Where is This Secret Place, and How Do I Get There?

It seems for most of my life I have prayed that He will keep me in the secret place of the most high, no matter what situation I have found myself in…I have prayed this over:

My babies…

My loved ones…

Myself..

My home…

My pets….

My jobs

My clients

I have taught Psalms 91 as my answer to freedom from anxiety, fear, you name it.  

I know He is talking to the Israelites in this passage and there are those that say I am taking scripture out of context to make it mine.  

What about when it’s mixed with faith?   Over you and yours?  That which belongs to you. 

Here’s something to consider.  What if I just made the words from Psalm 91 up based on my faith of who I know Jesus to be?   Would God honor those words?

Sometimes we strain at gnats and swallow camels.  (Yes, that is a scripture too)

Without faith its impossible to please God.   Even when we are clumsily clanging around our room of faith, boldly claiming our inheritance, and maybe even be a little off on our stand…I believe Jesus is so personable and so delighted at our steps of blind faith that he will be there and perform for us what we believe him for…why?

Because He loves us so and loves it when we look to Him for that which we need and believe Him for.

He who ^[a]dwells in the secret place of the Most High shall remain stable and fixed under the shadow of the Almighty [Whose power no foe can withstand].

In the New Covenant the Most Holy Place has been made open through the sacrifice of Jesus. He is the veil through which we pass to come to the most intimate holy place with God. When our trust is in the blood of Jesus the way to His presence and all His resources freely opens to us, and this happens as we trust in our heart.

Your heart is the real you.  Your spirit.  It is the doorway to the inner chambers of God. 

That is the secret place!

When we enter into the secret place God reveals Jesus to us. He shows us what is ours, He ministers to us, He comforts us and gives us all the promises of Psalm 91.

To dwell in the secret place means to live in a place of continually drawing near to Jesus through constant  communion. It is a place where you talk to Him in the morning, at night, and throughout the day, without the motivation of being recognized by people, only the pure desire to know Him.

It means to engage in fellowship with God and then never leave. Consistently coming before Him in sweet communion with our Lord, moment by moment.

This is what you and I were created for: to live in daily fellowship with the Father and to be empowered by His Spirit to bear His image to a lost and dying world.

We make walking in this place with God so complicated.   It’s not!

He desires you, and only you.  Your heart.  You were created to walk and talk with him daily, the same as Adam and Eve….that was the original plan.  When they sinned, the plan was formed for a redeemer (Jesus) to move sin out of the way and restore our relationship with God…

So now we have that access.  Can you imagine.

Walking and talking to Him all day long?   A relationship.  Not rules and regulations. 

How many Christians have this knowledge but don’t apply or make themselves aware of this privilege every single day?

No doubt about it.  My many clients right now are seeking this new relationship.  Even though, they have been a believer for years, now, when the fire is getting hotter, they realize they have not cultivated a real daily relationship with a very real Jesus…

Yes, it takes work and perseverance.   Are you up for it?

We are in troubled and scary times.  If we don’t apply these truths we will deal with anxiety and fear.  And who knows when this onslaught of evil will stop…but if it does, we know that the end times will increase the fear.

Whenever I am overcome with the current happenings, I pray Psalm 91 and feel a release from fear and a boost of faith that God is in control…an assurance that my loved ones are covered and surrounded by the blood line of Jesus because of faith. 

Just a note that there are not rules to this.  Jesus is freedom to be our human selves…yet we walk in the spirit every minute.  We are not weird looking or making weird gyrations to try to impress with our spirituality.  Remember HE made you and knows you inside out.  You can look very normal and sane and be at your most spiritual because HE dwells in you….

That, my friend, is the secret place!!

‘He who dwells in the secret place of the Most High shall remain stable and fixed under the shadow of the Almighty [Whose power no foe can withstand].   I will say of the Lord, He is my Refuge and my Fortress, my God; on Him I lean and rely, and in Him I [confidently] trust!For [then] He will deliver you from the snare of the fowler and from the deadly pestilence.[Then] He will cover you with His pinions, and under His wings shall you trust and find refuge; His truth and His faithfulness are a shield and a buckler. You shall not be afraid of the terror of the night, nor of the arrow (the evil plots and slanders of the wicked) that flies by day, Nor of the pestilence that stalks in darkness, nor of the destruction and sudden death that surprise and lay waste at noonday. A thousand may fall at your side, and ten thousand at your right hand, but it shall not come near you. Only a spectator shall you be [yourself inaccessible in the secret place of the Most High] as you witness the reward of the wicked. Because you have made the Lord your refuge, and the Most High your dwelling place, there shall no evil befall you, nor any plague or calamity come near your tent. For He will give His angels [especial] charge over you to accompany and defend and preserve you in all your ways [of obedience and service]. They shall bear you up on their hands, lest you dash your foot against a stone. You shall tread upon the lion and adder; the young lion and the serpent shall you trample underfoot. Because he has set his love upon Me, therefore will I deliver him; I will set him on high, because he knows and understands My name [has a personal knowledge of My mercy, love, and kindness—trusts and relies on Me, knowing I will never forsake him, no, never] He shall call upon Me, and I will answer him; I will be with him in trouble, I will deliver him and honor him. With long life will I satisfy him and show him My salvation.’

Hey, if you are reading this and you don’t know who this Jesus is I am talking about, pleaseeeee message me….This is not a fairy tale.  Its real and I can ply you with miracle stories of His deliverance and presence in my life and the lives of others!!

 Don’t miss out!

Jesus Has Night Vision

    This blog post is for anyone with a broken heart right now…anyone with a broken spirit…anyone with broken wings….anyone who is trying to figure out how to put their life back together after extreme darkness.

This is for you……

Your word is a lamp to my feet….And a light to my path. Ps. 119

Do you know when this word means the most?

When you are in the valley of loss, confusion, grief, and profound darkness.  

This is when, to survive, we MUST lean into He who has the answers— for as long as it takes. Think of this:

   He is a lamp to your feet, when you can ONLY see your feet. He seems far away but He isn’t..

you can see your feet, right?

And one day you will look up and see your path. It will be lit up…finally. And you will gain some understanding why you had to walk in darkness for a while…

Jesus has night vision.

 

A client lamented,

“The depth of my sorrow reaches no walls…it swallows me in a moment’s notice. I have had so many losses of the foundation of my family connections…there is no way to describe the depth and darkness of the cloud that descends on my new reality.   I am not a woman prone to depression or sadness, yet, the onslaught of the losses I am experiencing has shocked me to the core….the very ones who I thought would love me no matter what have left me and I long for their return….I have tried every way imaginable to fix, reason, forgive, restore, and yes, even cling….to no avail.  How could this happen?  I have never felt more alone in this world, and other than Jesus, I have lost most everything I felt love and comfort in.  Confusion abounds as to whether I did anything to cause this, can I change it if I did,   and how come this all makes no sense in my natural mind.   I have loved unconditionally, to the depth of my core…yet, never considered that others journeys may not be the same as mine when it came to loyalty, and deep deep connections.   I do not understand.  I have asked the Lord to show me the escape from this nightmare and darkness.  I have asked him to give me a new outlook and purpose in my life.  I have asked him to help me let go of that which I would cling to til my dying day.     I have asked him to take me home if there will be no restoration here on this earth.  For I know in the world to come there is complete restoration of all that I have lost here.  I don’t like it here anymore. “

 

   Fog

Everywhere there is fog.

This lament sound familiar?

 

David said,

“For it is not an enemy who taunts me—Then I could bear it;
Nor is it one who has hated me who insolently exalts himself against me—Then I could hide from him. But it is you, a man my equal and my counsel, My companion and my familiar friend; We who had sweet fellowship together, Who walked to the house of God in company.” Ps. 55

Yes, my friends, God is right there in the midst of your anguish…David laments the loss of his beloved friend, who was closer than family.  He is in despair.  I believe God put that passage in His word, so that we may understand that He, the God of the universe, gets it.

David also says,

“My heart is in anguish within me, And the terrors of death have fallen upon me. Fear and trembling have come upon me; Horror has overwhelmed me. And I say, “Oh, that I had wings like a dove! I would fly away and be at rest. I would wander far away, I would lodge in the [peace of the] wilderness. Selah. I would hurry to my refuge [my tranquil shelter far away] From the stormy wind and from the tempest.”

    Oh yes, we want to escape but can find no way out. We want to fly away and be at rest.

But….what do you do when your wings are broken?

…. it doesn’t matter why you feel like you lost your wings or that your soul is broken past repair….whether it’s because your husband cheated on you or your business partner betrayed you or your cancer test came back positive or your house went into foreclosure or you lost the baby that you waited so long for or the parent that you need now more than ever…or that one of your children has gone astray or your husband is chronically ill or you are chronically ill or your business failed or your prayers weren’t answered the way you wanted them to be….

…it all hurts ….and lots of times it leaves you to crash to the ground in a fetal position.

There’s one truth that ties it all together, though…….that we have a healer and One who promises to never leave us or forsake us, even in the darkness.

He has night vision. He can see right where you are….just stop, and cry, or rest…and wait.  He is faithful. 

If He wasn’t then I would not be doing what I do.

I know it’s hard to find hope and it’s hard to find faith when we feel like the whole world just got swept out from under us…..when we feel like we are too full of holes to be anything but empty. But, I promise…you can fly again, and you will. I know that…….because

I’ve been there.

What do you do?

   Hold on to Him in the dark.   Even when you can’t speak anything but sorrow.  He can see what’s happening.

A friend today told me she was so stuck she literally could not move. She saw a huge boulder blocking her path and nothing would remove it.  Then God spoke to her through another friend who said, “Why don’t you just lean back on the boulder and rest.”   It was revelation to her!   She did just that and for the first time in a long time she found peace. 

We don’t have to be ‘doing’ all the time!!

This is the time to trust. Wait. Be good to you…your wing is broken.

He can see into the night.

And He expects nothing from you even if you can only whisper His name in the failing light of pain.

He teaches us to accept those things we cannot change and somehow even in our painful and devastating losses helps us to rest and be at peace once again with HOPE!!

He can see into your night just as plain as day.  

And more than that, He always has a plan and its a good plan for your life. Even in our blind and dark seasons, He is unchangeable.  

Your endurance will come from Him.

And one day soon He will open your vision to see not just your feet, but the trail ahead.   And you will fly again.

He will heal your broken wings.

The people who walk in darkness Will see a great light; Those who live in a dark land, The light will shine on them. Is. 9:2

HOPE! 

If you need a mentor or coach to help you get to the other side, please contact me from this site to sign up for a life changing experience.

 

What in the World Are We Looking For?

Our souls are relentless in their pursuits.

 It seems we are always searching, seeking, and running after something. We seek relationships to satisfy our longing for intimacy. We pursue careers to make it in this world. We search for significance or purpose through various means.

 

We must keep a close eye on the direction of our souls (mind, will, emotions). They often have a mind of their own.

Misguided pursuits that have one goal in mind, to satisfy misguided desires that were never meant to be fulfilled. Many feel the only way to satisfy these desires is to yield. They foolishly believe to give in, is the end of the struggle.

But even then, they quickly discover that the surrender leaves them and they succomb to something they quickly regret.

I have a client I’ll call Maddy.   She was constantly searching for meaning to her life.  But she doesn’t understand why nothing she tries ever brings satisfaction.  In and out of relationships, jobs, marriages, and so many other things, she finally reached out for help.  She was so lost and confused.  She had struggled for years, but when she finally reached the bottom of herself she sought help.   Today, she is finding so much purpose to her life and has been set free from that nagging dissatisfaction she lived with for years.  How?  She realized that Jesus can fill her empty self.

The answer is, simple, really.  

And I always feel the simpler we make understanding spiritual growth in our lives, the easier it is to apply it to our lives.

I’ll be honest, I once had an addiction to ministry….yes, you read that right. I would spend all of my time developing and teaching bible studies and ministering to people every time the church doors opened and had my own outreach outside the church building.   The problem, though,  was that my personal life had so many serious marital  issues that I was frustrated with and needed to confront, but just couldn’t find the energy to do anything, so I searched for something else to take up brain space.   I convinced myself that as long as I was in service to the Lord  He would take care of my life.   I was so spiritual I ignored my marriage, and ultimately lost it.

 

Denial isn’t just a river in Egypt, friends.

 I got my accolades and validity from people and not the Lord.

 and I became addicted to it….

 It was a back and forth struggle. One part of me loved indulging in it, but the other part knew it was not a wise use of my time. I repented several times in my failings, but finally lost most of everything I was ignoring.

 You see I wasn’t using faith….I dismissed my dislocated busy-ness by saying it was for the Lord,

 As if He could only use me and no one else.

 

I think any human has the capability to become hooked on anything. We generally assume addictions are limited to those who abuse narcotics, drink alcohol to cope, gamble their money away, or view sexual content on the internet regularly.

Addictions can come from any angle. They wrap tightly around us until we are enslaved to them. Why are they so powerful? Because they give us a sense of fulfillment or pleasure−although short lived. They start off seeming innocent, but the more we come back for more, the more we become imprisoned.

Romans 6:16 reads, “Do you not know that when you present yourselves to someone as slaves for obedience, you are slaves of the one whom you obey…..

 Slaves is a strong word. A word that we don’t like to identify with our own lives.

 Have you noticed how easy it is to identify the problems of others? We       may see an area of weakness in their personality and we inwardly identify the changes they need to work on, especially if it is not a problem in our own lives.

 As a person who does not usually get easily angered, I can quickly identity the wrong in someone who is angered or irritated easily. It’s so easy for me to judge them because it’s not a weakness for me. It takes brokenness and humility to turn inwardly and admit my own enslavements, and then turn to God for help.

 

Are there areas of enslavement in your life that you want to be free from?

 The answer is simple.   We were created with a vacancy,  an empty place, within our hearts that was only…ONLY meant to be filled with God.  

 That’s it!   Not complicated!

 We try to fill that emptiness with everything we can find to satisfy us temporarily.   It will NEVER work.   You will ALWAYS come to the end of yourself and realize you still aren’t happy or joyful or fulfilled….and you move on to something else.

    Our most lonely place is when we are missing our loving creator, our King, our Jesus and we need to sit with Him and talk to Him about our hearts and what we need.

 Service to Him will follow that relationship of intimacy that will so fill you to satisfaction you can’t help but want to share it with others.  

 Service follows relationship.   No amount of service, if you don’t have the relationship of intimacy with God,  will ever satisfy you.   You will wonder why you feel burned out and disillusioned.  

 Because you were walking in an illusion of thinking “things”  “people”  “service”  (fill in your own word) will satisfy.

 Maybe you like all the things that fill your life right now, and you see no need to examine their place in your life.

 The thing is, we will never come to a place where there is no need for change and growth.

 There is always room for cutting off, turning away from, getting to the root of things. Our pride, selfishness, jealousies, evil motives, and the like require a daily examination…I have many such talks myself.

 You will only get as much of God as you want.

     It’s up to us how close we draw near to God. The less we want, the less we will seek. The more we want, the more we will seek.

 Our actions will reveal our pursuit.

 

 

I Assigned Him Three Angels Two Weeks Ago….

For 5 years I gathered up my 3 grandchildren and taught them about Jesus –every week.   They were 4 and 6 years old when we began.  Christopher was 6.   He was such a sponge… soaking up all he could about Jesus, heaven, and living in the Kingdom here on earth.    The  letter is his proclamation to get baptized.  

So, their Papa, me and their dads, baptized them in a Jacuzzi. They sang, “Let’s Go Down to the River”…..

As Chris grew physically, he grew spiritually as well. He was very deep and spent a lot of time studying and talking to God.    I was privileged to live close by and got to be a part of all my grandchildren’s lives.  

Chris and I have a bond.  I was there when he, my first born grandson, was born.   I remember driving to San Diego in the wee hours of the morning to get to the hospital to watch his birth…..the sun was rising and I looked up and God spoke to me.  He said this child would be blessed and do great things, just as sunlight beamed down on my car, and I felt His presence and his peace.  

Chris faced a life of trials that no young man should have to face, but he always kept his composure and his faith and had a perseverance to move forward….even when he was stuck in life he always found the courage to find a way out.

Then came the day he announced to his family that he had sought God for a long time on the course his life was to take, and he knew he was being called into joining the Marines.     I wanted him to join anything BUT the Marines.   His Mom and I cried.    I knew he was going to be entering a time of endurance like never before.  But he was adamant that was where he was to go.     Fear and pride were mixed together  watching him pursue this career.  

So, I prayed…and prayed…and still praying.   But not in fear.   The Lord spoke to me as I was praying Psalm 91 over him.   He said,

“You have been praying over my son since he was born, Dixie. Those prayers are still in effect, and I assigned more angels to Christopher 2 weeks ago. “

Stunned I said, “Wow, Lord, thank you!   How many?”

    He said, “Three for now. They are with him every minute.  At night they are standing on either side of his bed, and one at his feet.”

“Before they call I will answer; while they are still speaking I will hear.” Is. 65:24

So, he left for boot camp 2 weeks ago with those angels.   Of course, I am tempted to worry, and to fret, and to doubt.   It’s hard to let the ones you love go and trust God is faithful to cover them, encourage them, and protect him.

“ Are not all angels ministering spirits sent to serve those who will inherit salvation?” Heb. 1:14

But, you know what?   That is what living in the Kingdom is all about.   You have to be diligent.  You have to stay close to Jesus, and you have to persevere.

And you learn how to let go.

Faith is NOT feelings. Think about that.

Your feelings may betray you, but never allow them to rob you of what is more real than your feelings….your faith.

I wrote Chris a letter before he left reminding him that the very same power that raised Jesus from the dead, dwells in him. And that power is there to call on when he has reached the end of his own strength.   He smiled when he read it and said,

“I know, Nana.”  

Are you praying and believing for someone you love very much.   Remember,  we worry about things that we can’t control.   To walk free of anxiety and fear, we have to lean into Him. 

Listen!!

For He is speaking all the time.   He promises to NEVER,  EVER leave you no matter what.

And when there are trials and hardships, He is still there, in our suffering, making Himself known.

He says angels are there for us…”for those that are heirs of salvation”…

So, do you use them. Or, at least have an awareness, that they are assigned to you.   Believing what you cannot see?

As my children and grands grew, Psalm 91 was my go to whenever I feared for them or worried about them.   As soon as I prayed that Psalm, I felt his peace and reassurance that His word does not return to him without accomplishing what He wants and offers us. 

Now, my daughter, Christopher’s mom, will not close her eyes at night without praying that word over herself and her loved ones. 

He is our peace.

When my father, on his death bed, told me he couldn’t forgive ME for exposing him for molesting me and my daughter, I was stunned. This didn’t fit my picture of him repenting before his death and telling me he loved me and was sorry for what he did to us.   No, instead, he blamed me for telling ‘our’ secret and exposing him for who he really was.   I was alone in the room with him, speechless.  At that moment I felt the overwhelming presence of Jesus, sitting in the chair with me.    I, seriously, felt him lean over and whisper in my ear, (I actually felt his breath on my ear),  and he said,

“Dixie, you are not alone, I am right here. I will never leave you.”   

And I had such a sense of peace.   As shocked as I was at my father’s sense of entitlement, narcissism, and unrepentant heart,  on his death bed, to actually still be blaming me for his crime that changed me and Heather forever… I felt removed emotionally…. and the presence of Jesus was so tangent that I walked out of the hospital room that day with a smile on my face.  Those were the last words with my father before he died.  But the presence of Jesus enabled me to totally let him go.

“ Those who look to him for help will be radiant with joy; no shadow of shame will darken their faces.” Ps. 34:5  

In all of our turbulent lives He promises to be there and there is no limit to His presence…you can be mindful of it every day and press in and live in the supernatural…or you can choose to ignore it.   But if you ignore it you will be missing out on  the abundant life He offers….

   Psalms 91…..Lord,

I thank you that because I dwell in the shelter of You, Most High God  I will find rest in the shadow of You, my Almighty.  This I declare about You Lord: You alone are my refuge, my place of safety; You are my God, and I trust You alone,   For You will rescue me from every trap  and protect me from deadly disease. You will cover me with Your feathers.  You will shelter me with Your wings.   Your faithful promises are my armor and protection. I will not be afraid of the terrors of the night,  nor the arrow that flies in the day. I will not dread the disease that stalks in darkness,  nor the disaster that strikes at midday.  Though a thousand fall at my side, though ten thousand may be dying around me,   these evils will not touch me. I will open my eyes, and see how the wicked are punished.

 Lord, I will make You my refuge, and I will  make You,  Most High,  my shelter,   no evil will conquer me; no plague will come near my home. Thank you for ordering Your angels to protect me wherever I go.  They will hold me up with their hands  so I won’t even hurt my foot on a stone. I will trample upon lions and cobras;  I will crush fierce lions and serpents under my feet!

 Lord You have said You will rescue those who love You and You will protect those who trust in Your name.  When I call on You, You will answer;  You will be with me in trouble. You will rescue and honor me  and You will reward me with a long life and give me Your salvation.”  Amen!  

Life Coaching is open now for the Summer….If you need help in this season of your life please contact me through the web site or this blog!!

 

 

How to Walk on Water

“So Peter got out of the boat and walked on the water and came to Jesus”(Matthew 14:29).

 I am changed.

 I have been through some stuff lately that I can’t even bear to talk about, but yes, it has changed me.

 I have had to let go of things that have hurt me deeply.   The kind of hurt that centers in your core and takes your breath away.

 And I won’t ever be the same.  

 Oh, yes, I believe in restoration and healing, but some things that happen to us, change us forever.  

 But maybe that isn’t a bad thing.   Nothing, and I mean nothing, the enemy tries to take away from us, will be lost forever.  

 Restoration is coming….deliverance is coming…..healing is coming.

   See Jesus walking on the water to your storm tossed boat.

 My very foundation has been shaken to the core but I surrender it all to Him.  

 He is there in the darkness,

in the sad and lonely,

and in pictures of our lives changing to a sad distortion of what we once knew.

 How would we even survive this world without Him. If you haven’t chosen Him as your Savior, whatever do you do with your fear and pain? How do you find peace?

 We all can get distracted, especially when the storms of life rage around us. 

 It’s not easy to keep your eyes on Jesus in the middle of the night, when fear threatens to overwhelm you.

 Very often our purest vision of Jesus comes when the storms of life threaten to capsize the tiny boat of our faith.

   I love the scene in the movie Shack, where Mac is in the little boat out on the lake and his fears take over. The boat is capsizing to a ravaging black monster of fear that seems very real to Mac and water is pouring in……but then through the raging noise around him He hears Jesus yelling at him, “Mac, Mac, look at Me, look at Me!!!   It took a while for Mac to look up and see Jesus…but, oh, when he did, the deception of fear disappeared….and he reached out and took the hand of Jesus and stepped out of the boat with Him on the water.

 I hear quite often, “Dixie, look at Me!!!   Dixie, look at me, look at me!! Take my hand.”

 The wind always blows around us. The mighty storms come sooner or later. We have no choice or control over when the storm comes.

 Today the sun may be shining;

tomorrow we may find ourselves toiling against the wind and rain, tossed about by adversity. Life can turn on a dime. We all know that.

 What happened to Peter can happen to any of us. And most likely will.

 For a brief moment, Peter forgets about Jesus and remembers who he is and where he is. He is Peter, a Galilean fisherman who belongs back in the boat. In that instant he looks down at his feet and sees nothing but water underneath. His mind comes to a quick conclusion:

“I’m not supposed to be walking on this water; this is impossible.”

 When he lost his concentration on Jesus, he began to sink.

 The lesson is clear for all of us.

Pray for “concentrating faith.” 

For eyes that see beyond the present.

Lean into Him with all your focus and might.

You can survive any storm if you keep your eyes on Jesus.

 Lord Jesus, help me to walk on the waters of faith because you can calm every storm.

 

4 Thoughts on Staying Focused on Jesus in the Madness of This World

I remind myself today that Satan uses smoke screens to divert our attention onto him and his fear, rather than God.  

The world is a crazy place.  Romans says:  “For we know that all of creation is groaning with birth pains right up to the present time.”    

So, in reality, the Lord has told us these thing would be happening more and more until He actually comes back for us, right?   

So, how do we maintain our peace in the midst of the madness…the wars and hate, the crazy weather patterns, the sheer unrest in our leaders, the lies, the uncertainities?

I will say it again.  We have an enemy. 

He is not happy when we are involved in changing lives for the Kingdom of God.   He is hoping we will forget and succumb to him, but we know that:

 “Greater is He that is in us than he that is in the world.”   

  Satan roams around like a lion “seeking whom he may devour”…..notice it says “seeking”……..not all of us have our heads in the sand.  We have to be on our guard and walking in the presence of Jesus and not allow ourselves to be distracted by the noise of the enemy, and believe me he will make a lot of noise.  But Jesus is the actual Lion of Judah!!

I have realized it is going to take a supernatural life to be able to withstand evil attacks in these coming days.    

It is time folks, to determine that whatever else our goals and hopes are for this year we need to be seeking the strengthening of our souls.    Remember,

we are a spirit, (the part that is born again with the receiving of Jesus as Lord of our life),

we have a soul, (which is our mind, will, and emotions,)

and we live in a body.  

The bible talks about the renewing of our soul daily.  Not our spirits.  They are already born again and saved for eternity. 

Our SOULS…..our minds!!  

They have to be renewed daily to what God says about us and so that we can recognize what the enemy says about us.  This is why the bible teaches us that we are not fighting against flesh and blood, but against principalities and darkness and everything that exalts itself over and against our God.

So, how do I fight my wars?  

Yesterday, I went for a walk with Jesus, by the ocean, that included a path through the mountains. 

It was a glorious day of sunshine and I was totally focusing on Jesus and seeking His strength in the trials I am facing right now. 

There is some things that seem impossible in the natural; things happening in my life right now, and I could feel the struggle within my soul of good over evil. 

Fear was hovering off to my side just waiting to grab hold of my thought life.  I could feel its insidious force trying to penetrate.  I kept my course.  I started praying every scripture I could think of.  When I ran out of things to say I repeated the name of Jesus over and over. 

  I looked up and there on the mountainside was this hideous rock formation that resembled the face of a demon with a fish body.  

It seemed to be mocking me.  For a moment my environment seemed dark.  I looked through the forest off to my side and it was dark.  And then I looked again and there were all these streams of bright light penetrating the darkness.  Out of my mouth I began to sing, out of

Psalms 25,

“Unto thee, O Lord, do I lift up my soul

Unto thee, O Lord, do I lift up my soul

O my God, I trust in thee:

Let me not be ashamed,

Let not mine enemies triumph over me.”

I sang it over and over until I felt the temptation to fear leave me.  Throughout the rest of the day I continued to hear evil reports but I maintained my thoughts on the possibilities of Jesus and what He so wants to accomplish in my life.

There are so many tools he gives us to fight this good fight of faith and to keep our shields up to ward off the fiery darts that satan aims at us.

1. Pray the word.  Put your name right in there as you pray.  Or pray the word over your family or others you may be called to pray for until you see God’s intervention.  Faith comes by hearing yourself speak truth!!  An example:  Psalms 91:1&2 Amp:

 

 Lord, I thank you that because I dwell in the secret place of You, oh most high, I shall remain stable and fixed under the shadow of You, my Almighty God, whose power NO foe can withstand…………..”

2. Sing the word of God.  I love singing my prayers.  It slows down my mind.  And many times, in the Spirit, I have heard Him singing back to me in my own voice in answer to my song.  It is really beautiful.

3. Let the Holy Spirit pray through you.  Just go with it and His leading in however He shows you to pray.

4.         The Name of Jesus…..When the heat is turned up and I just can’t seem to pray anything, I just say the name of Jesus over and over.  In Acts it says that there is no other name as powerful as the name of Jesus, and at the mention of that name every knee has to bow in both heaven and earth.   So the way I see it, even if you can’t do anything else when you just say His name He is right there fighting for you.

The real secret to really dwelling in His presence is pretty simple. 

Be intimate with Him. 

Sit with Him. 

Journal to Him. 

Have coffee with Him. 

Get to know Him.  Let Him speak to you and step out in faith and believe that it is Him.   In that way, you learn to recognize His voice over the voice of satan.  

Remember it is His sheep that hear His voice and the voice of a stranger they will not follow.

Stay vigilant my friends!!  We win!!

 

Interested in Life Coaching with me for more?   Email me from this web site!!  We’ll talk!!

   

 

Beware…5 Ways to Discern a Wolf

   Wolves come in all manner of disguises…in our relationships, as well as in our places of worship.   Sometimes truth gets blurred and manipulated and  lines get crossed in our relationships in all walks of life, but, in my opinion, even more so in the body of Christ.   

Because we are dangerous to the enemy.  

Things once seen as black and white, may start to appear more gray. It may seem harder to recognize what’s true or what’s false. What’s light and what’s dark. 

As a Life Coach I see this same thing happening in personal relationships.  We can get so needy we ignore the warning signs of a true wolf, and yield to the deceptive manipulations and convince ourselves that what we see right in front of us won’t apply to our lives.  So we let them in.   And it doesn’t take long for the teeth to come out. 

   Friends, there is a real enemy who prowls around seeking someone to devour.    He’ll stop at nothing to gain new ground. He and his forces have quoted God’s words since the beginning of time, twisting it, trying their best to manipulate truth, and their main goal is to deceive and lead astray. 

He knows how to spy out needy women or men who have not learned to let Jesus be their everything and they long to fill those empty places with another person, rather than the One who was met to fill those needs. 

  There is an invisible V (for victim) on their foreheads that turns into a neon sign when a wolf is near.  He sees it and comes in for the kill.

 The wolves know who God is and they “shudder” in fear at His name.  They know that God alone will be victorious and no matter what traps are used today to try to distract us away from Him, in the end, they will not win.  But for us, if we don’t obey those warnings, we will find ourselves in the pit of pain and confusion.

 Many times the wolf disguised in sheep’s clothing knows God’s Word better than we thought, crafting and twisting it so much, we might even find ourselves feeling confused over what real truth is anymore.  You can always identify this type of wolf as a religious spirit.

 So how can we protect ourselves–and discern what is happening when we meet a wolf? 

 

   Know the real and you’ll know what is false.

How do you do that?

