voscamp so adequately puts it, “Because People of the Church are to be those who stand up so safe places open up, who lead by always going lower, who expose and confront abuse everywhere they find it, so the hope of the Gospel can be of use anywhere it goes.
Because People of the Cross are to be witnesses for the suffering, and responders to the victims, and testifiers of Truth, no matter the cost, no matter the risk, because Christ is The Truth — and where there isn’t Truth, there isn’t Christ. Why ever hide or cover-up the Truth?”
And to those still walking in their victimhood:
Our wounds from childhood abuse bring messages with them…they have a common theme of “your worthless, you have no value, you are a flawed person, no one will love you, you are ugly” ….
And when those wounds were delivered to you with such pain, they felt true.
They pierced your heart.
So, you accepted the message as fact. You embraced the worthless verdict on yourself.
The vows of silence we made as children act like a deep seated agreement with the messages of our wounds. Because it was all about survival. There was nothing else that could penetrate that agreement with our pain. The vows we made acted like a kind of covenant with the messages that came with our deep wounds.
We know that the word tells us where 2 or 3 agree on a matter it shall be done. This can work in the negative as well. When we, as victims of our past, set ourselves in agreement with the enemy that there is something wrong with us, we begin to live in exactly that place.
Those childhood vows are very dangerous things. They change the course of our life.
We have to renounce the messages as lies ….it is the way to unlock the door to Jesus. Agreements lock the door from the inside. Renouncing the agreements unlocks the door to Him….
He will move into those heavily veiled places within our soul and be there with us in that place of pain and abuse…..and deliver us and heal us from the past. I don’t know how He does it. But I can attest to the fact that He does.
Because he did for me!
(If you want to read my story of being a child victim of incest, you can find my memoir “Climbing Out of the Box.” on Amazon.)
To you precious abuse survivors reading this:
Never forget that there is hope for healing. Although life after trauma is messy and working through the pain is difficult, it is absolutely worth the fight.
May you rest in the hope of a God who cradles his wounded children in his arms as his own body is wracked with tears for the suffering you have endured.
And He will heal you to the point that the past will not affect your future.
He will feed His flock like a shepherd: He will gather the lambs in His arms, He will carry them in His bosom and will gently lead those that have their young. Is. 40:11
Jesus I give myself to you. I give my life to you. I surrender me…totally and completely. Forgive all my hurtful ways. Forgive my self- protecting ways and all of my chasing after other comforters. Come and be my savior, healer, my love……
(If you are a survivor of childhood abuse and haven’t worked through the steps to healing please contact me for coaching on my home page above or leave a comment here.)
Have you ever suffered from burn out? I have and when I was in the middle of it I didn’t know what was going on…until I talked with a friend, who happens to be a therapist, and she said it sounded like I was suffering burn-out.
I felt like everything was the same as always, but, in actuality I had been experiencing major blows of loss, emotionally, in my personal life….family, and disappointments and lack…that just kept happening with no end in sight.
And still is, actually.
And when this happens we know that we don’t fight flesh and blood but evil wickedness in high places. But knowing is not enough. We still feel exhausted and weak. One after another I felt like my walls of strength were being beat upon by an enemy who is trying to beat me down to the point of just not caring anymore.
It seemed like everyone else was experiencing changes, good changes, in their lives. To me, watching them, I felt as if life was moving for them and for me it stands still.
And will it ever change?
Your head says one thing and your heart knows better, but you just feel
tired and kind of don’t care anymore. Even though I know we are on a journey and being at this place is only preparing me for good things ahead it still “feels” tiring.
So, have you been there? Or are you there right now?
You just want to go to bed. Or just zone out in a book. (which can be good depending on what you are reading.)
Here are the 4 things I have found that is really helping me with this struggle and I think they may help you too:
We can’t always control what happens to us, but we can always control how we choose to respond. It really goes back to the choice doesn’t it?
In those moments when I choose to stop complaining and instead give thanks to God for the good in my life, the parts that seem bad start to seem much less significant. Choose to keep a positive attitude and thankful heart regardless of what you’re going through. Just keep standing and waiting.
“Rejoice always, pray continually, give thanks in all circumstances; for this is God’s will for you in Christ Jesus.”
