When Greg and I were first friends and actually neighbors in our adjoining apartments, he was attending an event one day that he needed support from friends while there. I decided to go to the event just to support him. I spent much time on presenting myself because secretly I was interested in getting to know Greg a little better, if you know what I mean. I had on lovely white slacks and was coiffed just so. I lived in an upstairs apartment and cement stairs led down to my car. As I hurried out the door towards my car, somehow I stumbled heading down the stairs and fell head long down a flight of very hard and unrelenting stairs.
I was stunned and shaken when I reached the bottom and, true to my nature, I looked around to see if anyone saw me and then jumped up and ran back up the stairs in denial that my whole body was in pain. I hurriedly checked the mirror to make sure my hair and makeup was still in place and my clothes were still presentable and then rushed off to the event, ignoring the ache in my leg and that my body shaking.
I entered the building and took my seat to observe and when Greg saw me he came and sat with me. I acted so together as I smiled. But the minute he looked at me he wanted to know if I was okay…..we looked down at my leg with the white pants and there was blood seeping through. I leaned over and pulled up my pant leg and had a large goose egg on my shin and it was bleeding. I was embarrassed and said it was nothing and that I just fell down the cement stairs between our apartments before coming. He looked at me like I was from another world. Greg still tells the story.
This was typical behavior for me at the time. I was so good at covering the real me and hiding my imperfections and my clumsiness in most any situation. I had been through a time of great suffering and pain and was still in hiding from my true self.
Have you ever struggled with the fear of showing your true self to the world?
Do you back off of things you are gifted in and you know it’s because of insecurity?
Would you be surprised to find that most everyone struggles to reveal their true self instead of a masked version of themselves that they feel is a bit more acceptable?
Why do we hide our true selves? Are we afraid that no one will like us if they knew who we really are? And, yet, most of us love it when someone reveals their real selves and all of their imperfections because we then start to feel more “normal.”
I had this recurring dream once.
I would be rushing to get somewhere…didn’t matter where…shopping, school, parties…and I forgot to get dressed and my make up wasn’t on…fear would grip me in the dream and I would be terrified. I would be putting on eyebrows, and mascara, and whatever but it would never quite stay on me–it would just slip right off; my clothes kept dropping off. I would find myself in the midst of people totally undone and without makeup or proper attire, terrified and looking for a hiding place but none could be found. People ignored me and everyone would just look at me as if I was not even there. There was nothing about me that made a difference. I was ugly. I was unacceptable. I had nothing to offer if I didn’t look the part, according to my own perceptions. I would wake up from these dreams in a cold sweat.
These dreams revealed to me my deepest insecurities born out of being violated as a young child sexually and for all my years after the violation I tried to paint a picture of a very together girl that had a perfect life. But inside I knew I was ugly and unworthy and full of shame.
It took a lot of energy to keep my true self hidden and I was always drained.
It takes courage to step out into self discovery and the pain of facing yourself.
Many choose to walk this way for the rest of their lives rather than be courageous enough to face their hidden pain and let it go.
We fear failure and not being good enough or that we won’t fit in.
I believe on our deepest levels we are actually afraid of who we could be. Who we know deep down that God has created us to be….so much more than we could imagine and we know it in our spirits!
You are a precious child of the most high God! Keeping your light hidden only robs the world of what God has gifted you with. As a Life Purpose Coach I am convinced that He has a plan for each and every one of us. But not all walk into that plan. Some resist it because of fear.
You were born to shine forth His glory in this world. That glory is on the inside of you. As you let that glory shine you give others permission to do the same.
Think about how you are one-of-a-kind. You carry a voice… a resonance. You have a message. The way you do things is totally you.