  1.Watch

 

“Beware of false prophets, who come to you in sheep’s clothing but inwardly are ravenous wolves. Matt. 7:15

God reminds us in His Word to “watch out,” “beware,” to stay awake. He knows and understands how difficult it can be to fight this spiritual battle. Some days we get weary, or we get so busy and distracted, we’re not watching anymore for ways we might get tripped up.  But he tells us, “Be on your guard; stand firm in the faith; be courageous; be strong.” 1 Cor. 16:13 

He desires the best for us and knows how important it is for us to live aware. He freely gives us his strength and protection to stand strong each day, he will never leave us defenseless on our own. 

PAY ATTENTION TO YOUR OWN WEAKNESSES AND NEEDINESS. 

  2.   Know What is Real

…and you’ll know the fake too.

 God’s Word is clear, it says they’ll be known by their fruits. Not by how charming they are.  Not by how much money they have. Not by how many followers they have. Not by how many books they have written or the great things they have done.

They’ll be known by what fruit exists in their lives. Is there love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, gentleness, faithfulness, and self-control? What do they say about who Jesus is? We may have to look more closely than what is on the outside. What is in their heart?  How do you discern it?  I have learned if something is too good to be true, it usually is.  See what I did there?  (it usually is deceptive. )

 Eventually, the truth of who they are will be brought into the light. 

 “He will bring to light what is hidden in darkness and will expose the motives of the heart.” 1 Cor. 4:5 

  3.  Know Jesus Intimately

 “For even Satan disguises himself as an angel of light. So it is no surprise if his servants, also, disguise themselves as servants of righteousness. Their end will correspond to their deeds.” 2 Cor. 11:14-15

 Sometimes deception may be hidden well, but if you have a personal, intimate relationship with Jesus and His words you will know when something isn’t right.  

 

Obey that feeling!!

 

Press in close to God. Spend time in His presence. Pray, talk with Him, listen to His voice through His word. Staying close to His side, living under the protection of His armor and covering, helps us to know when we’re staring straight into falsehood.

  4. Trust Your Counselor, Holy Spirit

 God gives us His Spirit to guide us in discernment and wisdom. 

 “When the Spirit of truth comes, he will guide you into all the truth…”John 16

 

He tells us “I have told you ahead of time,” so that we will be prepared and watching.

Walking in the Spirit and not in the flesh.

We don’t have to wander through life blindly, unsure of what’s true and what’s not.   

 

When feeling unsettled or sensing something is just not “quite right,” we can press in close to Him, knowing He’s faithful to guide us.

   5.  Choose Friends You Can Trust 

Use caution in who you listen to and choose to take guidance from. Sometimes when we’re in a place where it’s hard to see clearly we need trusted friends to bounce things off of.      Learning to listen to one another and take into consideration what the other might be sensing or discerning can often have great power in saving us from a lot of pain and trouble up ahead.  

 “Where there is no guidance, a people falls, but in an abundance of counselors there is safety.” Prov. 11:14

Standing strong together, on Christ the Solid Rock.

“And you will know the truth, and the truth will set you free.”

4 Myths You May Believe About Your Calling

As a Life Purpose Coach I believe that we are all called, have gifts and talents, and are incredibly loved by our Creator.  Everything that we encounter in life prepares us for the next season in our calling.

 I also believe that everyone of our gifts are as important as the next persons.   We are all working towards the same goals and each and every one of us are highly loved and valued by Jesus!

  What I’ve discovered over the years is that many women have an incredibly difficult time discerning what that calling is. The trials of life and the many mixed or misunderstood messages they have heard from various teachers have left them feeling like they never measure up to what God has for them to do.  For these struggling women, certain myths about calling are getting in the way of discovering what God truly has for them.

 If you’re feeling lost trying to discern God’s calling for your life, consider these myths that may be tripping you up.

Myth #1: It’s About You  

The process of discovering your calling may necessitate some serious self-reflection, but make no mistake: It’s not really about you. Calling is not about self-fulfillment. It is a discovery of your preciousness, your beauty, and your gifting…..a plan set up for you from before you were born to fulfill….and the revealing of it is directly related to what you have experienced in your life through every trial and every experience, both positive and negative, to prepare and train you to be able to see others come to know who He is through your life.

Calling is a revealing and fulfillment of God’s will for your life.

Many people experience a special sense of satisfaction that comes from exercising their God-given gifts, talents, and passions, but that sense of fulfillment is a byproduct of being in God’s will, not the goal.

    To discern what God’s will may be, you do need to look inward. You must seek to “know yourself” in order to discover God’s unique creation in you.   Sometimes we can’t see outside of ourselves and being in community with other’s who know you can help to get a better picture.  This is why we need each other.

 And sometimes we miss the obvious– thinking it couldn’t possibly be important enough to be a calling.  I have had women come to me in their season of child rearing, crying because they just don’t feel important to God because He has not revealed to them a calling.   And there beside them stood their children.  

   Do you know raising children is one of the highest callings there is?   To raise a child to love and honor God with their own lives is the calling of a Mother.   Yes, one  day those babies will be on their own and you will be free to pursue other gifts and callings, as each season of your life reveals more and prepares us for the next season.

 

    

Myth #2: If It’s Uncomfortable, It Can’t Be Your Calling

Nope, not even close.   Figuring out your calling isn’t an instant ticket to a smooth life and career.  As a matter of fact sometimes we get so stuck in our comfort zones of dysfunction, we would choose to stay there, because at least it is familiar, right?

 Knowing what you are meant to be doing is really just the beginning of what may be a long and arduous journey of hardship and defeat. Some of the most successful, inspired people throughout history have  pursuit of their paths that has included feeling like a failure….but rest assured,

 Not one of your failures is wasted…it is all a part of the plan, and what makes the difference is that you

 DON’T GIVE UP!!

 

  For most of my life I struggled with what I was doing, even when I was very busy doing “the work of the Lord”, the way I saw it…,

God is never finished with us and even while I was so busy, make no mistake, He continued to reveal to me those places I kept hidden that needed to be healed.  I fell flat on my face many times.

I faced plenty of hardships and failures at work and in my personal life. These challenges helped me grow and learn more about God and more about how God created me to serve him, eventually leading me into Life Coaching much to my surprise.   Now that I am a Life Coach and have been for many years, I continue to enter into places of so much pain I sometimes question where He is taking me now.

Your calling is most of the time a stretch assignment. Moses is a great biblical example:

  He had no doubt about what God wanted him to do.  God spoke to Moses through the burning bush, giving him clear marching orders about his next steps.

 Isn’t this what we all kind of wish for when we’re searching for our calling?

But Moses’ calling didn’t sound all that great to him:

 “But who am I that I should go?”

   Moses questioned God, voicing the fear, 

 

“I’m not important enough.”

 But God answered, “I will be with you.” Then, Moses continued pressing back, asking, “What if they do not believe me?” 

 “I’m not impressive enough!” 

 In response, God provided him with miraculous signs. But it still wasn’t enough for Moses, who came back with the worry, “But I am slow of speech and tongue.” 

“I don’t know what to say.”

 God assured Moses that he would speak through him.

 Moses was called to a task God designed for him, but it clearly didn’t feel good.  He tried every way he could think of to convince God that he was the wrong man for the job, and then finally, when that didn’t work, he came right out and asked God to “please send someone else.”

      Your discomfort doesn’t necessarily mean that you’re on the wrong path.

 

Myth #3: Choosing Wrong Can Thwart God’s Will

    I know women (and men too) who seem to agonize endlessly over every major choice in their lives, calling included, because they’re afraid of choosing wrongly. It’s good to want to make the best choice you can, but at some point you just need to make a choice and go from there. If you find yourself worrying excessively about your calling, ask yourself whether this is really about discerning God’s will or whether you may be trying to control God’s will.

 Your choices are important, but, when you are seeking Him with your whole heart,  no choice you can make is outside of God’s sovereignty.  Seriously…it is NOT that easy to miss God.  Do you think He is not able to transcend your humanness, and lead you right into His perfect will…even when you think you are the one making the decisions?

If you had asked me 20 or 30 years ago where I would end up, I never would have foreseen the course my life would take.    I now look back and am just amazed by God’s providence over all of it.

 

Myth #4: Your Calling Is Settled

 Discovering your calling isn’t something you do once, or even twice. It’s not something you get to check off of a list and move on from.

The life of a Christian entails a constant process of discovering your calling. Just because God has called you to a particular purpose at a particular time doesn’t mean his plans for you are the same in every season….each season of our lives has a new calling that builds on the last one….nothing stays the same forever.

Looking back at my own life, I can see God shaping and shifting my calling over the years.

 Each chapter of my life God continued to call and lead me through one season to the next.   Some of the things that happened to me to bring me to this place today is astounding, painful, challenging, and sometimes unbelievable.   In every phase my calling has looked and felt different, but God has been a consistent foundation throughout.  And even when I was in total denial about my own issues that needed work, His will was accomplished in other’s lives through my calling.   Astounding to me.

 Who knows what the next chapter of life will bring?

Everyone’s calling is going to look different—and each season will bring a new process of discernment. Just remember, God is in control. He loves you and me, and his will for us will always bring us closer to him.

May you begin your discernment journey with courage and humility.

 

    Of course you know that I am a Life Purpose Coach.  So, I would be remiss to not invite you to contact me if you need help in this season of your life to discern where God is taking you.  You may feel stuck in this chapter and need a mentor to challenge you and help you to move forward.   Just call or email me from my web page and we will chat!!   

Boundaries! 7 Ways to Stop Fixing People and Empower Yourself.

  Having no boundaries in your personal life will strain personal relationships and the accumulation of frustration and miscommunication as a result of no boundaries will  ultimately create resentment that will lead you into very toxic relationships.

    No boundaries can also keep you in that victim mentality.

Here’s the truth – if you don’t create clear boundaries for yourself in all of your relationships, you can’t expect the people in your life to know what you want or don’t want.  Healthy boundaries allow for an equal partnership where both the power and responsibilities are shared.  Especially in marriages, but this mindset will affect everything you do, from friends, to work, to church, to children.

Boundaries help us define who we are and provides us with a definite sense of self. People who learn how to set personal boundaries thrive because they have created a level of personal control within their life, whereas people who do not set personal boundaries tend to be stressed and overwhelmed with too much to do and not enough time to do the things they want.

Most people have a hard time saying the word NO.

Inevitably, until we set personal boundaries and learn to say no, the quality of our lives  will suffer in so many ways.

When we learn to say “No” more often, or just learn to say “Yes” on our terms, we free ourselves from the burden of pleasing others therefore allowing ourselves more time and freedom to do what we feel matters most .

Examples:  

• Your adult children ask you for money and you go ahead and give it them against your better judgment even though they don’t take responsibility for their own budgeting.

• Your coworkers delegate tasks to you that they should be doing, but you do the extra work because you want to please them and be liked.

• Your husband tells you that it’s your fault he lost his temper and was abusive and you take on the guilt for his choices and actions.  

• Someone from your church asks you to volunteer for a new project, and out of guilt you say “yes” when you really should say “no” because your schedule is already overloaded and you are exhausted.

 

Sound familiar?

 

All of these scenarios reflect a lack of boundaries – limits that can help you avoid unnecessary stress and enjoy the peace God wants you to experience.

 

 You may tend to respond to other people’s needs at the expense of your own and then suffer from the chaos that comes from a life without proper boundaries.   I see it often in coaching. 

 

Do you want some ideas on how to  start setting boundaries in your life and start enjoying peace?

 

1. Shift your focus from your circumstances to how you respond to those circumstances. 

 

God will empower you to change your life for the better if you change the way you respond to your circumstances. While you often can’t control your circumstances, you can always control how you respond to those circumstances as you surrender them to God and follow the Holy Spirit’s guidance to set the appropriate boundaries. Doing so will honor both God and you, because it will please God to see you living with the respect He intends for you.

 

2. Keep in mind that taking control isn’t the same as being controlling.

Setting boundaries isn’t about trying to control other people; instead, it’s about being clear about what you will and will not accept in your life in order to claim your God-given spiritual authority and guard your heart from harm. You never need to feel guilty about setting boundaries with the people in your life.  Jesus did it all the time.  He had very strong boundaries.  No one deterred Him from His mission.  People will actually have more respect for you when you are strong and firm in your boundaries.

 

3. Distinguish between helping and enabling others.

Consider whether or not you’re actually helping the people you’re trying to help. Helping is doing things for people that they are not capable of doing for themselves.

 

     But Enabling leads people to depend on you in unhealthy ways – AND is doing things for people that they could and should be doing themselves.

 

Recognize that when you’re enabling people rather than helping them, you’re creating an atmosphere in which others can comfortably continue their unacceptable behavior. Even though you intend to help, if you’re enabling you’re actually hurting other people, and yourself, in the process.  You enable them to not take responsibility for their own lives.  Thus draining yourself.

 

Recognize that setting boundaries is vital in order to fulfill God’s purposes for your life. Instead of letting other people distract you from living the life God intends for you, claim the spiritual authority God has given you by setting the boundaries He leads you to set in your life.

 

   Pray for the confidence you need to overcome whatever fears have been holding you back from setting proper boundaries in your life.

 

The more you learn how to apply biblical wisdom to your life, the better you’ll be able to set boundaries that will help you accomplish God’s will.

 

5. Stop your own negative behavior.

Ask God to help you identify specific negative attitudes and behaviors in your life that are contributing to a lack of boundaries and the resulting stress. Then decide to stop your destructive patterns and pray for power from the Holy Spirit each day to replace your unhealthy attitudes and behaviors with healthy ones.

 Don’t waste time or energy anymore on trying to get the other people in your life to change; that will never work. Instead, focus on simply changing yourself, with God’s help.  You will never get someone else to change their behavior.   You have to change.

 

YOU are NOT the savior of anyone.  Jesus is!!  

 

Seek the support and encouragement of some caring Christians whom you can trust to help you on your journey to set proper boundaries in your life.  Or get yourself a Life Coach to walk the journey with you a while to show you how.  (Contact me if interested!)   

 

6. Nip excuses in the bud.

Don’t tolerate any more excuses from either yourself (about why you’re not setting boundaries in your life) or other people (about why they want to step over boundaries that you’ve set for them).

 

Ask God to help you stand firm so you can make real and lasting changes in your life. Say “no” clearly and without guilt whenever you sense that you should say “no.” Doing so will give you the freedom to say “yes” to activities that the Holy Spirit convicts you to pursue.

 

You will feel so empowered!!  

 

 

7. Trust the voice of the Spirit.Pay attention to how the Holy Spirit speaks to you about boundaries. Listen for the Spirit’s guidance about boundaries every day in prayer, and be sensitive to the Spirit’s promptings in every situation you encounter. In some situations, the Spirit will restrain you from taking action, and in others, the Spirit will urge you to take action move forward.

 

Yield everything to God. Live to please God alone, and don’t worry about pleasing other people. Let go of everything that holds you back from fulfilling God’s purposes for you, including: unrealistic expectations, negative emotions, and Satan’s lies. Trust God to give you peace and guidance to change your life forever!!

 

Contact me at dixie@reflectionsofgracehome.com to set up a coaching call!

 

 

When You Have One Foot in the Grave….Lori’s Story

Just to be transparent with you, I am in a different season right now fraught with change and uncertainty and letting go.   That’s why I haven’t written in a while.  

In this life our journeys take a turn that sometimes come out of nowhere, it seems, and knocks us out for a while.   I am starting to very slowly see through the veil that this is another lesson, another level, a gateway into a deeper level with Jesus.  Though I feel the breath has been knocked out of me and I am very tired I know from my spirit that Jesus walks this valley with me. 

And, yes, I will write more about my story soon. 

Which brings me to Lori’s story.  I have known Lori for about 30 years.   I have watched her and admired her devotion to family and motherhood and God.    I knew her Dad, a mighty man of God,  and loved him very much.   I have been following Lori’s journey through breast cancer and praying along with countless others.  

Then yesterday I read this on Facebook and instantly knew her story is a wake up call for me and all of us.   Not that we will get cancer, but through her valley of trial, and what she learned there, brings us a message to look at our lives and evaluate what is most important.   For our walk on this earth is very short compared to where we are going.

   We get so caught up in our ‘masks’ of who we think we are, or we only show what we want people to see; not the real us.   Vanity takes over and we live this kind of pseudo life of insincerity.   I so admired Lori’s bravery to reveal it all in this trial so that others could see into her world and maybe find hope.

The church was meant for family, for realness, for loving support and transparencies….so that we can grow and heal and know we are not alone.   

Peter 5:8-9 says “Be self-controlled and alert. Your enemy the devil prowls around like a roaring lion looking for someone to devour. Resist him, standing firm in the faith, because you know that your brothers throughout the world are undergoing the same kind of sufferings.”

What is the Holy Spirit assuming about your life? That you are under spiritual attack. This is not a passage about nonbelievers; he’s talking about “your brothers and sisters.” Peter takes it for granted that every believer is under some sort of unseen assault. And what does he insist you do? Resist the devil. Fight back, take a stand.

Lori took a stand and has won her victory.   But the lessons were many.

Thank you sweet Lori, for allowing me to share your story.

  “Twenty-nine radiation treatments ago I was overwhelmed thinking that I would never be standing with one foot hovering over the finish line. On Monday, I will get my last radiation treatment. On Thursday I am having my port removed. I have spent half a year tearing up my body to rid it of cancer and the next half will be spent rebuilding it.

 I still have a long road of recovery ahead, but I face it knowing that I am cancer free.

 I know it sounds odd, but I am grateful for everything that I have gone through.

Grateful for the pain?

Grateful for the worry?

Grateful for a disease that ravaged my body and tried to kill me?

  Yes, yes, a thousand times, yes. I am grateful because it has changed me in more ways than taking away (just trying to be real here) half of one of my most magnificent physical features. 

 The fact that I feel grateful is in itself due to the lessons that fighting cancer has taught me.

 When you are diagnosed with cancer, everything stops while you concentrate on beating it. You don’t have the energy to participate in all of your normal activities and your treatments take precedence over everything else in your life…a job, family activities, church, or any other pursuit that normally occupies your time. You try to keep things as normal as possible, but basically your schedule is at the mercy of your disease.

 

At first, I thought that the world was going to crumble if I had to step down from all of the things I was in charge of. Amazingly, the world did just fine during my sabbatical. My husband and kids survived. My house didn’t burn down. The church, the PTA, the cub scouts and all those other things soldiered on. I learned that I don’t have to control every…single…thing.  

I don’t have to stress myself out to make everything my version of perfect. One day it hit me that the same God who I was trusting to heal me was also capable of taking care of the everyday worries in my life. As I began to hand those worries over to Him, I also realized that if I were to leave this earth, He would be there to take care of all those that I left behind.

  Cancer certainly causes you to face your immortality. We all know we are going to die…someday. When you are diagnosed with cancer, that far off someday is suddenly smacking you in the face. Death itself, doesn’t scare me. I know where I will spend eternity. I am not afraid of what is to come. For me, facing death was more about worrying over what I was leaving behind.

Don’t get me wrong, I had a peace that God would watch over my family, but I was still sad because I had so many more things that I wanted to do with my kids. There were life lessons I wanted to have the time to teach, memories I wanted to make with them, and my own life experiences that I still hadn’t shared. I was angry at myself for all the time in life I had wasted on things that just don’t matter in the bigger picture.

Cancer forced me sift through all the unimportant things in life, causing me to recognize the things that truly mattered…. Ironically “things” didn’t even make the list. I was actually able to clean out my closets and get rid of those clothes I have been holding onto for 15 years because one day the stars might align and they will once more fit me and come back in style all in the same week.

 As I begin to purge the stuff in my house, I also took stock of the stuff in my character. I realized that I had held on to grudges, bitterness, anger, hurts, and worries, much the way I had held onto my Members Only jacket from Jr. High.  

It was time to let it all go.

When you have one foot in the grave, what this one said about you or that one did to you really doesn’t matter so much.

 With the sweeping away of emotional cobwebs comes clarity. Suddenly it occurred to me how much energy I had wasted being worried about what other people think.

How many times had I not embraced life because I was afraid that someone would say I was too old or too fat or too anything to be participating in something I really wanted to do?

 Losing my hair was a wakeup call for me. I thought everyone would stare, but the truth is, most people don’t take the time to look beyond themselves and really see those around them. It only took a few times of walking through the grocery store bald, to figure out that no one was looking at me.   

Mind blowing!

Never again will I forgo an opportunity to swim with my kids or enjoy a gorgeous day at the beach because I am afraid of what people will think of my body. Never again will I allow myself to be shy because I am worried someone won’t like me based on my outward appearance. I also vow to stop avoiding cameras.

I have a ten-year gap in the photo album, where there are no pictures of me. I always made the excuse that I am the one who takes the pictures, so I am never in them.   

 

The truth is that I didn’t want to be in them. We haven’t posed for a family portrait since 2008, because I don’t like the way I look. When I faced my darkest days of cancer, it hit me that if I were to die, my kids wouldn’t have any pictures of me. As they grew older, their memories might grow foggy. They might even be unable to remember their own mother’s face.

     I have a picture of my mom and me that she hated because she thought she looked old. When I look at it, I don’t see wrinkles, I just see love. I could continue to be the phony girl with a profile picture on Facebook that was taken in 2004, or I could just say, “Screw it, this is me, love it or hate it I don’t care, I choose to be real.”

 As I look back on this journey, I see that the healing I received wasn’t limited to the physical. I like to think that in my battle with breast cancer, a tumor was removed from more than my body.

 I feel like a cancerous growth has also been removed from my spirit and for that I am grateful for everything that I have gone through. So thank you, cancer. You invaded my body with sights set on my destruction, but you lost!  

 

Not only were you defeated, but what you meant for bad, in the end made me a happier person. I am not the woman I was a year ago and that suits me just fine.”

Jesus Always Picks the Wrong Guy

Following Jesus can be a treacherous path of trying to change the world, as we see it,  and running straight into the truth that we are, indeed, the one with the problem.  We need deliverance from:

… our belief that it is up to us to change people.

… our judgmental and legalistic ways.

Think about this:

In the beginning of Luke 19 – the story of the tax-collector Zacchaeus.

(Raise your hand if you just started to sing “Zaccheaus was a wee little man, a wee little man, a wee little man was he!”)

  Jesus is in Jericho and a crowd has gathered. The crooked tax collector Zaccheaus was there. He can’t see over the crowd so he climbs up a tree to see Jesus. In the middle of that crowd – which likely would have included more than a fair share of holy or influential or important or preferred or religious people – Jesus heads right for that tree and calls out to that guy – the one who is a social and religious outcast, ridiculously perched up in the branches –  to come on down because Jesus wants to go to that guy’s house for supper.

Huh?   How do I explain that to my religious friends?

I mean, honestly.

Jesus always picks the wrong guy.

  Of course, everyone in the crowd gets quite indignant, muttering among themselves about how Jesus is now the guest of a sinner. Not only did the guy betray his religion, Zacchaeus has betrayed his people, his nation, colluding with the powers that be for his own gain and oppressing the very people who were supposed to be his people. 

Or how about the story of the town harlot of Samaria?   The infamous, Woman at the Well”?  (John 4:1-42)  The longest conversation recorded of Jesus and one person was with this woman who had 5 husbands, and was with a guy she wasn’t married too when Jesus approached her. 

  There is our Jesus, sitting by a well…in forbidden Samaria.

Does anyone else see the humor in this story?

The town slut, (or Ho, Hussy, Loose, Sinner, etc. (as she would be called today) approaches Him.

What?

Isn’t she hopeless and an embarrassment? And openly living in sin, (deep breath)!

 Plus, Jesus, as a Jew, was not even supposed to be in Samaria, let alone talk to a woman, for heaven’s sake!!

That woman!!

We hate that woman!  Don’t we?  We can’t be seen talking to her.

Isn’t that breaking the rules?

Imagine if Jesus was in our world right now in the flesh,  and he heads right over to someone who cooperated with and benefitted from oppression of innocent people, someone who had traded integrity for political power, someone we distrust, someone who we feel is dangerous, someone who stole from people in a socially acceptable and governmentally blessed way, someone who took the very religious or national identity that we cherished and basically stomped all over it for his own gain.    

I can think of a few already, but I won’t mention names.

Ugh. We hate that guy.

   Don’t we?   I mean aren’t we supposed to keep ourselves clean by dissing those who are not living up to our standards as we interpret them?

Would we be murmuring and complaining and wondering about this Teacher who apparently had missed the important parts of the very Law he claims to teach.

Never mind He really came to fulfill the law Himself.

We don’t hang around with people like that, Jesus.  (Insert whine)

Don’t you know? Good people wouldn’t be caught dead with a man like that.

Just like we don’t hang around with women who are caught in the act of adultery, or fornication, and….

• we don’t hang around with Samaritans,

• we don’t hang around with powerless children,

• we don’t hang around with women who have a bad reputation,

• we don’t hang around with beggars or the poor or the oppressed or the criminal or the possessed or the socially marginalized or the ones who aren’t allowed to come to church with the good religious people, never!  

Get it together, Jesus.

And, hey, news flash, we certainly don’t go to the personal home of a corrupt politician for a bite to eat or the apartment of the town prostitute for a cup of tea.

But Jesus does it anyway.

Jesus seems not to care about our who-is-in and who-is-out line in the sand. He doesn’t seem to care about what we think about all the wrong folks hanging around with him. 

Jesus came to fulfill the Law but while also revealing the Love behind the Law, and the inadequacy of it, he came to replace the real love of a real God for their people. 

Jesus came because God so loved the world.  After all, as Jesus tells Nicodemus in the book of John, it was because God so loved the world that Jesus came to us.

Jesus came, not to condemn the world but to save the world. 

…including the guy we would rather see condemned, to be honest.

How can we miss this?

Now take note of this fact:  because of an encounter with Jesus, Zaccheaus turns around gives half of everything away. He is so moved by Jesus, he vows to pay back anyone he has cheated four times the amount he stole.

The Samaritan woman? 

Oh, she just became the first woman evangelist telling the whole town about Jesus.

Extravagant repentance.  

Wild, reckless love for a man who was like no one they ever met.

They both were not just fulfilling the letter of the Law, they were repenting into the heart of Love Himself.

Looks like the presence of Jesus transforms everyone…even those of us who think we have it all together.

The Son of Man came to seek and to save the lost. 

Zaccheaus was lost, Jesus sought him out, and in this moment of repentance – which was so much more than just money or position – he’s reoriented to the Kingdom of God.   The woman at the well discovered that her bucket could only be filled with Jesus, not a multitude of lost men. 

Now that is something to get excited about!

Think of the word “today” in that passage. Jesus says “Today I must stay at your house” and then later “Today salvation has come to this house.”

The time is now.

We’d rather another day, another house, another time, another kind of sinner.  Don’t bother us with the now. 

But today is the day for the wrong guy…or the wrong woman.

It’s perhaps telling,  where we see ourselves in that story.

 Are we the crowd, resentful and muttering because we think THAT PERSON shouldn’t be included because they aren’t righteous enough or holy enough or good enough or acceptable enough or just enough?

Do we have a long list of people we’d probably be pretty mad to see Jesus hanging out with in our world? Do we begrudge seeing Jesus head right to a certain house with a certain person? 

Horror of horrors.

We have our sort of people we want to keep out.

Sure, we’re okay with this kind of sinner being included –but not that kind.

  But over and over, Jesus picks the wrong person in our eyes.

He even picks you, and me!

Or perhaps we see ourselves more in the one who everyone else wants to keep out.

 “Today, today, today, I’m coming to your house.”

And all we can do is receive Jesus with such joy and relief.

And our own sin – everything that damages us and damages our relationship with God and damages our relationships with one another – is over!

We stop putting God into a box of our own self righteous rules and let Him do what He came to do..

…love on all of us and see lives transformed.

    So we turn everything in our lives upside down and inside out to be with Jesus, to be Him extended to everyone…not just those we think won’t contaminate us.

…to cooperate in making all things right, today.

If you would like to find deeper meaning for your life and God’s perfect plan, Life Purpose Coaching is the way to go.  Hop on over to my web site by clicking on Life Coaching at the top of the page to check out the testimonies of countless others who have experienced life changing freedom through this awesome experience.  Contact me for a free short consult to make a decision today.  This is your day of change.   Find out how to break out of old patterns!!!  

 

Lost Something? 5 Sure Ways to Find It, Using Your Faith!

     Many years ago I heard a message about how the angels of God are there to do our bidding.  God didn’t leave us powerless.  

• Are they not all ministering spirits send forth to serve, for the sake of those who are to obtain salvation? (Heirs of Salvation)…Hebrews 11:14

 So, I started to put some things together in my head.  If the angels are there to serve us, God’s own people, through salvation in Jesus, then what is stopping me from calling on their services when I need them?

 

Can you answer that question?

I began to formulate scriptures to encourage my faith to activate this benefit to those of us who are heirs to the Kingdom of God.   We are all heirs, but not everyone believes that or accepts it.   But if you are an heir to eternity with God then you are a candidate!!

•  God has revealed to us through the Holy Spirit, for the Spirit searches everything, even the depths of God. 2:10
•  And He who searches the hearts of men knows what is the mind of the Spirit, because the Spirit intercedes for the saints according to the will of God. Romans 8:27
• For there is nothing hid, except to be made manifest, nor is anything secret except to come to light. Mark 4:22

    When you pray the word of God, you activate your faith, for you know you are praying according to His perfect will and you are hearing yourself say it…it is a release of your faith.  His word will always accomplish what He wants to accomplish and will never return to Him without  performing what your faith is releasing.

 So, what prevents us from using this knowledge when we have lost something we need to find.   Even if it’s just our keys?   He cares about every tiny detail of our life.   He WANTS to be involved and to be asked.   We have not because we ask not He tells us in His word. 

  These scriptures can also be used to reveal hidden things in a relationship or a person’s life that needs to be uncovered.  

And it works!  As a matter of fact it works so well that I would recommend you NOT pray these scriptures unless you are prepared for what you might find out.   I have shared this truth with some who just thought they wanted to see truth, but when it was revealed to them, they ignored it because they wanted their way and not Gods way. 

 The choice is yours.

 My husband and I use this prayer all the time…even to find our keys that we just had with us.   I can even reveal that at times I KNOW I looked in a certain place a dozen times…then I stopped and prayed, felt this nudge to look again, and there the thing would be that I was looking for.

 I have witnessed rings found in snow drifts, that would have been impossible,  toxic relationships stopped when hidden things came out that were not seen before,  contact lens that were dropped suddenly start sparkling and clearly seen, and lost money reappear.