Remember that your struggles always lead to strength and faith. Every difficulty in your life, whether big or small, is something God will use to produce more strength, faith and perseverance in you if you let Him! All your pain has a purpose.
“And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose.” Romans 8:28
Remember that God’s timing is always perfect.
God’s plans are almost always different from our plans, but His plans are always perfect! Have the patience to wait on His timing instead of forcing your own.
“For I know the plans I have for you declares the Lord; plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.” Jeremiah 29:11
Remember that God will never leave your side.
You may feel like you’re going through this struggle all alone, but from the moment you invite Jesus into your day and your particular situation, He will be by your side to the end so never lose hope!
“Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid or terrified because of them, for the Lord your God goes with you; he will never leave you nor forsake you.”Deuteronomy 31:6
I have had some hard things to let go of over the last several years. Of course, embedded within us when the enemy tries to destroy us, where thorns and thistles prosper, we earthlings will always have those things nearby to remind us that this place in no permanent home. We long for a better country.
I believe in God’s faithfulness in raising to life what is dead. I have seen it and I have experienced it. Then I remembered the life giving force of Jesus, alive and well in the lives of all those I reach out to in coaching….
…and I thought how sometimes we have to accept what has died or refused to come to life or produce a whit of fruit…
Instead of staring at it for months on end as a monument to our loss, we sometimes need to cut it down, pile it up, move it out or let it burn.
Because often God chooses to resurrect something that has died.
But other times He wants us to call it what it is – dead – and let it go, knowing that He is good. He cannot fail to be good.
That’s what Jesus said He does with what, over the proof of time, does not remain. It is “thrown out like a branch, and dries up; and such branches are gathered up and thrown into the fire, and are burned up.” (John 15:6)
He “takes away every branch that does not bear fruit” and He “prunes every branch that bears fruit so that it will bear more fruit.” (John 15:2)
He’s all about the fruit.
That doesn’t mean you forget. Some things are too big to forget. But I’m learning to quit begging him to bring back to life those things He wants me to let go of.
Trying to resuscitate what’s not coming back to life just leaves you out of breath.
God will not leave us comfortless. He will not leave us alone. He will not leave us fruitless. He will either resurrect the dead or grow something brand new.
I say this to you with deep compassion and empathy if you have experienced burn out from so many things changing or are just plain gone….
..if it is gone, let it go.
And I know with all my heart and all my faith that something new is coming. Both for you and for me. Nothing stays the same forever.
We are on a journey and sometimes we have to descend into the valley before we get to the mountain.
I need to give myself space to feel what I feel. And you will surely – as surely as God is faithful and Jesus is the fleshing out of life itself – live to see something you couldn’t have expected. Something hanging on could never have given you.
We’re here too brief a time on earth to spend days on end grieving what could have been. We’ll talk to Jesus about that when we get Home. We’ll have forever then. For now…
Let it go.
So something new can grow.
Water it with your tears if you must but release your fears that nothing but nothingness is ahead for you. Is God your God? As sure as He is, new life is coming.
All the deadness did not manage to kill you.
You are stronger than you thought. Stretch out your arms like mighty branches even if, for now, they’re little twigs.
The room was very dark as the movie played on a huge screen right in front of my face. I had never watched the Lord of the Rings series, and since my ankle hurt that day, I decided to ride the bike in the gym’s movie room instead of the treadmill in another area of the gym.
I fumbled in the dark and felt my way to just the right bike for me and because I couldn’t see, just coming out of the bright light, finally was able to punch in the right speed and time for my ride.
I had come in right in the middle of the movie but thought it would give me a good idea of whether I would like it or not and serve to hold my attention while I pumped out the miles.
Unfortunately for me I came in right when these humongous, ravenous demon wolf-type things, with what could only be demons themselves on their backs, were attacking the good army and demolishing them with their ravenous, canine teeth that were bloody and black.
The scene went on and on until I thought that I just wasn’t listening to God by picking this room for my exercise routine that day.
I was dodging and ducking as these demons jumped into the camera with bloody drool dripping. As I sat there peddling, I couldn’t help but be thinking I had to get out of there.
