This blog post is for anyone with a broken heart right now…anyone with a broken spirit…anyone with broken wings….anyone who is trying to figure out how to put their life back together after extreme darkness.
This is for you……
Your word is a lamp to my feet….And a light to my path. Ps. 119
Do you know when this word means the most?
When you are in the valley of loss, confusion, grief, and profound darkness.
This is when, to survive, we MUST lean into He who has the answers— for as long as it takes. Think of this:
He is a lamp to your feet, when you can ONLY see your feet. He seems far away but He isn’t..
you can see your feet, right?
And one day you will look up and see your path. It will be lit up…finally. And you will gain some understanding why you had to walk in darkness for a while…
Jesus has night vision.
A client lamented,
“The depth of my sorrow reaches no walls…it swallows me in a moment’s notice. I have had so many losses of the foundation of my family connections…there is no way to describe the depth and darkness of the cloud that descends on my new reality. I am not a woman prone to depression or sadness, yet, the onslaught of the losses I am experiencing has shocked me to the core….the very ones who I thought would love me no matter what have left me and I long for their return….I have tried every way imaginable to fix, reason, forgive, restore, and yes, even cling….to no avail. How could this happen? I have never felt more alone in this world, and other than Jesus, I have lost most everything I felt love and comfort in. Confusion abounds as to whether I did anything to cause this, can I change it if I did, and how come this all makes no sense in my natural mind. I have loved unconditionally, to the depth of my core…yet, never considered that others journeys may not be the same as mine when it came to loyalty, and deep deep connections. I do not understand. I have asked the Lord to show me the escape from this nightmare and darkness. I have asked him to give me a new outlook and purpose in my life. I have asked him to help me let go of that which I would cling to til my dying day. I have asked him to take me home if there will be no restoration here on this earth. For I know in the world to come there is complete restoration of all that I have lost here. I don’t like it here anymore. “
Everywhere there is fog.
This lament sound familiar?
“For it is not an enemy who taunts me—Then I could bear it;
Nor is it one who has hated me who insolently exalts himself against me—Then I could hide from him. But it is you, a man my equal and my counsel, My companion and my familiar friend; We who had sweet fellowship together, Who walked to the house of God in company.” Ps. 55
Yes, my friends, God is right there in the midst of your anguish…David laments the loss of his beloved friend, who was closer than family. He is in despair. I believe God put that passage in His word, so that we may understand that He, the God of the universe, gets it.
David also says,
“My heart is in anguish within me, And the terrors of death have fallen upon me. Fear and trembling have come upon me; Horror has overwhelmed me. And I say, “Oh, that I had wings like a dove! I would fly away and be at rest. I would wander far away, I would lodge in the [peace of the] wilderness. Selah. I would hurry to my refuge [my tranquil shelter far away] From the stormy wind and from the tempest.”
Oh yes, we want to escape but can find no way out. We want to fly away and be at rest.
But….what do you do when your wings are broken?
…. it doesn’t matter why you feel like you lost your wings or that your soul is broken past repair….whether it’s because your husband cheated on you or your business partner betrayed you or your cancer test came back positive or your house went into foreclosure or you lost the baby that you waited so long for or the parent that you need now more than ever…or that one of your children has gone astray or your husband is chronically ill or you are chronically ill or your business failed or your prayers weren’t answered the way you wanted them to be….
…it all hurts ….and lots of times it leaves you to crash to the ground in a fetal position.
There’s one truth that ties it all together, though…….that we have a healer and One who promises to never leave us or forsake us, even in the darkness.
He has night vision. He can see right where you are….just stop, and cry, or rest…and wait. He is faithful.
If He wasn’t then I would not be doing what I do.
I know it’s hard to find hope and it’s hard to find faith when we feel like the whole world just got swept out from under us…..when we feel like we are too full of holes to be anything but empty. But, I promise…you can fly again, and you will. I know that…….because
I’ve been there.
What do you do?
Hold on to Him in the dark. Even when you can’t speak anything but sorrow. He can see what’s happening.
A friend today told me she was so stuck she literally could not move. She saw a huge boulder blocking her path and nothing would remove it. Then God spoke to her through another friend who said, “Why don’t you just lean back on the boulder and rest.” It was revelation to her! She did just that and for the first time in a long time she found peace.
We don’t have to be ‘doing’ all the time!!
This is the time to trust. Wait. Be good to you…your wing is broken.
He can see into the night.
And He expects nothing from you even if you can only whisper His name in the failing light of pain.