 My purse was stolen in Wal-Mart one day, right out of the cart when I turned my back.   We raced through the store and locked the doors and the employees checked every bag leaving the store, to no avail.  The Police were summoned and came to me to take a report.  While I waited I prayed this prayer of finding things.   While talking to the Officer he told me that I might as well forget about finding it and cancel all my cards…I did cancel the cards, but believed it would come back to me. 

 

I asked the officer if he believed in angels.  He said that he did, as a matter of  fact.  I then told him that I believed the angels would bring the purse back to me.    He smiled and said, would you promise me you will call me at the station, (here’s my name), and let me know if this happens.   I said I most certainly would.

I kept praying the prayer to keep my faith out there. 

One week later I got a call from the store.  They had found my purse hanging in the purse section as if for sale.  It had everything in it with nothing missing.  

 Coincidence?   I think not!

 I called the officer that day.  When I told him my purse was found inside the store, hanging out in plain sight, with nothing missing, he started laughing and called out to all his buddies to tell them the story. 

 This prayer is so effective I have shared it with everyone I know and have had wonderful stories returned to me of finding priceless treasures long ago lost.   It is so fun to rejoice with them.

 And to see their faith elevated.

 And the angels smile.

 So, here is the prayer I put together.  Now, this is not a formula, or a religion.  It is simply a Word prayer I put together of the above scriptures I shared with you.   It is a help to get you started in exercising your faith in this area.  You can use it anyway you wish or write your own to pray or just use your memory of the scriptures.  

 I personally have used this prayer for years.   Here it is:

 

Father, I know there is nothing hidden, except to be revealed and there is nothing kept secret except it be make known.   So, I ask you now, in the name of Jesus, that Your Holy Spirit would search diligently, explore and examine every area, and bring every hidden thing into the light (insert here the name of the person or thing).  I ask that You would release the ministering spirits (angels) who are there to do the bidding of the heirs of salvation, of which I am one, to go forth, find, and bring that hidden ____________back to me. (or bring every hidden thing to light with this person).   I trust that wherever it is you will cause me to either remember, or have it materialize to my sight.  I trust You to bring it to me today.  Amen!!

Pray Like a Drunken Woman!

“Hannah kept wailing even when Eli the priest mistook her for a drunk and questioned her sincerity. She simply set the record straight by telling him, ‘I have been praying here out of my great anguish and grief'” (1Samuel 1: 15-16).  

She didn’t care how she looked as she prayed.   God knew her heart…

We know Hannah  for her sorrow… She longed for a son, but couldn’t have children. We know her for her faithfulness. She never gave up hope that God would hear her prayer. We also know her for her sacrifice. She dedicated her baby Samuel to the Lord and left him at the temple to serve God “all the days of his life” (1 Samuel 1:11).

 Hannah is one of the most recognizable women in Scripture for all these reasons. Many of us remember her story for her deep anguish over not being a mother. We all most likely recall her time at the temple, taking her request to God in powerful prayer. And what mom wouldn’t be impacted by Hannah’s bold move – leaving her little blessing at the temple to be raised by Eli the priest?

 And did you know after God answered her prayer for a child to deliver her from her barrenness, God continued to answer the prayers for Hannah?   She had two more sons and three daughters– while Samuel “grew up in the presence of the Lord” (>1 Samuel 2:21).

Hannah trusted God without doubt or concern. Her reverent fear of the Lord was just one more quality of her godly character.

We have to get serious in our prayer lives. 

We have to determine that we will hang on and not stop believing until we see an answer.

That’s what Hannah did year after year.

She “showed up.”

Praying

She entered her conversations with God broken, resentful, bitter, unhappy, defeated and moaned like a drunken woman.  She was herself without pretense.

Do you not think God knows our humaness?

But one year Hannah decided to focus on God and His provision instead of dwelling on her unchanging circumstances. Hannah did something that brought her into the inner courtyard of God’s presence: she prayed with determination.

And her relationship with God went from the possible to the personal, from inactive to active, from nominal to phenomenal.

I heard a teaching today about prayer…but not the way we ususally think of prayer…the point was being made that God already knows what we have need of before we even ask.  Ever think of that…and have you ever questioned why, if He already knows, do we need to pray about it?

 I have.  

Because my long journey with the Lord has been a constant pondering about prayer and how to do it.   There are so many types of prayer and where do we start?

 What has really set me free is the fact that I have pressed into a very personal relationship with a very real God through His Son Jesus and the freedom has come in my “just talking to Him”.

Every day…

All day…

About everything.

So, I prefer to call prayer, “talking to Jesus”…It just makes it more personal to me.

 That teacher this morning said we pray to Him to release our own FAITH….

MY FAITH ACTIVATES MY PRAYERS IN HIS PRESENCE.

That is why we ask!

It is acknowledging the fact that you are believing Him for His absolute involvement in your life and your desires, your healings, your journey….

There are many types of ways to pray, or talk to God.

Right now I am studying about Warfare.

We know we don’t fight flesh and blood, but principalities and wickedness in high places.   We are seated in the heavenly realm in the spirit to adequately combat the enemy and all his forces of hell that want to defeat us on every level.   But we have the power that raised up Jesus from the dead dwelling on the inside of us.   We have the power to fight off those wicked spirits and be victorious.

Having been beaten down and disappointed, do you find it hard to boldly and specifically ask God for something in prayer?

I know I do.

But here Hannah was, at the lowest point in her life, offering up a request that she had probably thought a thousand times. The Bible says we don’t receive because we don’t ask. Don’t give up on asking for what you most desire. And do it believing that God gives good gifts to those who ask because He does, and He is a rewarder of all who seek Him.

Let’s not linger at the gate of God’s presence, going through the motions of worshipping God and yet holding sadness and bitterness in our hearts.

Let’s count ourselves as ones who have been brushed by His greatness and honored to have the profound privilege of talking to God on every level and make our requests known.  

Let’s rejoice that He gave His power to us to combat the evil one dwelling on this earth.  And we can do that well.   It just takes determination! 

He did NOT leave us here powerless and defeated.  But as His children, we are equipped to walk within His Kingdom in the here and now.

2 Steps to Ponder When Our “Picture” Cuts Us Off From Reality

I have always created pictures in my mind of the outcomes I want to see that weren’t what was really happening.   I created pictures of my situations in life in my mind that were not reality and I lived that way off and on until only just recently.    I thought I had a handle on it, but still found residue of this ability I had so carefully constructed in so many areas.  

The mind is a powerful thing, and is the source of all our battles with the enemy.

How many of you know that God heals us and corrects us in layers?  

Like pealing an onion…one layer at a time.  We can’t handle it all at once.

 

1 Corinthians 13: in the message says:

¹² We don’t yet see things clearly. We’re squinting in a fog, peering through a mist. But it won’t be long before the weather clears and the sun shines bright! We’ll see it all then, see it all as clearly as God sees us, knowing him directly just as he knows us!

  I wrote about my ability to create my own reality in my first book,

 “Climbing Out of the Box.”   (Which you can find on Amazon)  

It started when I was a victim of incest as a child and I learned to remove myself from what was happening and would create a happy and safe environment to dwell in that wasn’t reality.   I was forever being disappointed when my picture didn’t line up with what was really happening.   It was a way to cope.   As an adult it is an easy and tempting thing to slip back into and I have to be on my guard most of the time.   But I am a grown up now, not the child victim.  

 The problem comes when we convince ourselves that we need a certain outcome — and that it has to happen on our  timeline, in the way we’ve pictured it.

 When we try to control outcomes, and make them fit our pictures, we cut ourselves off from the loving protection of God  and let fear begin to rule our thoughts.

Fortunately, in any given moment you have a choice to change.

 

You can choose to reconnect with the reality of overcoming our circumstances instead of living in a false reality,  thus enabling the enemy to continue to cause us pain in lives.

 Here are some  steps to follow to remind yourself of your  powerful connection with Jesus so that you may begin to walk in the power to overcome that He has provided for you.

Step 1:

Be determined to see your circumstances with God’s eyes.  Ask Him for His eyes to see clearly…not what you have created for yourself to see. 

What are you saying, out loud or to yourself, that’s disconnecting you from your power?  

Identify your story. 

Once you’ve identified your real story, take a moment to get real about how it makes you feel. Recognize the way your words and beliefs block the manifestation of what you are praying about to begin to occur in your life..

What is the number one negative story that you have on repeat in your brain, and how does it make you feel?

Your honesty is what will open  the door for you to remember and accept the power of God to change your circumstances or enable you to accept the place you are at in this part of your season.

Once you’ve identified your story, immediately say out loud: “I am more than an conqueror in all of my circumstances”    You, my friend are a child of the King of Kings.

You have to let go of your fear.  

 Step 2:

Turn it over to the Lord of your heart, Jesus,  and be patient.

Talk to Him with certainty and thank Him for giving you a clear picture of your life and a clear picture of what He wants to accomplish in you.  Be patient within His fruit of patience.

 Try not to control your picture, but let Him create a new picture for you.   Your sign from Him will be crystal clear if you’re going in the right direction.  He will show you His will for you right now.   And remember that if it’s not clear, it is time to trust Him and be patient and learn what waiting on Him really means.

 There may be some personal fears you need to clear up, or perhaps faith you need to strengthen, before you can get it.

 When you try to control an outcome or even a time frame, you cut off your ability to be patient for the outcomes and disconnect from all the infinite possibilities that could occur.

 Surrender to the Lord  and remember that nothing can take away your true power that is yours in Christ and His love and peace within you.  Let Him mold you into who He has created you to become.

 What would happen if you chose to be thankful and content in the place you are in right now?   

 Or if you are in a really trying, and grief filled place right now, asking Him to strengthen and hold you up while you navigate the waters of pain?    He promises to surround you with Himself every minute of the day.   And nothing ever stays the same.   You can endure until change comes within His strength.

 But you have to invite this to happen..

 or you could ignore it….

or forget that it is yours….and walk in defeat and fear.

 

It is all a choice on your part. 

 

When He Whispers My Name

God longs for you to know that He is more than enough in your troubled times.   He desires you to rest and fully embrace that where you are is exactly where God plans for you to be. 

Even in situations like you have never faced before.

It  has taken me so long to be able to write again.   I was frozen in time it seemed–for the last  3 months of 2015.   But the last 2 weeks I could feel it rising up within me again and now I think I can verbalize somewhat of what I have learned in the very hard and trying year of 2015.

I have learned that when I feel like my faith has been shaken to the core that I become~

~stunned and “shell shocked”…

That it’s a tumultuous venture, this walking by faith. At one time or another, you encounter the completely unexpected followed by the unthinkable.

 

And when it happens, the impact of it brings you to your knees, able to utter only one desperate word – “Why?”

It’s an intense battle when you’re that overwhelmed. First there’s shock and anger, then comes denial, 

 “This can’t be what my loving Jesus has planned for me – not me, not His beloved child.”

 You wonder why God doesn’t see that you need a different outcome. Perhaps if you just go slow and lay out the alternatives for Him – each and every one of them – you’ll help Him figure out how to reverse what’s been put in motion… 

But…..

 He whispers my name~~and I feel His presence~~and it is more than enough.

• When I finally realized that our steady income from investigations was gone for good due to California laws, and if we were to survive in life it would be a miracle…..

He whispered my name…

…and said that I was to take no thought for tomorrow for He would sustain us as a mother sustains her babies life by giving it sustenance from her own body.   He would be our life giving force.  From that day forward we watch daily as He brings in the finances we need from various sources.   He never fails and I have found I can just rest in it and not have to be hyper-vigilant and afraid that maybe today it won’t happen. 

Philippians 4:13 Whatever I have, wherever I am, I can make it through anything in the One who makes me who I am.

• When my precious daughter had a ruptured appendix and I stood over her bed, helpless, watching her in agony as a result of poor medical care, and fear wanted to grip my heart and squeeze the life out of it;

He whispered my name…

..as I stood there over her bed I felt His hand on my shoulder and his voice in my ear saying, “Dixie, I have this, she will be okay.”

I John 3:22 We’re able to stretch our hands out and receive what we asked for because we’re doing what he said, doing what pleases him.

• When the horror and shock and fear came when my ‘adopted’ son was in a freak accident, while intoxicated, that took someone’s life ….the father of my grand kids…and I had to tell my babies that their daddy was going to prison. 

• As I sit in the court room weeks on end gripped by anxiety, unable to breathe– and watched the judge, moved with compassion for a lone veteran gripped with PTSD, miraculously lessen his sentence…  I felt Jesus in the fire with me and with him…and I knew God had a plan.

He whispered my name….

His plan has unfolded, in the midst of the pain,  in opening huge doors of prison ministry for my adopted son and has brought healing to him in areas that was never able to be reached…but in the midst of the deep valley He has found a very real Jesus.

I Corinthians 9:8 God can pour on the blessings in astonishing ways so that you’re ready for anything and everything, more than just ready to do what needs to be done.

• When my father, (who molested me for years) on his death bed, told me he could not forgive ME for exposing  “our” secret to my mother and that I ruined HIS life…and Mom’s life, before she died.   Realizing there would be no closure with my abuser before he left this earth– when my picture was always of his saying how sorry he was for his crime against me and my little girl.  There I was, sitting in his hospital room, with, strangely, no one around, next to his bed, while he told me he could not forgive ME…

Jesus whispered my name~~ I felt Him in the chair beside me and felt His breath tickle my ear as He whispered, “Dixie, I’m right here and I am not going anywhere.  Just lean into me.”    I knew I could endure the pain and shock of it all.  It was the last conversation I had with Dad. Jesus’ presence got me through the funeral of confusion and distress at being so removed from all feeling,  just numbness,  as my husband performed the ceremony.  

Matthew 21:22,23  But Jesus was matter-of-fact: “Yes—and if you embrace this kingdom life and don’t doubt God, you’ll not only do minor feats like I did to the fig tree, but also triumph over huge obstacles. This mountain, for instance, you’ll tell, ‘Go jump in the lake,’ and it will jump. Absolutely everything, ranging from small to large, as you make it a part of your believing prayer, gets included as you lay hold of God.

• When I read my parents trust sent to me after my dad’s death, and realized that in 2006, my mother and my father stated that they, in full disclosure, and with full knowledge did NOT want their daughter, Dixie, to have one thing that belonged to them; I felt the ultimate abandonment and full force of their anger towards me for stopping my father from molesting again after he molested my daughter.   I was the black sheep of their family and was pretty much hit with it on their deaths.   I had to admit to myself, finally, that I didn’t want their “things” but what I had wanted was their love, and would never find it here on earth.

He whispered my name~~ “Dixie, you have a new name that I have given you.  I will be both mother and father to you. I take the sting away of their earthly rejection. This is the end of years of torment for you and though you didn’t hear what you needed to hear from them, you will hear it from me and I am more than enough for you.”

Ephesians 3:20,21 God can do anything, you know—far more than you could ever imagine or guess or request in your wildest dreams! He does it not by pushing us around but by working within us, his Spirit deeply and gently within us.

And you know what, HE IS more than enough.  Better.  No comparison.

God wants you to know that He is so much bigger than all the desperate and tragic situations in this life. He wants you to know He is always with you and for you.

His blessing isn’t found in what He gives or takes away. You find it as you abide in Him. 

Ask Him to align your heart with His. Believe His Word. Trust Him. 

Count it all joy.

In my journal to Him, He speaks to me too…in one recent one Jesus said to me,

“Don’t count on what you feel but continue to allow me to fill you where you are lacking and believe Me when I say, I know what you lack, and I am more than enough for you…..I am doing a work you cannot see!”

 

Embrace Him as your absolute EVERYTHING.

 

He is, indeed, all you’ll ever need.

 

He whispers your name~~

“Come Away With Me, My Beloved”

“I know everything about you, Dixie.  I know what you have need of.  Sometimes there is a battle going on over you that you sense but cannot see.  You are a danger to your enemy.  You are strong in me and he doesn’t like it.  My warriors are very busy on your behalf.  Always remember, I Am never too late.  My timing is always perfect, even if you can’t see why you had to wait.  I love you.”  ♥ Jesus

It’s really hot on the central coast of California right now.  I really don’t like the heat and I don’t do well in it.   Contemplating keeping cool, I am reminded about the day my husband and I decided to go walking on a well known, beautiful beach path that we often frequent.    It was warm when we decided to go but since it was by a beach we figured it would be bearable.  About 3 miles into the hike we were walking in a stretch of sun that was beating on us unrelentlessly, and the temperature was climbing to almost 100.  We both were so hot and could find no shade or relief.  

I said we needed to pray that God would send angels to rescue us somehow.   I really think Greg was just pacifying me but he agreed to pray with me to ask the Lord to send an angel to rescue us.    After all, the bible does say His angels are there for us who are heirs of salvation.

Isn’t that us…aren’t we the heirs?  

Do we think to ask for their bidding?

So, there we were, sweating and trudging, thanking God for an angel to fly us out of there.

And then it happened!  We heard a sound behind us and turned around and there was a golf cart with a guy driving.  He pulled up beside us and said, “You two look like you could use a ride.  Hop in.”   We jumped on back with much relief and he then drove us right up to our car a few miles away.  

Now we could have said, “No thank you, we are waiting for an angel!”    But no, we both knew this guy was the angel sent by God and we told him so.  He chuckled and drove off. 

There is always refreshing at the end of our suffering.  No matter how long or what kind of suffering there is…. that refreshing comes from Him alone, in whatever form He wants to use.  We cannot box God in.

At times the presence  of the resurrected Jesus penetrates the usual walls, and the One whom “no one has seen or can see.” is, for a moment,  felt, in the most unexpected ways. (1Tim 6:16)  The conditions can dramatically differ.  No location or mood assures it.  No worship center, event, group or speaker always has it.  There is no formula.  God’s tangible presence can be sought but it can’t be planned or harnessed into our preconceived notions…because it is not of man.

We can’t poke the Holy Spirit into a box, either…the word tells us that;  

 “ Just as you can hear the wind but can’t tell where it comes from or where it will go next, so it is with the Spirit. We do not know on whom he will next bestow this life from heaven.” John 3:8 NLT

Did you ever read how He fell on all those folks on the day of Pentecost? 

“As the believers met together that day,  suddenly there was a sound like the roaring of a mighty windstorm in the skies above them and it filled the house where they were meeting.  Then, what looked like flames or tongues of fire appeared and settled on their heads. And everyone present was filled with the Holy Spirit and began speaking in languages they didn’t know, for the Holy Spirit gave them this ability.” Acts 2 Amp

 

Well, they were pretty swept away weren’t they?  Why can’t we be?  Because we don’t expect it.  Start expecting!!

Wild, isn’t it?   Something God is doing around us– is happening to us.   This is not something mystical.  This is something spiritual. 

Let’s not get so paranoid of the mystical that we shut ourselves off from biblical spirituality.  God can do what He wants.  He never works contrary to His word, but He can never be boxed in either.   We think we have Him figured out.

We don’t.

He is exciting, extravagant, humorous, and oozing love.

Because love is who He is.

My point is that God is ready to show Himself mighty on our behalf at any given moment.  But we must live in a sense of expectancy that He will show up supernaturally when He wills it….and even in those times where everything seems mundane and we haven’t heard from Him for a while, He will honor your faith in continuing to keep on expecting.  

You will not be disappointed.

One day, I was feeling Him pulling me away to Himself.  It was the most delicious feeling ever.    We had an appointment to meet and I couldn’t wait.  I don’t feel like that all the time.  I wish I did.  But I don’t.  But this day I did.  My husband was leaving on a hunting trip, it was raining, and I couldn’t wait to head to my special place by the window to just talk to Jesus. 

Me: ” I feel the call to come away with you my Beloved Savior.  As my thankful spirit begins to rest in You, I can feel your pull, the relentless pull to sneak away with You….to reunite with You in this way; to draw close to Your bosom; like the Lover you are–my blessed Redeemer, Lover, Friend, Confidant, Comforter, Encourager, and Guide.  Lord, I can’t imagine what you have for me now.”

 When I finally got there–where He was waiting–I was immersed immediately in a love and presence I can’t describe.  I couldn’t talk.  I could only sit there in the soaking presence of Jesus.  When I finally could talk all I could do was praise Him and worship Him in all of His perfectness.  I wish I could describe this supernatural experience better.  It is like the highest high ever…nothing can compare to Him immersing you into Himself.

Jesus says:  “Oh Dixie, I have plans for you.  Hold on to my presence, for I am here.  Don’t trust your emotions–let go of what you think you want and let me give you what I know you want… what I want.  Let me show you what it is.  Let me love you and give you a different perspective and outlook.  I have so much more for you.   You see into my Kingdom much of the time–You feel my heart and you love like I do, (most of the time, smile).  Until I bring you into my arms for our first dance, in person, face to face, I shall dance this faith dance with you on earth and you shall see the remnants of my presence that far exceeds anything you ever thought of.  Enjoy Me.  I am here.  I hold you and I perform on your behalf because you know how to call on Me.  I love you, Dixie.

Me:  “I respond to the call of my Groom today.  I dance with you Lord in the spirit…..and I find peace in Your presence.”

Remember, Jesus is not a respecter of persons….but He does respond delightfully and extravagantly to those who are willing to press into this kind of relationship with Him. 

I urge you to take that step of faith today!

Feeling Undone in His Presence

Have you ever been so overcome with the intimate love of Jesus that you feel totally undone?  

Over the past many months, through some great emotional trials, I have leaned into Him… like in a wine press.  

And you know what?   He actually became my strength.   The hardest  times in our lives are the very  times He most reveals Himself. 

 Have you noticed that?  

Well, I guess we do know it is because when all is going well we really don’t lean into Him quite as much as when we are desperate for relief.

I am just talking to you today from my heart.  

Every issue you may deal with in life, if you would only allow Him into it, you will find extreme comfort, growth, and an intimacy with Him that will stay with you forever…why?  Because once you experience it you won’t want to lose it. 

Nothing compares to it..nothing!

Recently, I was very anxious about something that I had to do and the outcome for someone I love.   I fervently sought Jesus for His peace to flood me.   I was relentless to find His presence in the midst of my fear.   I pressed into Him and would not stop.  I figure if he says His strength is found in my weakness then I needed to believe it and literally not stop until I felt it.

Because I was sure weak!

And right when I needed calm most, it happened.   It felt so foreign in the face of what was happening.  I slept like a baby in His arms.   I had no doubt He was right there.

Then, He started talking because I was so in the realm of listening to Him.   He speaks to us all the time, by the way, but we aren’t listening; or we explain away what we hear, not believing that God is actually speaking to us.

Every night I pray before sleep taking authority over the enemy bringing in evil or fear into my mind and dreams…I, with the authority He gives us, post sentries (angels) over my unconscious mind while sleeping, to not allow anything in that isn’t from God.  It works every night.  

While in this trial, however, as I went to pray, before the words were out,  I clearly heard Him say to me;

“Yes, Dixie, I have already posted My sentries over your mind tonight and no evil or fear shall overtake you.”

Well, now that was different….He knew my prayer and already answered it before I asked and spoke it back to me!   How awesome is that?

“I will answer them before they even call to me. While they are still talking about their needs, I will go ahead and answer their prayers!”  Isaiah 65:24 NLT

This was one time I wasn’t doing all the talking…I shut up and listened. 

He then began speaking to me about the present situation and told me that He was actively involved in the outcome and that , “He had this.”  Every single time I started to fear and take the anxiety back, I clearly heard Him say to me,

“I have this, Dixie”……or  “Take a breath, Dixie”  “Lean into me Dixie.”…..  all day that day, His words were constant in my spirit.

It took everything in my will power to stay focused on Him alone when everything around me looked like it was crashing and I knew, that once again my faith was being tested with emotional pain like I seldom experience, and I found that He was more than enough.

Going back several years ago when my life came crashing down around me and it seemed all was lost and I thought my life was over….I even thought my relationship with Jesus took a hit that might never come back…even in that darkness and agony, I found Him there. 

Or I should say– He found me there.

And He said, “Nothing will separate me from you, Dixie.  My love for you and my faithfulness to you will become the most important thing in your life, even when all else fails.”

And there He was, ready to lead me into a world unknown to me then, but I found it was just the beginning of a new season of my life with Him….before I taught about Him…now I really know Him–intimately.

When our hearts long for Him alone,

When our souls thirst for Him,

When the yearning inside of you moves you towards Him,

…and you know that He knows the secrets of your heart and nothing is hidden from Him,

and He sees deep inside of you and every part is revealed,

And still He chooses to cherish you,

His love will dissolve you…

and you will feel undone in His presence.

Do you desire this kind of relationship?   Believe me, if I can find Him in these places, then so can you.   Would love to hear from you about your walk into His secret place……….

“And I am convinced that nothing can ever separate us from God’s love. Neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither our fears for today nor our worries about tomorrow—not even the powers of hell can separate us from God’s love. ³⁹ No power in the sky above or in the earth below—indeed, nothing in all creation will ever be able to separate us from the love of God that is revealed in Christ Jesus our Lord.”  Romans 8:38 NLT

Confronting the Elephant in the Room

 Because I am an advocate that  stands up for those who have  been victims of childhood  abuse and….

 Because I am a healed  survivor of my own past of  childhood abuse….

I once again feel the need to speak up on behalf of that group of people that even the church tries to shush up…because the disclosure is so uncomfortable for them…so it is easier to sweep it under the rug and pretend we don’t know these things are happening every day.

When are we going to start confronting the elephant in the room that most will ignore and pretend it is not there?

Silencing victims by saying that this shouldn’t be talked about, or should remain within families, says to a victim that this is something to be ashamed of.

 That they are in fact damaged goods.

 When these crimes are called out and discussed in a public forum, the offender alone should bear both the responsibility and the shame. These matters need to be discussed not only for prevention, but also for healing.

 Victims need to be heard. They need to be believed. They need to know that what happened was not their fault. We bear witness to their suffering when we give them a voice.

 The only way we can ever hope to stop abuse is if we are willing to talk about it and admit that it happens.  We need to allow them to speak out!  To be transparent without fear of reprisal or shame or embarrassment. We also need to acknowledge that the Christian community is not exempt from this horror.   But it is not something that is often spoke about or expose within the church gatherings.

 I believe this will change.

 As Ann Voscamp so adequately puts it, “Because People of the Church are to be those who stand up so safe places open up, who lead by always going lower, who expose and confront abuse everywhere they find it, so the hope of the Gospel can be of use anywhere it goes.

Because People of the Cross are to be witnesses for the suffering, and responders to the victims, and testifiers of Truth, no matter the cost, no matter the risk, because Christ is The Truth — and where there isn’t Truth, there isn’t Christ. Why ever hide or cover-up the Truth?”

And to those still walking in their victimhood:

 Our wounds from childhood  abuse bring messages with  them…they have a common  theme of “your worthless, you  have no value, you are a  flawed person, no one will  love you, you are ugly” ….

 And when those wounds were delivered to you with such pain, they felt true. 

They pierced your heart. 

So, you accepted the message as fact.  You embraced the worthless verdict on yourself. 

The vows of silence we made as children act like a deep seated agreement with the messages of our wounds.  Because it was all about survival.   There was nothing else that could penetrate that agreement with our pain.  The vows we made acted like a kind of covenant with the messages that came with our deep wounds. 

 And it is a deep hole of darkness.

 We know that the word tells us where 2 or 3  agree on a matter it shall be done.  This can  work in the negative as well.  When we, as  victims of our past, set ourselves in agreement  with the enemy that there is something wrong  with us, we begin to live in exactly that place.

Those childhood vows are very dangerous things.  They change the course of our life.  

We have to renounce the messages as lies ….it is the way to unlock the door to Jesus.  Agreements lock the door from the inside.  Renouncing the agreements unlocks the door to Him….

 to Jesus…

 He will move into those  heavily veiled places within  our soul and be there with us  in that place of pain and  abuse…..and deliver us and  heal us from the past.  I don’t know how He does it.  But I can attest to the fact that He does.

Because he did for me!  

(If you want to read my story of being a child victim of incest, you can find my memoir “Climbing Out of the Box.” on Amazon.) 

To you precious abuse survivors reading this:

Never forget that there is hope for healing. Although life after trauma is messy and working through the pain is difficult, it is absolutely worth the fight.

May you rest in the hope of a God who cradles his wounded children in his arms as his own body is wracked with tears for the suffering you have endured.

And He will heal you to the point that the past will not affect your future.

 He will feed His flock like a shepherd:  He will gather the lambs in His arms,  He will carry them in His bosom and  will gently lead those that have their  young. Is. 40:11

 Jesus I give myself to you.  I give my  life to you.  I surrender me…totally  and completely.   Forgive all my  hurtful ways.  Forgive my self-  protecting ways and all of my chasing after other comforters.  Come and be my savior, healer, my love……

(If you are a survivor of childhood abuse and haven’t worked through the steps to healing please contact me for coaching on my home page above or leave a comment here.)

When All Hell Breaks Loose Against You

  The room was very dark as the movie played on a huge screen right in front of my face.  I had never watched the Lord of the Rings series, and since my ankle hurt that day,  I decided to ride the bike in the gym’s movie room instead of the treadmill in another area of the gym.   

I fumbled in the dark and felt my way to just the right bike for me and because I couldn’t see, just coming out of the bright light, finally was able to punch in the right speed and time for my ride.

I had come in right in the middle of the movie but thought it would give me a good idea of whether I would like it or not and serve to hold my attention while I pumped out the miles.

Unfortunately for me I came in right when these humongous, ravenous demon wolf-type things, with what could only be demons themselves on their backs, were attacking the good army and demolishing them with their ravenous, canine teeth that were bloody and black. 

  The scene went on and on until I thought that I just wasn’t listening to God by picking this room for my exercise routine that day. 

I was dodging and ducking as these demons jumped into the camera with bloody drool dripping.  As I sat there peddling, I couldn’t help but be thinking I had to get out of there.

I needed peace–not whatever this was.

But in the midst of this horror and my attempt to leave the room, God spoke to me.

Ever have that happen?   In the most unlikely place that you would expect, He speaks.

One time he spoke to me in a bar bathroom (I was there for a talent show my friend took me too, in case you’re wondering if I hang out at bars),  and I was shocked at the time….but that is another story.

“Dixie, look!”

“I am looking, Lord.  I don’t like it.”

“Look at the warriors in the good army.”

   So, I watched like He told me to do.

The warriors fought with everything in them.  Every time one good guy was attacked by a demon wolf, (I am sure this dark army had a name but it escaped me), he fought back and with great warfare and managed to kill a great number of them.   But more would come and render some of the slower guys to pieces.  It seems though, that the more the good guys fought the more they were attacked by the demons of hell itself. 