I needed peace–not whatever this was.
But in the midst of this horror and my attempt to leave the room, God spoke to me.
Ever have that happen? In the most unlikely place that you would expect, He speaks.
One time he spoke to me in a bar bathroom (I was there for a talent show my friend took me too, in case you’re wondering if I hang out at bars), and I was shocked at the time….but that is another story.
“I am looking, Lord. I don’t like it.”
“Look at the warriors in the good army.”
The warriors fought with everything in them. Every time one good guy was attacked by a demon wolf, (I am sure this dark army had a name but it escaped me), he fought back and with great warfare and managed to kill a great number of them. But more would come and render some of the slower guys to pieces. It seems though, that the more the good guys fought the more they were attacked by the demons of hell itself.
In the end the good guys won and the demons were dead…to only return at a later time in the movie. I knew Jesus wanted me to see something about my own life in this illustration He was showing me.
“Dixie, isn’t this what you have been experiencing in your life recently?”
I began to see what He was showing me. First of all, He was reassuring me that He knew exactly what I was experiencing and was with me on the journey, but was teaching me more about extreme spiritual warfare.
Starting about 6 months ago, all hell has broke loose within my personal life and those I love. Just as one thing was fought through and seemingly won, another thing would happen that would literally shock and sweep me off my spiritual feet.
I have literally felt each time like giving up on all that I do. And it seems those wolves are still coming, and the more I battle in the spirit the more they come.
They want to steal my life.
They want to make me feel like a failure.
They want to render me helpless and defeated.
Just as those good guys in the movie used their weapons of warfare I am more determined to use mine. I don’t fight by my own power or I would surely die. The weapons of my warfare are not carnal but are mighty before God for the pulling down of the enemies strongholds that would seek to envelope me and tear me to pieces.
For the weapons of our warfare are not physical [weapons of flesh and blood], but they are mighty before God for the overthrow and destruction of strongholds 2 Cor. 10:4
At some point those wolves will get it…they will see they cannot defeat me because I may look “defeatable” but behind me stand mighty warriors of the most high God and they have to get through them first.
In myself I am weak and no different than any of you. But it is in my weakness HE is made strong.
“But He said to me, My grace (My favor and loving-kindness and mercy) is enough for you [sufficient against any danger and enables you to bear the trouble manfully]; for My strength and power are made perfect (fulfilled and completed) and show themselves most effective in [your] weakness. Therefore, I will all the more gladly glory in my weaknesses and infirmities, that the strength and power of Christ (the Messiah) may rest (yes, may pitch a tent over and dwell) upon me!” 2 Cor. 12:9-11
So, I watched the scene in the Lord of the Rings until the battle played out…and the good guys were plum worn out but were able to ride off, alive, and the enemy was defeated, with carcasses of demons strewn over the mountainside.
Boy, I wish He would tell me how long it’s going to last and when I can see His total deliverance from this time of attack..but isn’t that what it is all about?
Put on God’s whole armor [the armor of a heavy-armed soldier which God supplies], that you may be able successfully to stand up against [all] the strategies and the deceits of the devil.
12 For we are not wrestling with flesh and blood [contending only with physical opponents], but against the despotisms, against the powers, against [the master spirits who are] the world rulers of this present darkness, against the spirit forces of wickedness in the heavenly (supernatural) sphere.
13 Therefore put on God’s complete armor, that you may be able to resist and stand your ground on the evil day [of danger], and, having done all [the crisis demands], to stand [firmly in your place]. Eph 6:10-18
It is learning to always be on our guard and decked out in our armor so that we find our true joy and deliverance in Him for always?
I was driving along a country road one day with a heavy spirit. It seemed hard for me to articulate to the Lord what I was feeling. You know those days when you just want to say to Him,
“Lord just hear my heart.”
I began to sing to Him what I was feeling and I kept singing this chorus over and over….
“Lord, do You see me? Do you hear my heart?”
From the depths of my pain.
After about 30 minutes of singing to the Lord I felt the urge to sing new words. So, I just yielded myself to it.
To my amazement I began to sing His words back to my own spirit, right there in the car.
Yes, that is correct. He began to sing to me through my own voice. Yet, to me it was directly from Him. It is hard to explain but definitely a supernatural experience.