He teaches us to accept those things we cannot change and somehow even in our painful and devastating losses helps us to rest and be at peace once again with HOPE!!
He can see into your night just as plain as day.
And more than that, He always has a plan and its a good plan for your life. Even in our blind and dark seasons, He is unchangeable.
Your endurance will come from Him.
And one day soon He will open your vision to see not just your feet, but the trail ahead. And you will fly again.
He will heal your broken wings.
The people who walk in darkness Will see a great light; Those who live in a dark land, The light will shine on them. Is. 9:2
If you need a mentor or coach to help you get to the other side, please contact me from this site to sign up for a life changing experience.
Our souls are relentless in their pursuits.
It seems we are always searching, seeking, and running after something. We seek relationships to satisfy our longing for intimacy. We pursue careers to make it in this world. We search for significance or purpose through various means.
We must keep a close eye on the direction of our souls (mind, will, emotions). They often have a mind of their own.
Misguided pursuits that have one goal in mind, to satisfy misguided desires that were never meant to be fulfilled. Many feel the only way to satisfy these desires is to yield. They foolishly believe to give in, is the end of the struggle.
But even then, they quickly discover that the surrender leaves them and they succomb to something they quickly regret.
I have a client I’ll call Maddy. She was constantly searching for meaning to her life. But she doesn’t understand why nothing she tries ever brings satisfaction. In and out of relationships, jobs, marriages, and so many other things, she finally reached out for help. She was so lost and confused. She had struggled for years, but when she finally reached the bottom of herself she sought help. Today, she is finding so much purpose to her life and has been set free from that nagging dissatisfaction she lived with for years. How? She realized that Jesus can fill her empty self.
The answer is, simple, really.
And I always feel the simpler we make understanding spiritual growth in our lives, the easier it is to apply it to our lives.
I’ll be honest, I once had an addiction to ministry….yes, you read that right. I would spend all of my time developing and teaching bible studies and ministering to people every time the church doors opened and had my own outreach outside the church building. The problem, though, was that my personal life had so many serious marital issues that I was frustrated with and needed to confront, but just couldn’t find the energy to do anything, so I searched for something else to take up brain space. I convinced myself that as long as I was in service to the Lord He would take care of my life. I was so spiritual I ignored my marriage, and ultimately lost it.
Denial isn’t just a river in Egypt, friends.
I got my accolades and validity from people and not the Lord.
and I became addicted to it….
It was a back and forth struggle. One part of me loved indulging in it, but the other part knew it was not a wise use of my time. I repented several times in my failings, but finally lost most of everything I was ignoring.
You see I wasn’t using faith….I dismissed my dislocated busy-ness by saying it was for the Lord,
As if He could only use me and no one else.
I think any human has the capability to become hooked on anything. We generally assume addictions are limited to those who abuse narcotics, drink alcohol to cope, gamble their money away, or view sexual content on the internet regularly.
Addictions can come from any angle. They wrap tightly around us until we are enslaved to them. Why are they so powerful? Because they give us a sense of fulfillment or pleasure−although short lived. They start off seeming innocent, but the more we come back for more, the more we become imprisoned.
Romans 6:16 reads, “Do you not know that when you present yourselves to someone as slaves for obedience, you are slaves of the one whom you obey…..
Slaves is a strong word. A word that we don’t like to identify with our own lives.
Have you noticed how easy it is to identify the problems of others? We may see an area of weakness in their personality and we inwardly identify the changes they need to work on, especially if it is not a problem in our own lives.
As a person who does not usually get easily angered, I can quickly identity the wrong in someone who is angered or irritated easily. It’s so easy for me to judge them because it’s not a weakness for me. It takes brokenness and humility to turn inwardly and admit my own enslavements, and then turn to God for help.
Are there areas of enslavement in your life that you want to be free from?
The answer is simple. We were created with a vacancy, an empty place, within our hearts that was only…ONLY meant to be filled with God.
That’s it! Not complicated!
We try to fill that emptiness with everything we can find to satisfy us temporarily. It will NEVER work. You will ALWAYS come to the end of yourself and realize you still aren’t happy or joyful or fulfilled….and you move on to something else.
Our most lonely place is when we are missing our loving creator, our King, our Jesus and we need to sit with Him and talk to Him about our hearts and what we need.
Service to Him will follow that relationship of intimacy that will so fill you to satisfaction you can’t help but want to share it with others.
Service follows relationship. No amount of service, if you don’t have the relationship of intimacy with God, will ever satisfy you. You will wonder why you feel burned out and disillusioned.
Because you were walking in an illusion of thinking “things” “people” “service” (fill in your own word) will satisfy.