In the end the good guys won and the demons were dead…to only return at a later time in the movie.  I knew Jesus wanted me to see something about my own life in this illustration He was showing me.

“Dixie, isn’t this what you have been experiencing in your life recently?”

I began to see what He was showing me.  First of all, He was reassuring me that He knew exactly what I was experiencing and was with me on the journey, but was teaching me more about extreme spiritual warfare.

  Starting about 6 months ago, all hell has broke loose within my personal life and those I love.  Just as one thing was fought through and seemingly won, another thing would happen that would literally shock and sweep me off my spiritual feet.   

I have literally felt each time like giving up on all that I do.  And it seems those wolves are still coming, and the more I battle in the spirit the more they come. 

They want to steal my life. 

They want to make me feel like a failure. 

They want to render me helpless and defeated. 

Just as those good guys in the movie used their weapons of warfare I am more determined to use mine.  I don’t fight by my own power or I would surely die.    The weapons of my warfare are not carnal but are mighty before God for the pulling down of the enemies  strongholds that would seek to envelope me and tear me to pieces.

  For the weapons of our warfare    are not physical [weapons of flesh  and blood], but they are mighty  before God for the  overthrow and destruction of  strongholds 2 Cor. 10:4 

 At some point those wolves will get it…they will see they cannot defeat me because I may look “defeatable” but behind me stand mighty warriors of the most high God and they have to get through them first.

In myself I am weak and no different than any of you.   But it is in my weakness HE is made strong. 

“But He said to me, My grace (My favor and loving-kindness and mercy) is enough for you [sufficient against any danger and enables you to bear the trouble manfully]; for My strength and power are made perfect (fulfilled and completed) and show themselves most effective in [your] weakness. Therefore, I will all the more gladly glory in my weaknesses and infirmities, that the strength and power of Christ (the Messiah) may rest (yes, may pitch a tent over and dwell) upon me!”  2 Cor. 12:9-11

So, I watched the scene in the Lord of the Rings until the battle played out…and the good guys were plum worn out but were able to ride off, alive, and the enemy was defeated, with carcasses of demons strewn over the mountainside.

   “You will win this battle, Dixie, because you have learned your strength lies in me.”

Boy, I wish He would tell me how long it’s going to last and when I can see His total deliverance from this time of attack..but isn’t  that what it is all about?

 Put on God’s whole armor [the armor of a heavy-armed soldier which God supplies], that you may be able successfully to stand up against [all] the strategies and the deceits of the devil.

¹² For we are not wrestling with flesh and blood [contending only with physical opponents], but against the despotisms, against the powers, against [the master spirits who are] the world rulers of this present darkness, against the spirit forces of wickedness in the heavenly (supernatural) sphere.

¹³ Therefore put on God’s complete armor, that you may be able to resist and stand your ground on the evil day [of danger], and, having done all [the crisis demands], to stand [firmly in your place]. Eph 6:10-18

 It is learning to always be on our guard and decked out in our armor so that we find our true joy and deliverance in Him for always?

I will stand strong in Him!

An Intimate Encounter with Jesus…The Most Transforming Experience of Human Existence.

  I was driving along a country road one day with a heavy spirit.  It seemed hard for me to articulate to the Lord what I was feeling.  You know those days when you just want to say to Him,

“Lord just hear my heart.”

I began to sing to Him what I was feeling and I kept singing this chorus over and over….

 “Lord, do You see me? Do you hear my heart?”

From the depths of my pain.

After about 30 minutes of singing to the Lord I felt the urge to sing new words.  So, I just yielded myself to it.

 To my amazement I began to sing His words back to my own spirit, right there in the car. 

Yes, that is correct.  He began to sing to me through my own voice. Yet, to me it was directly from Him.  It is hard to explain but definitely a supernatural experience. 

He sang back to me,

“My child,  I see you. Dixie, my child I love you.  I will never leave you. I will perform and deliver.  You will see.”   

I can’t even describe how penetrating His love became to me as His words were delivered to my spirit.

I felt buoyed up and exhilarated, full of joy and hope, and overcome with a love that saturated my very being from the inside to out.

   He is our Bridegroom with desire for us and who pursues us relentlessly.

He is our King with power, and He gives us the power to love as He loves.  Imagine it!  We cannot love the unlovely without His anointing to see them through His eyes.  He sees the heart.  In our own power, we cannot.

Did you know He pursues us far more than we pursue Him.   Yet we still struggle with making the time to meet Him.   I don’t know how many times I have known He is sitting at my place of pondering, prayer, and meditation, waiting for me, and yet, I find a hundred other things I must do first.   The whole day passes and I have put Him off again.  

I pray my days of walking past Him grow less and less as I continue to realize that my strength to walk with Him and to fight the battles of my warfare only come from Him and Him alone.

No area of Jesus’ supremacy and power and authority is expressed or experienced more than when His love is manifest in us.   It fills us to capacity and changes us from the inside out!

  Jesus Himself announced that God loves us in the way that God the Father loves God the Son. The Father feels the same intensity of love for us that He feels for Jesus.

Wrap your mind around that fact!

The God of the universe longs for relationship with you.   He wants to walk and talk with you as He did with Adam and Eve when He created them.  

That is so hard to imagine in our finite minds, but true none the less.

The ultimate statement about our worth and value is that Jesus has the same measure of love and  affection towards us that His Father has towards Him.

It gives us all the right to view ourselves as “God’s favorite”.

This is a gold mine of truth that deserves our focused attention continuously.

 At the last supper, Jesus emphasized this truth to His disciples just before their failures in denying Him.

 “As the Father loved Me, I also have loved you; abide in My love…These things I have spoken to you, that My joy may remain in you, and that your joy may be full.” (Jn. 15:9-11)

Did you realize He said this to the disciples while already knowing they would fail Him?  His love for me and you does not depend on how ‘good’ we are….anymore than your love for your child changes when they are not ‘good’ kids.  He loves you because you are His child.   And you have accepted Jesus which means your unrighteousness has been exchanged for the righteousness of Jesus and He sees you as His precious child.

How do we find this place of divine love and stay there?

1. Abide:

Stay focused on God’s love.  By abiding, beholding Him, and living in this truth, we position ourselves to experience it more.  Don’t  be distracted from this truth.

Go deep in it…… Surrender to it without resisting or negotiating with God about it.

 Behold what manner of love the Father has bestowed on us. (1 Jn. 3:1)

Keep yourselves in the love of God, looking for the mercy of our Lord… (Jude 21)

2. Joy:

When we experience Jesus’ love for us, it changes how we feel.  Feeling God’s affection for us exhilarates our hearts with joy—a deep sense of well-being.

Jesus is telling us where satisfaction and emotional transformation are best found.

The revelation of God’s love for us gives us confidence before God, even in our weakness.

It reveals to us our value and dignity in God’s eyes…

Empowers us to walk in deep partnership with Jesus….

It gives our lives relevance in knowing that we are loved, not based on how we perform, but because we belong to Him.

Such love overwhelms me, how about you?

   The Bridegroom’s message is about Jesus’ emotions for us, His beauty, His commitments to us,

….to share His heart, home, throne, secrets, and beauty.

An intimate encounter with Jesus is the most transforming experience of human existence.

Jesus is not the religious guy in white robe and sandals that you are afraid to approach or be yourself with.

But He is the Jesus who gave us oceans and rivers, beauty and laughter, sunlight and love……His penetrating love that will transform you.

There are millions who try to relate to Jesus but experience him only occasionally, rarely knowing the joy of hearing his voice, feeling his presence, receiving his powerful, healing love.

We need Jesus, Himself. And you can have Him.

Really.

You can experience Jesus, intimately.

You were meant to.

   You can know the comfort of his actual presence, hear his voice speaking to you, receive healing of your brokenness.

You can live as he did.

 

The King is Enthralled by Your Beauty…My Cinderella Story

 

Today I want to address women. 

Men, don’t stop reading because I think you can learn something from this story when it comes to us women, so read on if you dare.

Sometime between the dreams of our feminine youth and yesterday, a treasure has been lost it seems in so many of us, if not all.  And that treasure is our hearts, and how we were created to be.  God has set within us a femininity that is powerful, tender, and alluring.   

I think every woman secretly longs for that Prince to come riding in to rescue her from the woes of life.  In unveiling the mysteries of a woman’s soul, I find that we were all created to long to be desired.  We all long for romance and intimacy.  He created us that way.  It is nothing to be ashamed of.  

It’s just that we have gone to great lengths to satisfy that longing in all the wrong ways.

The longings God has written deep in our hearts actually reveal to us the life He wants us to live.  For so many of us, those desires have gone unmet and long neglected.  Many of us live in fantasy worlds of addictions and men to try to fill that unmet need for escape into being valued and desired.  We try to numb the aches in our hearts.  But our hearts are still there crying out to be set free and to find the life we desire.  

Jesus is the only One who can fulfill our deepest need and longings whether we are married or single.

Last week, my granddaughter Savanna and I experienced a disappointment together when we traveled to a place that we had planned to go, and found we could not continue with our plans due to extenuating circumstances.  As we left to return home, we both began to share our love for Jesus with each other and decided instead of being sad our plans were thwarted, that we would go see Cinderella instead.  

What a plan, right?

Then as we arrived, we challenged each other to see the story in a different light.  We would watch it with the idea that Jesus was the Prince in Cinderella’s story and she would be us.  And the wicked stepmother and the 2 evil step-daughters would be Satan and his evil spirits trying their best to convince Cinderella she was not beautiful, desirable, or loved…but instead a worthless woman who would never amount to anything.  

Hmmmm…how many women really, deep down, feel that way?

Do you long for your own Cinderella story?

Who doesn’t long to rise from her humble past, discover the best in herself, and be appreciated by a true, lasting love.

Yet, her own efforts to fill the yearning often ends in tatters.  And no man can rescue her.

The Cinderella fairy tale provides a powerful allegory for women’s deepest hopes and dreams and the God who longs to fill them.  For all of us who have wrestled with disillusionment, abandonment, our own limitations, and the lies that whisper we’re not beautiful, there is someone who longs for us the same way we long for Him…and if we learn to follow his lead every promise He’s ever made proves true.

Cinderella was a beautiful woman with great potential, but she was bound by an environment and wickedness coming against her, and that constantly put her down and tried to reduce her to nothing! 

One day the Prince knocked on her door.

We know about the Ball, the Prince and her Slipper.  The Prince never forgot her; she was unique.  He did not give up his search until he found her.   

There are a lot of women today living like Cinderella, bound to situations, living in insecurities and addictions that are robbing them of their peace and joy.

Maybe you have met the Prince of Peace, but you have fallen into emotional bondage or other traps of the enemy.

There is HOPE!

Jesus, the Prince of Peace, knows where you are and how long you have been there.  His desire for you is that you walk in the freedom of His presence and provision and an intimacy with Him that has no end.

I believe that women today are waiting for something external to come along and transform their lives.  We may venture into the world, travel, go to college, or make money.  But underneath it all lurks a wish to be saved, a deep yearning for dependence on a rescuer.  These largely repressed attitudes, I believe, are holding women down because they don’t yet know we already have a Prince standing before us…waiting for us to take His hand.

There are so many parallels in the story of the Prince seeking her out with fervor.  He could not go on until he found her.  He had eyes for only her, and when He saw her He knew she belonged to Him.  

He swept her off her feet.   

We can see this as the church itself in more general terms.  For we are the Bride and He is the Bridegroom, and He longs for intimacy with His Bride.  He seeks us out for relationship with Him.  But we are so busy trying to find that one thing to fill our deepest longings that we miss Him standing there with His hand outstretched for you…and that He is that ONE thing.

But in an even more personal light, as an individual, He has eyes for only you.  Can you even imagine it?

At the end of the story, both Savanna and I were amazed, since we were looking at it from a Jesus-as-our-Prince viewpoint, that when the slipper fit her foot, and the Prince took her in His arms, she knew she was to go with Him…her heart’s desire.  

And there standing on the staircase was the wicked stepmother with a look of shock on her face.  She was looking through the bars of the staircase.  It was the appearance of Satan bound behind bars, defeated once again in keeping the Princess from her Prince.

And the two evil step-daughters?  They were running around trying to look like the perfect sisters all along, chattering and looking like fools…just as the enemy always ends up looking.

Cinderella turns and with a look of fulfillment on her face, simply says to the step-mother and the 2 step daughters, “I FORGIVE YOU”…. 

Powerful words of freedom from the enemy.  No more lies.  She now knows who she is and knew that this was the plan all along for her life.

“The King is enthralled by your beauty.”  Psalm 45:11

A few months ago I went to a classical concert with a friend.  The orchestra was lovely and I enjoyed the music but soon became bored as I need more of a visual to entertain me.  Don’t judge me.  I just do.

I decided to close my eyes and let my imagination run with the music. 

And there I was in a beautiful ball gown entering the gates of glory.  My Prince was standing there in the most beautiful tuxedo I had ever seen.  It was white and shimmered like tiny diamonds sparkling off water.  He had eyes that drew me in.  Our eyes met and there was a depth of  love I had never experienced before…as I stood there breathless and in awe. 

He only had eyes for me.

I walked over to Him and His arm was reaching towards me and He smiled.  I took His hand and He swirled me into a waltz that seemed to consume every inch of my being. 

We danced around and around and He lifted me higher and higher until we were dancing on mountain tops and over the seas.  The crescendo of the music kept rising to the plateau of complete immersion into Him as it swirled around us.

“Let them praise his name with dancing and make music to him with timbrel and harp.” Psalm 149:3

 As He motioned for me to look down with his head, there before me was the throne of God glistening with the colors of the rainbow and shooting off ceaseless jewel colored rays of piercing light that overflowed into the atmosphere around us.  I looked into His eyes and the love that filled my every longing was there and that was all that mattered.  I rested my head on His shoulder and felt safe.

His fragrance filled my soul.

I became lost in HIM. 

Oh, the joy of it. 

“The LORD your God among you is powerful — He will save and He will take joyful delight in you.  In his love He will renew you with His love; He will celebrate with singing because of you.”  Jeremiah 3:17

Have you met your Prince in this way yet?  He is standing right there.  Open your spiritual eyes and behold Him…….

 

Unhealed Relationship Wounds…The Patterns of Our Unhealthy Choices

Georgia had finally reached the end of her rope when she came in for coaching.  She was on her 3rd husband and could not understand why he was so much like the former 2 husbands who were rageful, controlling and vengeful.  She longed for a peaceful marriage but her feeble attempts to ‘fix’ these men had made her feel like such a failure and her husband helped her along with that by saying that yes, she was a loser in everything she did.

But what Georgia didn’t understand was that she kept seeking her own healing from years of abuse by a rageful father through men that were just like him.  She would just jump into the first relationship that made her feel comfortable– without seeking healing from Jesus so she could walk away from her past and make wiser choices in who she connected with. 

The problem was the men that made her feel comfortable only made her feel that way because they reminded her of her father.  She had this need to repeat the life she had with him– to try to make it come out right in order to fill the gaping hole her father left in her in her growing up years.

And the pattern was bound to be repeated in failed marriages over and over again until Georgia finally found her way to allow the  Holy Spirit into those wounded places.

Unhealed relational wounds drive us to compulsive attempts to repair the damage. Without being aware of it, we seek out people we believe can “fix” what’s wrong with us or help us find a piece of ourselves we feel is missing.

We function emotionally like the man dying of thirst who sees a mirage and hurries to it only to find it is dry sand.   His perceptions are driven by his need.

We are rarely aware that something in us wants completeness.  The truth is we long for Jesus continually because He is the one who  has really set eternity in our hearts. Within us, our spirits, we know the answer lies in Him. But our soulish realm, the mind , will and emotions has to be renewed and healed so we can change ourselves from the inside out.

But if we remain unaware of the powerful forces at work within us conditioned by our past emotional injuries, such as our family dynamics and how we responded to it, we can be blind to its influence and seek out the completeness we lack by making all the wrong choices. For example, consider the following scenarios:

• The codependent person lacks assertiveness and the ability to confront, so she attracts controlling and aggressive people. (Georgia’s case)

• The rageful person can’t bear to feel emotions that make her sad, so she finds empathic people who won’t confront her moods.

• The rigid, black-and-white person with walls a mile thick is not able to let go of control, so he seeks out spontaneous, creative people who won’t try to control him.

• The over-responsible, guilt-ridden person lacks self-care and feels like a loser, so she finds self-absorbed people who care for no one but themselves.

These kinds of responses do not reflect God’s intentions for us in any way. And they don’t lead to healthy or fulfilling connections.

But we are not complete without relationship with Him and knowing Him as our healer from the past.

We have missing pieces— holes in us that we carry from childhood into adulthood.

The path to completeness or wholeness is to find a relational context and healthy relationships within community in the body of Christ…..finding those who you can trust and be vulnerable with and who can help you finish the emotional work that enables you to grow into the capacities you lack and become who you were always meant to be.

The first step is admitting to the pattern and seeking help.

 “You complete me” is a great line from a movie, but it doesn’t work in real relationships.  Another human being is simply not capable of making you feel complete.   Your sense of worth has to come from God and His complete work in your life.   Our pasts to not have to dictate our futures.

That is why most of us need to put less energy into romance and more into personal growth. It pays off later in romance.  I recently saw this posting on Face book that got a resounding “YES” from me.

“A woman’s heart should be so hidden in God that a man has to seek HIM to find her!”

Complete people attract other complete people.

We all need relationships that are supportive and caring in order to thrive. And while there can be excitement and drama with a person who follows your old patterns of dysfunction, it will ultimately be exhausting, if not debilitating. Setting boundaries and expressing your needs clearly will not only detract unhealthy people from seeking you out, and make them less attractive to you, but it will also attract people who are healthy enough to be there for you as well.

And that is where the real passion, excitement and God’s love will emerge.

Don’t let unhealed relational wounds or the pain of a past relationship affect your future.

You CAN prevent the past from repeating itself. 

Sugar Coated Anger….15 Ways to Recognize Passive Aggressive Behavior!

My belief has always been, when the dark and hidden areas of our minds are exposed to light and truth, the darkness has to go.  Light and darkness simply cannot dwell in the same place. 

So, as a Life Coach, I endeavor to ask the right questions that will uncover areas in ourselves that will ultimately answer our questions and set us free from bondage.  Or to help us see the truth within relationships that perplex us, that also sets us free from the actions of others.

Sometimes our communication and conflict management patterns can be out of whack.  

This can be for a variety of reasons based on our background and learned behavior.  Those patterns can change with some insights, skills and relationship help.

And if you want it to change. 

You have to want it to change. 

It is always about a choice, isn’t it?

So, if this post helps you see your own passive-aggressive behaviors, you will understand why others find it difficult to be around you, trust you, and respect you as you would like to be trusted and respected.

You confuse them.  People move away from folks who purposefully confuse them — if they are smart.  It can be such a drain.

Or if it answers your questions or rings a bell in some of your relationship conflicts with the other people in your life who have these traits this will help you realize you are not really crazy–and it is not you!

Just becoming a Christian doesn’t mean that our behavior patterns change overnight.  The minute we become believers of Jesus Christ, our hearts are born anew.  We get brand new hearts, alive unto God.  And we are saved by His grace, not by our own goodness, but by His. 

But our souls, (mind, will, and emotions) have to be renewed on a daily basis by a continued pursued relationship with Jesus.  His spirit helps us to change and it is never ending growth.  We have to learn how to recognize old coping skills from the past and allow the Lord to show us how to move past them and find our security, comfort, and value from Him alone.

So, I am offering you a list of what you can look for in a passive aggressive person, or to even recognize some of the traits in yourself.  If so, I hope you find it home-hitting and immediately revealing and you start the journey to correct it.

If these traits describe you as you usually are, I invite you to sit up and take notice.  You likely do not even realize you are doing these things.  Once you read them and ponder your own behavior, you may finally understand why you are having difficulties having the relationships you most want, at home and at work or in the church.

More good news, the more willing to work on yourself you are, the greater your chances of having the life with others that you crave.  When you realize how you are pushing them away by your crazy-making behaviors, you can change things within yourself. When you are trustworthy within yourself, you will be perceived as trustworthy by others.

Although men and women express their passive-aggressive behaviors somewhat differently, generally, you are behaving in passive-aggressive ways if you are regularly:

1. Unwilling to speak your truth openly, kindly and honestly when asked for your opinion or when asked to do something for someone.

How this shows up in communication is being “assertively unassertive”.  You say “Yes” (assertive) when you really mean “No way” (unassertive).  Then, you let your behavior say “No way” for you.  People become confused and mistrusting of you.

2. Appearing sweet, compliant and agreeable, but are really resentful, angry, petty and envious underneath and your actions are just off enough to the point that those close to you sense it.  It makes those around you annoyed and confused.

People who do not get along with others are interested only in themselves; they will disagree with what everyone else knows is right.  A fool does not care whether he understands a thing or not; all he wants to do is show how smart he is. Pro. 18:1&2 NLT

 3. You fear direct communication because you fear rejection. You then often push away the people you care about because you don’t want to seem in need of support.

All the while, you are afraid of being alone and so you want to control those around you so they won’t leave you.  Very confusing!

4. Complaining that others treat you unfairly frequently.  Rather than taking responsibility for stepping up and speaking your truth, you set yourself up as the (innocent) victim.  You say others are hard on you, unfair, unreasonable and excessively demanding.

5. Procrastinating frequently, especially on things you do for others.  One way of controlling others is to make them wait.  Ouch!!  I know that speaks to so many of us.  You have lots of excuses why you haven’t been able to get things done.  You even blame others for why that is so.  It’s amazingly unreasonable, but you do it even though it destroys relationship, damages careers, loses friendships and jobs.

And, you tell others how justified you are in being angry because, once again, others treated you unfairly.

6. Unwilling to give a straight answer.  Another way of controlling others is to send mixed messages, ones that leave the other person completely unclear about your thoughts, plans or intentions.

Then, you make them feel wrong when you tell them that what they took from your communication was not what you meant.  Silly them!

7. The silent treatment.  Passive aggressive behavior is recognizable by the disconnect between what is being said and what is being done. Nothing highlights this more than the famous silent treatment. Silence generally signifies agreement but not in this case.  When you are on the receiving end of the silent treatment, you realize that the other person is far from agreeable.  They have a big problem with you and just to allow themselves the victory, they have no intention of telling you what that is.

There are 2 other common versions of the silent treatment.  One is to answer the question ‘What’s wrong?’ with ‘nothing’, when there certainly is something wrong.  The other is to answer any question with just one word.  This is intended to signal that there is a problem, without you having to say it.

Both expressions say “You poor confused person. You’re not worth talking to.”  But the real reason for their behavior is that they have not, cannot, or will not take responsibility for their own behavior.

I appeal to you therefore, brothers, by the mercies of God, to present your bodies as a living sacrifice, holy and acceptable to God, which is your spiritual worship.  Do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewal of your mind, that by testing you may discern what is the will of God, what is good and acceptable and perfect.  Romans 12:1-2 ESV

8. Frequently feeling inadequate but covering it up with superiority, disdain or hostile passivity. 

Whether you set yourself up to be a self-sabotaging failure — “Why do you have such unrealistic expectations of me?” or a tyrant or goddess incapable of anything less than perfection, “To whom do you think you are speaking?”  You are shaking in your boots from fear of competition and being found out as less than perfect.

9. Often late and/or forgetful.  One way of driving people away is to be thoughtless, inconsiderate and infuriating.

And, then, to put the cherry on top, you suggest that it’s unrealistic to expect you to arrive on time, or, in your words, “think of everything”.  Being chronically late is disrespectful of others.  Supposedly forgetting to do what you have agreed to do is simply demonstrating your lack of trustworthiness.  Who wants to be around that for long?

Pro. 16:7   When people’s lives please the LORD, even their enemies are at peace with them.

10. Making up stories, excuses and lies.  You are the master of avoidance of the straight answer.  You’ll go to great lengths to tell a story, withhold information, or even withhold love and affirmation in your primary relationships.  It seems that if you let folks think you like them too much, that would be giving them power.  You’d rather be in control by creating a story that seems plausible, gets them off your back, and makes reality look better from your viewpoint.

11. Constantly protecting yourself so no one will know how afraid you are of being inadequate, imperfect, dependent or simply human.

12. Complaints of injustice and lack of appreciation

13. Dragging your feet to frustrate others.  Again, a control move somewhat like procrastinating, but the difference is you begin and appear as though you are doing what you said you would do.  But, you always have an excuse why you cannot continue or complete the task.  You won’t even say when it will be — or even might be — done.  Do you know anyone like this? 

Everything is viewed as an attack on you.  When something doesn’t go your way, it is seen as unfair or an injustice.  It’s all about how the world impacts you.

For freedom Christ has set us free; stand firm therefore, and do not submit again to a yoke of slavery.  Galatians 5:1-20 ESV

14. Disguising criticism with compliments

At first, passive aggressive people may seem pleasant and warm.  They often appear to be complimentary.  It is only after they have left that you realize that the compliment was actually disguising a cheap jibe.

15. Always getting in the last punch.

Passive aggressive people love to throw the last punch.  So much so, that even when an argument has been reconciled, they slip one last insulting remark into the conversation. This remark is often more subtle than the ones which went before but it is still an insulting remark which allows them to feel victorious.

We belong to God.  It is time for us to step into maturity and begin to face truth about the strong holds in our lives that hold us back from producing His fruit in us. 

The answer always lies in Jesus.  Our renewed minds will flow out from Him if we are willing to admit the truth of our actions to ourselves and then to Him.  It is not in our own power but in His.  In our weaknesses He is made strong, but we have to be willing to get out of denial and face our truth.  He will help us with the rest! 

Love is patient and kind; love does not envy or boast; it is not arrogant or rude. It does not insist on its own way; it is not irritable or resentful; it does not rejoice at wrongdoing, but rejoices with the truth. Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things. 1 Corinthians 13:4-7 

First Day of 2015: Talking To Jesus and What He Told Me.

I found myself alone on New Year’s   day.  On New Year’s Eve I felt the call to start the year with inviting Jesus into the year, and by morning I knew I had a date.  I came with a list of requests to lay down at His feet.  But as I began talking to Him I was overwhelmed with His presence and could not get any of those requests past my tongue.  I could only sit at His feet and love on Him with my whole heart.  His response to me seemed to take on a message for His church as well.  I knew He wanted me to share my intimate moments of this day with you in the context of my blog.

Me:

“Happy New Year, dear Jesus.  You are so precious to me.  I love You so much.  I have gone through so many emotional ups and downs over the last quarter of 2014 and always those ups and downs direct me back to my Center–YOU!! 

You are the One who fulfills my every need–no matter what the circumstances are, You are there.  You are…

my Anchor,

my Companion,

my Universe.

It’s amazing Lord to witness You in the lives of those I’m vulnerable enough to share my own weaknesses with–and how You take my weaknesses and inabilities and use then to show others they can do it too!  I marvel at Your workings in the lives of my husband and children and grand children…all that pertains to me You are exceedingly interested in and are very much involved in their lives because of our love for each other–me and You–and because Your Word does not return to you void of accomplishing all that you promise–because YOU are the Word!  How could you ever deny Yourself.  I think of what I wanted to ask of You today on this first day of the new year, and my requests pale in comparison to my deep need to…

praise You,

extol You,

glorify You,

worship You,

thank you,

Soak in Your essence and Your sweet undeniable presence here in this spot of the Divine.

I can’t seem to stop the flow of words of admiration and joy at my delight in You, my Lover and my King. 

I came with requests but somehow I have sensed as I pour out my heart in sweet communion with You that those requests are already taken care of in Your time for You know my heart and what I have need of before I even ask….and because I’m talking to You all the time about those issues that my heart seeks for.

Today, the first day of 2015, I just want to absorb You, love You, and dance the dance of love with my beautiful, all consuming King. 

I sense a shift in the atmosphere, Lord–something I am not clear on– and I can only trust as I wait expectantly on You.  I know this year will be restorative for so many, including me, and countless others who love You and who seek You with all their hearts. 

Let the rain of Your presence fall on me Lord…let Your glory shine through my countenance…and all the angels of heaven with me….at Your absolute, infinite, and all consuming love. 

You ARE Love Himself.  Let that Love shine so forth through me that it blinds the evil hearts of those who seek to destroy and let that love burn out all deception and wrath of those I meet.  Let that love break down even the most stubborn and fearful hearts and bring Your light into the darkness.

I love You, Jesus!”

Jesus then replied:

“Dixie, I delight in your praise and you have touched on my heart in such a way that I indeed am smiling and dancing the dance of joy with you.  Remember the vision you had of Us dancing above the mountain tops and into the stars?  I see it as our dance of unity and faith and deep love….and all that we have shared this past year. 

But this year of 2015 will hold new depths of dance for us my love.  We will soar into the heavenly sphere of the supernatural.  There indeed will be a shift in the spirit in your life and in the lives of those who seek Me with all their heart. 

When they realize that serving Me is not about where they ‘go’ or who they talk too, but really knowing Me in the truest sense, and is finding the time to talk to me–allowing me to talk back–allowing Me to speak to them in the midst of their business.  Those who desire Me above attendance, works, pride, self absorption, family, friends, obsessions, addictions…in spite of those things, they will still reach out to Me alone….then they will find Me.

I feel such sorrow when my children say they love Me but they don’t pursue this kind of intimacy with Me.  For I have so much more to give them but I don’t because they wouldn’t recognize my voice.  Unless they begin the journey outside of their complacency, their doubts, and their busy lives–those parts of themselves that consume them…they will either forget Me or just be too busy to take a moment to meet with Me.

I will never, ever leave you My love.

The year ahead holds much uncertainty and fear and dread for those who focus on the evil reports of this world.  And they will come, those evil reports.  These days are ones of unrest…of the earth groaning with birth pangs, as if ready to give birth to a new heaven and a new earth.  There is so much destruction, so much pain, so much evil, and so much deception.  Without Me as their Center they will give way to the enemy and be tormented and uncertain.

I am raising up a remnant of the church body to be examples in these last days of what true relationship and intimacy with Me really means in their lives.  They will be the forerunners of strength and faith that my weaker body can run to find hope and example of what the reality of knowing Me can bring them through.  They must learn to turn to me in adversity and trials for it is there they will find my presence and deliverance and stabilization in the uncertain times.

I am not just a ticket to heaven, though it be so.  But I am also here to lead my sheep into eternal Kingdom living.  This, my child, is the beginning of becoming eternally minded and how you can all learn to live IN Me, within My Kingdom.