He sang back to me,
“My child, I see you. Dixie, my child I love you. I will never leave you. I will perform and deliver. You will see.”
I can’t even describe how penetrating His love became to me as His words were delivered to my spirit.
I felt buoyed up and exhilarated, full of joy and hope, and overcome with a love that saturated my very being from the inside to out.
He is our King with power, and He gives us the power to love as He loves. Imagine it! We cannot love the unlovely without His anointing to see them through His eyes. He sees the heart. In our own power, we cannot.
Did you know He pursues us far more than we pursue Him. Yet we still struggle with making the time to meet Him. I don’t know how many times I have known He is sitting at my place of pondering, prayer, and meditation, waiting for me, and yet, I find a hundred other things I must do first. The whole day passes and I have put Him off again.
I pray my days of walking past Him grow less and less as I continue to realize that my strength to walk with Him and to fight the battles of my warfare only come from Him and Him alone.
No area of Jesus’ supremacy and power and authority is expressed or experienced more than when His love is manifest in us. It fills us to capacity and changes us from the inside out!
Jesus Himself announced that God loves us in the way that God the Father loves God the Son. The Father feels the same intensity of love for us that He feels for Jesus.
Wrap your mind around that fact!
The God of the universe longs for relationship with you. He wants to walk and talk with you as He did with Adam and Eve when He created them.
That is so hard to imagine in our finite minds, but true none the less.
The ultimate statement about our worth and value is that Jesus has the same measure of love and affection towards us that His Father has towards Him.
It gives us all the right to view ourselves as “God’s favorite”.
This is a gold mine of truth that deserves our focused attention continuously.
At the last supper, Jesus emphasized this truth to His disciples just before their failures in denying Him.
“As the Father loved Me, I also have loved you; abide in My love…These things I have spoken to you, that My joy may remain in you, and that your joy may be full.” (Jn. 15:9-11)
Did you realize He said this to the disciples while already knowing they would fail Him? His love for me and you does not depend on how ‘good’ we are….anymore than your love for your child changes when they are not ‘good’ kids. He loves you because you are His child. And you have accepted Jesus which means your unrighteousness has been exchanged for the righteousness of Jesus and He sees you as His precious child.
How do we find this place of divine love and stay there?
Stay focused on God’s love. By abiding, beholding Him, and living in this truth, we position ourselves to experience it more. Don’t be distracted from this truth.
Go deep in it…… Surrender to it without resisting or negotiating with God about it.
Behold what manner of love the Father has bestowed on us. (1 Jn. 3:1)
Keep yourselves in the love of God, looking for the mercy of our Lord… (Jude 21)
When we experience Jesus’ love for us, it changes how we feel. Feeling God’s affection for us exhilarates our hearts with joy—a deep sense of well-being.
Jesus is telling us where satisfaction and emotional transformation are best found.
The revelation of God’s love for us gives us confidence before God, even in our weakness.
It reveals to us our value and dignity in God’s eyes…
Empowers us to walk in deep partnership with Jesus….
It gives our lives relevance in knowing that we are loved, not based on how we perform, but because we belong to Him.
Such love overwhelms me, how about you?
….to share His heart, home, throne, secrets, and beauty.
An intimate encounter with Jesus is the most transforming experience of human existence.
Jesus is not the religious guy in white robe and sandals that you are afraid to approach or be yourself with.
But He is the Jesus who gave us oceans and rivers, beauty and laughter, sunlight and love……His penetrating love that will transform you.
There are millions who try to relate to Jesus but experience him only occasionally, rarely knowing the joy of hearing his voice, feeling his presence, receiving his powerful, healing love.
We need Jesus, Himself. And you can have Him.
You can experience Jesus, intimately.
You were meant to.
You can know the comfort of his actual presence, hear his voice speaking to you, receive healing of your brokenness.
You can live as he did.
Men, don’t stop reading because I think you can learn something from this story when it comes to us women, so read on if you dare.
Sometime between the dreams of our feminine youth and yesterday, a treasure has been lost it seems in so many of us, if not all. And that treasure is our hearts, and how we were created to be. God has set within us a femininity that is powerful, tender, and alluring.