Maybe you like all the things that fill your life right now, and you see no need to examine their place in your life.
The thing is, we will never come to a place where there is no need for change and growth.
There is always room for cutting off, turning away from, getting to the root of things. Our pride, selfishness, jealousies, evil motives, and the like require a daily examination…I have many such talks myself.
You will only get as much of God as you want.
It’s up to us how close we draw near to God. The less we want, the less we will seek. The more we want, the more we will seek.
Our actions will reveal our pursuit.
For 5 years I gathered up my 3 grandchildren and taught them about Jesus –every week. They were 4 and 6 years old when we began. Christopher was 6. He was such a sponge… soaking up all he could about Jesus, heaven, and living in the Kingdom here on earth. The letter is his proclamation to get baptized.
So, their Papa, me and their dads, baptized them in a Jacuzzi. They sang, “Let’s Go Down to the River”…..
As Chris grew physically, he grew spiritually as well. He was very deep and spent a lot of time studying and talking to God. I was privileged to live close by and got to be a part of all my grandchildren’s lives.
Chris and I have a bond. I was there when he, my first born grandson, was born. I remember driving to San Diego in the wee hours of the morning to get to the hospital to watch his birth…..the sun was rising and I looked up and God spoke to me. He said this child would be blessed and do great things, just as sunlight beamed down on my car, and I felt His presence and his peace.
Chris faced a life of trials that no young man should have to face, but he always kept his composure and his faith and had a perseverance to move forward….even when he was stuck in life he always found the courage to find a way out.
Then came the day he announced to his family that he had sought God for a long time on the course his life was to take, and he knew he was being called into joining the Marines. I wanted him to join anything BUT the Marines. His Mom and I cried. I knew he was going to be entering a time of endurance like never before. But he was adamant that was where he was to go. Fear and pride were mixed together watching him pursue this career.
So, I prayed…and prayed…and still praying. But not in fear. The Lord spoke to me as I was praying Psalm 91 over him. He said,
“You have been praying over my son since he was born, Dixie. Those prayers are still in effect, and I assigned more angels to Christopher 2 weeks ago. “
Stunned I said, “Wow, Lord, thank you! How many?”
He said, “Three for now. They are with him every minute. At night they are standing on either side of his bed, and one at his feet.”
“Before they call I will answer; while they are still speaking I will hear.” Is. 65:24
So, he left for boot camp 2 weeks ago with those angels. Of course, I am tempted to worry, and to fret, and to doubt. It’s hard to let the ones you love go and trust God is faithful to cover them, encourage them, and protect him.
“ Are not all angels ministering spirits sent to serve those who will inherit salvation?” Heb. 1:14
But, you know what? That is what living in the Kingdom is all about. You have to be diligent. You have to stay close to Jesus, and you have to persevere.
And you learn how to let go.
Faith is NOT feelings. Think about that.
Your feelings may betray you, but never allow them to rob you of what is more real than your feelings….your faith.
I wrote Chris a letter before he left reminding him that the very same power that raised Jesus from the dead, dwells in him. And that power is there to call on when he has reached the end of his own strength. He smiled when he read it and said,
“I know, Nana.”
Are you praying and believing for someone you love very much. Remember, we worry about things that we can’t control. To walk free of anxiety and fear, we have to lean into Him.
For He is speaking all the time. He promises to NEVER, EVER leave you no matter what.
And when there are trials and hardships, He is still there, in our suffering, making Himself known.
He says angels are there for us…”for those that are heirs of salvation”…
So, do you use them. Or, at least have an awareness, that they are assigned to you. Believing what you cannot see?
As my children and grands grew, Psalm 91 was my go to whenever I feared for them or worried about them. As soon as I prayed that Psalm, I felt his peace and reassurance that His word does not return to him without accomplishing what He wants and offers us.
Now, my daughter, Christopher’s mom, will not close her eyes at night without praying that word over herself and her loved ones.
He is our peace.
When my father, on his death bed, told me he couldn’t forgive ME for exposing him for molesting me and my daughter, I was stunned. This didn’t fit my picture of him repenting before his death and telling me he loved me and was sorry for what he did to us. No, instead, he blamed me for telling ‘our’ secret and exposing him for who he really was. I was alone in the room with him, speechless. At that moment I felt the overwhelming presence of Jesus, sitting in the chair with me. I, seriously, felt him lean over and whisper in my ear, (I actually felt his breath on my ear), and he said,
“Dixie, you are not alone, I am right here. I will never leave you.”