You are my bride.  I AM your Bridegroom.  I love you, My Dixie, with an eternal, all consuming love.

I love My body with this same love.  I long for them to know it.”

♥♥♥

Oh, Mama Mary! Did You Know?

The virgin birth of Jesus touches me in a very female way in relating to sweet Mary as a mother.  Any mother beholding those scenes of recent Jesus movies of Mary watching her beloved Son tortured and murdered on that cross can’t help but feel the deep emotions and horror that Mary felt as she watched and fell at His feet sobbing.

It really happened!

No words to describe it!

So many questions.

We don’t know much about her.  We know she was young and poor and a devout believer in God.  And at the time of the angels announcement of her pregnancy she is in love with Joseph.

What God asks Mary to do will change her life forever.  She was just a teenager.

Gone are the happy dreams of a beautiful wedding; gone are the days of sweet anticipation; gone are the carefully-thought out plans for the wedding feast; gone are the hopes for “the most beautiful wedding to the most wonderful man who ever lived”; gone are all her girlish hopes of a quiet life in the home she would personally decorate.

She will be married, but not before rumors spread through the countryside.  There will be a wedding feast, but not the way she planned.  She will have a home, and it will be filled with children, but over her family will rest an uneasy cloud of dark questions.

It will all happen, but not the way she expected.

“Greetings, you who are highly favored! The Lord is with you.”

Mary quite simply did not know what to make of it.  It’s as if someone you’ve never seen came up to you and said, “Good news.  This is your lucky day.  God has chosen you for a special blessing.”  How do you respond to that?

“CONGRATULATIONS!  YOU’RE GOING TO HAVE A BABY!”

But that’s not the half of it.  Without a pause, Gabriel proceeds to tell her something that–to use a 21st century term Mary almost certainly wouldn’t have used–blows her mind.  He tells her she’s going to have a baby.  And not just any baby.  She’s going to give birth to the Son of God.

She only has one question, a technical matter she would like cleared up: “How can this be”, Mary asked the angel, “since I am a virgin?”  This is a perfectly natural question.  Mary is betrothed but not formally married.  She has never had sexual relations with any man.  How then can she become pregnant and bear a son?

“The Holy Spirit will come upon you, and the power of the Most High will overshadow you.  So the Holy One to be born will be called the Son of God.”

The key point in Gabriel’s explanation is that what is about to happen to Mary will be the result of the direct intervention from God.

The Holy Spirit is the agent of the Virgin Birth; overshadowing is the means of the Virgin Birth; the Son of God is the result of the Virgin Birth.

NOTHING IS IMPOSSIBLE WITH GOD

In the history of the church, Mary has often been portrayed as a kind of misty, other-worldly figure.  If you look at some of the great paintings of Mary, they make her look so peaceful and beatific that you almost forget she was a real person.  But Luke makes it clear that she was very real, with very real doubts, very real questions and very real faith. Nowhere is this seen with more clarity than in Luke:

“I am the Lord’s servant”, Mary answered.  “May it be to me as you have said.”  Then the angel left her.

Mary said Yes.  Yes to God, Yes to the impossible, Yes to the plan of God.

And all these things were just the beginning.  Mary could not know what the future would hold.  Before it was all over, she would experience heartache, opposition, slander, confusion, anguish, despair and loneliness.

In the end she would face the greatest pain a mother can endure when she would watch her son die on a cross.  She was changed when she conceived Him through the power of the Holy Spirit, but, I believe, nothing could have prepared her for that horrific night of watching her first born baby boy, who only loved, die a tortuous death. 

She would never forget it and it changed her….but, then again, not as much as three days later seeing Him come back in all of His glory!

What a story!

Mary didn’t know the full cost of saying yes that day.  But having made her decision she never looked back.

When God said, “Are you willing to believe the impossible?”, Mary said, “Yes I am!”  Without that Yes, there would be no Christmas.

A WOMAN GOD COULD TRUST

What about your ‘yes’?

Mary said Yes to shame and glory; she said Yes to God’s power; she said Yes to the impossible.

If somehow Mary could be here today and we could ask her, “Was it worth it?”, she would say “Yes”, I am sure of it.  Because now she knows that because of her obedience we are free– because she allowed God to use her to bring our Savior. 

So then, how do I relate to Mary’s example in this century?  What can I learn from her today?  How can I live my life through her example?

♥  She is a model of openness to great possibilities.  Can I be open to great possibilities in my life?  Supernatural possibilities?

♥  She is a model of faith in the face of many natural doubts.  Can I believe God when the natural way of things look like there is no other way?

It’s still true that “Nothing is impossible with God”.  That’s as true today as it was 2,000 years ago.  It’s also true that somebody has to say Yes or else the impossible will never happen.

I have no doubt that some of you reading this…

Are carrying heavy burdens today.

And Christmas will be lonely this year.

• Some of you are facing a financial crisis that looks hopeless to you right now.

• Some of you are out of work and don’t have a single lead on a good job.

• Some of you are looking at a marriage that seems worse than hopeless.

• Some of you are estranged from members of your own family.

• Some of you have children who are far away from God.

• Some of you feel lonely and far away from God yourselves.

The list goes on and on.  But all these things have this in common:

They seem impossible to solve by any human means.  If human means would have solved your problems, they would have been solved long ago.

But, if nothing else, allow Mary’s story to revive your faith this Christmas season to the God of the impossible.  He is not oblivious to your pain and your need.  Live in the realm of the supernatural because we are spiritual beings.

Focus on His capabilities and not your own.  He loves you and you matter!

Christmas is all about miracles.  They happened 2,000 years ago; they still happen today.

*”Mary did you know, that your  baby boy will someday walk on water?  Mary did you know, that your baby boy will save our sons and daughters?  Did you know, that your baby boy has come to make you new?  This child you’ve delivered will soon deliver you. 

Mary did you know, that your baby boy will give sight to a blind man?  Mary did you know, that your baby boy will calm a storm with his hand?  Did you know, that your baby boy has walked where angels trod?  And when your kiss your little baby, you have kissed the face of God.

Oh Mary did you know?

The blind will see, the deaf will hear, the dead will live again.
The lame will leap, the dumb will speak, the praises of the lamb.

Mary did you know, that your baby boy is Lord of all creation?
Mary did you know, that your baby boy would one day rule the nations?

Did you know that your baby boy is heaven’s perfect Lamb?
This sleeping child you’re holding is the great I AM.”

 

*Mary Did You Know; Mark Lowry: wrote the lyrics in 1984, and the music was written in 1991 when he gave it to Buddy Greene.

Christmas Nostalgia

Through popular demand I am reprinting a favorite of readers for this Christmas season.  Enjoy!!

This time of year turns my heart back to family, and those warm memories of when my kids were little and all the excitement of the holidays and watching their faces of wonderment as we decorated the tree and prepared for all of our family traditions.  I actually conjure up tears of longing for those days gone by since my babies are not babies anymore.  It was one of the happiest times of my life.

When they were little I never wanted them out of my sight.  I kept them so close.  I endeavored to build into them a confidence that I would always be there for them.  Beginning with that first step at around one year old; when a mom has that sense of uneasiness that already they are beginning to move away from us.  I sense it.  I was like any other Mom when their adorable child takes the first step.  You feel like they are the smartest kid in the world.  But deep down was this feeling of dread; that each new day in their young lives they would move a little bit farther away from me, until one day, God forbid, they would leave and start a life without me there.  Ouch!

My determination became to teach them about Jesus every chance I could.  I would not leave it up to their Sunday school teachers, Christian School teachers, or anyone else to do my job of bringing my kids to Christ and to the best of my ability teach them how to live.  I wanted them to know that whatever came into their life they would always have Him and He would direct their paths and be their constant companion.    They both came to me at around 4 or 5 years old and asked if I would pray with them to invite Jesus into their young lives.  What a joy that day was!! 

Now, as a Grandmother I have endeavored to be the same kind of example to my grandchildren.  

But I digress….

When my babies started school, this is how it went: Kindergarten and first grade when they would return to me at the end of their day, they were always full of joy to see me, we had a snack together and they would play and rest.  I would say, “I’m so glad  you are home”….and I meant it.

The following years came and went with each new year they grew a little more independent.  At first they wanted to be where they could see me, but not too hovering or clingy.  Every day when they would come home the instant they opened the door they always said, “Mom, I’m home”, and I would breathe easy once again because my babies were mine again, at least for that day.

Then came Junior High School; the time when I  became an embarrassment to them if they were seen with me in front of their friends.  And the time when you wonder if aliens have inhabited your kids.  One day they get up and they even look different.  Then they open their mouths and then you know for sure it is not them…and a part of you grieves.  You know that your babies are not babies anymore.  That time is past.  But wait, they still come home at the end of the day and yell, “Mom, I’m home”, and for a moment all is well with the world again.  They still have weak moments of reverting back on occasion and when no one is looking they would lay their head on my shoulder or hug me, and my heart would soar once again.

And High School followed.  This was a tough time for me because it was when my own life fell apart.  To learn more about that you will have to read my book, “Climbing Out of the Box” and you will find it on Amazon.   The kids’ Dad had left us and so we were driven closer together in adversity by having to move out of our house and into a tiny apartment, but farther apart because it was a time they tried to find their bearings in life, and it seems like they slipped right out of my grasp.  It was painful in not only the loss of my life as I knew it but also I couldn’t pretend my kids were babies anymore.  And I was alone; double whammy.  Now, we all went different ways.  But they still came home at the end of their days at some point, and I would always hear, “Mom, I’m home”…..and for a brief moment I closed my eyes and hung onto those memories once again.

Then they left.  They flew out of the nest.  And oh, it was so painful to let my babies go.  All  you parents out there who have had kids leave, can relate.  A hole is left in your heart that it takes a while to figure out how to function again without your kids always being in the back of your mind and how whatever you are doing might affect them.  They have their own life now.

But then they would come back to see me and once again I heard that welcome phrase when they would walk in the door; “Mom, I’m home”……I realized, at that point, that to them, it wasn’t where I lived that was their home…It was the fact that home is where I am.

They are 38 and 42 today and when I look at them I still see my babies.  And they will flinch when they read this but, no kidding!   I think that is how God sees us.  Not by our age but because we are His children He always loves us as such.  Of course we have to grow up, even as our earthly kids do, and mature into an even greater relationship with Him.  And this is what I want for my kids.  My kids still say, “Mom, I’m home”, or sometimes, “Mom, I’m here”, always knowing that I will be overjoyed to see them at any time.

One day my life here on earth will be through and I will be in Heaven.  My vision has always been that on a given day in Heaven as I am going about my tasks that Jesus and I decide will be my calling there, everything will stop for me.  Suddenly an awareness will fill my being that something wonderful is about to happen.  I hear a distant familiar sound!  The anticipation and joy lifts me off the ground in awesome glory.   And then, I will hear it oh so clearly; the voice of my children is as familiar as my own voice.  “Mom, I’m Home”….”Home” now being our real home, Heaven, where we were always meant to be after this brief life on earth.   Oh what joy will fill my heart. 

We will never be apart but we will all be home with our wonderful Jesus and each other.  “Mom, we are home”….to dwell together for all eternity.  This is our heritage, dear parents.  This life with our kids is so short compared to eternity spent with them in God’s kingdom.  Tell your children about Jesus every chance you get for as they grow in Him He will be their stabilizing force!!  It is never too late, either, to share this good news with your kids if they don’t already know it.  There is a wonderful place we are all going to live after this life.   

“That is what the Scriptures mean when they say, “No eye has seen, no ear has heard, and no mind has imagined what God has prepared for those who love him.” 1 Corinthians 2:9 NLT

My children today!!

 

I Remembered How Small I Am

I recently was talking to a client that was being so totally honest with me and pouring out her heart, that I, too, began to identify with what she was saying. 

Ever have that happen?

This, in essence is what she said to me,

“I spend most of my regular time believing that God has a plan for my life, but then I take most of that time trying to figure out specifically what that is.  Knowing that I’m supposed to share my faith with friends and strangers, but usually feeling too exhausted or irritable to actually do it.

I agree that God wants to do great things in my life, but I feel like a failure because all that greatness seems so often submerged in mediocrity.  I am exhausted just trying to figure it all out.”

I thought, ”Wow, this is me sometimes.  I know He has a plan for me and I know it is big.  But today I want to just do nothing.  I want to take a nap from all this greatness!!”

Hmmmm…Maybe all of this striving, and guilt, and frustration, is actually not what God wants most.

Maybe, what Jesus desires for us, more than anything, is that we recover a pace that allows us to breathe and receive.

Could it be possible, that your most pressing personal mission, is not about you doing anything at all.

Here’s a thought!  What if God’s plan for your life right now, was not that you save souls or change worlds, but that you take a nap?

I gave myself permission one day to stop reading, and studying, and writing, and thinking, and doing God stuff, and I simply laid down in our backyard swing by my waterfall.

I purposefully didn’t wrestle with any great spiritual truths, or any nagging questions about the future, or death, or my personal, God-designed plan; I just rested and let my mind wonder.  I “considered the lilies of the field” as it were.  

I let myself become cocooned in the lightness of His presence without thinking I needed to be “doing” anything else.  I drifted in and out of a blissful sleep. 

I could hear birds chirping and I enjoyed the fragrance of my Angel Trumpets blooming nearby.  

And something really great, and quite spiritual, happened while I laid there.

I remembered how small I am.

I noticed the trees shifting in the wind, and the sounds of  birds, and the shade of blue above me.

As I did, I was struck with the thought that God doesn’t just a have a plan for me,

God HAS ME!

It could be true that God wants you to change the world and as a matter of fact, I am sure of it.  But more than that, God wants you to find peace in His presence…..

…to be able to rest in the questions and in the undone;

…To pause and realize that His greatest plan is not that you save anything.

You are the one being saved. 

If you never went any further than today, I am convinced His highest for you is to have a love relationship with Him that surpasses all else in your life, and to rest in that. 

He is not a driving task master. 

What Jesus wants to teach us is to live at home in Him.  This is not a theology to subscribe to, but a way to live all day, every day.

Living with Jesus has absolutely nothing to do with where you are on Sunday morning at 10:00 and everything to do with following Him through each day.  He made all of life sacred by coming to live in us and becoming a part of everything we do.

We sometimes over complicate things.  The reason people have trouble discovering this reality is because they don’t believe it is as simple as it really is.  Living in communion with Him is what He shapes in a willing heart as we learn to relax in His love.

Right where you are He can show you how to live at home in the Father, confident in His love, and at peace even in times of trouble

If you are not at rest in God’s love for you, no amount of human contact will fill that void; it can only mask it.  Let your loneliness draw you into a greater depth of relationship with Him and then a new way of relating to others emerges.

He is the Jesus who has given you freedom.  He paid the ultimate price so that you can be free to just love Him.  It is in that love that you find your place to just BE!  Any service for Him will flow out of that.

So, lighten up on yourself.  I give you permission to enjoy your life and to have fun, and enjoy simple trust. 

 Now go nap your way into that truth.

Just Shoot Me Now! 2 Ways to Heal Shame Wounds

Years ago I was at Santa Barbara City College to witness my friend’s graduation as an X-ray Technician.  The campus was teaming with people that day for there were many students getting various degrees and licenses in their particular fields.  The event was outside and I sat down on the cold metal chair and then realized I had a while to wait so ventured off across campus to find the restrooms.  

I wore a long skirt that day.  After using the restroom hurriedly, I started the long walk back to my chair.  The whole way there people were staring at me weird.

Some had smirks on their faces and some looked away in disgust.  I couldn’t figure out what their problem was and one time I even shot a dirty look back at some guy, like he had a problem or something.  I passed many people on the way back to my chair and they all looked away when I would smile at them. 

When I finally sat down I felt intensely cold metal on my back side and glanced back.  My skirt in the back was completely tucked inside my underwear and my entire back side was exposed to all the ‘millions’ of people that I passed on the way back.  No one had the nerve to tell me! 

Just shoot me now!

I find it very funny now.  Add it to my list of escapades that have provided many chuckles in my story telling on myself. 

But back then I wasn’t as healthy, and had not dealt with much of my denial and secrets of years past born out of being a victim of childhood sexual abuse.  I sat there the whole event cloaked in shame and embarrassment.  I felt exposed and uncovered the whole day and I felt like a child inside with no self esteem who just wanted to run. 

Shame is an emotion in which the self is perceived as defective, unacceptable, or fundamentally damaged.  Shame is often confused with guilt, which is a related but distinct emotion in which a specific behavior is viewed as unacceptable or wrong, rather than the entire self.

Brene Brown says, “Owning our story can be hard but not nearly as difficult as spending our lives running from it.  Embracing our vulnerabilities is risky but not nearly as dangerous as giving up on love and belonging and joy—the experiences that make us the most vulnerable.  Only when we are brave enough to explore the darkness will we discover the infinite power of our light.” 

Shame is darkness to our soul.  We need to learn to recognize it and then let it go into the light of His presence in us.

People who experience traumatic events, mostly in childhood, are prone to shame, particularly if they blame themselves for the event.

Shame gives you a desire to hide, disappear, or even die.

Have you ever done anything you’re not proud of, like feigning a headache to get out of a dinner or snapping at your partner in a heated moment?  You mess up, like we all do, and when it happens, you probably feel guilty and convicted to make it right.

Guilt is a normal emotion that people experience when they believe they have caused harm or actually done something wrong.  We all make mistakes and those mistakes often affect other people, therefore we feel guilt. 

Or there is unfounded guilt, the worst kind.  We could come from a family that used guilt to manipulate us all of our lives.  Such as, “Okay go the movies son, but if I am dead in my chair when you get back, just bury me out back.”

Now that evokes guilt.  Any dutiful son would cancel his plans so that he won’t be responsible for causing Dad to die.  The motivation is guilt.  But that son will carry anger in his heart, and left undealt with, will be with him through adulthood.

Or how about going to see an elderly parent.  The first thing they say to you is “Where have you been?  Why haven’t you come to see me?”  More guilt, instead of rejoicing that you are there now.  The guilt can be so horrible it makes you not want to visit them at all.

But, If your feelings of guilt cause daily anxiety or are out of proportion to the actual mistakes you have made, you might be suffering from an even more toxic emotion:

Shame.

Shame is what I felt that day I was exposed to the world.

Shame is commonly confused with guilt.  People who experience shame often feel bad for every little error they make, and are in a constant state of fear of making more.  For this reason, they feel fear around authority figures, judge themselves harshly, and have a low sense of self esteem.

Guilt says I have done something wrong.

Shame says I AM something wrong.

Shame is toxic.

Shame can strip away the joy and freedom that you deserve to experience in your walk.

Shame most often stems from a wounded part of you that was convinced in childhood that you weren’t enough.  Though this is not the truth, it may feel that way, as beliefs that you carry for decades become your reality.

Shame can play a very powerful and negative role in your life, but it doesn’t have to.  God can heal your feelings of shame and you can start living a happier and more empowered life. 

One of the most powerful techniques to healing shame is to practice self compassion.  We need to love ourselves.  How do we do that?

1. We begin to treat ourselves and talk to ourselves with the same kindness, caring and compassion we would show a good friend or a beloved child.  We find out what God says about us as His precious children and begin to confess that over ourselves in spite of what we feel.  We will eventually begin to believe it.  It will sink into your mind and renew your mind to truth rather than what you have believed all of your life.

When we practice this, it helps us to feel less isolated and alienated from others.  The more shame we feel, the more deficient we feel and in turn, the more separate we feel from others.

2. Now say those words out loud to yourself.  Take a deep breath and really take in those words.  How does hearing yourself say those words out loud make you feel?  Can you feel your faith grow in your own value in the Kingdom of God.  

The more you practice this the more you will believe it.  Oh, there will be triggers, (like my skirt incident), that will bring back those old familiar feelings, but pay them no attention…pull out those scriptures and start saying them over yourself again.  Sing them over yourself if you feel inclined.  Get them into your spirit and renew your mind!

You deserve to be free to allow God to lead you into a life of freedom you truly love and to feel worthy of having it.

For we are God’s masterpiece. He has created us anew in Christ Jesus, so we can do the good things he planned for us long ago. (Eph 2:10 NLT)

“You made all the delicate, inner parts of my body and knit me together in my mother’s womb.  Thank you for making me so wonderfully complex!   Your workmanship is marvelous—how well I know it.  You watched me as I was being formed in utter seclusion, as I was woven together in the dark of the womb.”  NLT(Psalm 139:13-15).

For help with shame issues I would be honored to coach you into freedom.  You can contact me on this web site from the home page.

Hello, Fear. I’ve Been Expecting You…Five Tools to Combat Anxiety

My journey over the past two years has been one of disbelief, then shock, then denial, then fear, then acceptance, and finally, faith.

But maybe that is wrong. 

Faith had to always be there or I wouldn’t be sane right now.  I have watched God sustain us on very little work for my husband for at least the last 2 years and before that we slowly watched our work source disappear due to California’s changes and cutbacks.  We literally live with no savings and only Him to provide for us.

(You can read about this journey in my new book, 50 Ways to Meet Your Lover, in the “Warfare” section of the book.)

Manna from Heaven.

Well, not literally Manna…yet.   

But envelopes on the door step.  Acquaintances walking up and handing us money.  The givers, giving as my husband speaks at various church gatherings.  And my own income from coaching keeps me floating.  It is so supernatural I can’t even tell you where it all comes from.   

My journey as a Life Purpose Coach is amazing too.  God seriously brings in the clients and it has been this way since the beginning of this career.  When my clientele gets low, I pray and ask God for more and He sends them.

All you have to do is let God know you are ready to reach out to people and He will send them.  No stress in that one.  He just sends them.  So, be watching or you will miss the opportunity.

What one usually fears, at the root level, is a kind of death. We fear a death of a part of ourselves, the death of a job, the death of a move, death of an income, death of ourselves….and the list goes on.  When we think of certain big transitional periods in our lives, we often experience a lot of change.  Change invokes the death of something in our minds…the ending of something.

A change usually requires some letting go of old thoughts, behaviors, people, situations, and ways of being.  And then we can experience the new and fresh.  But if we let anxiety take over we become paralyzed and defeated.

The truth is that we won’t actually die, but somewhere within our psyche, we feel as though we are LITERALLY going to die.

Once we get past that initial fear and insert a healthy comforting tool, we can move towards the new.  We must, in turn, accept what we most fear.  You have to ask yourself…what is the worst that can happen?  

And within that answer comes reality.  I won’t die!

Here are 5 tools for you to begin to gain ground in this fight against fear.

1.  Admit to yourself that you are experiencing anxiety because if you deny it…it only gets worse.  Face it head on.  Make a decision to not react to it.  Instead focus on deep breathing.  Focus only on the breathing and Jesus.  Picture Him right beside you and breathe in His all encompassing peace, and breathe out the anxiety and fear.  Make sure the breaths are from your diaphragm and not your chest in shallow puffs.  Take a deep full breath in through your nose, making sure your belly expands on the inhale, and out through your mouth, and the belly contracts.

2.  Listen to sweet worship music and focus on the words. Drown out the fearful thoughts.

3.  Whisper the name of Jesus…the bible says that at the mention of that name, every knee has to bow, in heaven and in earth….this means that when you say His name, the enemy of fear can’t stay around…it has to leave…

…fear and perfect Love cannot dwell together.

 4.  Learn to train your mind to be on guard against the thoughts that come from–THE VOICE–and that voice usually comes from our enemy or just our own minds (and past voices that spoke negativity into our lives) where the enemy has planted his imagery of death.

 5.  When you feel the thoughts coming of impending doom, immediately start the breathing, the name of Jesus, and a favorite verse you can say over and over again.  And if you need it, put on that music!

Two thoughts cannot dwell in your mind at the same time.  One or the other has to go.  I choose to eradicate the fear thought.

Trust that, no matter what, within your new heart lies the ability to get through anything.  Trust Him–He will walk you through it.

So, that is how I have gotten through this death of the old in my life.  I still don’t know what the outcome of all this will be.  But I do know Jesus has a plan and it will unfold when He is ready to show it to me. 

Meanwhile, I can’t afford to let my mind wander into the unknown valley of fear for it will lead to a certain death of my peace.

This is a battle with the principalities and powers of the air, the warfare for my life and the fight is not mine but His.  As long as I envelope myself in Him He will not let me sink into that raging sea.  

It is not complicated though we try to make it so, don’t we?  

There is no formula, no works, no traditions, nothing that we can fall back on that will move us out of anxiety and into the peace that passes all understanding…except His love.

He is Love itself, and He promises that He will NOT ever forsake us.  

….for He [God] Himself has said, I will not in any way fail you nor give you up nor leave you without support. [I will] not,  [I will] not, [I will] not in any degree leave you helpless nor forsake nor let [you] down (relax My hold on you)! [Assuredly not!]  Hebrews 13:5b Amp.

I will announce the winners of the free books on my next blog.  Read the last blog about the release of my newest book, 50 Ways to Meet Your Lover, and comment if you want to enter the drawing!

 

50 Ways to Meet Your Lover!~~ New Book Launch!

50 Ways to Meet Your Lover, An Invitation Into a Captivating Daily Walk of Intimacy With Jesus, the Lover of Your Heart and Soul

My new book is launched today on Amazon!  Free book giveaway drawn from comments on this blog below!

The story of my life has been the story of a long and passionate pursuit for God.  He always came as the King in my story, and it was always to rescue my heart so I could live as a woman fully alive and completely captivated by my King

My most Intimate Stories Written For You. 

Because of a long childhood shrouded in pain and abuse, I pursued my King with all my heart from my earliest years because, somehow, I knew that He held the answers for my worth as a valuable human being.

Did you ever think Jesus could occupy the role of your lover?  Well, this book shows you 50 ways to do so.  What do you long for Jesus to do for you?  What places in your heart are crying out for healing and restoration and beauty?  Have you lost hope?

I see my journey through life as an adventure; a wild, passion-filled, full of love, full of many valleys and deserts, kind of adventure.  I refuse to see my life as mundane and I refuse to allow myself to think of myself as a victim of circumstances.  I don’t care how  hot the fires of a trial may be.

The reason we identify with fairy tales in some deep part of us is because they rest on three great truths: The hero really has a heart of gold, he is usually a Prince or a King, and his beloved possesses hidden beauty and greatness fit for royalty.  I want you to have a glimpse of Jesus’ golden heart.  I want you to know you possess greatness and honor.  This is how He sees you.

The King is enthralled with your beauty! Ps. 45:11

This Jesus, this playful, fun, extravagant, and total lover of our deepest desires is enthralled by our beauty.

Imagine it!!

50 Ways to Meet Your Lover, is what I humbly share with you as we pursue this King, Prince, Friend, Redeemer, and Lover in a very real and personal way.  I hope you find it spiritual, deep, honest, transparent, vulnerable, inspirational, and humorous.

If you want to know how much you are loved by God, and if you want a closer walk with Him, I pray that my walk–with all of its peaks and valleys–can inspire you to know these very things, and truly give you joy and laughter along your own personal adventure with God.

I’ve written this memoir-driven devotional — with chapter by chapter daily stories from my own personal walk with Jesus~

~  in soul searching stories of discovery

~  find the real you : explore what feeds your soul

~  discover vulnerability and transparency to heal

~  understand how your personal story can be used to get you to the plans and purposes of God in your life

~  be inspired with faith and hope in never being alone on your journey

Let’s Celebrate!

FREE BOOK GIVE AWAY!

I WILL DRAW A NAME AT RANDOM FROM EVERYONE WHO COMMENTS  BELOW IN THE COMMENT SECTION OF THIS BLOG.

THE DRAWING WILL HE HELD A WEEK FROM THE DATE POSTED.

THE WINNER WILL BE ANNOUNCED ON MY NEXT BLOG

(I will notify you for your address)

 

The Woman Who had No Self Esteem, No Hope for the Future, and No Idea She Even had a Gift…..

 It is my story.  MY story!  We all have a story.  This is mine.  I  am  getting ready in a few weeks to launch my 2nd book, 50 Ways  To  Meet Your Lover, An Invitation Into a Captivating Walk With  Jesus the Lover of Your Heart and Soul.  

 A SECOND BOOK!   How crazy is that?

 Who knew this would happen in my life.  I could not have  dreamed that the little girl who was a victim of incest, abused by  her spiritual leaders; the woman who endured seeing her  own sweet little girl become a victim of the same travesty; the  woman who had no self esteem, no hope for the future, and no  idea she even had a gift to use for God could be here today  proclaiming to you that God has made me into an Author and a  Life Purpose Coach,

….and yet here I am.

Don’t tell me God can’t use you because of your past.   I am a walking miracle and living proof.   And He uses my past to set others free now! 

Amazing!

You are a walking miracle!!  You may not know it yet, but you are.

After writing my first book, Climbing Out of the Box, My Journey Out of Sexual and Spiritual Abuse Into Freedom and Healing, I learned that it is in our vulnerability and transparency that others can truly relate and be transformed by our stories.   I learned to let my story go for the good of mankind, so to speak.   For I knew if my story could possibly change the life on one person it would have been worth it to me and to Jesus.

Then I went a step further and realized that even if it was just an act of obedience and I was writing just for Jesus, it still would be more than worth it.  

The surprise was that in writing my story….

I FOUND HEALING!!

And this is why I am such a promoter of journaling your story and thoughts and prayers to God.  If you have coached with me you already know that.   In getting it all out your story begins to make more sense, your life purpose comes into focus, and you find a cleansing of the past like never before.

So, I moved forward in my writing at first never really knowing if it was real.  At first  I had no idea what I was doing.  It was blind faith.  We use the tools and gifting God has given us….sometimes without seeing the completed plan.  He grows us up to reach outside of ourselves to see others walk in the same freedoms.

And that is my goal, really;  To make a difference in the lives of others.

I love to write but I’m not really patient to wait for the plan, the dream, to unfold.  Especially if I have a vision of what I want to put down on paper.  I can see it.  I can feel it.  I am excited about it.  I want to do it now and see it published next week.

But then I wait and write.

And wait and write some more.

And then I don’t want to let go if it, again, and wonder why anyone would want t o read my stuff.

Looking at my motives I realized it is not just about whether my book will be a best seller or not, though that would be wonderful.  It is about being me and being true to who I was created to be and to my calling.  God has a plan.  Then I had to face the fact that even if I knew it wouldn’t be a best seller, I would write it anyway, if only to reach that one person who thought there was no hope left.

There is a divine journey assigned to just me.   There is one assigned to you too.   It is a journey about reaching out, touching lives, healing hearts and being vulnerable enough with my story that it will truly make a difference in the lives of others. 