I think every woman secretly longs for that Prince to come riding in to rescue her from the woes of life. In unveiling the mysteries of a woman’s soul, I find that we were all created to long to be desired. We all long for romance and intimacy. He created us that way. It is nothing to be ashamed of.
It’s just that we have gone to great lengths to satisfy that longing in all the wrong ways.
The longings God has written deep in our hearts actually reveal to us the life He wants us to live. For so many of us, those desires have gone unmet and long neglected. Many of us live in fantasy worlds of addictions and men to try to fill that unmet need for escape into being valued and desired. We try to numb the aches in our hearts. But our hearts are still there crying out to be set free and to find the life we desire.
Jesus is the only One who can fulfill our deepest need and longings whether we are married or single.
Last week, my granddaughter Savanna and I experienced a disappointment together when we traveled to a place that we had planned to go, and found we could not continue with our plans due to extenuating circumstances. As we left to return home, we both began to share our love for Jesus with each other and decided instead of being sad our plans were thwarted, that we would go see Cinderella instead.
What a plan, right?
Then as we arrived, we challenged each other to see the story in a different light. We would watch it with the idea that Jesus was the Prince in Cinderella’s story and she would be us. And the wicked stepmother and the 2 evil step-daughters would be Satan and his evil spirits trying their best to convince Cinderella she was not beautiful, desirable, or loved…but instead a worthless woman who would never amount to anything.
Hmmmm…how many women really, deep down, feel that way?
Do you long for your own Cinderella story?
Who doesn’t long to rise from her humble past, discover the best in herself, and be appreciated by a true, lasting love.
Yet, her own efforts to fill the yearning often ends in tatters. And no man can rescue her.
The Cinderella fairy tale provides a powerful allegory for women’s deepest hopes and dreams and the God who longs to fill them. For all of us who have wrestled with disillusionment, abandonment, our own limitations, and the lies that whisper we’re not beautiful, there is someone who longs for us the same way we long for Him…and if we learn to follow his lead every promise He’s ever made proves true.
Cinderella was a beautiful woman with great potential, but she was bound by an environment and wickedness coming against her, and that constantly put her down and tried to reduce her to nothing!
One day the Prince knocked on her door.
We know about the Ball, the Prince and her Slipper. The Prince never forgot her; she was unique. He did not give up his search until he found her.
There are a lot of women today living like Cinderella, bound to situations, living in insecurities and addictions that are robbing them of their peace and joy.
Maybe you have met the Prince of Peace, but you have fallen into emotional bondage or other traps of the enemy.
There is HOPE!
Jesus, the Prince of Peace, knows where you are and how long you have been there. His desire for you is that you walk in the freedom of His presence and provision and an intimacy with Him that has no end.
I believe that women today are waiting for something external to come along and transform their lives. We may venture into the world, travel, go to college, or make money. But underneath it all lurks a wish to be saved, a deep yearning for dependence on a rescuer. These largely repressed attitudes, I believe, are holding women down because they don’t yet know we already have a Prince standing before us…waiting for us to take His hand.
There are so many parallels in the story of the Prince seeking her out with fervor. He could not go on until he found her. He had eyes for only her, and when He saw her He knew she belonged to Him.
We can see this as the church itself in more general terms. For we are the Bride and He is the Bridegroom, and He longs for intimacy with His Bride. He seeks us out for relationship with Him. But we are so busy trying to find that one thing to fill our deepest longings that we miss Him standing there with His hand outstretched for you…and that He is that ONE thing.
But in an even more personal light, as an individual, He has eyes for only you. Can you even imagine it?
At the end of the story, both Savanna and I were amazed, since we were looking at it from a Jesus-as-our-Prince viewpoint, that when the slipper fit her foot, and the Prince took her in His arms, she knew she was to go with Him…her heart’s desire.
And there standing on the staircase was the wicked stepmother with a look of shock on her face. She was looking through the bars of the staircase. It was the appearance of Satan bound behind bars, defeated once again in keeping the Princess from her Prince.
And the two evil step-daughters? They were running around trying to look like the perfect sisters all along, chattering and looking like fools…just as the enemy always ends up looking.