And I had such a sense of peace. As shocked as I was at my father’s sense of entitlement, narcissism, and unrepentant heart, on his death bed, to actually still be blaming me for his crime that changed me and Heather forever… I felt removed emotionally…. and the presence of Jesus was so tangent that I walked out of the hospital room that day with a smile on my face. Those were the last words with my father before he died. But the presence of Jesus enabled me to totally let him go.
“ Those who look to him for help will be radiant with joy; no shadow of shame will darken their faces.” Ps. 34:5
In all of our turbulent lives He promises to be there and there is no limit to His presence…you can be mindful of it every day and press in and live in the supernatural…or you can choose to ignore it. But if you ignore it you will be missing out on the abundant life He offers….
I thank you that because I dwell in the shelter of You, Most High God I will find rest in the shadow of You, my Almighty. This I declare about You Lord: You alone are my refuge, my place of safety; You are my God, and I trust You alone, For You will rescue me from every trap and protect me from deadly disease. You will cover me with Your feathers. You will shelter me with Your wings. Your faithful promises are my armor and protection. I will not be afraid of the terrors of the night, nor the arrow that flies in the day. I will not dread the disease that stalks in darkness, nor the disaster that strikes at midday. Though a thousand fall at my side, though ten thousand may be dying around me, these evils will not touch me. I will open my eyes, and see how the wicked are punished.
Lord, I will make You my refuge, and I will make You, Most High, my shelter, no evil will conquer me; no plague will come near my home. Thank you for ordering Your angels to protect me wherever I go. They will hold me up with their hands so I won’t even hurt my foot on a stone. I will trample upon lions and cobras; I will crush fierce lions and serpents under my feet!
Lord You have said You will rescue those who love You and You will protect those who trust in Your name. When I call on You, You will answer; You will be with me in trouble. You will rescue and honor me and You will reward me with a long life and give me Your salvation.” Amen!
Life Coaching is open now for the Summer….If you need help in this season of your life please contact me through the web site or this blog!!
“So Peter got out of the boat and walked on the water and came to Jesus”(Matthew 14:29).
I am changed.
I have been through some stuff lately that I can’t even bear to talk about, but yes, it has changed me.
I have had to let go of things that have hurt me deeply. The kind of hurt that centers in your core and takes your breath away.
And I won’t ever be the same.
Oh, yes, I believe in restoration and healing, but some things that happen to us, change us forever.
But maybe that isn’t a bad thing. Nothing, and I mean nothing, the enemy tries to take away from us, will be lost forever.
Restoration is coming….deliverance is coming…..healing is coming.
See Jesus walking on the water to your storm tossed boat.
My very foundation has been shaken to the core but I surrender it all to Him.
He is there in the darkness,
in the sad and lonely,
and in pictures of our lives changing to a sad distortion of what we once knew.
How would we even survive this world without Him. If you haven’t chosen Him as your Savior, whatever do you do with your fear and pain? How do you find peace?
We all can get distracted, especially when the storms of life rage around us.
It’s not easy to keep your eyes on Jesus in the middle of the night, when fear threatens to overwhelm you.
Very often our purest vision of Jesus comes when the storms of life threaten to capsize the tiny boat of our faith.
I love the scene in the movie Shack, where Mac is in the little boat out on the lake and his fears take over. The boat is capsizing to a ravaging black monster of fear that seems very real to Mac and water is pouring in……but then through the raging noise around him He hears Jesus yelling at him, “Mac, Mac, look at Me, look at Me!!! It took a while for Mac to look up and see Jesus…but, oh, when he did, the deception of fear disappeared….and he reached out and took the hand of Jesus and stepped out of the boat with Him on the water.
I hear quite often, “Dixie, look at Me!!! Dixie, look at me, look at me!! Take my hand.”
The wind always blows around us. The mighty storms come sooner or later. We have no choice or control over when the storm comes.
Today the sun may be shining;
tomorrow we may find ourselves toiling against the wind and rain, tossed about by adversity. Life can turn on a dime. We all know that.
What happened to Peter can happen to any of us. And most likely will.
For a brief moment, Peter forgets about Jesus and remembers who he is and where he is. He is Peter, a Galilean fisherman who belongs back in the boat. In that instant he looks down at his feet and sees nothing but water underneath. His mind comes to a quick conclusion:
“I’m not supposed to be walking on this water; this is impossible.”
When he lost his concentration on Jesus, he began to sink.
The lesson is clear for all of us.
Pray for “concentrating faith.”
For eyes that see beyond the present.
Lean into Him with all your focus and might.