I want to flow in His plan and not get ahead of myself.  At least in my heart I do.  My head is a different matter.  It wants everything yesterday.  It’s because I have this dream, and it is not going away.  I have more stories to tell.  They are not going away either.  But when I am writing I have need of patience and I always learn in the process.

Maybe it simply means validation.  When my books make  it into print, it says to me, “Yes, you are doing this right.”  I am doing what I’m meant to be doing.

So, here I am with one book published and one about to be published in a week or two; waiting for them to get in the hands of the right people through social media and word of mouth,

..and being okay with it.

My soon to be released book, 50 Ways to Meet Your Lover, A Captivating Invitation Into a Daily Walk Of Intimacy With Jesus the Lover of Your Heart and Soul  is a compilation of my own personal journey– stories of faith, trial and temptations and humor.   It amazes me that many of you will be reading about my very private times of intimacy with Jesus, and actually growing in faith to the place that if He can do it for me, He can certainly do it for you.  At least that is my prayer.

It’s not as though I have a choice.  I can’t control it, this walk of faith –not if I want to continue upward.  And I can’t control the outcome or the wait.  But God knows and His timing is always best for our journeys. 

He zigs while I zag……I must continue to walk in the light of Him on my journey. It is all about surrendering to the process of growing.

Both books can be purchased on Amazon in a few weeks!!  You can get Climbing Out of the Box right now!

I Fell Head-long Down a Flight of Unrelenting, Cement Stairs

When Greg and I were first friends and actually neighbors in our adjoining apartments, he was attending an event one day that he needed support from friends while there.  I decided to  go to the event just to support him.  I spent much time on presenting myself because secretly I was interested in getting to know Greg a little better, if you know what I mean.   I had on lovely white slacks and was coiffed just so.  I lived in an upstairs apartment and cement stairs led down to my car.  As I hurried out the door towards my car, somehow I stumbled heading down the stairs and fell head long down a flight of very hard and unrelenting stairs.

I was stunned and shaken when I reached the bottom and, true to my nature, I looked around to see if anyone saw me and then jumped up and ran back up the stairs in denial that my whole body was in pain.  I hurriedly checked the mirror to make sure my hair and makeup was still in place and my clothes were still presentable and then rushed off to the event, ignoring the ache in my leg and that my body was shaking.

I entered the building and took my seat to observe and when Greg saw me he came and sat with me.  I acted so together as I smiled.  But the minute he looked at me he wanted to know if I was okay…we looked down at my leg with the white pants and there was blood seeping through.  I leaned over and pulled up my pant leg and had a large goose egg on my shin and it was bleeding.  I was embarrassed and said it was nothing and that I just fell down the cement stairs between our apartments before coming.  He looked at me like I was from another world.  Greg still tells the story.

This was typical behavior for me at the time.  I was so good at covering the real me and hiding my imperfections and my clumsiness in most any situation.  I had been through a time of great suffering and pain and was still in hiding from my true self.

Have you ever struggled with the fear of showing your true self to the world?

Do you back off of things you are gifted in and you know it’s because of insecurity?

Would you be surprised to find that most everyone struggles to reveal their true self instead of a masked version of themselves that they feel is a bit more acceptable?

Why do we hide our true selves?  Are we afraid that no one will like us if they knew who we really are?  And, yet, most of us love it when someone reveals their real selves and all of their imperfections because we then start to feel more “normal.”

I had this recurring dream once.  

I would be rushing to get somewhere…didn’t matter where…shopping, school, parties…and I forgot to get dressed and my make up wasn’t on…fear would grip me in the dream and I would be terrified.  I would be putting on eyebrows, and mascara, and whatever but it would never quite stay on me–it would just slip right off; my clothes kept dropping off.  I would find myself in the midst of people totally undone and without makeup or proper attire, terrified and looking for a hiding place but none could be found.  People ignored me and everyone would just look at me as if I was not even there.  There was nothing about me that made a difference.  I was ugly.  I was unacceptable.  I had nothing to offer if I didn’t look the part, according to my own perceptions.  I would wake up from these dreams in a cold sweat.

These dreams revealed to me my deepest insecurities born out of being violated as a young child sexually, and for all my years after the violation I tried to paint a picture of a very together girl that had a perfect life.  But inside I knew I was ugly and unworthy and full of shame.

It took a lot of energy to keep my true self hidden and I was always drained.

It takes courage to step out into self discovery and the pain of facing yourself. 

Many choose to walk this way for the rest of their lives rather than be courageous enough to face their hidden pain and let it go.

We fear failure and not being good enough or that we won’t fit in.

I believe on our deepest levels we are actually afraid of who we could be.  Who we know deep down that God has created us to be…so much more than we could imagine and we know it in our spirits!

You are a precious child of the most high God!  Keeping your light hidden only robs the world of what God has gifted you with.  As a Life Purpose Coach I am convinced that He has a plan for each and every one of us.  But not all walk into that plan.  Some resist it because of fear.    

You were born to shine forth His glory in this world.  That glory is on the inside of you.  As you let that glory shine, you give others permission to do the same. 

Think about how you are one-of-a-kind.  You carry a voice…a resonance.  You have a message. The way you do things is totally you.

 Focusing on this uniqueness will help you to succeed in life.  To grow to love your story.  To find joy in the freedom of being you.

It’s when you discover your uniqueness, that you’ll be open to become who you were meant to be.

The real war is in becoming your truest self. 

I know this struggle too.  Many years I wandered, trying to find who I really was and where I fit in.

But through many years of self discovery in my journey with Jesus, I have to say I am absolutely amazed at how much the struggle to reveal the real me has stopped and I am more comfortable and confident to be who I am called to be.

If you are a regular reader of my blogs you will see I have endeavored to be transparent and vulnerable with my own story…as humorous as it sometimes is…in hopes you will relate and also realize I am no different than you. (Well, maybe some of you aren’t as clumsy as I am.)  

It is through this very transparency that my healing has come.  It is through this vulnerability that others have been able to relate to my story, and feel the courage to share theirs.

How exciting is that?

I am on a mission to proclaim the freedom into the world that deep relationship with Jesus provides for those who want to pursue it and to help them find their voice–the very thing He is calling them to.

I am passionate to help people uncover obstacles that have held them back and to walk with them in a new journey they never knew existed for them and one that  they love.  I would love to work with you in Life Purpose Coaching in uncovering more of “you” and the uniqueness you have to offer the world. 

My friends, you are made unique for a purpose.  Finding your voice starts by being fully alive, inviting people in and having relationship with them by being truly you.

It is letting go of the fear that holds you back once and for all and free falling into the arms of a King who adores you!

Give yourself permission to be free to love you and people wherever you go in life, in what you create and in your business.

Be who you were created to be, find your voice and go change the world. 

 

Does Fishing for People Mean I Have to Stand on the Corner and Yell, “Repent?”

One day as Jesus was walking along the shore of  the Sea of Galilee, He saw two brothers—Simon, also called Peter, and Andrew—throwing a net into the water, for they fished for a living.  Jesus called out  to them, “Come, follow me, and I will show you how to fish for people!”  And they left their nets at once and followed Him.”  Matthew 4:18-20 NLT

I don’t have the gift of evangelism.  My husband does and he loves it!  I love people and have a shepherd’s heart, but I am not one to focus on evangelism.  I am called to share daily Kingdom living with those who are interested, and I write, and I have the gift of counsel through the Holy Spirit’s guidance. 

It took years for me to get over the fear that someone was going to make me stand on a street corner and cry out like John, the Baptist, saying, “Repent, for the Kingdom of Heaven is at hand.”  

One day I was caught up in a crowd of people in an amusement park and I found myself slip into a different perspective of the people, who, quite frankly, seemed to be cutting off my air as they pressed in around me.  I had to purposely focus on breathing to avoid taking off running and screaming to get out of the park.  But as I stood there in the line of humanity I felt myself rising, somehow, to a God’s eye view of the multitudes.  It was like I was still in my body in the sweltering crowds, but another part of me was lifted up into the heavenlies.

It was really pretty amazing. 

I perceived in the spirit what God sees when He looks down on earth and the very expansiveness of the amount of people He sees and I knew He knew each one by name.  And for a brief moment I experienced His kind of love for them.  That is how I knew it was Him.  I didn’t know these people from every nation that seemed to be surrounding me.  

It was pretty much blowing my mind.  I felt very, very small as I looked on with Him from His vantage point.  I thought of how our small groups we hang out with think they have it all figured out and have all the answers…and I saw how absolutely bazaar it is to think we have God, the universe and all the people in it, figured out.

Only God knows each and every heart.  Can you even imagine?

“So Lord”, I said.  “What does it mean to fish for people?  I don’t think it means to grab them and scare them into repenting!”

And as is His custom with me, He began to teach.

The common image of a fisherman in our day is of a man with a fishing pole casting a lure into the waters of a stream or a lake. However, such was not the case when Jesus called his disciples.

They caught fish with nets and by experience they found that their best fishing took place at night.

We know that this is true by looking at Luke 5:5, when Jesus told Peter to cast his nets on the other side of the boat he said, “Master we have toiled all night and caught nothing.  Never-the-less at your word I will let down the net.”

How did they fish at night?

They used a very powerful and effective method.

Light!

Fish were attracted to light!  Now I was onto something!

Just as fish are attracted to the disciple’s light, God wants people to be drawn to His light shining through His people. The light of every believer is the presence of the Lord Jesus Christ in our lives.

Paul stated in his second letter to the Corinthians (4:6-7), “For it is God who commanded light to shine out of darkness who has shone in our hearts to give the light of the knowledge of the glory of God in the face of Jesus Christ, But we have this treasure in earthen vessels, that the excellence of the power of God may be of God and not of us.”

We are not the light—we merely reflect the light of Jesus. 

Now let’s look at what kind of man Jesus was while He walked this earth.  I have heard it said that Jesus was not strolling through the Israeli countryside offering poetry readings.

He was on a mission to rescue a people who are so utterly deceived, most of them didn’t even want to be rescued.

I saw that Jesus talked straight.

Sometimes He’s playful; sometimes He’s fierce; the next moment He’s generous.  As He is so are we in this earth!  This is the beauty of his wonderfully disruptive honesty—you can count on Jesus to tell you the truth in the best possible way for you to hear it.

Could this be one of the reasons why we struggle to spend time with Christ or to listen to His thoughts on our life, world and relationships—because He’ll tell us the truth?

What would it be like to have someone in your life that knows you intimately, loves you regardless, and is willing to be completely honest with you?  Yes, it would be a little unnerving, certainly disruptive—but doesn’t part of you also crave it?

Jesus heals a leper.  He doesn’t ask Him if He is saved first.

What?

He forgives a prostitute.  He just told her to go and sin no more. 

Wouldn’t you want to know more about this man?

He dines with tax collectors and in that day and time that was taboo for “righteous” folk.  Would you be intrigued?

Jesus wasn’t concerned with His reputation.  Why isn’t He?

Jesus doesn’t seem to care what people think.  But we know He cares very deeply about the right things.   

What does Jesus’ scandalous freedom in living and relating to others stir up in you?

Jesus sets before us a deeper, truer view of holiness.   

We are in a world full of darkness.  We are the light of Jesus where He has placed us in the this world.  The fish are attracted to light.  The people are attracted to the light of Him in us.  

“What is it you have that I don’t have?”, they say.

And you reel them in as you simply introduce them to source of the light.

Profoundly simple, yet so profound.

All those external “rules of men” do nothing to promote a genuine holiness.  But they do make people Pharisees.

By the truckload.

Remember, “Unless your righteousness surpasses that of the Pharisees and the teachers of the law, you will certainly not enter the kingdom of heaven” (Matt. 5:20).

The only possible way that can happen is through an internal revolution, a changed heart.  When we have a heart like Jesus’. Bingo!  Open door to share Him in all of His uniqueness. 

The more you fall in love with Jesus’ genuine goodness, which is true goodness, the more you will absolutely detest the counterfeit of a false piety and a shallow morality.  And the more they will swim around the light and grab the bait!

As they did with Him. 

 

Church and Fast Food…What Do They Have in Common?

We are so fast paced in our country.  And we have incorporated this into our relationship with God.  We are a fast food nation.

We want instantaneous answers, overnight transformation, speedy growth.  We want drive up and drive through service.

But God desires to speak to us daily through His word.  He wants to have direct conversation with us.  When we only rely upon others to feed us on Sunday mornings, we are relying upon the processed word; what we are being fed by someone else…not the pure word that God speaks directly to us.  It is great to share the word with others and hear their insights, but if that is all you rely on and don’t commune with Him yourself and listen to His voice for yourself, you are eating processed foods, spiritually, and it is not enough to sustain you or show you how to walk in the Kingdom every day.

Now, physically speaking,  the healthiest natural organic foods are whole foods… not processed foods.  

Our bodies need choice fruit and vegetables straight from the vine.  Processed foods make the body sick.  They lack vital nutrients and contain impure additives and dyes that have no value to our bodies. Though filling, they are toxic and do nothing but promote disease.

It takes work to go get good, healthy food.  The planning and cooking and just the overall inconvenience of having to take the time to eat it.  It is so much easier to run by the drive through and eat something that tastes good and fills us up, but is killing our healthy cells.  We can deny it for a while, but when we get physically sick we either let our addiction for fast food kill us or change our ways.

In the same way, it takes time and persistence to walk with Jesus every day and to pursue Him with all your heart.  Going to a building on one day a week and thinking that is enough for true Kingdom living is deceiving ourselves.

It is not enough!

The collective body of Christ is sick from eating processed foods, spiritually speaking.  They have been doing it so long that they do not know how to eat and drink freely from Him…to meditate with Jesus, to spend time with just Him.  They think just going to a church institution will be enough.  But then they wonder why they go back to a defeated, mundane life the rest of the week.  

We eat fast food on Sundays and then wonder why we are starving and miserable the rest of the week.  Yet any minute of the day He is standing there waiting for you to listen to His whispers in your heart.

It takes an investment in time, deliberate focus and purpose to eat well.  As it is with our body and natural food, so it is with our spirit and spiritual food.

The pursuit to find any formula that can be applied to produce His righteousness and provide me with New Testament church life or even grow my trust, is foolish.

It will fail, time and time again, until in the end we come to realize that this reality only comes through a growing friendship with Him.  The more I know Him and the more I see His hand at work the more free I will be to trust Him and live in His kingdom.

Any time we choose to follow someone else’s formula for success, or an agenda no matter how well intentioned, we will end up living by our own limited wisdom.

The invitation to this Kingdom is to follow a person.

Jesus doesn’t give us the way; He is The Way.

He doesn’t have life; He is The Life. 

He doesn’t just speak truth; He is The Truth itself.

Everything about His kingdom begins and ends in Him and we experience that through a growing friendship with Him.

To grow in this life, I am continually cultivating my relationship with Him.  I intentionally spend time with Him as I grow in my awareness of His working throughout my day.  I have a running conversation with Him about everything in my life and express my desire to follow His will at every turn.

I try to saturate myself in the word to learn how He thinks and acts.  And it is important to join in what God is showing others by what I read and listen to, and the conversations I have with others I gather with on this journey.

This means letting go of the lies of shame and the demands for performance that drive us from him and find our security in His devotion and love for us and let that transform us.

For me, it has been great freedom to realize that I never had the power or wisdom to accomplish God’s purposes in my life, and how losing confidence in my flesh actually freed me to live more dependent on Him and more grateful for His working. 

What a joy to wake up in the uncertain adventure of life and not be distressed at what might happen today, because He is with me!  I can’t explain how wonderful that freedom is.

How could fast food Christianity ever produce this?

The pattern in everything is this:

The greater joys are obtained through struggle and difficulty and pain—things you must force yourself to do when you don’t feel like it—while brief, unsatisfying, and often destructive joys are as inviting as a big old feather bed and down comforters.

God, in great mercy, is showing us everywhere, in things that are just shadows of heavenly realities, that there is great reward for those who struggle through and persevere (Hebrews 10:32–35).

He is reminding us almost everywhere to walk by faith in a promised future and not by the sight of immediate gratification (2 Corinthians 5:7).

Each struggle to overcome becomes a gigantic flag to us saying, “Look ahead, past the struggle itself, past the temptation of the puny, vapor joys to the great, sustained, substantial Joy set before you!”

See your Father pointing you to the reward he has planned for all who endure to the end. (Matthew 24:13). 

Transpose it from reluctance to a reminder that God is calling you not to indulgence but endurance.

Then lay this weight aside and run with faith the race he has set before you.  God will meet you with the grace you need (2 Corinthians 9:8).

And the thing is: This light, momentary affliction is preparing for us an eternal weight of glory beyond all comparison, as we look not to the things that are seen but to the things that are unseen.  For the things that are seen are transient, but the things that are unseen are eternal. (2 Corinthians 4:17–18)

Do You Want to Be a Celebrity? …..5 Things to Consider!

Are you frustrated and feel as if God isn’t using you the way you think He should be?  Is it not happening fast enough?  Do you watch other ministries and find yourself envying their positions and wish you could be them?

I always thought that because God had called me to write and teach that I needed a growing audience to validate that calling.  I was so driven to find myself a platform or audience worthy of my calling and found myself sorely frustrated that God wouldn’t bless my efforts the way I thought it was supposed to happen. 

It just wasn’t fast enough. 

It is exhausting promoting yourself. 

Where do we draw the line in losing ourselves and our energy in self promoting, and just allowing Him to get our gifts and talents out where He purposed for them to go? 

Here I am at the cusp of another book being birthed to the multitudes.  “50 Ways to Meet Your Lover”  is in proof stage now and in a few weeks will be ready to be presented to the world.  

This is my 2nd book and I have to say I have learned a few things along the way. 

I have given myself permission to breathe…. and trust Him to guide me to the next step.

These are some of the things I have learned in the last few years of trial and error in my writing and teaching.  This is not an exhaustive list because I am certain there are still many things He will open my eyes to!  

 But allow me to share a few points that I have learned now:

1.       Being seen as a celebrity in any sense of the word is a deceitful ploy of the enemy.  We have been brought up to admire and envy people who have celebrity status.  Many times celebrities in the church world perceive their value as a human as usually based on a need to be recognized as a person of value. 

Jesus let His disciples know that His kingdom works very differently.

2.       It is often true that those who make such big jumps into perceived celebrity often get twisted by them, and end up crushing others when their influence exceeds their personal character.  Perhaps that’s what Paul meant when he warned us not to think of ourselves more highly than we ought to think, whether we aspire to a place of influence or already have it and think it gives us a place above others.

3.       Whatever we do for God must be just that.  For Him.  What He does with our works or service or gifts is up to Him.  We want our message out there, of course.  But according to His purposes, not our own perceived purposes.   When I wrote “Climbing Out of the Box”, I had to give it to Him.  I still do.  And even if my story sets one person free from a life of abuse and into freedom in Jesus then it will have been worth it.  And, to date, it has set many more than just one free.  

4.       Instead of looking for what we don’t have, Luke 14 invites us into responding to God’s working right where we are in life.

Rather than having to make something happen by our own wisdom, the path to God’s life comes by loving the people He has already put before us, applying our gifts to their needs and trusting the rest to Him.

I’m convinced that will create opportunity enough for whatever God wants to give us and what He desires us to share with them.  Yes, marketing a book is necessary so that people will see it and buy it and see their lives changed by it.  But if it isn’t in His timing and it doesn’t sell fast enough, then I have to accept that He knows what He is doing.  He will make it happen.  Not me.  I just do what He tells me to do.

5.       Most of our questions to Him center around how to make ourselves known to the world and usually focuses on our abilities, wisdom, or connections.  He works so differently than we do.

We try to find that one key to open big doors, rather than allowing ourselves to live freely in what God has already given.

It’s easy to miss His whispers when we’re more focused on our own desires for ministry. He knows how to draw us into relationship with Him and it’s not by following someone else’s steps.  We are unique and what He does for one may not be what He does for me.  

In the end, we are only asked to follow him, not to build an audience or to produce our own transformation.

Whenever you are frustrated at God for not opening better doors for you, that might be a sign that you’re focused at the wrong doors.

I am learning that growth of simple relationship with Him is more trustworthy than the substitutes of self-promotion, manipulation and begging favors from others.

So how do you find ministry, find fellowship, or live transformed as you seek Him?

Simply accept the invitation to live deeply in Jesus and love those around you the way you are coming to understand how He loves you.  Listen when He nudges your heart.  Step out in faith in what He whispers to you. 

If you live in His space you will find His power transforming you, His Spirit connecting you to others and everything He wants to do in you will be fulfilled by Him.

If the disciples had set out to change the world outside of waiting on Him, don’t you think they would have failed miserably and become lost in their own reasoning and ideas to accomplish so large a task?

“We are intimately linked in this harvest work.  Anyone who accepts what you do, accepts me, the One who sent you.  Anyone who accepts what I do accepts my Father, who sent me.  Accepting a messenger of God is as good as being God’s messenger.  Accepting someone’s help is as good as giving someone help.  This is a large work I’ve called you into, but don’t be overwhelmed by it.  It’s best to start small.  Give a cool cup of water to someone who is thirsty, for instance.  The smallest act of giving or receiving makes you a true apprentice.  You won’t lose out on a thing.”  -Matthew 10:41-42 (The Message)

Jesus knew the most amazing things could begin with a cup of cold water.

 

When Feelings Lose Their Power

 

 

I lost life as I knew it over the course of one year a while back. Of course it was a slow build up to that year, but denial has a funny way of making you blind to what is coming.

(The complete story of this trip into the wasteland of my soul is recorded in my last book, Climbing Out of the Box.)

Through years of denial, spiritual abuse, and unresolved childhood abuse issues, my life broke apart in huge chunks and floated away on a sea of despair.  I lost my marriage, my home, myself, my church, and my children moved out…and did I mention I lost myself?

…all within a few months of each other.

Then I entered the wasteland of devastation and loss and an overload of “feelings”.

How can I describe the feelings?

It was like being on a huge merry go round, holding on for dear life, trying to look like I had a grip but my vise gripped fingers were sliding off with every whirl.  It twirled faster and faster until my hands did lose their grip and I was flung off into space with magnitude force into nothingness with no idea where I would finally land.  When I did land I felt like I was smothering in feelings and couldn’t breathe; Kind of like being buried alive.

• Grief

• Despair

• Fear

• Anxiety

• Sorrow

• Emptiness

• Anger

In the years that followed I was alone with myself and thought I would never recover from the empty shell that was me.

My feelings became my faithful companions until I finally started talking to God.  Boy did I have the questions.

The most fascinating thing to me was that He never left.  He stepped back, though, to give me time to come to the place of realizing all my answers were in Him.  He is always so patient with us.

As I called upon Him in my solitary place, He began to heal my frayed and broken heart.  I was ruled by my feelings at the point of quiet desperation and had been since the beginning of the dirge into blackness.

He held me and let me weep when I finally pushed my arms up to my “Abba, Daddy”, in brokenness.

And then the healing began.  I learned so much in the next few years of exile.

One of the things I learned was that my feelings didn’t have to rule me or dictate to me how to act for the rest of my life.

When we call upon Him in our feelings of abandonment and reach deep into our still, quiet heart, where He dwells,

• Our fears lose their power to control us;

• Our “out of control” anger loses its power to devastate anyone lying in its wake….and

• Our depression loses its power to consume us.

Our feelings lose their control over us.

That still, quiet center of us, where He resides, is where we are aware of His presence the most.  Learn how to quiet yourself and find that spot of uninterruption and you will find His voice.

• He centers us.

• He is our anchor.

When we call upon Him, we find the power to let go of our resentment and ask for forgiveness.  We can also forgive ourselves and be free.  We can let go of the past and move into the stillness of living large in the here and now.

And then we learn to trade in our profound shame for vulnerability with others, for in Him we are safe; and we trade in our fear of being embarrassed, to finally being transparent.

Our feelings provide the fertile ground of captivity for us.

If we listen to them they will kill our creativity that God wants to use.  They will squelch our love for others and undermine our knowledge of redemption and grace.

What if we just decided to stop listening to our feelings, and started listening to what God says about us; and start focusing in on His still whispers of direction and love?  What if we make a conscious decision to believe we are really hearing His voice and just do it…by faith?

And accepting our feelings as real, for they are very real, but not necessarily true if they become our dictating force and despair.  They can betray us in portraying Gods words as not trust worthy.

It is like a drop of soothing, healing water to accept that our feelings are real, but can be deceptive outside of God’s truth about us.

I think our shame would dry up and our love would explode and the world would never be the same  again if we can get to this place of truth and freedom.

The Food Incident and the Grown Up Little Girl

 

Recently, I was in Costco by myself. I was kind of in     a  hurry– but how do you hurry through Costco? The store was teeming with the masses of humanity, seriously.

I forgot to eat before going, as usual, and of course I was starving. Being on a organic, grain free way of eating these days, the pickings were small when it comes to the free-food-Costco-hand-outs on every corner of every isle.

Because I didn’t take responsibility for feeding myself before shopping and I become a crazy person when I am hungry, (like I am going to die a slow death if I don’t eat), I decided to partake of various and sundry free food items while I was shopping, to assuage my hunger.

I never do this.

Okay, so I tend to be oblivious to everyone around me when I am shopping. I don’t know why, but I have had friends, as well as my husband, grab my cart away from me and pull it out of people’s way while shopping with them. I always thought they were being rude.

Now, I had combined shopping with eating and that is even more dangerous for me. Seriously, I can stroll around with my cart and literally clip other people’ carts (or them) and block them in the aisle or cut them off while I stand in their way looking at something–and not have a clue.

So, I found some veggie burgers that were organic at a food sampler. I ate one and was so hungry I circled around as if I hadn’t been there 2 minutes before and ate another.

I know you have done this too!

Then I went to the next food booth and had some organic turkey and cheese, followed up with a sip of a vitamin drink on the next aisle.

As I was having my feast with myself and feeling pretty smug that no one knew I was doing this, I became entwined in a cart traffic jam. I was honestly thinking, “Why do people always get in my way?”

I glanced behind me and there was a mean looking lady who had stopped behind me and she was just glaring at me. The look was one of disgust and disapproval. I thought, “Ok Dixie, pull up your skills with people, and smile. She’s probably just having a bad day and wants to take it out on you.”

So, I smiled at her.

At that very moment I realized I was in her way. She didn’t smile back.

Trying to be mature with a compassionate look on my face, I quipped,  “Oh, am I blocking you.” And then I moved my cart.
She gave me a dirty look and shook her head and went by mumbling something about stupid people.

At that moment it felt like I had stepped into a time machine. 

I became 5 years old again.

 I wanted to cower down behind my cart, or just disappear into oblivion. All my childhood moments of not feeling adequate and seeing myself as ugly, different and invisible came tumbling back into my mind.

I was no longer Dixie, the mature successful people person, but now I was Dixie, the chubby little girl that her Dad was molesting.

It only took a moment to be catapulted back to my former self. But that feeling lasted all day. I scolded myself and laughed at myself for taking her actions, look, and words on, as if to define who I am.

“I am not who she thinks I am. Wait, lady, I am not her. I am a mature woman of God now, and I am above letting you ruin my day!” I screamed in my head.

And the feeling lingered all day. On the inside of myself I once again had to face the fact that I am still human and still vulnerable to those triggers that can rob me of my peace, in only a moment’s time.

I am reminded once again that our journey in this life is one of pressing on with Jesus, no matter how many times our enemy wants to drag us back into our past. Satan is ever present waiting for the opportunity to catch us unaware in only a moment to make us think we have lost ground in our maturity in Christ. We must be on guard at all times to know that he is ready to pounce.

I Pet. 5:8 says:
“Be well balanced, temperate, sober of mind, be vigilant and cautious at all times; for that enemy of yours, the devil, roams around like a lion roaring in fierce hunger, seeking someone to seize upon and devour.”

It only takes a look of disapproval to cause us to lose our footing in only a moment.

John 8:44 says of Satan:
“He was a murderer from the beginning, and has nothing to do with the truth, because there is no truth in him. When he lies, he speaks out of his own character, for he is a liar and the father of lies.”

So, he will use most anyone or anything he can to try to convince us that we are less than what God wants us to be. He will throw the past in your face in a second to try to grip your soul and make you see that you are really no different now, than you were when you struggled with fear and acceptance. It is a lie. Don’t fall for it.

Be on your guard. Refuse to believe what you know are lies. Know who you are in Christ and know that our own feelings, fueled by our fears, can lie to us about who we are– in reality– as His precious children.

♥ I am blessed in the heavenly realms with every spiritual blessing (Ephesians 1:3)
♥ I was chosen before the creation of the world (Ephesians 1:4, 11)
♥ I am holy and blameless (Ephesians 1:4)
♥ I am adopted as his child (Ephesians 1:5)
♥ I am given God’s glorious grace lavishly and without restriction (Ephesians 1:5, 8)
♥ I am in Him (Ephesians 1:7; 1 Corinthians 1:30)

Guilt over our pasts can be Satan’s flaming arrows sent to wound our sense of self esteem. But God has already dealt with all of our guilt; we only need to appropriate His solution for it. To fail to do this only opens the door for the enemy to take over our minds with fear and doubt.

Part of Kingdom living is being aware, that no matter what that person standing behind you thinks of you, you know who you are and how far He has brought you. And to stand in that truth no matter what your feelings are saying.

Jesus will soothe those feelings!!  

We are All a Mess..And the Creatures of the Forest

I want to tell you a story. 

The names have been changed to protect the guilty.  For they have already been forgiven.  

We read about each other’s journeys, memoirs and daily exploits.  We picture others lives as victorious and grand. 

Why, because many of us share only those parts of ourselves we want people to know about, right?   Many of us are learning to be more transparent and vulnerable and thank God for that!!  It is only as others see those parts of our lives that we keep hidden that they can identify with us and it gives them hope as we find our way.  The truth is:

WE ARE ALL A MESS!

A beautiful mess…

We all have a story.

Oh, yes, we are all growing and maturing if our walk is with the One who loves us the most. But when it comes to outward appearances we are all quite private, mostly, and we are all too embarrassed to allow others in…especially when it involves our offspring straying from what we think and sometimes KNOW they should not be doing.     When we look at others lives we tend to look at the children, who are many times all grown up, and we are aghast that they live real lives, with really bad choices sometimes.

 We are all part of a family; some with young kids and some with grown kids and grand kids and some who are elderly and tend to live their lives through their offspring. 

We can’t control them all, can we?   If you have tried to control them, how is that working for you?