Cinderella turns and with a look of fulfillment on her face, simply says to the step-mother and the 2 step daughters, “I FORGIVE YOU”….
Powerful words of freedom from the enemy. No more lies. She now knows who she is and knew that this was the plan all along for her life.
“The King is enthralled by your beauty.” Psalm 45:11
A few months ago I went to a classical concert with a friend. The orchestra was lovely and I enjoyed the music but soon became bored as I need more of a visual to entertain me. Don’t judge me. I just do.
I decided to close my eyes and let my imagination run with the music.
And there I was in a beautiful ball gown entering the gates of glory. My Prince was standing there in the most beautiful tuxedo I had ever seen. It was white and shimmered like tiny diamonds sparkling off water. He had eyes that drew me in. Our eyes met and there was a depth of love I had never experienced before…as I stood there breathless and in awe.
He only had eyes for me.
I walked over to Him and His arm was reaching towards me and He smiled. I took His hand and He swirled me into a waltz that seemed to consume every inch of my being.
We danced around and around and He lifted me higher and higher until we were dancing on mountain tops and over the seas. The crescendo of the music kept rising to the plateau of complete immersion into Him as it swirled around us.
“Let them praise his name with dancing and make music to him with timbrel and harp.” Psalm 149:3
As He motioned for me to look down with his head, there before me was the throne of God glistening with the colors of the rainbow and shooting off ceaseless jewel colored rays of piercing light that overflowed into the atmosphere around us. I looked into His eyes and the love that filled my every longing was there and that was all that mattered. I rested my head on His shoulder and felt safe.
His fragrance filled my soul.
I became lost in HIM.
Oh, the joy of it.
“The LORD your God among you is powerful — He will save and He will take joyful delight in you. In his love He will renew you with His love; He will celebrate with singing because of you.” Jeremiah 3:17
Have you met your Prince in this way yet? He is standing right there. Open your spiritual eyes and behold Him…….
Georgia had finally reached the end of her rope when she came in for coaching. She was on her 3rd husband and could not understand why he was so much like the former 2 husbands who were rageful, controlling and vengeful. She longed for a peaceful marriage but her feeble attempts to ‘fix’ these men had made her feel like such a failure and her husband helped her along with that by saying that yes, she was a loser in everything she did.
But what Georgia didn’t understand was that she kept seeking her own healing from years of abuse by a rageful father through men that were just like him. She would just jump into the first relationship that made her feel comfortable– without seeking healing from Jesus so she could walk away from her past and make wiser choices in who she connected with.
The problem was the men that made her feel comfortable only made her feel that way because they reminded her of her father. She had this need to repeat the life she had with him– to try to make it come out right in order to fill the gaping hole her father left in her in her growing up years.
And the pattern was bound to be repeated in failed marriages over and over again until Georgia finally found her way to allow the Holy Spirit into those wounded places.
Unhealed relational wounds drive us to compulsive attempts to repair the damage. Without being aware of it, we seek out people we believe can “fix” what’s wrong with us or help us find a piece of ourselves we feel is missing.
We function emotionally like the man dying of thirst who sees a mirage and hurries to it only to find it is dry sand. His perceptions are driven by his need.
We are rarely aware that something in us wants completeness. The truth is we long for Jesus continually because He is the one who has really set eternity in our hearts. Within us, our spirits, we know the answer lies in Him. But our soulish realm, the mind , will and emotions has to be renewed and healed so we can change ourselves from the inside out.
But if we remain unaware of the powerful forces at work within us conditioned by our past emotional injuries, such as our family dynamics and how we responded to it, we can be blind to its influence and seek out the completeness we lack by making all the wrong choices. For example, consider the following scenarios:
The codependent person lacks assertiveness and the ability to confront, so she attracts controlling and aggressive people. (Georgia’s case)
The rageful person can’t bear to feel emotions that make her sad, so she finds empathic people who won’t confront her moods.
The rigid, black-and-white person with walls a mile thick is not able to let go of control, so he seeks out spontaneous, creative people who won’t try to control him.
The over-responsible, guilt-ridden person lacks self-care and feels like a loser, so she finds self-absorbed people who care for no one but themselves.