You can survive any storm if you keep your eyes on Jesus.
Lord Jesus, help me to walk on the waters of faith because you can calm every storm.
I remind myself today that Satan uses smoke screens to divert our attention onto him and his fear, rather than God.
The world is a crazy place. Romans says: “For we know that all of creation is groaning with birth pains right up to the present time.”
So, in reality, the Lord has told us these thing would be happening more and more until He actually comes back for us, right?
So, how do we maintain our peace in the midst of the madness…the wars and hate, the crazy weather patterns, the sheer unrest in our leaders, the lies, the uncertainities?
I will say it again. We have an enemy.
He is not happy when we are involved in changing lives for the Kingdom of God. He is hoping we will forget and succumb to him, but we know that:
“Greater is He that is in us than he that is in the world.”
Satan roams around like a lion “seeking whom he may devour”…..notice it says “seeking”……..not all of us have our heads in the sand. We have to be on our guard and walking in the presence of Jesus and not allow ourselves to be distracted by the noise of the enemy, and believe me he will make a lot of noise. But Jesus is the actual Lion of Judah!!
I have realized it is going to take a supernatural life to be able to withstand evil attacks in these coming days.
It is time folks, to determine that whatever else our goals and hopes are for this year we need to be seeking the strengthening of our souls. Remember,
we are a spirit, (the part that is born again with the receiving of Jesus as Lord of our life),
we have a soul, (which is our mind, will, and emotions,)
and we live in a body.
The bible talks about the renewing of our soul daily. Not our spirits. They are already born again and saved for eternity.
Our SOULS…..our minds!!
They have to be renewed daily to what God says about us and so that we can recognize what the enemy says about us. This is why the bible teaches us that we are not fighting against flesh and blood, but against principalities and darkness and everything that exalts itself over and against our God.
So, how do I fight my wars?
Yesterday, I went for a walk with Jesus, by the ocean, that included a path through the mountains.
It was a glorious day of sunshine and I was totally focusing on Jesus and seeking His strength in the trials I am facing right now.
There is some things that seem impossible in the natural; things happening in my life right now, and I could feel the struggle within my soul of good over evil.
Fear was hovering off to my side just waiting to grab hold of my thought life. I could feel its insidious force trying to penetrate. I kept my course. I started praying every scripture I could think of. When I ran out of things to say I repeated the name of Jesus over and over.
I looked up and there on the mountainside was this hideous rock formation that resembled the face of a demon with a fish body.
It seemed to be mocking me. For a moment my environment seemed dark. I looked through the forest off to my side and it was dark. And then I looked again and there were all these streams of bright light penetrating the darkness. Out of my mouth I began to sing, out of
“Unto thee, O Lord, do I lift up my soul
Unto thee, O Lord, do I lift up my soul
O my God, I trust in thee:
Let me not be ashamed,
Let not mine enemies triumph over me.”
I sang it over and over until I felt the temptation to fear leave me. Throughout the rest of the day I continued to hear evil reports but I maintained my thoughts on the possibilities of Jesus and what He so wants to accomplish in my life.
There are so many tools he gives us to fight this good fight of faith and to keep our shields up to ward off the fiery darts that satan aims at us.
Pray the word. Put your name right in there as you pray. Or pray the word over your family or others you may be called to pray for until you see God’s intervention. Faith comes by hearing yourself speak truth!! An example: Psalms 91:1&2 Amp:
Lord, I thank you that because I dwell in the secret place of You, oh most high, I shall remain stable and fixed under the shadow of You, my Almighty God, whose power NO foe can withstand…………..”
Sing the word of God. I love singing my prayers. It slows down my mind. And many times, in the Spirit, I have heard Him singing back to me in my own voice in answer to my song. It is really beautiful.
Let the Holy Spirit pray through you. Just go with it and His leading in however He shows you to pray.
The Name of Jesus…..When the heat is turned up and I just can’t seem to pray anything, I just say the name of Jesus over and over. In Acts it says that there is no other name as powerful as the name of Jesus, and at the mention of that name every knee has to bow in both heaven and earth. So the way I see it, even if you can’t do anything else when you just say His name He is right there fighting for you.
The real secret to really dwelling in His presence is pretty simple.
Be intimate with Him.
Sit with Him.
Journal to Him.
Have coffee with Him.
Get to know Him. Let Him speak to you and step out in faith and believe that it is Him. In that way, you learn to recognize His voice over the voice of satan.
Remember it is His sheep that hear His voice and the voice of a stranger they will not follow.
Stay vigilant my friends!! We win!!
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