After giving them an upbringing the best we knew with what we had in that season of our lives it is now our job to then let go, and let them find their way with occasional counsel from us—but only if they want it!

Actually, if you are like me you have discovered that you can’t control anyone or “fix” anyone at all—even our children.   It is a walk of surrender, trust, and waiting on God to see Him move in those we love.

This is why I am quite amused by the sitcom Parenthood.   It is a combination of stories of a family and extended family of each child, grandchild, and the parents;  all living their own lives– but intertwining those lives back to the a original family of mom and dad.  It follows their ups and downs and daily drama and how they all relate.   I know our lives are like this in real life.  In our family, when we all get together we all talk at the same time, just like in the sitcom, and there is always drama, and somehow it all makes sense. 

So, rather haltingly, because I have not written this way before, I  have put together a story, using false names, to relate what I have seen in the struggles of so many that I coach.

Let me introduce you to the Squirrel family;

Mr. Squirrel, Mrs. Squirrel, and their delightful children; Hector, Missy, and JoJo.   Mr. and Mrs. Squirrel found God when they were very young and vowed that their family would serve God all their days and that they would not have kids like those worldly animals outside the Church of the Forest.  Their kids would be different.

Every Sunday the Squirrel family all scampered off to the little church in the forest, to fellowship. .  Hector, Missy, and JoJo were raised in the Church of the Forest’s nursery, and then Youth church of the forest, and then they graduated to where the adult animals gathered, Big Squirrel Church.   

The squirrels made really sure they always sat among their kind, meaning all the other squirrels, so as not to allow their children to be influenced by those questionable Raccoon and Rat families.   

This is how the Squirrel children were raised and they were not allowed to even talk to the ones on the outside of their forest circle, lest they be tainted by the world…in fact, they were tree schooled so they would not have to be out in the world at all.

One day teen age Hector said he was tired of going to that boring forest church.   He wanted to go to the annual “Nut Gathering Concert” by Herman and the Blue Jays that Sunday. 

What?  “How could he desert us and join those heathen”, said mom and dad Squirrel.  “He surely knows better!”

Soon Missy and JoJo, following Hectors lead, began to want to do other things more interesting to them on Sundays as well.   They became fashion conscious and began to wear questionable furry things over their little heads that made their ears stand out, and they revealed a little too much in Mr. Squirrels eyes.  

They painted their little faces, and wore fashionable acorn hats.  Mr. and Mrs. Squirrel were horrified, and tried to put up boundaries, and banned them to their rooms at night. 

But Missy and JoJo would sneak out and join the wild ones of the forest and saw many tempting and delightful things that were expressly forbidden in their home.  They felt so grown up.

They even went to see forbidden movies in the forest amphitheater after hours, like, “Dirty Weasel”.

Mom and Dad became aware that their control in the lives of the baby squirrels was slipping.   The children began to run the forest with questionable characters, such as Mickey, the Ferret, who claimed that God wasn’t real and influenced them to join him smoking berry joints.  

And then there were the horrid frog brothers, Castor, and Juice!  They loved to hang out and jump around intoxicated on the spirits of mushrooms and were totally indecent creatures.  They were the bad boys of the forest, and everyone knows that girls have a soft spot for the bad boys.   The squirrel kids thought they were so cool, and soon, they defied Mom and Dad Squirrel to join their friends in swinging from trees and eating tainted nuts and flies, supplied by Mickey, the Ferret. 

Pure rebellion!

Mr. and Mrs. Squirrel wondered where they went wrong.  They lost sleep.  They prayed.  They fasted.  They beat themselves up. They withdrew from their friends out of shame and failure.

“How could we not see this coming?  Didn’t we pray enough?  Where did we miss it?”  They cried.

They felt shame and didn’t want to share with others what was happening to their perfect little family. 

“Should we call on the forest therapist, Harry, the buck?”  They asked each other. 

They decided to just pray– but they just couldn’t stop giving their kids ultimatums and demands to straighten up and fly right because that was all they could think of doing!  They felt so out of control. 

But Hector, Missy, and JoJo ignored their pleas and just kept growing up and doing their own thing, rebelling against authority with the rebels of the forest. 

One day, Missy met Rastus the Raccoon and fell instantly in love.   Mrs. Squirrel was beside herself as to how Mr. Squirrel would react when he found out his daughter was in love with an outsider. 

The Raccoons were not like the Squirrels and she knew the rest of the church family would gossip and talk about how they, Mr. and Mrs. Squirrel, could possibly tolerate a raccoon in their family.  And for that matter they wondered what else was hidden in the Squirrel family that the animals at the Church of the Forest didn’t know about. 

And, oh my, what would people think?    The whole forest knew the Squirrel family were the most upright in the forest!!

Next JoJo met Squirmy, the hot little rat who ruled the underworld of the subculture of the forest.  He loved to mock the system of religion in the forest and had his own ideas of how he wanted his life to go and JoJo found him fascinating.   They defied JoJo’s childhood teachings and warnings and soon they found out they were going to have a little squirrel-rat in the spring—outside marriage. 

The horror.

Mrs. Squirrel fainted.

Now, Hector, was out swinging one day and he noticed this hot little fox, Francesca, sitting on a log.  She was petite and feminine but lived on the other side of the creek.   She was everything he was taught to not become involved with.  And she was very promiscuous….and had a really bad reputation among the creatures of the forest and she smoked berry joints and drank tainted mushroom water.   But Hector was smitten and he began dating her at the Pine Needle Bar every night.  Soon they were in love and eloped before Mr. And Mrs. Squirrel even knew about the relationship. 

Mr. Squirrel drank a mushroom brew when he found out and was out of it for days.

Now, Mr. and Mrs. Squirrel became very discouraged.  Was all their years of teaching and protecting and controlling in vain?  They were now judged and condemned by the church creatures instead of supported and prayed for.  They were so embarrassed by their children’s choices they stopped going to the gatherings all together. 

But when they were ostracized by most of the animals in their church (whose kids were not grown yet, or they had no kids) and found themselves alone, they finally began to look to God for answers.  God taught them that all their children had been taught the right way to live.  Now, they had to let them go to learn on their own.  Even if that meant they would fail. 

The word said they would eventually come back to their roots of learning right from wrong.  But even if it was not in the parents timing, God would bring them back.   They discovered if they tried to fix their children the result would be that they only pulled away more.  So, they defied what the gossips were saying and began loving their children and their families and accepted them into the fold.  The revelation that they could love, even if they didn’t agree with some of the things their children did, actually made the kids all want to be around them more.

It was love in the end that brought them all back together.  Oh, there is plenty of drama, and always some crisis or another, but Mr. and Mrs. Squirrel found that since they couldn’t fix their kids, that God did a much better job.

And you know what, Squirmy, Rastus, and Francesca, ended up wanting more information about God…and one day showed up at the Church of the Forest with their spouses leading the way. 

The moral of this story?

It says in Isaiah 54:13 Amp.

“And all your children shall be disciples [taught by the Lord and obedient to His will], and great shall be the peace and undisturbed composure of your children.”

I know there are so many whose children are still out there living lives that do not line up with where they should be. 

And it scares us. 

And it hurts our pride. 

It somehow reflects on us in our own minds.

So, we suffer alone.  This is not good. 

We need each other!!

Jesus promises us that as we lean into Him and trust Him that He will do His work in our offspring and He gives us peace in the meantime.  Even though our children are a part of who we are, there comes a time to let go and trust that whatever they are doing, and wherever they go, that He will keep them and move in their hearts.

Thus says the Lord: Restrain your voice from weeping and your eyes from tears, for your work shall be rewarded, says the Lord; and [your children] shall return from the enemy’s land.  And there is hope for your future, says the Lord; your children shall come back to their own country.Jer. 31:16-17 Amp 

“Church Lady”…or Devoted Lover?

I love the church.   If you know Jesus then you are the church too;  One of the many members of the Church, the Body, of Jesus, who is our Head.  But I was brought up spiritually in a church building for many years, and I loved it. 

Somewhere along the way I lost the mentality that I was there to grow in Jesus. 

Oh yes, I was taught that I was the temple where Jesus lived, but I was also taught I had to be in a building to truly walk with him.   It took me too long to realize that being a ‘church lady’ didn’t mean I knew anything about the heart and passion of God.

Oh, I yearned for it, so put on the face that I already had that passion filled relationship with Jesus, and had the pious face down pat, as if I had it together. I had the Christian-ease language down pat, too.    For many years I was very involved in just about everything that was happening in the church building.  

I was involved in potlucks, gospel sing alongs,  committee meetings, bake sales, car washes, retreats, conferences and any other spiritual sounding activity that was advertised in the church building. Then I started a women’s ministry and it grew and grew.  I absolutely loved it.  I had a place and felt loved and accepted.  I loved the people, the busy-ness, and the routine.  I was really good at doing church and I looked the part, too. 

I had a good heart. 

I was so drawn to God and yearned to serve Him and thought that is what I was doing.  But over time, more serving, and more ministries later it all became a checklist or a substitute for a deeper passion.

It became a “doing” instead of a “becoming.”

I still love the church.  I just missed the whole point God was yearning for me to see for many years.  If you have read my book, Climbing Out of the Box, you will see where it led me.  However, I digress.

Somehow I loved becoming the church lady and mistook that title for becoming godly. 

It felt so good to be in the church clicks, though. And I saw others left out of those groups to which I turned a blind eye.  

So, I busied myself in  those good works of bringing food to the sick, planning baby showers and helping at funerals, and teaching Sunday school.  It can feel so good to be needed that it can become a substitute for a passionate pursuit of God.

Don’t get me wrong; Service, fellowship, and giving are wonderful and a part of the calling for every believer, but serving and doing do not equal a relationship with God.  They do not get us closer to the mark,  and sometimes can become a wall we hide behind. And so we pretend we know what we are talking about and every Sunday we sit in a pew, staring at the backs of heads, listen to a sermon, and go home.

And wonder why that gaping hole in our hearts is still there.

Every Sunday morning parents hand their babies over to the good people who work in the nurseries.  Then they go serve in hundreds of places within the building.  They may never even make it to the service, but it is okay because they have been to church.  Some have hidden there for years.

So many of us are “doing” like crazy.

Not many of us are “becoming.”   

My coaching business over the last few years has been full of women and men, who were dying on the inside.  Service and hospitality was not cutting it for them.  Hearts are broken and lives are hurting.  They longed to know that Jesus really loved them—somehow they missed that part while they were busy doing.  They are worn out with good works without realizing how to have a one on one with Jesus. 

Yet we keep signing up for one more thing. 

Hoping we will find Jesus there.

When we get the church lady thing going it is easy to pretend we have it all together.  I did.  Everyone thought I was so together and many wanted to be me.  I dressed fashionable, and had a sweet smile on my face.  My kids were impeccibly dressed, and we were the ‘perfect’ family. 

But inside; well that was another story.  

My marriage was falling apart.  I had been molested as a child and had not told a soul yet.  I had not even begun my healing and was convinced I would go to the grave with my secret.  So, I had to get even more busy to outrun the ugly truth. 

I had no self esteem.   

Soon I learned I could fill that need to be validated by being in the church clicks and there was always a need for one more worker to keep it all going. 

I became addicted to ministry to fill my gapping hole of need.

Ministry took the place of a passion filled relationship with a very real Jesus.  It wasn’t until I lost it all did Jesus finally break into my religiosity and reveal Himself  personally in all His glory. 

And when that happened?   I was doing nothing in the church– I had lost it all.  It was in the wilderness of my life that I met Jesus face to face…when everything and everyone else was gone.

Only Jesus didn’t leave.

That is when I learned that I am the Church.  You are the church.  We are all the church body.  

Getting off the merry go round of hiding behind our good works is about laying down all pretense and facades.  It is about stepping outside the lines you have drawn around your spirituality and seeing what God has for you.  

When we only ascribe the term ‘church’ to weekend gatherings or institutions that have organized themselves as ‘churches’ we miss out on what it means to live as Christ’s body. It will give us a false sense of security to think that by attending a meeting once a week and work ourselves to the bone;  then we are participating in God’s church.

But if the church is something we are, not someplace we go, how can we leave it unless we abandon Christ himself? We can’t.  We may join other believers anywhere, but it doesn’t define our personal love relationship with Jesus.

If we think only of a specific congregation as our part of the church, haven’t we separated ourselves from a host of other brothers and sisters that do not attend the same gathering that we do? Are we not called into the market place?

If you have hung your spirituality on inward files with neat little answers for every situation, hang on, because God is probably getting ready to blow the lid off of your box. 

You may need to allow Him to restructure your thinking a bit of why you do what you do; with all the strong essential elements of your faith still there, just rearranged to reflect to you more clearly the heart of God.

Scripture does encourage us to be devoted to one another not committed to an institution. Jesus indicated that whenever two or three people get together focused on him, they would experience the vitality of church life.  Out of that body life, of course comes service.  But if that is what defines your relationship with God, you will soon become a “church lady” too…..Or maybe a “church man.” 

I pray that we all are renewed in a passion for Jesus no matter where we find real fellowship with other believers; a genuine concern for each other and a willingness to serve the world with God’s love, which can only come from, not service, but relationship with Jesus Christ. Out of that relationship we will be His hand extended to a lost world.  

Nails In The Fence and the Wicked Tongue

I really don’t like talking about the tongue, do you?  Yet the bible, the blueprint for our life, has so much to say about it.   Gentle words are a tree of life a deceitful tongue crushes the spirit;  , Proverbs 15:4 NLT Have you ever been in the company of an angry person?  Have you been the brunt of their issues being lashed out at you? Have you been tempted yourself to just give in to your baser self and say whatever you want to say, in spite of who hears it?   The bible says a lot about out of control anger and our tongues are a major part of venting our emotions.   In the same way, the tongue is a small thing that makes grand speeches, but a tiny spark can set a great forest on fire.  James 3:5 NLT  But no one can tame the tongue. It is restless and evil, full of deadly poison.  James 3:8 NLT There is a story that always worked to remind me to call on self control when I am the angriest and wanting to indulge myself and let my words fling over whoever is standing there.
	“There once was a little boy who had a bad temper. His father gave him a bag of nails and told him that every time he lost his temper, he must hammer a nail into the back of the fence. The first day the boy had driven 37 nails into the fence. Over the next few weeks, as he learned to control his anger, the number of nails hammered daily gradually dwindled down. He discovered it was easier to hold his temper than to drive those nails into the fence. Finally the day came when the boy didn’t lose his temper at all. He told his father about it and the father suggested that the boy now pull out one nail for each day that he was able to hold his temper. The days passed and the young boy was finally able to tell his father that all the nails were gone. The father took his son by the hand and led him to the fence. He said, “You have done well, my son, but look at the holes in the fence. The fence will never be the same. When you say things in anger, they leave a scar just like this one. You can put a knife in a man and draw it out. It won’t matter how many times you say I’m sorry, the wound is still there.” Author Unknown I have had so many toxic words spoken over me and to me throughout my life. I remember one time my precious and favorite grandma, whom I had spent all my summers with growing up, was losing her mental faculties after having a heart attack.  I was a young mom and had so many loving memories with grandma.  I had always felt she was my one family member who always had my back.  One day she called me right before her death.  She started telling me that I didn’t know anything and that “I was uglier than home-made soap”.I could hear my grandpa yelling at her to stop in the background. I will never forget those words.  My intellect told me she wasn’t herself, but the words cut like a knife.  I knew she would never say those things to me, but yet, she did, and the words have never left me.  Of course I forgave and the memories I have of her are good.  But I still have the memory of those words floating in my head and still feel the sting at hearing those words come out of my trusted and loved grandma’s mouth, and directed at me, her baby girl.  You can forgive and not let the past define you.  You can even reason them away.  But somehow the words spoken harshly have left you a changed person inside. And the tongue is a flame of fire. It is a whole world of wickedness, corrupting your entire body. It can set your whole life on fire, for it is set on fire by hell itself.  James 3:6 NLT In realizing the power of life and death are in the tongue I was always so careful how I talked to my own children growing up.   I would never call them a name, even when I was very angry at something they did. And I would not allow anyone else to either.  I endeavored to only speak life giving positive words to them.  Even when disciplining them, I would tell them that God had a plan for them and they were disciples, taught of the Lord, and obedient to His will.  My own mother always told me I was fat, and so to this day I have to over-rule those words and conquer my addiction to food.  Even now that I am maintaining a good weight, I still see myself fat and struggle with that image she created with her words to me.  In other blogs I call those words spoken to us over and over as the “Voice”.  Words create, life or death, our choice. Will we answer to God for destroying others with our words?  Yes, we will.  But even when we are forgiven, our words are still there in that person’s head. It has taken me many years to learn that those words spoken to me were out of someone else’s insecurities and they do not define who I am.  Yet, because of those words, it is a fight and the hurt is there. Some people are just not strong enough to overcome the death words in their life. You know why?  Because our words, without restraint, is the only thing the enemy can use against us.  He uses words to condemn, slice, wound, kill us, steal from us and destroy us.  Our own words are bringing life or death into our lives, our households, our children, and our grandchildren.  It is the only power Satan has in our life.  And our tongue is the hardest to bring under God’s control.  Self control is a fruit of His spirit.  Not our spirit.  When we focus on Him and His love in all situations, even our angry tirades, He provides His self control for us to use to conquer the rage.  But we have to apply it and just do it!    Learn to call upon Him for help in attaining this fruit of the spirit, self control.  Especially if you have a weakness of out of control anger.  Let’s make it a practice to speak life into the lives of those Jesus brings to us.   Let’s CHOOSE life and not death!! Death and life are in the power of the tongue: and they that love it shall eat the fruit thereof.  Proverbs 18:21 NLT

 

 

 

 

A Homeless Man and The Bottle of Tea

The first thing that hit me was the overwhelming stench of body odor.  Every part of me resisted allowing this dirty, wretched, man into my home.   Men were filing into my husband’s Thursday night bible study, Band of Brothers.   But then here was THIS man.   One of the regulars brought him in hopes of reaching the man with the gospel of grace and hope.  

Good intentions.

Yikes, I hate when that happens.   My good deed of opening our home as a refuge to those seeking more of Jesus just was hit with a curve ball.

“Well, Lord, I really meant for it to be to the normal people.

The clean people. 

I mean, really, how much is this to ask of me.  I already give up my comfort for all these men.”

The ones who don’t make me uncomfortable or smell up my house. 

Oops, really feeling not so spiritual right now. 

I started to get angry at the guy who brought him.  This is my home.  Wouldn’t he know better than bring an “unsafe” guy here?   This dirty man.  This destitute man.   Does he have a disease? 

What if he was a thief?  What then?  

He seemed nervous and quickly walked past me to the back of the house where the men meant each week.  He also seemed to know instinctively what I was feeling about him and averted direct eye contact.   I remembered him from seeing him make his rounds from place to place in our little town.  Actually, I am pretty sure he walked everywhere.

Don’t you just hate the fact when you  feel like you are really spiritual, and are busy patting yourself on the back,  God comes on the scene and shows you exactly just how spiritual you really are?  

I didn’t like myself right then;  At all.

So many stories came to mind that I read in the bible. 

   The Samaritan man beaten and in a ditch and no one wanted to get  “involved” in helping the poor soul, so those that walked by pretended they didn’t see him and kept right on going.  And then there was that one guy who helped him. Jesus said he was the one who was the true neighbor.  Luke 10:30-37

Then there are the stories of angels visiting us in the forms of people to see how we will react.

^“Don’t forget to show hospitality to strangers, for some who have done this have entertained angels without realizing it!”  Hebrews 13:2 NLT

Uh oh!   Am I in trouble?

It is so easy to do good when everything is clean and pretty and they rave about your hospitality and generosity.  Then I feel rewarded.  

But what about the unlovely people? 

Ugh, I didn’t want to think about it.  

I expressed my distaste to my husband when the study was over.  He told me that the destitute man, though hard for him to sit still, sat there through the whole study and heard what was said.    I felt a little convicted.  But I still maintained that this was my home and off limits to open up to people on the street. 

Just being honest with you.

A few days later I was home alone.   I glanced out the front window and there was this homeless guy coming towards my house. 

I thought, “Oh great, now he knows where I live and he has come back and he knows I am here alone.  I felt fear.   I figured he had been living in the bushes in the front of my house watching for when I would be alone.   

Then I heard a knock at my door. 

 “Now what do I do”, Lord. 

“Answer it”, He said.

“Okay, but if he attacks me, it is in YOUR hands.”

No reply from the Lord.

  I opened the door to the homeless guy.  He stood way back because he knew I found him offensive.   I didn’t indicate anything to that nature, but he just knew.   He held in his hand a bottle of a name brand iced tea.

He reached out towards me with the bottle of tea, and with a gentle and grateful look on his face offered it to me.  I took it with a puzzled look on my face.  

He spoke sporadically, “Thank you for letting me come into your home.”   

He had brought me a gift of gratitude that I did not turn him away.  Who knows where he got the tea, but it was sealed and new.

I am crying right now as I share this story with you because of the compassion that flooded my heart at that moment and still does.   This man was a soul that Jesus loves.   He came to my house.  I let him in with a resentful heart.   He knew it, yet he reached out to me with his only understanding of love, which is to give something substantial.

I learned afterwards that he lived behind a dumpster about 5 miles from my house.  I knew he had to walk a long way to find his way back here.   Yet, he never expected me to do anything else for him.  He wasn’t begging or asking to come in.  Nor has he returned.
He was just grateful.

My husband feeds people on the street all the time.   He buys them food and shares the gospel.   This was my test.   I was made aware of parts of myself I am not proud of.  I guess it is normal for us to freak out when we are faced with people we don’t’ want to see, and it makes us get out of our comfort zones, doesn’t it?

But let’s remember that Jesus said, when we feed the poor, we feed Him.

“For I was hungry, and you didn’t feed me. I was thirsty, and you didn’t give me a drink. I was a stranger, and you didn’t invite me into your home. I was naked, and you didn’t give me clothing. I was sick and in prison, and you didn’t visit me. Then they will reply, ‘Lord, when did we ever see you hungry or thirsty or a stranger or naked or sick or in prison, and not help you? And he will answer, ‘I tell you the truth, when you refused to help the least of these my brothers and sisters, you were refusing to help me.’  Matthew 25:42-45

Do We Really Understand Grace?

 

Did you ever watch the Seinfeld episode of the soup Nazi?  It was very funny.  Seinfeld and his buddies would go to lunch at a restaurant that specialized in soup.  If they said one negative thing or complained about the soup in any way, the soup Nazi (the owner) would grab the soup back and tell them in a gruff and rigid voice to get out of his restaurant and then he would say, “ONE YEAR, NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!”  

I always think of that episode when I meet rigid, religious people, who have these set of rules that their friends should live by when it comes to serving God, and would treat them badly if they didn’t toe the line. 

It is like I can hear them saying, “ONE YEAR, NO GRACE FOR YOU!!!! 

Have you met one of these people? 

I call them the Devotional Nazis.  They live by a set of rules and regulations and meetings and laws that they tend to impose on you as a means to draw closer to God.  They look at outward appearances and proclaim the sins of others without looking on their own lives and realize that we all fall short of living up to Pharasitical standards of acceptance.  It saddens me when I see these kinds of people for they struggle and work and presume judgment of others to achieve greatness in the Kingdom of God, when all along Jesus already paid the price for their freedom from those very laws.  They failed to see those rules only were there in the first place to show us we needed a Savior.  We could never measure up without Him. And it saddens me even more how many people their judgments injure and hinder in their growth because they just never measure up.

But it is too hard to change for many and too hard to let go of the control and the superiority of being the judge of others in the Body for then they might have to look inward.  The sin in our lives is often just the surface symptom of a deeper level of the heart that the Lord is working on.  So, how can we look on the outward ‘sin’ of others and presume we can judge their condition when God is the only one who can see the heart and the only one who knows how to heal that heart. 

Do we really understand Grace?  

I think grace is an ongoing revelation to our souls as long as we are on this earth with our limited knowledge.   Everything seems conditional in our lives. 

If you love me, then I will love you. 

If you serve me, then I will serve you. 

If we can find the right set of conditions to meet and we do it, our happiness is secured.    What happens though, if we can’t meet our end of the bargain?  Because for every promise of reward there is a promise of punishment in the world we live in.  This is where anger, fear, and insecurity begin to encompass us.

 We are on a merry go round. 

The message is that accomplishment precedes acceptance, and achievement precedes approval.

And around and around we go.

Are you ready to get off the Merry Go Round?

Have you ever met someone who has lived their whole life trying to live up to someone’s conditions for approval and love that was set into motion by a demanding parent?   And they may be 50 years old and still caught in the pattern of spinning their wheels trying to measure up to someone’s expectations.  They have great potential but are never satisfied so they never accomplish a thing, when, unknowingly to them, God had a plan for their life all along.

 We get caught up in perfectionism and we have all sorts of ways to try to justify our actions, but none of those justifications can change the fact that instead of feeling accomplished, we allow impossible burdens to be put on ourselves that ultimately produces exhaustion, bitterness , shame and a general feeling of failure.   It may be all we know and we may even impose our conditions of acceptance on others.  Maybe even our children.

So, in our Christian life many of us see that it was Gods’ plan to send Jesus in our place, so that we are now “in” and on our way to Heaven.  But then we fall back into that way of trying to achieve His acceptance and think it is our blood, sweat and tears that keep us “IN”.  We think that in order for God to love us, we have to change, and be good.  We think that if we want His love we have to earn it.

I thought that for years.    I was very legalistic and thought that the more I worked for the Kingdom, at the expense of my time with my children, the higher I would become with God and the more accepted I would be by Him.  I managed for years to climb that ladder, (I thought) but as most stuffed down emotions always do it all comes to the surface and sort of implodes our lives into disillusionment and confusion and destruction.

Have you noticed that the people in the bible that we call heroes are not really heroes?  They were mostly all losers at first, before God got a hold of them. Prostitutes, liars, adulterers, thieves, doubters, scornful, etc. etc.    They fall and fail, they make huge mistakes.  They get afraid.  They are selfish, deceptive, egotistical and unreliable.  Actually the bible is one long story of God meeting our rebellion with His rescue, our sin, with His grace, His salvation. They all became great men and women of God but not until they surrendered to God. Just like us!!

The focus of the bible is not the work of the redeemed but the work of the Redeemer!!  It is not about us.  It is about Him.  He came just so we can be free of the demands of the law.

 Grace is love that seeks you out when you have nothing to give in return. 

Grace is love coming to you that has nothing to do with you. 

It is being loved and accepted when you are unlovable.

Grace has nothing to do with the loved, but everything to do with the Lover. 

You are the beloved. 

Grace doesn’t make demands it just gives.

Seriously, when you think about it doesn’t it look like Jesus is always giving of Himself, and did you notice, according to today’s church standards, He hung out with the wrong people? 

There were the prostitutes, the adulterers, the tax collectors and the like.  The worst sinners of Jesus’ day received his most joyful, compassionate welcome and love—because He knew that once they hung out with Him they would change from the inside out.

By nature we resist promises that seem too good to be true.  So we feel so much better and SO MUCH MORE IN CONTROL, when we work for His acceptance and then we can feel like it is about us and how much we earned His favor. 

Then we can give ourselves a pat on the back.

The balance for our lives has been settled already folks.  Jesus has already done it all and we are covered and loved and accepted into His beloved fold. 

All we have to do is receive it…take the gift of Grace into our lives and walk in it.

 But we are uncomfortable because grace turns the tables on us, relieving us of our precious sense of control. 

Jesus came to liberate us from the weight of having to make it on our own, from the demand to measure up, and the obligation to fix ourselves. 

Because He came to set the captives free life does not have to be an exhaustive effort to justify ourselves and validate ourselves. 

Only He can fix us!!  Not our husbands.  Not our children.  Not our friends.  Not even ourselves. 

His Grace reaches out and pulls us to His chest and cradles us in His strong arms of forgiveness and love.

We are already accepted.  It is not about us.  It is about Him.

So, when I recently heard a dear teacher proclaim that the only way to spend quality time with Jesus is getting up at 5 am and spending an hour in the bible, and an hour in prayer,  and then they would develop a better relationship with God, and that it was the only way to achieve relationship with him, I flinched.   That is how I used to be.  I would keep myself to strict standards of rules and points to gain entrance into the higher echelon of spiritual people.   It took many years and humongous trials of loss before I finally gave up the fight for control and just let go. And yes, reading His word is part of it as well as talking to Him in length.  But I love my walks with Jesus and chatting with Him in the car, and enjoying His presence in so many other ways.

When I finally let go of all control it felt like I had lost my faith because I wasn’t doing anything to earn it. 

I had given up.  

It was in that time of distress and loss that Jesus came to me and delivered me of some very real attacks in my life.  I cried out to Him and asked why He had helped me because I had done nothing for Him at all.  I wasn’t going to church, or reading the bible, or ministering at all.  And He whispered to me—

“I love you, Dixie.”  

He taught me that He loved me just as much in my losses and depression as when I was reaching out to others.   It didn’t matter if I ever did another thing for my Lord, He would love me just as much as he did in my destitution and rebellion.

Don’t let people put heavy burdens on you.  Walk in your own integrity and know there is not a set of rules to live by to be accepted into the lap of Jesus.  Your service for Him is born out of Him being your Lover and when you get that close to Him you naturally want to tell others about Him.   Otherwise it is a heavy burden and a constant merry go round of trying to get in his good graces.

Let Him love you regardless of your struggle with wanting to earn that love.  Breathe in His peace!!  

Hey, Have You Noticed that Telephone Pole in Your Eye?

Have you ever noticed that the guy who is obsessed with someone else’s “sin”, and can’t shut up about it, kind of stands out like a sore thumb?   Does it make you wonder if he struggles with the very thing he feels compelled to expose in others as his “Christian” duty?  You may not have even been made aware of it but now that he has taken up this daily “soap box” tirade, you really take notice of him, not the ones he feels compelled to judge and draw attention to. 

It makes you wonder why he is so obsessed with judging others in their comings and goings and never points out any of his own failings.  Could it be that he is harboring secrets, and he thinks if he can point the finger at others enough it will take the focus off of himself?  When in actuality it has the opposite effect. 

Now, you are looking at him. 

 Why is he focused on one thing particularly that he considers sin, when sin is sin and there is not one that is worse than the other?

  Okay, so now he has your attention; and your irritation.   I personally want to run from these types of people.   They judge and condemn others with the speck of dust in their eye, without even noticing the telephone pole in his own eye.  We all know these people, don’t we? They are the first to throw that rock of condemnation.  It reminds me of the guy in the bible who watched a man weep before God in repentance, and he thanked God he wasn’t as sinful as the other man weeping.

Luke 18:10-14 gives us the story:

“Two men went up into the temple to pray, one a Pharisee and the other a tax collector.  The Pharisee stood and prayed thus with himself, `God, I thank thee that I am not like other men, extortioners, unjust, adulterers, or even  like this tax collector. I fast twice a week; I give tithes of all that I get.’  But the tax collector, standing far off, would not even lift up his eyes to heaven, but beat his breast, saying, `God, be merciful to me a sinner!’ I tell you, this man went down to his house justified rather than the other; for everyone who exalts himself will be humbled, but he who  humbles himself will be exalted.”

Jesus warns us about the danger of despising and judging others.  Contempt is more than being mean-minded.  It springs from the assumption that one is qualified to sit in the seat of judgment and to ascertain who is good and just and who is not. 

Pride leads to illusion and self- deception. Humility helps us to see ourselves as we really are and it inclines us to God’s grace and mercy. 

I dwell in the high and holy place, and also with him who is of a contrite and humble spirit (Isaiah 57:15). 

I don’t think God can help us if we despise others. Pride in our hearts prevents us from hearing His voice regarding our own issues.

Then there is this story out of Matthew 7. 

“Don’t criticize, and then you won’t be criticized.For others will treat you as you treat them.And why worry about a speck in the eye of a brother when you have a board in your own?Should you say, ‘Friend, let me help you get that speck out of your eye,’ when you can’t even see because of the board in your own?Hypocrite! First get rid of the board. Then you can see to help your brother.”

Whoa, now that is heavy!!

The bottom line is that only God can see the heart and the reasons behind your actions.  No one is equipped to look at someone’s actions and judge why they do what they do.  Only God.  And He may be doing a work that you know nothing about.   When you judge your fellow man you are putting yourself in the place of God in their lives and that is just a dangerous place to be in, I have to tell you.  

Living blissfully and pridefully unaware of realities in our own lives that blinds us to ourselves,  is no way to live. It may not be fun to assess yourself and face your own sins or shortcomings, but it’s the only way to have a realistic picture of who you are in order to grow for the future.  I believe the bigger sin is when we give in to that religious spirit born out of pride and think we are the saviors of the world and can honestly judge the lives of people.

When we assume that people won’t change unless we fix them, as if we ourselves don’t need fixing, we show that our ultimate trust is in ourselves, not God.  When we don’t accept people because we don’t believe they will change if we do accept them, we admit that our ultimate confidence is in the conditions we place on our acceptance of them, rather than God.

We need to simply trust God to change others in His time, and if we don’t, we reveal that we think when we shame, intimidate and manipulate people into change that we are greater than God’s transforming spirit. 

Do we trust that God is working in the hearts of all people?  Or do we really believe that our pointing out their sin and shunning them will truly change them? 

Seriously?

Oh how glad I am that Jesus came to set us all free from feeling like we have to do His job.  He already did it—He has paid the price for it!!   If we focus on Him alone and how to press into true relationship outside religious judgment and pride, we can trust that He will do His work in the innermost hearts of all of us who need His cleansing fire every moment of the day.

In the Pit of Greatness…But I Have a Leak!

I am beginning to see this pit I am in as a kind of  “holding ground” that promotes His work in my heart with great intensity.   Each time Joseph was thrown into a pit it placed him in a position to achieve higher Kingdom purposes.  I think that is what this is about.  The pit of greatness!!

 

Is God saying…

 

“I want my sons and daughters to endure every test faithfully so I can strategically place them in positions to reach my people.” 

You know this rings true in your heart, even if your head wants to run the other way from, yikes, testing!!!

Are we willing to say, “Lord, I’ll gladly go wherever you want me to?   

 Do we pray, “Lord give me your eyes so I can see what is ahead?”  

 We say we hunger for this kind of faith, but do we really?  We don’t want to just occupy a space on this earth.  There has to be more, right?  We want Him to work His purposes in our lives, to impact the Kingdom of God.

 

But I know many believers who are afraid to dream  in faith; who would rather stay in their present pit than risk a move to higher ground,  For with that move comes testing.  

 That sacrifice of comfort that involves the unknown ahead, frankly, scares us to death.

 So we hang on to those familiar “friends” of  mediocrity and compromise.   We would rather stay with the destructive patterns and darkness in our lives than be willing to accept and  move out into the unknown in faith, Because we don’t totally trust Him to have our backs and take care of  us in what could possibly be ahead.   Or maybe we just fear pain.

So, we try to fly under the radar.  And we are ineffective in the Kingdom of God, so we won’t be a threat to the enemy, so we won’t get tested.  

Sometimes God has greater ideas and plans for our lives.  In fact, He always does.  More than we think we are capable of doing.

God has been  stripping away the old wineskins and creating  new ones in my life.  I wish I could say it has been fun but, not really.   I want to live a life of leisure and fun and accomplishments, without the testings of my faith.  But, wow, can I really have  genuine faith if I never have to walk in the dark for a while to see what I am believing for?  I think not.

It says in Psalms 119:105…

His word is a lamp unto my feet, and a light unto my path. 

Sometimes all I can see is the lamp illuminating my feet step by step so I don’t stumble on a tree stump (which I have literally done and it isn’t fun), but I can’t see further than 3 feet ahead of me even with a flashlight.  But He promises to light my path even when I can only see my feet.

 We want the maturity and accolades but without the testings to mature us.  When you see someone that God is using mightily and find yourself envying their life, be careful.  Are you willing to walk in their shoes awhile to see what has been burned out of them with fire, to make them what you see today? 

OS Hillman said, “When God called the Israelites from their place of slavery they had to walk through the desert. There is no way to earn a living in the desert. So God provided manna each day for them. Sometimes He even brought water from rocks. They had to experience a new way of gaining provision that was not rooted in sweat and toil. God had to demonstrate His faithfulness as Jehovah Jireh to His people.”

This is where I am at.   We are more than provided for every day in this juncture of our journey of no work coming in.  And there is manna from Heaven.  That isn’t even a concern anymore because, truthfully, He has proven again and again He knows right where we are and He provides miracles of abundance every day.

But, interesting enough, I still find room to feel sorry for myself.  I still want security and assurance about the future.   I want to make plans.  I want to know if I will be living here next year at this time. 

I want, I want, I want.  Yep, that’s me. 

So, I return to the love of my life,

Whisper the name of Jesus.

People whom I love and who love me deeply are not able to satisfy my longings for security.  Friends have tried to fill me, my husband has tried to fill me, but they couldn’t do it.

But, as Stasi Eldridge puts it, “I have a leak.”  My pipes are broken.  My needs of filling these enormous holes of insecurity can only be filled by Jesus.  I can’t put that kind of pressure on those that I love. He has to do it!

Just about everything I have learned in life has been the hard way.  You would think I would get used to it and just go the route I know best by now.  But in my humanness I still find myself feeling depressed before I realize I need to return to my Love, Jesus, to fill me up again.  He is actually the only One who was ever meant to!

Winds are Howling—Change is on the Horizon

I wonder sometimes why others look at me and think I have it so together.  

“You lead a wonderful life, Dixie!”   I can assure you that I am far from wonderful.  Walk a few days in my shoes.

However, I know Someone who is wonderful.  Without Him walking besides me I would drown in my own delusions. 

Life is hard folks.  But we have hope!!  

If you are feeling lost or alone right now, allow me to take your hand and whisper a sweet, “I know”.  

The struggles.

The unbelief.

The fear.

I can relate to the fear that weighs you down at the whisperings of your enemy that it might always be this way.

You want to know what I want?

I want to sit there in my lack, holding my basket, and watch Jesus fill it to overflowing. 

I want to step out of my boat, and skim across the water to Jesus!

 

For too long I have wanted Him to calm the storms before I leave my boat.  

I have wanted the water to part into dry land before I put my foot in it. 

I have wanted Him to tell me where I am going before I depart on my journey.

But, not so, with Jesus, my friends.

He is looking for a church without spots or wrinkles.  Boy, do I have wrinkles.  Those you can see, and some you can’t see.

If we want to be mighty warriors we have to learn how to fight the mighty battles. Sometimes it might just be with only a lantern and a horn.

And sometimes He says to fight the battle by being still and waiting.

Most times it is believing what I cannot see; and always ever learning that it is Him that will fight for me. 

But He can only do the fighting as I surrender my control.

And I have resisted so.  I hate waiting, don’t you? Sometimes I have allowed circumstances to be my dictator.  And then I am loaded down with despair.

Do you just sometimes want to stop the struggle and surrender?  Surrender is exactly what He wants.  Just to let go once and for all. 

We get tired in our own strength, don’t we?

Yet, surrender is what He is looking for.  We cannot do it in our own strength.  As long as we want to try, He will stand back and allow you to try.  He is a gentle man.  He has all the time in the world. 

But when I finally give up trying to make happen with I want to happen, and just relinquish my plans, He comes walking towards me.  

I see Him approaching me with such love and desire on His face I come totally undone.  Once again, I am totally sold out to Him, no matter what is going on around me.

I don’t want my own concerns to obliterate the heavy loads others carry.  I want to see their hearts and their fears and help them get to the root of their pain and see it disappear as the light comes in and dispels the darkness.  I can’t do that as long as I am fighting for air myself.  So, I continue to hold myself to that standard of faith, to not look at my own issues, but the issues of others. 

Whew, it is not easy!

 

Each day is a new day with Jesus.  I have no idea how or where this life will lead me as we are in a part of our journey that not even a lantern would illuminate.   I can only see one step ahead of me, but you know what?  That is enough.  I have what I need today.  Tomorrow will take care of itself.

All I know is right now I have got to lean hard into His loving embrace.  I hang onto His arm tightly like a little girl.  I will not let Him go.  I would rather hold His hand through the howling winds and thunder, than be on a silent sea shore without His presence.

Awakening and owning isn’t about acquiring stuff, or a big name.  It is about embracing who we are in HIM.  

We can’t love Him with our whole heart if we are asleep in our secure lives, can we? 

To love Jesus is about taking the risk to stand on the mountain top with lightening striking all around me. We can’t out love God.  To take a step towards Him means that He takes 5 steps toward you.  We were created for relationship with Him. 

I hate to say it but if I was so secure in my earthly life, with all that I needed, and I knew where I was going every day, would I really continue pressing into an intimate relationship with Him?   Would I be motivated enough?

I do wonder. 

And I pray I remember this time of molding on the potter’s wheel, always.  

 

But Lord, the Desert is Too Hot…and I am Thirsty!

We all have had desert experiences in our lives at different seasons of time along our journey.   Some seasons of trial are short and some are very long.

He loves us so much that sometimes He allows us to stay in those deserts for a while to bring us back to Him.  When it gets hot and dry we start looking for Him for relief.  You know why?

He misses you and desires relationship with you.

Hosea 2: 6-14 says

“Therefore will I block her path with thorn bushes.  I will wall her in so that she cannot find her way.  She will chase after her lovers but will not catch them.”

He does this to bring us to the end of ourselves and to get us to turn to Him in thirsty longing.  Then He begins to draw us to Himself. He often takes us aside from every source of comfort so that He alone can have our heart’s attention.

Then He says in 2:14

“Therefore I am now going to allure her; I will lead her into the desert and speak tenderly to her.”

And it is here that we begin to experience him not as the God up in heaven, the big guy in the sky, the God of Sunday Mornings, but as the pursuer of our hearts; As our lover.

“In that day, declares the Lord, you will call me “my husband” and you will no longer call me “my master”.   I will betroth you to me forever; I will betroth you in righteousness and justice, in love and compassion.” (Vs 16-19)

This love is not something we struggle for, earn or fear.  It is bestowed upon us. 

He has chosen us. 

We are made for such a love.

Our hearts yearn to be loved intimately, personally, and romantically.  We are created to be the object of His desire and affection and He is totally and completely in love with us.

It is for each and every one of us.  God wants intimacy with YOU!  In order to have it you must offer it to Him and surrender yourself over to Him.

Part of my story, (you can find the whole story in my book, “Climbing Out of the Box” on Amazon) is that I was forced by extremely painful circumstances into five years of desert where I met Jesus face to face. In the first couple of years of my sweltering in the desert I experienced:

Anger

Desperation

Depression

Abandonment

Emotional Agony

Empty Nest

Financial woes

Heartbreak

Then out of my own depth of pain I sought Him. 

I began talking…and he did too. 

Outside of performance I was alone and free to pursue Him as my lover.   I started listening to Him again.  And He was faithful to show me how my own denials led me into the wilderness, and He allowed it.  He allowed it to show me the difference in true relationship and performance driven religion.     We took walks, drives, and had long talks together.

And when the revelation came that I did not have to do anything to make Him love me more than he did at that moment, nor did I have to DO anything but love Him, I was set free.

It is for freedom He has set us free.  (Galatians 5:1)

For the whole story of my journey click here:

“Climbing Out of the Box,
My Journey Out of Sexual and Spiritual Abuse Into Freedom and Healing. “

 

Finding My Real Daddy

For all of us whose longing for a loving Dad is so evident this time of the year.

Father’s Day is here once again.  To me this is the day that the little girl inside wants to come out and sit at her daddy’s feet and conjuring up memories that I invented on my own.  I imagined them.  I longed for a Dad that I could cuddle up on his lap and feel that total trust I had seen between Dad’s and daughters throughout my life time.  Or at least that is what I thought I was looking at.  But we never know one’s story do we?

I remember the toddler days of being a happy little girl with fat rosy cheeks who adored her Daddy.  He delighted in me and we swam together and played together and I was always on his lap.  He would tell me that I had beautiful blue eyes and they would twinkle just for him.  He was my hero.  Daddy worked in the oil fields and, according to my Mother, was a real “John Wayne” type.  I had his blue eyes, and when I looked at him, it was with adoration and trust.  That trust would soon turn to fear and confusion as my world exploded in incest.  You see, at the age of 7 my Dad began molesting me and continued for the next 5 years.  It took me 40 years to reconcile myself to the fact that I had a Dad, but he wasn’t the one who would bring me the comfort a little girl wants from her Daddy.

 I write about this not too pleasant subject (an understatement) because every year on Father’s Day I meet so many people who never had a Dad.  At least not one who walked the walk of a real Daddy.  We don’t address this pain because it is easier not too and we get those uncomfortable looks of pity when you say you never had an earthly Dad you really feel like honoring;  Or to spoil someone else’s joy at celebrating their Dad on that day.  Most of the time we just shove down the pain and never talk about it.  But know you are not alone this time of the year if you didn’t have a Dad you are proud of.  God knows your pain and He promises to be your everything.  He has become that to me, so I know it is possible.  Let that be your hope.

The Lord is like a father to his children, tender and compassionate to those who fear him.  Psalm 103:13 NLT

I determined as I grew and healed over the years that I would begin a new generation of honoring those I knew deserved it on Father’s day.  So, for my sons and husband and honorable family members I usually go overboard in honoring them for their unique ways of ministering to the families children throughout the year.  And more important I have learned that my true Father loves me with an unconditional love that I truly can say, “Abba, Daddy” too.

  So you have not received a spirit that makes you fearful slaves. Instead, you received God’s Spirit when he adopted you as his own children. Now we call him, “Abba, Father.”  Romans 8:15 NLT

He is the best Father there is.   It has always been hard to relate to Him, however, as a Father because I had nothing to go on intellectually when imagining Him as totally trust worthy.  But I had no problem at all with crawling up in the lap of Jesus and putting my head on his shoulder and letting Him breathe life into me.  I felt guilty about Jesus being my Dad as well as my best friend until this scripture became revelation to me.  Jesus speaking:

 If you really know me, you will know my Father as well. From now on, you do know him and have seen him.” John 14:7 NIV

 Knowing and loving Jesus is all we need.  He can fill every place of emptiness in our inner man with Himself if we allow Him too.  So, celebrate Father’s day with Jesus this Sunday.  And celebrate with those who truly have loved ones they can honor on this day as a Dad should be honored.  And if you are an honorable and dedicated Dad celebrate yourself for a job well done!  It will pay many dividends throughout your generation and those to come.   

Happy Father’s Day.

Three Keys to Recognize “Mistaken Thinking”

As a young believer coming into a new group of believers I was so shy.   I kept to myself though I longed to join other young couples and make friends.  I would watch them gather together and keep myself apart from them because I felt so inferior.  I had nothing to offer them, I thought.  I just have to look good and they will think I am together.   It didn’t work.  I mistakenly thought they didn’t like me.  This was because I always believed I was flawed because I was abused as a child.  Then one day one of the young mothers told me that she would like to be my friend but that I was giving off the persona that I was better than them.  What?   All the time I was dying to make friends, they thought I was snooty because of my little act of sufficiency.    This was eye opening to me.   I decided that no matter how I felt on the inside I would “put on” who I wanted to be.   I started going up to people and act very friendly and welcome them to church, as if I was the director of customer service.  I would stand in the foyer and greet people as if I was appointed the job, which I wasn’t.   People started lighting up when they would see me and I made many friends.    I found out from many of them that they were afraid to approach me.

Years later I found myself working frantically for God  to be more acceptable to Him.   I became addicted t o “ministry” to cover my own lack of self esteem.   I had learned to paint the picture of being a worthy person very well.  The busier I became in helping people the more accolades of praise and admiration they would lavish me with.  Their words filled the deep holes in my soul that I so needed to feel important—temporarily, just as any addiction does.  I didn’t understand Grace.  I didn’t really know Jesus intimately.  Oh, I knew He had redeemed me and I was going to Heaven.  But I didn’t know He loved me exactly as I am and wanted to fill those deep holes with only Him.     I was slowly sinking into a loss I was not prepared for.

  I was caught up in legalism.   I thought if I worked hard enough God would find me acceptable.  Where did that come from?   Was it correct thinking?   I appeared righteous and spiritual, but inside I was ultimately failing to accomplish God’s purposes because my life was based on outward performance instead of inward change.  Being a victim of incest at an early age I always thought that I was less than everyone else.   I was miserable around people because I just knew they could see my flaws, thus, the constant working to prove myself worthy.

Quite often, from earliest childhood mostly, we are taught something born out of someone else’s insecurity, prejudice, ignorance, or our very own victimizations.  These things form the way we think about ourselves.  It is amazing how we can go a lifetime believing lies and living them as truth, based only on our past injuries.

    Mistaken thinking can interfere with the plan God has for you on this earth.  It can keep you down.  It can keep you stuck in a strong hold that will blind you to God’s plan for you.  We need to unlearn the things we have believed all of our lives in order to get unstuck in areas we just can’t seem to move forward in.

What are some areas you have mistakenly believed and walked in most of your life, or maybe, all of your life?   Here are some examples:

• I am unworthy of love.

• God loves me only if I am productive.

• I need to rescue people in order for them to like me.

• I am an island.

• Manipulation works.

• Don’t trust anyone.

• I can’t.

• I am a victim for the rest of my life.

• Never give up control.

• People are cruel

• Self esteem is based on good looks, riches, popularity, or power.

• I have to be perfect.

• I can fix people.

• I must always play it safe.

God desires for you to know who you really are, and realize how deeply He loves, accepts, and appreciates you, so that you can live out the fullness of what all He has ordained you to be. God’s Word tells us that without being rooted and grounded in the love (and acceptance) of God, we cannot experience the fullness of God in our lives.

 

ASK THE HOLY SPIRIT TO REVEAL TO YOU THE AREAS OF MISTAKEN THINKING THAT IS NOT OF GOD.

You will be amazed when you ask God to do this and be willing from the heart to listen to Him how quickly he will show you where your thinking is off.

IN WHATEVER AREA YOU KNOW YOUR THINKING IS OFF, SEARCH THE WORD FOR WHAT GOD SAYS ABOUT YOU AND HOW VALUED YOU REALLY ARE.  MEMORIZE IT AND WHEN YOU GO BACK TO YOUR OLD WAY OF THINKING, IMMEDIATELY PULL OUT YOUR TRUTH INSTEAD!

 Begin to say those scriptures whenever you are tempted to think in your old ways.    For instance, in thinking you are an island unto yourself and the only one you need in life.  The word says to not forsake the gathering of believers together for we need each other.  It is when we isolate that the enemy comes in to deceive us.  We were created for community, not isolation.  We need each other!

DEVELOP YOUR INTIMACY WITH A VERY REAL, PERSONABLE JESUS! 

We are who we spend the most time with.  When you really know Jesus in every sense of the word, you become more like Him.  You begin to think like Him!!  Your old misconceptions will change.

PS:  Life Coaching can help you identify your areas of mistaken thinking and transform those areas into “right” thinking, breaking old patterns of defeat.   You might give it a try!     http://www.reflectionsofgracehome.com/lifecoaching.html

Christmas Nostalgia

This time of year turns my heart back to family, and those warm memories of when my kids were little and all the excitement of the holidays and watching their faces of wonderment as we decorated the tree and prepared for all of our family traditions.  

I actually conjure up tears of longing for those days gone by since my babies are not babies anymore.  It was one of the happiest times of my life.

When they were little I never wanted them out of my sight.   I kept them so close.  I endeavored to build into them a confidence that I would always be there for them.  Beginning with that first step at around one year old; when a mom has that sense of uneasiness that already they are beginning to move away from us.  I sensed it.  I was like any other Mom when their adorable child takes the first step.  You feel like they are the smartest kid in the world.  But deep down was this feeling of dread; that each new day in their young lives they would move a little bit farther away from us, until one day, God forbid, they would leave and start a life without me there.  Ouch!

    My determination became to teach them about Jesus every chance I could.  I would not leave it up to their Sunday school teachers, Christian school teachers, or anyone else to do my job of bringing my kids to Christ and to the best of my ability teach them how to live.  I wanted them to know that whatever came into their life they would always have Him and He would direct their paths and be their constant companion.   

They both came to me at around 4 or 5 years old and asked if I would pray with them to invite Jesus into their young lives.  What a joy that day was!!  Now, as a Grandmother I have endeavored to be the same kind of example to my grandchildren.   And what wonderful memories are being created!!

Then my babies started school.  And this is how it went:  Kindergarten and first grade when they would return to me at the end of their day they were always full of joy to see me, we had a snack together and they would play and rest.   

I would say, “I’m so glad you are home”….and I meant it.

The following years came and went with each new year they grew a little more independent.  At first they wanted to be where they could see me, but not too hovering or clingy.   Every day when they would come home the instant they opened the door they always said,

“Mom, I’m home”,

and I would breathe easy once again because my babies were mine again, at least for that day.

Then came Junior High School.; the time when I became an embarrassment to them if they were seen with me in front of their friends.  And the time when you wonder if aliens have inhabited your kids.  One day they get up and they even look different. 

Then they open their mouths and then you know for sure it is not them…and a part of you grieves.  You know that your babies are not babies anymore.  That time is past. 

But wait, they still come home at the end of the day and yell,

“Mom, I’m home” and for a moment all is well with the world again. 

They still have weak moments of reverting back on occasion and when no one is looking they would lay their head on my shoulder or hug me, and my heart would soar once again.

And High School followed.   This was a tough time for me because it was when my own life fell apart.  To learn more about that you will have to read my book, “Climbing Out of the Box” and you will find it on Amazon.  (How’s that for a book plug?)   The kid’s Dad had left us and so we were driven closer together in adversity by having to move out of our house and into a tiny apartment, but farther apart because it was a time they tried to find their bearings in life, and it seems like they slipped right out of my grasp.  It was painful in not only the loss of my life as I knew it but also I couldn’t pretend my kids were babies anymore.  And I was alone; double whammy.  Now, we all went different ways. 

But they still came home at the end of their days at some point, and I would always hear,

“Mom, I’m home”…..and for a brief moment I closed my eyes and hung onto those memories once again.

Then they left. 

They flew out of the nest.   And oh, it was so painful to let my babies go.   All you parents out there who have had kids leave, can relate.   A hole is left in your heart that it takes a while to figure out how to function again without your kids always being in the back of your mind and how whatever you are doing might affect them.    They have their own life now.

But then they would come back to see me and once again I heard that welcome phrase when they would walk in the door;

“Mom, I’m home”……I realized at that point that to them, it wasn’t where I lived that was their home…

It was the fact that home is where I am .

They are 37 and 41 today and when I look at them I still see my babies. And they will flinch when they read this but, no kidding!   I think that is how God sees us.  Not by our age but because we are His children He always loves us as such.  Of course we have to grow up, even as our earthly kids do, and mature into an even greater relationship with Him.  And this is what I want for my kids.   My kids still say,

“Mom, I’m home”, or sometimes, “Mom, I’m here”, always knowing that I will be overjoyed to see them at any time.

One day my life here on earth will be through and I will be in Heaven. 

My vision has always been that on a given day in Heaven as I am going about my tasks that Jesus and I decide will be my calling there, everything will stop for me.  

Suddenly an awareness will fill my being that something wonderful is about to happen.  I hear a distant familiar sound!  The anticipation and joy lifts me off the ground in awesome glory.  

And then, I will hear it oh so clearly;   the voice of my children is as familiar as my own voice. 

“Mom, I’m Home”….”Home” now being our real home, Heaven, where we were always meant to be after this brief life on earth.  

Oh what joy will fill my heart.   We will never be apart but we will all be home with our wonderful Jesus and each other.  

“Mom, we are home”….to dwell together for all eternity. 

This is our heritage dear parents.  This life with our kids is so short compared to eternity spent with them in God’s kingdom.  Tell your children about Jesus every chance you get for as they grow in Him He will be their stabilizing force!!  It is never too late, either, to share this good news with your kids if they don’t already know it.  There is a wonderful place we are all going to live after this life. 

Here is a picture of my babies today…♥

My Divine Encounter

  It was so warm and I was thirsty.   My feet ached and my back felt like it was in a torture device.  Going to Disneyland with two soon-to-be fifteen year olds, Katie and Savanna, was not for the faint of heart.  They are my precious granddaughters, and I would not have missed it for the world.   

Going to the parks was their birthday present; for they are first cousins and they were born on the same day, one hour apart.   Teen age moodiness is nothing to shake a stick at; from joy to tears in a flat minute, and then from silliness to anger the next minute. Disneyland, California Land, and Hollywood was on the agenda. 

This day was our first and we were in California Land.  I had been up since four o’clock in the morning.  My husband wanted one more round on the “Soaring Over California” ride, his favorite. 

I could not wait in one more line, which, at most, was an hour wait; for a 5 minute ride.  I told them I was going to find a bench and sit until they were ready.  I looked everywhere to no avail and finally found a remote bench, out of the crowd, but in a place where I would see them walk by when they were finished.

  As I was sitting there resting my back an old man came wondering in and sat next to me.   He didn’t look that old, maybe 70, but he had a smile on his face.  At first I was annoyed because he seemed over friendly and I could tell he was going to start talking to me.  I was into myself and not listening to God.

This is how the conversation went.

The man:  “Nice day isn’t it?”

Me:  “Yes, it is.”

Man:  “I’m here with my son.  It’s my birthday!”

Me: (I’m starting to like him) “Well, happy Birthday Sir!  Where are you from?”

Man: “Canada!!  I am Polish and I am 80 today.”

Me:  (Smiling now), “Wow, you don’t look 80 years old.”

Man:  “It’s because every day for 55 years I eat porridge for breakfast with lots of fresh garlic in it.”

Me: (Grimacing)   “Really, Wow.”

Man: “Except for here in the hotel…they give me porridge, but no garlic. And my son says it makes me stink, anyway.”

Me: (Laughing)  “Well, that is interesting.  I like Canada and have been to Alaska.”

Man:  “I lived in Alaska back when I came to America before going on to Canada; in an old gold mining camp.”

Me:  “Were you panning for gold?”

Man:  (Laughing now), “No, I was in America so I found work and learned the language but just lived in the old gold barracks.  World War two was going on and we escaped Nazi Germany.”

Now I am fascinated.  Me:  “Germany?  Did you see a lot?”

    Man:  “Oh yes.  My father was in the Polish army and was captured and sent to the death camps.  He eventually got out and just died a few years ago.  But they captured my mother too and battered her until she died.  I remember her bleeding from the mouth and nose and then she eventually succumbed to death as we watched.”

Me:  “How horrible.  I’m so sorry.  Did you see any of what happened to the Jews at that time as well?”

Man:  “Oh yes, I was right by the ghettos and watched as the Jews were forced to stay behind barbed wire. Those poor people!  I witnessed the Nazis killing their children like it was nothing, right out in the streets.”

Me:  (Overcome with horror, admiration and awe for such a survivor), “Did you see the Jews rounded up and put on trains?”

Man:  “Oh yes, it was a horrible time and I remember it all.  But, I got out and came to Canada and now here I am celebrating my 80^th  Birthday.”

Me:  “It is an honor to meet you sir, and have a very Happy Birthday.  You really should write a book about your experiences.”

He laughed and said that is what everyone tells him.

At that moment the man’s son returned for him and said he had to leave now.  He jumped up with a spring in his step and turned to me with a big smile and said, “It was nice chatting with you.  See you next year!”   He was happy, fit, and hardly had a line on his face.  What did God teach me in this encounter?

Our steps are always ordered by Jesus.   

   He plans these encounters when we least expect them.  Sometimes we entertain angels unaware, the Bible tells us.  But as I thought about the body of Christ, I thought about our need for transparency.  It is in our transparencies that we can really let others grow from our experiences. 

Everyone has a story. 

When you look at people do you really see them?  Do you think of what they might have been through in their life or are going through even at that moment? 

Sometimes we get so into our own pain and preoccupations that we never even consider who God might bring into our path that day.  I could have ignored the man and not been responsive.  Instead I soon realized this was a God encounter—a divine appointment. 

A reminder to me that people can endure hardships I have never known and allow it to make us stronger.   The encounter made me realize God has a plan for all of us.  He wants us to be transparent with one another and not let our pride keep us in silence.  It is when we let others see the real us and all of our ups and downs in life and how God brought us out that they can identify with you. 

Everything we go through can be used by Him to help others and give them hope if we would only realize we have to come out of our hiding places to do so.  

The man had lived a long life of hardship and horror, yet in the telling of his story, without pride, joy shined through his countenance like a beacon of light because, as I saw, now he was free. 

I never got a chance to ask him if he was a believer.  Actually, I didn’t feel any leading to.  I don’t think I was supposed to.  I saw the joy of the Lord on his face and that was all I was meant to see that day.